I Fear You Are Underestimating The Sleepiness…
I feel old. I remember when I was a little kid, I always wanted to stay up late and be cool like adults were. I mean, late night TV shows are cooler than the afternoon cartoons ever were. But now, we’re older and it seems like all we want to do is sleep and being a college student is never conducive to getting those precious hours of rest each night. All of those cool TV shows that we wanted to watch, we don’t have the time to enjoy now anyways.
There is always so much to be doing, whether it’s studying or trying to finish homework or trying to squeeze some time to have fun with friends. The demands of everyone around us are always so overwhelming. And saying, “Sorry my paper is late, I just had to sleep,” is never an excuse, despite its truth. Students passing out and falling asleep in class seems to never clue professors in on the fact that their teaching methods don’t work and are boring tired students. The entire college system seems to just be a mechanism to deprive young adults of sleep.
So this is a message to all professors and educators, we don’t mean to insult you if we are asleep in your class. While sometimes it may be because of boredom, it’s also the end result of systematic sleep deprivation that we all suffer from. All we want is a bit of understanding and a little bit of bedrest.
Cubs… Grr…
It’s no secret that I am a Chicago White Sox fan. I’ve been a southsider, born and raised in Bridgeport in the shadow of Comiskey Park. And now that the baseball season has ended… I find that my Sox aren’t in the playoff hunt, but the northside Cubs are! I have one word to say about that: DAMMIT!!!! The Sox were doing better all season than the comes, but then the stupid Minnesota Twins came in and rained on our parade. Now the bragging rights belong to Wrigleyville. But before any Cubs fan tries to rub their team’s success in my face, I have one simple thing to say, “SHUT UP!” Quit your gloating. The Cubs are the lovable losers that every yuppie on the planet loves. I wish them luck in their playoff hunt, because despite me being a Sox fan, I am also a Chicago fan. This city deserves to have a team not suck. Although, I would’ve rather that that Sox are in the playoffs too, but I never seem to get anything I want. Good luck, Cubbies… And that’s probably the last good thing I’ll say about them for a while. GO SOX! Maybe next year… or the year after that… or maybe the next decade… century… sometime before the end of time…
Still Standin’ On My Soapbox…
It never ceases to amaze me whenever I read or hear people’s opinions about the articles that I write. It seems that my opinions either cause people to completely hate me or utterly love that someone had finally put those thoughts into print. But then of course, it never ceases to amaze me that people provide such awesome fodder for me to write about.
Idiocy is everywhere and it is my moral obligation to publicize stupidity to make sure there is a public awareness of the problem. If we all were to pretend nothing is wrong and just accept things as they are without complaining about it or trying to change things, then we will be perpetuating a system of retardation that humanity cannot possibly recover from. So for all of you people that think I’m too cynical and/or bitter, I am bitter and cynical. I have every right to be, for the simple fact that friends shouldn’t let friends be stupid.
Monday, September 29, 2003
Monday, September 22, 2003
Fist Shaking Goodness
There Is NO Joy In Being a Flame….
Recently Princeton Review rated DePaul University as having the happiest students and evidently UIC doesn’t seem to like getting “snubbed” in that category. Silly school, you’re not being snubbed. Let me put this in terms that even some of our non-English speaking TAs can understand: we… ARE… NOT… happy.
True, we have low tuition compared to other schools in the area, but that seems to be gradually increasing… therefore making UIC less and less affordable for its students. This is also coupled with the fact that facilities and programs are being cut therefore making us pay more for less. Library hours: cut. Computer lab hours: cut. Classes: cut. That’s not a fact that makes poor college students happy. It’s also true that we have nice neighborhoods with fine dining on Taylor Street and Greektown which is comparable to some of the nice North side offerings. But then we also have the projects, the Streetwise vendors, and those UIC alumni selling socks off the expressway. I think that rather detracts from the atmosphere. Our buildings also have no windows and for the most part resembles a prison campus more than a college campus, this also applies to campus social life. We also have the multi-million dollar rubble in front of UH that allegedly would be a fountain which will supposedly single-handedly beautify the campus and magically make the students happy.
