Girl Scout Cookies of EEEEEEEEEEVIL!

This blog has been on the backburner since last weekend when I came across the inspiration for it. I opted to rant against Idiot Travelers instead. But, because this was queued up, now you have an early edition of What's YOUR Deal?!? because I'll be out of town again this weekend. Enjoy!



As much as I would like to think that I really need to stop reading news stories on the internet... I can't help it. The internet is where all the crazy, bizarre, and weird stories sneak in under the radar or the national consciousness. Everyone's worrying about war, the economy, the president, etc, we neglect stories like this one:

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=97977

In trying to search for an image of a Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookie the other day, I accidentally clicked on NEWS on Google, rathar than IMAGES, and this headline was among them: "Communists, radical feminists cited as role models for troops." Oh, you know me... I can't resist something that utterly ridiculous, so I aborted my image search and clicked on the article to read. It led me to that page... where the shenanigans continued. The actual title of the article wasn't, "Communists, radical feminists cited as role models for troops" it was:

*dramatic drum roll*

NOT YOUR MOTHER'S AMERICA
Girl Scouts exposed: Lessons in lesbianism

Oh dear, I laughed so hard, I may have peed myself and possibly that fit of laughter may have contributed to the pulled lower ab/groin muscle that I've been dealing with for thepast week. My mind immediate went to this image:



Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten? Well... my brain immediate retorted with, "Everytime you buy a Girl Scout Cookie, God makes a lesbian." Go ahead, laugh. I'm chuckling a bit too.

I love the first line of the article:

"When many parents think of Girl Scouts, they imagine young girls in uniform selling Thin Mints and Tagalong cookies – not learning about stone labyrinths, world peace, global warming, yoga, avatars, smudging incense, Zen gardens and feminist, communist and lesbian role models."

According to this... everything up there is "bad." I would hope Girl Scouts believe in world peace... I'd hate to see a troop of warmongerers trying to sell me GIRL SCOUT COOKIES OF EEEEEEEEEEEVIL!!! *dramatic music here* I just can't see all those words lumped together in one category. Global warming and yoga? Communism and world peace? No... it makes no sense.

Let's continue.

The Girl Scouts' stance on religion is this:

"Girl Scouts of the USA makes no attempt to define or interpret the word 'God' in the Girl Scout Promise. It looks to individual members to establish for themselves the nature of their spiritual beliefs. When making the Girl Scout Promise, individuals may substitute wording appropriate to their own spiritual beliefs for the word 'God.'"

Apparently, that's bad and leads to communist, global warming, yogaing lesbians running around pursuing world peace. Does your brain hurt? Mine does.

And not only are Girl Scouts apparently evil for the reasons cited above, this part pushed me over the edge:

"'In "Amaze: The Twists and Turns of Getting Along,' girls from the sixth to the eighth grade will read a quote from Buddha and be encouraged to explore mazes and stone or dirt labyrinths – symbols rooted in pagan mythology and popular within the New Age movement as meditation tools. "

Doing mazes is sinful. Mazes are BAAAAAAD. No more MAZES OF EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL for children! Quick, run!

"The book features a strong emphasis on feminism and world peace, concluding with the following message:

Life is a maze. Navigate its twists and turns and you'll find true friendships, meaningful relationships, and lots of confidence to boot. So, go ahead, enter the maze. The goal is peace – for you, your world, and the planet, too."

Somebody explain to me why that's bad? I don't get it. Isn't that the goal that everyone, no matter what religion, race, or creed wants? I'm confused.

It doesn't get much better:

"In the next age group, for teens in the ninth and tenth grades, girls are taught about wage disparities between the sexes, and a lack of assets and senior management positions held by women.

'Girltopia' poses the questions, 'When women don't earn enough, what happens to their children?' and 'How could everyone help create a Girltopia?'"

And this group's take on that:

"'This book was so depressing that I don't know what I would have done as a teen reading it,' Garibay said. 'The sense of hopelessness abounds in 'Girltopia.' The positivity, the enthusiasm and the vigor of youth is completely destroyed by data found to further the Girl Scout USA's feminist agenda. It plants seeds of despair and hopelessness in today's girls.'"

