Sunday, December 31, 2006

What's YOUR Deal?!? of the Year 2006

Well, it's New Year's Eve and we close out yet another year in our lives. However, I can't let another year go by without calling out the absolute insanity that perpetuates social injustice. What am I talking about? United Airline's standby flight policy. It shows that the travel industry has changed little since the large number of steerage passengers died on board the Titanic. The elitism that drove that inequity is still alive today. Unfortunately, the class struggle still exists everywhere else as well, but you'd think the travel industry has learned its lessons.
I was one of the many passengers still stuck at Denver International Airport right before Christmas and I was extremely lucky to have made it home for the holidays. The storm was over by the time I was flying, but it didn't change the fact that there were still plenty of people still stranded in Denver trying to get home. I had just missed my flight, as had many other people due to delays and missed connections. We were all trying to get on flights heading somewhere near our destinations. But because of the insanity, it was difficult (not impossible) to book a confirmed seat on a flight. We were trying to fly standby on flights. But the list kept growing and there were about 200 people trying to get to Chicago the night I was there. But it is the manner in which they prioritized people on the list that was an absolute travesty.

I'm not sure if this is the policy on other airlines as well, but to fly standby on United, you're put on a list. And within that list, they prioritize you on two factors: the price of your original ticket and your standing in the United Mileage Plus program. That's it. They don't care if you were first in list. They don't care if you've been at the airport for 3 days. If someone came in, having bought more expensive tickets and had uber-frequent flier miles... you get bumped. So it didn't matter if people ran to the next gate trying to get a spot on the standby list.

Essentially, the rich got to fly out. The relatively poor were trapped in Denver. What was worse? The Red Cross actually came and took their cots away because the snowstorm "disaster" was over. They absolutely ignored the hundreds of people still sleeping on the floor of the airport trying to get home.

This is not the first time I've seen the class struggle, but you'd think that in some areas... they would've established more equitable policies. I actually asked one of the United Airlines employees why they don't prioritize based on who's been there the longest. Because this one girl... paid about $400 for her tickets and wasn't a member of Mileage Plus... was stuck there for 3 days. THREE DAYS. While some one who was flying first class, missed their flight an hour before got priority over her. This employee actually said to me, "Well, we have to prioritize somehow and this is the fairest way to do it."

So wait... the fairest way to do it is to reward the rich? And leave stranded 20-somethings who are trying to get home for the holidays with cheap tickets? Or perhaps the families who can't afford to fly all of their children on first class? And that none of the above "class" of people would ever be able to move up on the standby list because someone would always come along with more expensive tickets and a better standing in the Mileage Plus program. I'm glad I'm not on a ship and my life depended on these policies. I'd be totally SCREWED!

I'm sorry, United Airlines, that's FUCKED UP! And you win the prize for the "What's YOUR Deal?!?" of the year. You're also getting a very angry letter from me... as soon as I get back to Great Falls.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Christmas Rant

Yes, I'm calling a Christmas rant. Regardless of whether or not you believe in Christianity it shouldn't matter. Why? Because regardless of what you believe in... December 25th is CHRISTMAS. Just like how the last Thursday in November is Thanksgiving and how the 4th of July is Independence Day. And how late January, early February-ish is Chinese New Year. If you're not Chinese... there's no flippin' reason why you should be offended if the lunar calendar doesn't necessarily fall in line with the one we use. I celebrate your New Year's Day just as I celebrate Chinese New Year... all the more partying! So, you overly PC numbnuts, deal with it.
Anyways... it's not really the spirit of the season or even necessarily the religious aspect of the season that this rant is about... but the pure commercialism in the form of niceness. This is the season where gifts are exchanged. In theory, we also get the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from friends and family. Or at least a reasonable substitute in the form of gifts received.
What defines giftibility? At what point does a friend merit a Christmas gift? This is truly the question we must all answer. And even if you decide that a friend merits a gift... what should the cost of the gift be? Say for example, you give a gift to a friend and they didn't get you one... now they feel shitty. Or vice versa. Someone gave you a gift and you didn't have anything to give back. Now you look like the asshole.