Students that took the survey were asked to give a numerical rating in 62 categories from their opinion on their library to student satisfaction with financial aid. When I read that Associate Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs and Enrollment Management, Michael Ginsburg said, “We think that either UIC students were not included in the survey by the Princeton Review, or that the number of respondents was too small to include us," I laughed. If it was the case that UIC students were underrepresented, then we would not even be CLOSE to being rated as happy. We’d give Montana Tech a run for its money as having the least happy students. If not them, we’d definitely tie the Illinois Institute of Technology, who ranks as the 4th unhappiest. Seeing as they share many similarities with us, like being in the middle of projects, having professors that don’t speak English, and ugly buildings. So UIC should quit its whining because they don’t WANT our opinions to be known to the nation.
Speaking Of That Stupid Fountain…
They’ve been building that stupid fountain for a while now and all that seems to have gotten done was the planting of weeds, either that or the weeds grew themselves out of pure neglect of the grounds. The original scheduled completion date has come and gone and even on the sign posted on the construction site has the complete date covered with a piece of duct tape.
What’s worse, I was walking by the rubble one day and I saw this piece of heavy construction equipment built to haul insane amounts of dirt and rubble use its giant scoop of death to play with a dumpster. It was just pushing the dumpster left… then pushing it right… then forwards… then backwards… and then made it do the hokey-pokey and turn itself about. That’s UIC for you… paying for something completely and utterly unnecessary while there’s other more pressing things that need to be fixed.
Since When Did Sneezing Become Religious?
Whenever any one sneezes, there’s almost always the obligatory “Bless you.” But since it’s the cold and allergy season, people have been sneezing a lot, sometimes stringing multiple sneezes together. But yet, people keep going “Bless you.” They say “Bless you,” so often that sneezers must feel like the Pope for being so blessed. And of course, the sneezer feels obligated to return the “Bless you,” with a “Thank you,” thereby making the blesser feel like God for being so thanked. I never knew sneezing was such a religious experience. Maybe people should forgo church and convert to Sneezianity. You get to do your thanking and blessing, which is what organized religion is all about anyways. Or you can just say “Bless you,” once and let the sneezer be because all the religious connotation is starting to remind me of the crazy Bible study people that harass you. *shudder*
Recently Princeton Review rated DePaul University as having the happiest students and evidently UIC doesn’t seem to like getting “snubbed” in that category. Silly school, you’re not being snubbed. Let me put this in terms that even some of our non-English speaking TAs can understand: we… ARE… NOT… happy.
True, we have low tuition compared to other schools in the area, but that seems to be gradually increasing… therefore making UIC less and less affordable for its students. This is also coupled with the fact that facilities and programs are being cut therefore making us pay more for less. Library hours: cut. Computer lab hours: cut. Classes: cut. That’s not a fact that makes poor college students happy. It’s also true that we have nice neighborhoods with fine dining on Taylor Street and Greektown which is comparable to some of the nice North side offerings. But then we also have the projects, the Streetwise vendors, and those UIC alumni selling socks off the expressway. I think that rather detracts from the atmosphere. Our buildings also have no windows and for the most part resembles a prison campus more than a college campus, this also applies to campus social life. We also have the multi-million dollar rubble in front of UH that allegedly would be a fountain which will supposedly single-handedly beautify the campus and magically make the students happy.
Students that took the survey were asked to give a numerical rating in 62 categories from their opinion on their library to student satisfaction with financial aid. When I read that Associate Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs and Enrollment Management, Michael Ginsburg said, “We think that either UIC students were not included in the survey by the Princeton Review, or that the number of respondents was too small to include us," I laughed. If it was the case that UIC students were underrepresented, then we would not even be CLOSE to being rated as happy. We’d give Montana Tech a run for its money as having the least happy students. If not them, we’d definitely tie the Illinois Institute of Technology, who ranks as the 4th unhappiest. Seeing as they share many similarities with us, like being in the middle of projects, having professors that don’t speak English, and ugly buildings. So UIC should quit its whining because they don’t WANT our opinions to be known to the nation.