I'm sorry, first I'm not sure that every freshmen and sophomore girl in high school have a lot of positivity and enthusiasm. And if they do, more power to them. But the issue here is education, why is it bad to educate America's youth about the issues plaguing the country? Would you rather then find out for themselves and not have the fortitude or time to fight for solutions? Hiding social issues from America's youth is what's causing apathy in America's adults and people like Paris Hilton. They grow up thinking everything is fine and the world will cater to their needs. That's not true. Planting the seeds of knowledge and world views in the minds of young Americans is key to the future of our prosperity.

This part reeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllly grinds my gears:

"When teens reach their junior and senior years in high school, they begin a Girl Scouts curriculum called 'Your Voice Your World: The Power of Advocacy.' It encourages young women to begin 'raising their voices as advocates' and follow the examples of other young people who are speaking out on causes such as global warming, universal health care, racism and child poverty."

That is exactly the time to start thinking about doing things like that. Kids are adults legally by that point and can vote and voice their opinions. More importantly, they can start fighting for what they believe is right. Whether it's for their religion or for other things, people at this age should be afforded the opportunities to do that.

More continues:

"Girls are encouraged to read the bottom of each page to discover a 'Voice for Good,' or female advocates who are meant to be role models. Of more than 50 women listed, only three are women who are known for their faith: Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman and Mother Teresa. Their religions are only briefly mentioned, if at all.

Many of the female role models mentioned are feminists, lesbians, existentialists, communists and Marxists."

Time out. When it comes to womens' rights... it really ARE those feminists that changed the landscape. Without those EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL feminists, women wouldn't have the right to vote or many rights at all. If it was all up to people that one wrote this article, girls will grow up to be mindless and apathetic without the right to vote or the opportunities to work, go to school, play sports, join the military, or any of other things that women today take for granted. Yes, the voices for social change are dangerous and scary, which is why they're given labels like feminist, lesbian, existentialist, communist, and Marxist. They're not wholesome Americans. But what IS a wholesome American? Do they have to be Christian and white? Is that the only thing that matters? President Barack Obama has proven you don't have to be white to succeed, much to the dismay of the latent racists that exist in our country. Are wholesome Americans people like Paris Hilton rather than Billie Jean King? Would you rather your child be a heterosexual, promiscuous zombie or a homosexual athlete that changed the way the world thinks about women's sports?

This part practically made me want to reach through my laptop screen to strangle Patti Garibay:

"Garibay told WND Girl Scouts USA is not the same program most women remember.

'Originally scouting was about citizenship, service and life skills,' she said. 'The founder, Juliette Lowe, wanted girls to do their duty to God and their country. She encouraged girls to activate, not meditate. Now the Girl Scouts want to move into self-discovery and lobbyist training.'

Wait... citizenship, service, and life skills are the exact things Ms. Garibay was ranting against! You "ACTIVATE" by being an ACTIVIST! ARGH!



Because of this, I'm going to stock up on Girl Scout cookies the next time they're selling them. I want to support a noble cause (and eat tasty cookies!). And if what this woman says is true and that everytime we eat a Girl Scout Cookie, God creates a lesbian... eat up! I'd rather see more Billie Jean Kings, Martina Navratilovas, Rachel Maddows, and Ellen DeGenereses than Paris Hiltons and her kind.

And oh yeah, I did find the Thin Mint picture I was looking for:

I Hate You SOOOOO MUCH...

Greetings readers for a slightly delayed edition of "What's YOUR Deal?!?" I spent this past weekend in Chicago commissioning my brother. For those unfamiliar, my brother had been in Navy ROTC and he graduated this year, which means he finished his training and is now an officer in the Navy. I got to read him his oath of office and like the Chief Justice did during President Obama's swearing in, I dorked it up (apparently, I still haven't seen proof). But the dorking up is mostly due to complete lack of sleep courtesy of United Airlines. For once, I'm not ranting about the airline itself, despite the fact that they cancelled my first flight, forcing me to drive 3 hours to LA to make my connecting flight. They at least had the decency to notify me of the cancellation so that I had enough time to get to LA. Kudos to them. I, currently, have a refund request for those legs of my flights that were cancelled. More on that issue in a later blog.

Today's topic is an open letter to idiot travelers making my life hard:


***********


Dear Idiot Traveler,

Why must you drive at the same speed as the driver in the lane next to you, leaving no room for anyone to pass you? Don't you realize that you're essentially blockading the entire highway? Why are you so inconsiderate?