Or... what if you both decide on gift giving and one person gives the other something really nice and other person got socks. Now, it could be very thoughtful socks... but socks might not compare to say... even a $20 gift certificate or maybe you have a very generous friend that got you a video game or something.

And there is no good solution to this. Feelings are bound to get hurt no matter what. Even if you tell a friend that you're going to get them socks, they're probably thinking to themselves one of two things: "FUCK, I have get something!" or "SHIT, is that what I'm worth? SOCKS?!?" The same applies if you plan on giving them an iPod or something, "Oh crap! All I got them was socks... dammit!" Or even if you tell someone you're getting them something... they might not have been planning to give you a gift at all.

You could stockpile some "Default" gifts to give to people that unexpectedly gave you a present. But then, they'll realize, "Wait a minute... everyone else got this too..."

This is what Christmas has turned into... a post-Thanksgiving free-for-all in malls and weeks of deliberation of what to give people and which people to give gifts to. Yes, yes... that's not what Christmas is really about... but YOU KNOW this is what you're thinking this time of year. You're a dirty stinkin' liar if you deny it!

The spirit of the season is goodwill towards humanity, but not all goodwill is created equal. That warm fuzzy feeling of the season might be one of embarassment and shame. This is what Christmas is truly about. That and people fighting in the malls over the last remnants of suitable presents the week before C-Day hits.

Maybe the Unabomber had it right... live as a hermit and mail people bombs... Saves Christmas headaches.

Happy Holidays everyone... and if you're gonna get me a gift... tell me and I'll get you one. If I got you a gift last year... chances are, I'm gonna get you one this year. And everyone else... you're getting a hug and maybe a possibly sincere compliment. Good luck!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

How is THAT News?!?

The Information Age is pretty awesome. We have access to just about any kind of information at just a click of a button. Those of us old enough remember having to actually go to a library to do research and that encyclopedias came in book form. Today, everything is right there. And quite frankly... it's getting ridiculous.

Do we REALLY need 24 hours worth of news every day? I mean seriously... sometimes... NOTHING happens. Case in point, the other day I was watching Fox News and the headline was, "DRESS DRAMA" and within a few seconds it turned to "DRESS DISASTER." WTF? It wasn't like the Titanic sank again or some world leader was assassinated... no, it was Laura Bush and her stupid DRESS. Evidently 3 other women were wearing the SAME DRESS at a White House holiday party. WHOA! That's mind-blowing. That's worthy of wasting 30 minutes of my life and the lives of those fools actually ANALYZING this piece of BREAKING news.
Another thing, E. Coli at Taco Bell... tainted spinach... West Nile Virus... seriously now. 10 people die or get sick or something and suddenly it's an outbreak of funky food. If we're going to discuss the inane, obvious, and stupid... why don't we dedicate time to discuss the real things that are killing humanity: STUPIDITY and IGNORANCE.

Every single day... someone dies because someone else was stupid. You think I'm kidding? Drunk drivers... botched drive-bys... the list goes on. Those are the things more likely to kill us than some funky food you got at Taco Bell. I mean seriously now... if you DON'T get sick eating fast food all the damn time, you're the freak that should be on the news.

Our priorities are absolutesly messed up. We're willing to watch discussions on a DRESS. We're willing to subject ourselves to unjustified paranoia due to the newest "OUTBREAK!" But yet, we're not willing to actually take the time to celebrate the GOOD things in life. We're so willing to rally around and against the newest unjustifed threat that we forget that life is actually pretty good. So what if there's no imminent threat on any given day? So what if the world actually works out for once? We should take the time to enjoy those slow news days because they come too rarely. The world is fucked up enough for us to make minor things worse than they are.
Seize the day and enjoy the company of friends and family. Laugh a little longer and smile a little more. Because tomorrow... you might just walk out of the house dressed identically as everyone else in the world, eat a rancid spinach-topped taco, get E. Coli and while going to the hospital, get bit by a mosquito, get West Nile, and die.

If that happens... I'm sorry.