Speaking Of That Stupid Fountain…
They’ve been building that stupid fountain for a while now and all that seems to have gotten done was the planting of weeds, either that or the weeds grew themselves out of pure neglect of the grounds. The original scheduled completion date has come and gone and even on the sign posted on the construction site has the complete date covered with a piece of duct tape.
What’s worse, I was walking by the rubble one day and I saw this piece of heavy construction equipment built to haul insane amounts of dirt and rubble use its giant scoop of death to play with a dumpster. It was just pushing the dumpster left… then pushing it right… then forwards… then backwards… and then made it do the hokey-pokey and turn itself about. That’s UIC for you… paying for something completely and utterly unnecessary while there’s other more pressing things that need to be fixed.
Since When Did Sneezing Become Religious?
Whenever any one sneezes, there’s almost always the obligatory “Bless you.” But since it’s the cold and allergy season, people have been sneezing a lot, sometimes stringing multiple sneezes together. But yet, people keep going “Bless you.” They say “Bless you,” so often that sneezers must feel like the Pope for being so blessed. And of course, the sneezer feels obligated to return the “Bless you,” with a “Thank you,” thereby making the blesser feel like God for being so thanked. I never knew sneezing was such a religious experience. Maybe people should forgo church and convert to Sneezianity. You get to do your thanking and blessing, which is what organized religion is all about anyways. Or you can just say “Bless you,” once and let the sneezer be because all the religious connotation is starting to remind me of the crazy Bible study people that harass you. *shudder*
Monday, September 15, 2003
Things That Make You Go Grrrr...
Would You PLEASE Stop Ripping Me Off!?!
Since the advent of the computer, we’ve tried to call ourselves a “paperless” society. But I don’t see how that is at all. We look around in class and reams of notebook paper are being used daily by students frantically writing down the endless slew of information emanating from the mouths of our professors. Classes now have syllabuses online, but people still print them out anyways. Homework is occasionally online and even notes are too. Blackboard is the epitome of what a paperless society should be. But what I realize is that UIC is using the paperless society concept to get more money from us.
Some professors no longer provide syllabuses, they don’t hand out work to do, and they don’t print out the notes and hand them out to us. We are expected to go find the information online ourselves. True, we’re big college kids and we should be able to handle not having everyone spoon-fed to us, but we’re also dirt poor. We use SO much of our annual quota of printouts just because we’re printing syllabuses, homework, and notes just because UIC doesn’t want to provide academic departments with enough money to provide such things for students. Students have to pay for everything at UIC, regardless of whether or not there is logic behind it. I mean, if this continues, my diploma might be posted on Blackboard when I graduate, and I have to print the damn thing out myself. Thanks, UIC!
WALK FASTER YOU IDIOT!!!
I drive. I like driving. It’s fun to spend some time chilling in my car with nothing but the open road ahead of me. But then of course, I live in Chicago and there is rarely such a thing as open road. There are cars on the road at all times of day, regardless of what day of the week it is. And if there aren’t cars in the way, there are stupid people. People who feel the need to meander across the street as you’re trying to make a turn before the light turns red.
Traffic lights are evil, they almost never give you enough time to make the turn before they turn red and you’re stuck behind it for another eternity. Green means go for cars, there’s no way around it. Run a red light and you risk getting a ticket. Pedestrians jaywalk anyways, I’ve never heard of anyone getting ticketed for jaywalking. They can cross at anytime and any place they feel like. But yet they see fit to cross the street when I need to turn and they like to take their sweet time too. WHY?!? WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!? The least you can do is move a LITTLE faster so I can make the light. Please?