On the same note, why must you walk holding hands with each other side by side? No, not the couples holding hands, but your entire family holding hands side by side by side by side, et cetera? You're not the Brady Bunch, Partridge Family, or the Teletubbies. You're not Dorothy trying to get to the Wizard of Oz on the Yellow Brick road with your posse. I don't see a Lion, a Tin Man, or a Scarecrow, even though some of you are stinky, slow, and scary looking enough to fit those names. Why must you take up an entire sidewalk, aisle, or walkway like that? I don't feel like playing Red Rover when I'm walking, unless it means I get to knock you down.

I don't know why the airline industy won't board planes from the rear to the front. I would like to think that first class passengers wouldn't mind sitting in the terminal rather than inside the stuffy airplane. I'm not justifying airlines charging to check bags, but why are you all so cheap? If your suitcase doesn't fit in an overhead compartment, you should've checked your bag. Why did you try to crush my garment bag with your oversized luggage? Did you not see there wasn't enough room for your supersized stuff? And why, oh why, idiot traveler, did you put a little backpack, your fanny pack, and your coat in the overhead compartment when the people around you haven't even boarded yet? You do realize that you can put those things under the seat in front of you. You're riding in coach, leg room obviously wasn't a concern for you when purchasing your flight. And why did you arbitrarily put your big suitcase in the compartment above my seat? Where is my bag supposed to go? I paid for my one pieces of luggage and a personal item, I deserve to have a place for it. You should pay me a rental fee for my overhead compartment spot. I suppose if we were allowed to board from the rear of the plane forward, it'd be the first class passengers that would have no room in the overhead compartments for their carryons. Oh well, they're flying first class, they can afford to check their bags.

Why must you keep waking me up, idiot traveler? Do you not realize that this was a red eye flight, where most people spend it sleeping? If you have a bladder issue that forces you to get up every 20 minutes to use the bathroom, you could've easily asked me to trade seats with you so that you get the aisle. I'm not that mean of a person.

Why, idiot traveler, must you fart in your seat? There's really not that many of us sitting in the area. It'd be hard to hide who farted, since it wasn't me.

Why, idiot traveler, do you have to talk really loud on your cell phone? I don't care that you're on your first airline flight or that your friend's boyfriend's mom is now dating your sister's best friend's brother. Why can't you use your inside voice?

Why, idiot traveler, why? Why are you so stupid and annoying? Why can't you be considerate of the people around you and realize that the world does not revolve around you?

Sincerely,
The People Around You

Hypocrisy sucks.

Apologies for this week's rant being a day late, I was in LA this weekend enjoying a WPS game. For those uninformed, WPS is the new Women's Professional Soccer league. Great weekend entertainment. The last league failed due to lack of fans, I'm doing my part to help support this new one.

Anyways, this week's rant is one that I actually had trouble writing because, as the title implies, words can't express the anger that I feel. It's pretty amazing that the actions of dumb people can affect me so much, but it does. This is the one issue that pissed me off this week: Miss California.

I know... I know... I should let go of the anger I feel towards beauty pageant contestants... but I can't. And this isn't really anger, necessarily. This is more jaw-dropping speechlessness. I hate hypocrisy. I can't stand it when people say one thing and then go and do something ridiculously contrary to what they said. Case in point... Miss Carrie Prejean.

In an article appearing on cnn.com: http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/05/05/california.miss.california/index.html

"The 21-year-old Miss USA contestant has been the center of controversy since she declared her opposition to same-sex marriage in a response to a question on the pageant stage last month.

'That answer, and my commitment to stand by my beliefs, has since resulted in attacks on me and my integrity as a woman,' Prejean said in a news release dated Tuesday."

First off... like I said before, NO ONE CARES YOU'RE AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE. Your opinion on that matter or ANY OTHER MATTER rates pretty low in the grand scheme of things. Quit your whining about your "integrity" and "beliefs."

The article continues with:

"Her fate was being discussed in "closed-door meetings" Tuesday among California pageant officials, lawyers and representatives of Donald Trump, who owns the international competition, said Miss California USA spokesman Roger Neal.

