Greetings readers for a slightly delayed edition of "What's YOUR Deal?!?" I spent this past weekend in Chicago commissioning my brother. For those unfamiliar, my brother had been in Navy ROTC and he graduated this year, which means he finished his training and is now an officer in the Navy. I got to read him his oath of office and like the Chief Justice did during President Obama's swearing in, I dorked it up (apparently, I still haven't seen proof). But the dorking up is mostly due to complete lack of sleep courtesy of United Airlines. For once, I'm not ranting about the airline itself, despite the fact that they cancelled my first flight, forcing me to drive 3 hours to LA to make my connecting flight. They at least had the decency to notify me of the cancellation so that I had enough time to get to LA. Kudos to them. I, currently, have a refund request for those legs of my flights that were cancelled. More on that issue in a later blog.
Today's topic is an open letter to idiot travelers making my life hard:
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Dear Idiot Traveler,
Why must you drive at the same speed as the driver in the lane next to you, leaving no room for anyone to pass you? Don't you realize that you're essentially blockading the entire highway? Why are you so inconsiderate?
On the same note, why must you walk holding hands with each other side by side? No, not the couples holding hands, but your entire family holding hands side by side by side by side, et cetera? You're not the Brady Bunch, Partridge Family, or the Teletubbies. You're not Dorothy trying to get to the Wizard of Oz on the Yellow Brick road with your posse. I don't see a Lion, a Tin Man, or a Scarecrow, even though some of you are stinky, slow, and scary looking enough to fit those names. Why must you take up an entire sidewalk, aisle, or walkway like that? I don't feel like playing Red Rover when I'm walking, unless it means I get to knock you down.
I don't know why the airline industy won't board planes from the rear to the front. I would like to think that first class passengers wouldn't mind sitting in the terminal rather than inside the stuffy airplane. I'm not justifying airlines charging to check bags, but why are you all so cheap? If your suitcase doesn't fit in an overhead compartment, you should've checked your bag. Why did you try to crush my garment bag with your oversized luggage? Did you not see there wasn't enough room for your supersized stuff? And why, oh why, idiot traveler, did you put a little backpack, your fanny pack, and your coat in the overhead compartment when the people around you haven't even boarded yet? You do realize that you can put those things under the seat in front of you. You're riding in coach, leg room obviously wasn't a concern for you when purchasing your flight. And why did you arbitrarily put your big suitcase in the compartment above my seat? Where is my bag supposed to go? I paid for my one pieces of luggage and a personal item, I deserve to have a place for it. You should pay me a rental fee for my overhead compartment spot. I suppose if we were allowed to board from the rear of the plane forward, it'd be the first class passengers that would have no room in the overhead compartments for their carryons. Oh well, they're flying first class, they can afford to check their bags.
Why must you keep waking me up, idiot traveler? Do you not realize that this was a red eye flight, where most people spend it sleeping? If you have a bladder issue that forces you to get up every 20 minutes to use the bathroom, you could've easily asked me to trade seats with you so that you get the aisle. I'm not that mean of a person.
Why, idiot traveler, must you fart in your seat? There's really not that many of us sitting in the area. It'd be hard to hide who farted, since it wasn't me.
Why, idiot traveler, do you have to talk really loud on your cell phone? I don't care that you're on your first airline flight or that your friend's boyfriend's mom is now dating your sister's best friend's brother. Why can't you use your inside voice?
Why, idiot traveler, why? Why are you so stupid and annoying? Why can't you be considerate of the people around you and realize that the world does not revolve around you?
Sincerely,
The People Around You
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