Please Tell Me I Was Never Like That…
They’re everywhere… movie theaters, checkout lines… everywhere I want to be. Who, you ask? Stupid, bratty, snot-nosed little 13-year old kids that are obnoxious and stupid. They’re the ones standing either in front of or behind you blabbering continuously about the newest hot teen idol of the week, “Oh… My… God… ____ is SOOO HOT!” Or they chatter on about some nonsensical video game imported from Japan, “Dude, did you beat the ToyotaNissanSushiMon on the 99th level of Seizure Inducer VI?!?” If not that, they’re talking continuously about the drama at their school, “Billy dumped Jane and Jane hooked up with Billy’s brother who is like… totally in college…” They not only just talk about it, but they are intolerably loud about it, oblivious to the annoyance that they are causing among the people around them. To quote Apu from the Simpsons, “I can’t believe you don’t shut up!”I honestly hope I’m not like that or at least wasn’t like that when I was their age. If I was, I’m surprised no one just smacked me and told me to shut up!
Because I’m sure 4 or 5 years from now, those snot-nosed brats will probably be embarrassed that their idiotic conversations about stupid things were overheard by others. I’m sure I would be! So as a public service to them and to everyone around them, the next time you hear a obnoxious kid jabber on and on about stupid things, just smack him or her. You’ll be doing them and society a favor.
Since the advent of the computer, we’ve tried to call ourselves a “paperless” society. But I don’t see how that is at all. We look around in class and reams of notebook paper are being used daily by students frantically writing down the endless slew of information emanating from the mouths of our professors. Classes now have syllabuses online, but people still print them out anyways. Homework is occasionally online and even notes are too. Blackboard is the epitome of what a paperless society should be. But what I realize is that UIC is using the paperless society concept to get more money from us.
Some professors no longer provide syllabuses, they don’t hand out work to do, and they don’t print out the notes and hand them out to us. We are expected to go find the information online ourselves. True, we’re big college kids and we should be able to handle not having everyone spoon-fed to us, but we’re also dirt poor. We use SO much of our annual quota of printouts just because we’re printing syllabuses, homework, and notes just because UIC doesn’t want to provide academic departments with enough money to provide such things for students. Students have to pay for everything at UIC, regardless of whether or not there is logic behind it. I mean, if this continues, my diploma might be posted on Blackboard when I graduate, and I have to print the damn thing out myself. Thanks, UIC!
WALK FASTER YOU IDIOT!!!
I drive. I like driving. It’s fun to spend some time chilling in my car with nothing but the open road ahead of me. But then of course, I live in Chicago and there is rarely such a thing as open road. There are cars on the road at all times of day, regardless of what day of the week it is. And if there aren’t cars in the way, there are stupid people. People who feel the need to meander across the street as you’re trying to make a turn before the light turns red.
Traffic lights are evil, they almost never give you enough time to make the turn before they turn red and you’re stuck behind it for another eternity. Green means go for cars, there’s no way around it. Run a red light and you risk getting a ticket. Pedestrians jaywalk anyways, I’ve never heard of anyone getting ticketed for jaywalking. They can cross at anytime and any place they feel like. But yet they see fit to cross the street when I need to turn and they like to take their sweet time too. WHY?!? WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!? The least you can do is move a LITTLE faster so I can make the light. Please?
Please Tell Me I Was Never Like That…
They’re everywhere… movie theaters, checkout lines… everywhere I want to be. Who, you ask? Stupid, bratty, snot-nosed little 13-year old kids that are obnoxious and stupid. They’re the ones standing either in front of or behind you blabbering continuously about the newest hot teen idol of the week, “Oh… My… God… ____ is SOOO HOT!” Or they chatter on about some nonsensical video game imported from Japan, “Dude, did you beat the ToyotaNissanSushiMon on the 99th level of Seizure Inducer VI?!?” If not that, they’re talking continuously about the drama at their school, “Billy dumped Jane and Jane hooked up with Billy’s brother who is like… totally in college…” They not only just talk about it, but they are intolerably loud about it, oblivious to the annoyance that they are causing among the people around them. To quote Apu from the Simpsons, “I can’t believe you don’t shut up!”I honestly hope I’m not like that or at least wasn’t like that when I was their age. If I was, I’m surprised no one just smacked me and told me to shut up!