'They are going over the legalities and clearly she breached her contract,' Neal said. 'When you compete for Miss California, you're supposed to disclose whether you posed for nude or semi-nude photos because it's grounds for disqualification.'

The spokesman for Miss California USA provided CNN with a copy of the pageant contract Prejean signed last year agreeing that the discovery of semi-nude photos could mean disqualification.

'You'll see in the agreement that she signed that she clearly violated the terms of her reign as Miss California USA, but we don't expect a decision to be made today,' Neal said."

So... she posed nude... violating her contract with the Miss California and Miss America pageant. What about your integrity, Miss Prejean?

It keeps getting better:

"'I am a Christian, and I am a model,' she said. 'Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos.'

She said the photos 'have been released surreptitiously to a tabloid Web site that openly mocks me for my Christian faith.'

'I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be,' she said. 'But these attacks on me and others who speak in defense of traditional marriage are intolerant and offensive. While we may not agree on every issue, we should show respect for others' opinions and not try to silence them through vicious and mean-spirited attacks.'

Yes... Models DO pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos. But I'm curious as to what kinda of lingerie and swimwear involves being NAKED. It's not a vicious or mean-spirited attack, it's the TRUTH. It's not like someone Photoshopped her head onto a naked body. Sorry Miss Prejean, I don't feel bad. You're RETARDED. Okay... maybe calling her retarded might be mean-spirited, but I think she deserves it.

Oh, woe is me... I'm an innocent little Christian girl who's being preyed upon by the gays! No... even if gay people weren't around, Carrie Prejean still posed nuded, tried to hide it, breached her contract, and in essence called into question her own integrity and morals. Stop looking for a scapegoat. You made your bed naked... now lie in it. (I'm not sure that was what I meant to say... oh well.)

On a sidenote, her statement also begs the question: Is intolerance of intolerance intolerant?

That's a deep thought to be pondered another day.

Peace.

Oh yeah... I was soooo RIGHT about the Swine Flu. IN. YOUR. FACE!

When You Die... Can I Have Your Bacon?

Thanks goes out to Cory at work for that picture. I know, it hurts my soul to be doing this, but I have to throw my 2 cents into the Great Swine Flu Epidemic of 2009. Oops, my bad, it's not Swine Flu, but the H1N1 virus. Oooh... scarier because it's just letters and numbers and scientific sounding. I remember seeing something on Fox News earlier this week where the newsanchor said, "Why is everyone freaking out about the swine flu?" as the ticker on the bottom of the screen flashed, "DEADLY SWINE FLU OUTBREAK!" Gee... you WONDER why people are freaking out about it? Are we really so bored and gullible to freak out about everything? Why is everything a disaster or some other extreme? I mean, in recent memory, how many deadly outbreaks have there been? Mad Cow? West Nile? Bird Flu? SARS? And maybe I'm being naive, but steaks and chickens still taste the same. Mosquitos are still annoying. And Chinese people are still around. According to ABC News, webpage found at: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/SwineFlu/story?id=7471341&page=1 "Swine flu may sound nasty. As of late Thursday, there are 236 cases of swine flu and eight confirmed deaths worldwide. But by comparison an estimated 600 people die of tuberculosis, about 1,400 people die from strep and 2,704 people die from a common asbestos-related lung cancer in the United States every year. Last year the seasonal flu took the lives of 83 children and an estimated 36,000 adults in the United States, according to the CDC." Gee... swine flu is scary ain't it? What about the millions of people that have died from HIV/AIDS? Cancer? And the number one killer of people: STUPIDITY!? It boggles my mind that people are always caught up in the breaking news story of the week, freaking out about something that they can't do anything about. Countries actually stopped the importation of pork from the US and Mexico. YOU CAN'T CATCH THE FLU FROM EATING PORK! People are walking around with those little surgical masks thinking that will prevent them from catching swine flu. THOSE DON'T WORK EITHER! The anger the feel about this level of stupidity is best exemplified by this little animated .gif: WHY? WHY? WHY? If people are so freaked out about diseases why don't we all just live in little plastic bubbles? Or better yet, why don't you put a plastic bag over your head and see how that goes? It never ceases to amaze me that people will jump on the newest scare and run with it without thinking. All the while, we have people not vaccinating their children because they think the side effects of vaccination are worse than the very epidemics that they fear. We have people getting prescribed antibiotics for no reason but because they go to a doctor and expect to get drugs for something antibiotics can't cure. We have people with bacterial infections not taking the full course of their treatment leading to bacteria mutating and developing tolerances for the drugs that we have. It is THOSE people that are the problem. THOSE people that will kill us all. Let's not start freaking out about a flu. Yes, people died from it. Yes, people may die from adverse reactions to vaccinations. Yes, PEOPLE DIE. It happens! I'm sorry! It's called evolution, Darwinism, or will of God depending on what you believe. And I'd like to say to those people that believe in God... God didn't let humanity develop science, technology, and medical treatments if God didn't mean for us to use that stuff. Regardless of that religious debate we can have another day... shit happens. Now, I'm going to make some bacon and enjoy breakfast. If by some strange chance it is the H1N1 virus that kills us all: Oops, my bad. I'll start accepting bids for who gets all my stuff when I die now. But if it's not, you are all idiots.