Because I’m sure 4 or 5 years from now, those snot-nosed brats will probably be embarrassed that their idiotic conversations about stupid things were overheard by others. I’m sure I would be! So as a public service to them and to everyone around them, the next time you hear a obnoxious kid jabber on and on about stupid things, just smack him or her. You’ll be doing them and society a favor.
Monday, September 8, 2003
I've Seen the Light and It's Stupid
Stupid Media…
The media is the sole source of idiocy and stupidity in America. Former prisoner of war, Private Jessica Lynch was medically discharged from the Army recently and still there is media attention upon her. Not because of the fact that she is a former POW, but now the media is making a big deal about her because they were making a big deal about her. Doesn’t make sense to you, does it? Since her story came to their attention, the media has portrayed her as the poster child of our conflict in Iraq; as America’s new sweetheart. But as the details of her capture and release came to light, more and more stories of her being over-hyped have begun appearing.
Countless Americans went over to Iraq and some did not come back. Some were also unfortunate enough to have been prisoners of war. But yet, the media didn’t choose to talk about any of them other than a brief mention on the nightly news or worse, as a name scrolling along tiny tickertapes at the bottom of TV screens. Instead they singled out one private in the United States Army and focused on her. And now people are calling her over-hyped? Whose fault is that? She enlisted in our nation’s military, that’s more than what most people can say. She went over to Iraq, that’s definitely more than what most people can say. She was a prisoner of war, a status that few people have lived to tell about. She did her duty for this country, but yet she is being criticized for what the media did to her. The men and women of the United States armed forces defend this country and its ideals, including the right to a free press. The least the media can do is use that right properly.
Can’t We All Share?
For college kids MP3s have been the greatest thing invented since Ramen noodles. Both are cheap, quick, and vital for those late night study sessions. But if Congress has its way, MP3s might no longer be cheap and quick. You could get yourself landed in prison for five years and have a fine of $250,000 imposed for uploading a single file to a peer-to-peer network. The Recording Industry Association of America, the RIAA, intends to file its first wave of lawsuits against file traders this week. In fact, you can check if you’re one of the RIAA’s Most Wanted by going to this website: http://www.eff.org/IP/P2P/riaasubpoenas/
Why is everyone so anti-sharing? We have been taught as small children that we need to share, but I guess as we grow up and get rich beyond our wildest dreams… sharing is one of things that gets bought out. The RIAA is nothing more than a big bully trying to steal file-sharers’ lunch money. Even the world’s largest music company, Universal Music Group, has conceded somewhat to the age of digital music by dropping the prices of new CDs to around $10. They understand that we college kids are poor. But the good old RIAA just doesn’t want to give up. They want to continue to line their pockets, by pushing their weight around and threatening the little guys with lawsuits. College campuses across the country have been feeling the RIAA’s wrath and have banned peer-to-peer network sharing. Taking away our downloading is like taking away our Ramen, it isn’t fair and it isn’t right.
If my biology classes have UIC have taught me anything, it’s taught me that it’s survival of the fittest in today’s world. And if you don’t evolve to adapt to the times, then you will become extinct. The RIAA is an evolutionary dinosaur is an age of free information brought upon by the existence of the internet. 60 million Americans sharing MP3s and other files can’t possibly be wrong.
Stupid Commercialism…
Ever watch TV and suddenly the credits at the end suddenly shrink and a promo for a new soon-to-be cancelled TV show takes its place? As if it isn’t enough that commercials seem to take up more of a time slot than the actual TV show does, even the credits are shrunk to make room for more. It’s an injustice to anyone that actually does work on those shows. They’re not going to get recognized for their work, all because some washed up, former comedian has a new show. What’s more annoying is that sometimes the credits are the best part to the show. Sometimes the final punch line is delivered when the credits start rolling because the show itself was cut short due to the immense amount of commercials, but I miss the joke because the credits were shrunk to the size of my GPA. Now if you’re going to excuse me, I’m going to go watch some commercials… maybe there be a good TV show interrupting them.
The media is the sole source of idiocy and stupidity in America. Former prisoner of war, Private Jessica Lynch was medically discharged from the Army recently and still there is media attention upon her. Not because of the fact that she is a former POW, but now the media is making a big deal about her because they were making a big deal about her. Doesn’t make sense to you, does it? Since her story came to their attention, the media has portrayed her as the poster child of our conflict in Iraq; as America’s new sweetheart. But as the details of her capture and release came to light, more and more stories of her being over-hyped have begun appearing.
Countless Americans went over to Iraq and some did not come back. Some were also unfortunate enough to have been prisoners of war. But yet, the media didn’t choose to talk about any of them other than a brief mention on the nightly news or worse, as a name scrolling along tiny tickertapes at the bottom of TV screens. Instead they singled out one private in the United States Army and focused on her. And now people are calling her over-hyped? Whose fault is that? She enlisted in our nation’s military, that’s more than what most people can say. She went over to Iraq, that’s definitely more than what most people can say. She was a prisoner of war, a status that few people have lived to tell about. She did her duty for this country, but yet she is being criticized for what the media did to her. The men and women of the United States armed forces defend this country and its ideals, including the right to a free press. The least the media can do is use that right properly.
Can’t We All Share?
For college kids MP3s have been the greatest thing invented since Ramen noodles. Both are cheap, quick, and vital for those late night study sessions. But if Congress has its way, MP3s might no longer be cheap and quick. You could get yourself landed in prison for five years and have a fine of $250,000 imposed for uploading a single file to a peer-to-peer network. The Recording Industry Association of America, the RIAA, intends to file its first wave of lawsuits against file traders this week. In fact, you can check if you’re one of the RIAA’s Most Wanted by going to this website: http://www.eff.org/IP/P2P/riaasubpoenas/
Why is everyone so anti-sharing? We have been taught as small children that we need to share, but I guess as we grow up and get rich beyond our wildest dreams… sharing is one of things that gets bought out. The RIAA is nothing more than a big bully trying to steal file-sharers’ lunch money. Even the world’s largest music company, Universal Music Group, has conceded somewhat to the age of digital music by dropping the prices of new CDs to around $10. They understand that we college kids are poor. But the good old RIAA just doesn’t want to give up. They want to continue to line their pockets, by pushing their weight around and threatening the little guys with lawsuits. College campuses across the country have been feeling the RIAA’s wrath and have banned peer-to-peer network sharing. Taking away our downloading is like taking away our Ramen, it isn’t fair and it isn’t right.
If my biology classes have UIC have taught me anything, it’s taught me that it’s survival of the fittest in today’s world. And if you don’t evolve to adapt to the times, then you will become extinct. The RIAA is an evolutionary dinosaur is an age of free information brought upon by the existence of the internet. 60 million Americans sharing MP3s and other files can’t possibly be wrong.
Stupid Commercialism…
Ever watch TV and suddenly the credits at the end suddenly shrink and a promo for a new soon-to-be cancelled TV show takes its place? As if it isn’t enough that commercials seem to take up more of a time slot than the actual TV show does, even the credits are shrunk to make room for more. It’s an injustice to anyone that actually does work on those shows. They’re not going to get recognized for their work, all because some washed up, former comedian has a new show. What’s more annoying is that sometimes the credits are the best part to the show. Sometimes the final punch line is delivered when the credits start rolling because the show itself was cut short due to the immense amount of commercials, but I miss the joke because the credits were shrunk to the size of my GPA. Now if you’re going to excuse me, I’m going to go watch some commercials… maybe there be a good TV show interrupting them.