Why Must We Celebrate Stupid?

Again folks, I'm going to be busy tomorrow, so here's another early edition of "What's YOUR Deal?!?" for your weekend enjoyment. But before we begin, I'm going to answer some questions that people have about my blogs. Yes, I actively search out weird news stories to rant and rave about. My sources of choice are usually cnn.com and Yahoo! News. I also make an effort to watch Rachel Maddow on MSNBC every weeknight because we share the same opinions and taste in what is mock-worthy in today's news. It also just so happens that the anti-gay rights movement is especially rant-worthy because... well... two words: Gay Penguins. If gay penguins is so threatening to everyone's sexuality, relationships, and marriage... maybe it's time to look deep within ourselves to contemplate where our fear of penguins come from. Anyways, on to this week's topic.. the celebration of stupid. Another take on this topic can be found on my friend Denise's Facebook. Check it out: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=684524116#/note.php?note_id=106027054504 Last weekend, the annual Miss America pageant was held and I hope I wasn't the only one openly gawking with my jaw-dropped at what I was seeing and hearing. No, not in that way you sex-starved perverts. See, it's thoughts like those that inhibit the rights of gay penguins everywhere. But seriously? That is the best that America has to offer? Miss America, the title of which implies that these women are not just the best their individual states have to offer but also potentially the woman chosen to represent women across America. And it's people like this: Yes, I know that was an oldie but goodies from a couple of years ago, but that's not any worse than Miss California 2009's rumbling, bumbling, stumbling, rambling about "same-sex marriage" and "opposite marriage." Or perhaps her country of California. What exactly is opposite marriage? Isn't that just being single? And then she had the gall to insinuate that she lost the Miss America title because she didn't cater to the gay rights movement. No, dumbass... it's not because you didn't cater to the gay rights movement but because you SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT! I don't care (well, maybe I do.. just a little) that you don't believe in gay marriage, but at least have the decency to TRY to put together a logical argument for or against it. It's not your opinion that I have an issue with... it's the idiocy behind it. Sidebar: Question, is it a pre-requisite to have a glazed over look to be in beauty pageants? Like with your eyes pointing opposite directions? I know I can't make fun of that too much, because I think my cat is the most adorably beautiful creature on the planet and he suffers the same affliction: Back on topic... I know that these are supposed to be beauty pageants not debate competitions, but if all you're really judging on is superficial appearance, why even bother having these women speak? Why does society hold these women to a higher pedestal than say Rachel Maddow? Not to say anyone ever really remembers the names of Miss Americas or even can tell the difference between them and perhaps a Playboy Bunny of the Year... the fact remains that most people would hold the title of Miss America higher than political commentator. Although, that would make a fun trivia game... A list of names and trying to match them to former Miss America or former Playboy Bunny. I digress. We're a society of mindless people saying, "Oooh, pretty!" and ignoring the substance. I'm sure everyone is familiar with LOLCatz. If not the term, then this picture should jog your memory: We're so drawn to the attractive or cute image that our brains apparently completely turn off. "Ooooh, cute kitty!" Cute kitties don't use bad English. Miss Americas shouldn't be brain dead either! I know I'm as guilty as the next person of IMing or texting in short hand. Using "Ur" instead or "your" or "you are" and my abundant use of "prolly." But I also have the understanding that PROLLY is NOT a real word. At least not yet, you never know what bastardized English word will be added to Webster's Dictionary in any given year. That is NOT acceptable for writing a letter or an e-mail or writing on Ebay or Craigslist or even for a personal ad unless you want to share with the world that you are RETARDED. If you're going to sit down and take the time to compose something, then at least have the decency to write in complete sentences using complete and REAL ENGLISH WORDS. "I Can Has Cheezburger" is funny when put it over a picture of a fat cat, but if you're writing to me and you're too lazy that turn that Z into an S and add a freakin' E, you're telling me that I'm not worth that extra millisecond of your time. That isn't just a typo folks, it's pure laziness and it has become acceptable because we let it be. I don't want to have to decipher what you're sending me because it's not in English. It's like trying to figure out what people's license plates say. I've tried to learn Ebonics... but retard typing speak... sheesh, that's too much for my brain. We need to stop accepting laziness and stupidity as the standard for American behavior. Brain dead Miss America contestants does not represent me and for the love of all that is good, I hope she doesn't represent you either. I'm glad you're taking the time to read this blog, you're on the path of recovery. Now go read a book or watch the news.