Saturday, September 6, 2003
D'oh
I’m Just Doomed to Be Disappointed…
As much as I think the world likes to spite me, I think fate also likes to spite all of my favorite sports team too. I’m a native Chicagoan, a city that is doomed to have loser sports teams. True, sometimes we luck out and the Bears win a Super Bowl or the Bulls managed to have repeat Three-peats. But in general, we’re doomed to be sports losers. This is especially the case this year, when the Sox had a disappointing season to begin with, then teased us with a spectacular post-All-Star break run, then fizzled at the end. And as if that’s not enough to spite me, the Cubs managed to make the playoffs! The Bears then start 0-3 and on Sunday night, the United States women’s World Cup team lost to Germany in the semifinals!
As a Chicago sports fan, I dread Sundays. I dread game days. I pick up the newspaper in the mornings, just hoping to read some good news that is rarely ever there. It sucks! But I had hope for the past several weeks that Team USA would be able to win another World Cup. But no, they had to get beaten by Germany 3-0. I know no one follows soccer, but dammit, I thought I had a winner here. But no. There is no sports joy in the world of Poon. The Sox, the Bears, Team USA… I should give up on sports and take up soap operas or something. Because being a sports fan in Chicago is truly more of a dramatic tragedy. And if anybody even mentions the Cubs to me… I’ll kill you.
Reason Number Infinity That UIC Is Stupid…
I was walking on campus the other day and the sprinklers turned on. One would think that it’s not that big of a deal, after all, the grass needs water to stay green and pretty in an otherwise gray and unforgiving riot-proof campus. It’s not like I was hit by the water or anything. The sprinklers merely turned on and started watering the ground. The only thing of note was that the sprinklers were watering the cement sidewalk. There were at least 4 sprinkler heads aimed at the cement ground, creating a massive pool of water, while the grass just sat there looking sad and thirsty.
This isn’t the first time that this has happened either. Some sprinkler heads seem to exist to water the cement. It shouldn’t be that much of a deal to just adjust the sprinkler heads so that the school doesn’t waste its money on watering something that doesn’t grow. But then, UIC isn’t the best at spending its money on the right things and we’ll have nicely watered cement to show for it. Thank you.
No, I Do Not Want My Penis To Grow Three More Inches…
It’s getting to a point where junk mail and pop-ups are not only getting more prevalent but they are also getting more and more irritating. With the do-not-call registry being called into question to get rid of telemarketers, the information super highway is being congested with junk mail and stupid pop-ups. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get a random e-mail about enlarging my nonexistent penis or enhancing my breasts. Why someone would think anyone would need to do both is beyond me.
Unfortunately there is no do-not-e-mail registry, because I’m tired of getting off e-mailing lists and somehow getting more e-mails. STOP E-MAILING ME! I don’t want to have to take steps to block pop-ups or block incoming e-mail. Why can’t you idiots just stop e-mailing me? It’s not that hard of a concept… but then, it must be UIC alumni managing these e-mail lists… we’re doomed.
As much as I think the world likes to spite me, I think fate also likes to spite all of my favorite sports team too. I’m a native Chicagoan, a city that is doomed to have loser sports teams. True, sometimes we luck out and the Bears win a Super Bowl or the Bulls managed to have repeat Three-peats. But in general, we’re doomed to be sports losers. This is especially the case this year, when the Sox had a disappointing season to begin with, then teased us with a spectacular post-All-Star break run, then fizzled at the end. And as if that’s not enough to spite me, the Cubs managed to make the playoffs! The Bears then start 0-3 and on Sunday night, the United States women’s World Cup team lost to Germany in the semifinals!
As a Chicago sports fan, I dread Sundays. I dread game days. I pick up the newspaper in the mornings, just hoping to read some good news that is rarely ever there. It sucks! But I had hope for the past several weeks that Team USA would be able to win another World Cup. But no, they had to get beaten by Germany 3-0. I know no one follows soccer, but dammit, I thought I had a winner here. But no. There is no sports joy in the world of Poon. The Sox, the Bears, Team USA… I should give up on sports and take up soap operas or something. Because being a sports fan in Chicago is truly more of a dramatic tragedy. And if anybody even mentions the Cubs to me… I’ll kill you.