Perhaps logic WILL prevail... probably not.

Greetings readers! I know, it's a Saturday night and normally I post these rants on Sunday mornings, but I will be busy tomorrow and rather than getting angry Facebook wall posts from my friend Mentos for not posting a new rant... I'm doing so now. Shout out to Mentos! I just want the world to make sense sometimes, rather than this, which still boggles my mind... Watch this video at the 1:15 or so mark about the Tango Makes Three book:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Seriously? A book about gay penguins tops the list of banned books yet again? Clearly, America did not read this old blog entry of mine: http://pooniethegreat.blogspot.com/2009/01/special-update-news-that-make-you-go.html The United States of America... the alleged shining beacon of hope, freedom, and humanity chooses to ban books about penguins while China, a shining beacon of Communism and state-sponsored censorship let two penguins get married. Am I the only one that sees something wrong with that concept? It's a book about a penguin family... not porn! You close-minded folks sure are perverted if all you think about are the private lives of Arctic animals. How can something this adorable be wrong? And how about this to twist your medula oblongata? Midwestern stalwart Iowa allows gay marriages while supposedly liberal hippie California doesn't? Holy Jebus people! The world has gone insane... Okay, before everyone's brain explodes in a less than spectacular gurgle of gray matter... I offer you one small victory in our ongoing fight against the airline industry: http://www.wgntv.com/landing/?United-Airlines-bumping-bigger-passenger=1 &blockID=267721&feedID=209 In case the link doesn't work... here are the key excerpts: "Passengers who are too large to fit comfortably in a coach seat will be required to buy a second ticket or upgrade to business class, where seats are larger, if United's flight attendants can't find two open seats for them. The Chicago-based carrier said it decided to adopt the tougher policy after receiving more than 700 complaints last year from passengers 'who did not have a comfortable flight because the person next to them infringed on their seat,' spokeswoman Robin Urbanski said. Most airlines in the U.S. spell out similar rules in a legal document called the 'contract of carriage' that establishes services and charges for flights, airline analysts said." Sidenote: 700 complaints? That's it? I think there are more people that quietly suffer without telling anyone or perhaps post their stories on this wonderful website: http://flightsfromhell.com/ Anyways, the article continues with a mention of a fat people fighting for their right to be fat and this: "'We'll first try to re-accomodate you on another seat on the flight,' Urbanski said. "If the flight is full, and that's not often the case these days, you'll be bumped from the flight." If this occurs, passengers will be forced to either find a flight with open seating or be required to buy two seats or an upgrade to a class of service with wide seats. If seating is not available and a passenger decides not to travel, the ticket will be refunded without any penalty, even if it is a non-refundable ticket." HALLELUJAH!!!!! But before anyone gets all up in arms about discrimination against fat people... think about this logically. Consider these points... (1) If your bags are too heavy, you get charged extra. (2) If you take too many bags with you, you get charged extra. (3) I fly with my cat a lot and despite the fact that he doesn't take up any more room beyond the carry-on space underneath the seat in front of me... I have to pay extra for him. And about point number 3... don't you dare give me a sob story about how people may be offended by the smell or may be allergic to the cat. Milo doesn't smell (neither did the late, great Monty) and even if he does, it's nothing compared to some of the funky fresh people I've had the pleasure of sitting next to. So... if you take up more room than what is allotted to you... why shouldn't you be charged extra? Why do I have to pay full price for half the space? I am entitled not to have your fat rolls touching me. No, it's not discrimination... you PHYSICALLY DON'T FIT IN THE SEAT. How about I put it this way... There's a plane... open seating... but there is a weight limit. Technically, there are enough seats for everyone... however, if everyone boards the plane... the plane will crash because it's too heavy to fly. If it's my tubbalicious butt causing imminent doom... um, I wouldn't fly on that plane. It's not discrimination... it's PHYSICS. Besides, being fat is a lifestyle choice... your fat rolls don't really have to come out... You don't need to rub that in our faces. What you do in the privacy of your own kitchen is your own business. I just don't want my family and my children exposed to your lifestyle. I might catch obesity from you, just by sitting next to you. I don't need you to try to convert me to your immoral acts of deviancy... (I can keep going with this...) So... let's summarize... gay penguin family is bad... fat people demanding more room for themselves at the expense of everyone else is okay? Hmmm... Yeah. Rock on. But... kudos to United Airlines for fighting the good fight.

Apologies and a Hearty Dose of Fist-Shaking...

First off, my apologies for disappearing on my loyal readers for the past couple of weeks. The process of moving and trying to look for the packed away basics is quite an ordeal. Although, I did try to write a rant last week, but the computer ate it when I forgot to save it. I know that apology sounds about as sincere as: But, I did not hit CTRL-S on this computer... Anyways, in the previous installment of What's YOUR Deal?!? I promised a rant on people's inability to understand the concept of getting in line. Seriously? It's such a simple comcept that even little pre-schoolers understand. It's like everyone on the planet think they deserve special consideration, regardless of anyone around them. I know you're guilty of that and honestly, so am I. How many times have you been in line at a cafeteria, fast food place or a concession stand while standing behind someone ordering enough food to feed the continent of Africa ten times over while all you wanted was a drink? I know I've been in that situation too many times to count. And each time I'm thinking to myself, "I better order some fries before this fat bastard in front of me causes another potato famine!" Or you stand there wondering why in the world there isn't an express line for people that really want 3 items or less. I digress. I seriously think some people are as oblivious as this lady (Shout out fo B-Roc for introducing this hilarity to me): Oh wait... that's the parody... The real clip is here: http://www.brendadickson.com/welcomehome.html Before that, I didn't know fruits came "pre-digested." But hold on... that hurt my brain so much I need a break... I think you might too after that. Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale... You good? Okay, so am I. I was at a nice outdoor Farmer's Market a couple of weeks ago, standing in line to get little mini-donuts. Mmmm... donuts. So, to anyone that's ever been to outdoor gatherings, the lines aren't necessarily straight and unless you're at an amusement park, you're not going to have those ropes leading you around and around like cattle. So me and my friend were just standing there in line, waiting patiently like most civilized people do and then this oblivious Brenda Dickson-esque woman just runs straight up to the window and places an order right in front of me. We look at her like she missed the short bus to whatever assisted-living home she belongs to and she looks at us like she's never seen another human being standing in line before. She then had the ovaries to ask, "Oh, were you in line?" No, we weren't in line, you little abortion that got away... my friend and I just wanted to stand here smelling the donuts without any intention of making a purchase. I know in crowds like that, it could get a LITTLE confusing to some people. But that's why evolution provided us with the ability to communicate. A simple, "Are you waiting in line?" or "Is this a line?" or even eye contact, a raised eyebrow, and a point would get you the answer you need. This is common in women's restrooms... where apparently no woman can urinate without an entourage. Unless you have diarrhea exploding out your anus, through your pants, and down your legs... you have no right to assume there is no line. Considering that woman probably did not have projectile feces... not to mention a donut stand is the absolute improper place to be running towards when the gurgling in your belly demands attention... there is no excuse for that woman to have cut in front of us in line. I give her the hearty fist shake of the week because some things literally make no sense whatsoever and trying to justify it with any form of logic will just hurt our collective souls...