Reason Number Infinity That UIC Is Stupid…
I was walking on campus the other day and the sprinklers turned on. One would think that it’s not that big of a deal, after all, the grass needs water to stay green and pretty in an otherwise gray and unforgiving riot-proof campus. It’s not like I was hit by the water or anything. The sprinklers merely turned on and started watering the ground. The only thing of note was that the sprinklers were watering the cement sidewalk. There were at least 4 sprinkler heads aimed at the cement ground, creating a massive pool of water, while the grass just sat there looking sad and thirsty.
This isn’t the first time that this has happened either. Some sprinkler heads seem to exist to water the cement. It shouldn’t be that much of a deal to just adjust the sprinkler heads so that the school doesn’t waste its money on watering something that doesn’t grow. But then, UIC isn’t the best at spending its money on the right things and we’ll have nicely watered cement to show for it. Thank you.
No, I Do Not Want My Penis To Grow Three More Inches…
It’s getting to a point where junk mail and pop-ups are not only getting more prevalent but they are also getting more and more irritating. With the do-not-call registry being called into question to get rid of telemarketers, the information super highway is being congested with junk mail and stupid pop-ups. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get a random e-mail about enlarging my nonexistent penis or enhancing my breasts. Why someone would think anyone would need to do both is beyond me.
Unfortunately there is no do-not-e-mail registry, because I’m tired of getting off e-mailing lists and somehow getting more e-mails. STOP E-MAILING ME! I don’t want to have to take steps to block pop-ups or block incoming e-mail. Why can’t you idiots just stop e-mailing me? It’s not that hard of a concept… but then, it must be UIC alumni managing these e-mail lists… we’re doomed.
Monday, September 1, 2003
You're All Dumber Than You Look...
What Is Wrong With You?
It goes without saying that whenever there’s a massive accident on the highway, cars slow down and they watch. People take the time out of their busy lives to slow down and stare at the carnage that has just unfolded right in front of them. Drivers go from speeding down the expressway with nothing on their minds but their destination to slowing down to stare at the misfortune of another person. On any other given day no one cares about the other random drivers around us, but the moment that something happens, all eyes are upon the victims. Now where am I going with this? Recently, the report on the space shuttle Columbia came out and all eyes are again upon the victims of the tragedy and its cause.
Since John F. Kennedy pledged to put a man on the moon, the United States have been at the forefront of space exploration. Countless missions have gone up and come down safely, much like the millions of cars traveling on the road today. But the only time we stop to care is when something bad happens. Apollo 1, Apollo 13, Challenger, Columbia… all those names mean something to us because something happened. With the exception of Apollo 11 which contained Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, do we care about the missions in between? We have gone from treating America’s astronauts as heroes to not even caring when another shuttle is launched. We know basketball, football, and baseball players’ names, but rarely do we know the names of crewmembers on the next shuttle mission. NASA’s budget has shrunk considerably since the heyday of the space program while sports stars are getting larger and larger salaries. Where are our priorities?The report criticized NASA for being complacent about safety, but that complacency extends further than that. They have grown complacent because we, as a society, have gone complacent… again. History is once again repeating itself. All the stress on safety that came about after Challenger happened slowly eroded away when the public stopped caring. The court of public opinion is far greater than any court of law. When the public cares about something and watches it closely, there’s no other option but to ensure that what they see isn’t a second-rate production. Sports teams play better when the fans are cheering for them; it’s the x-factor. Who’s cheering for the men and women that dare to reach for the stars? No one… and that apathy is as much to blame for what happened as anything else NASA did or didn’t do. But then of course… we don’t care… at least not until something else blows up.
Speaking of Things That Just Aren’t Right…
It stands there, tall and proud, mocking drivers and pedestrians alike. Drivers must pay them and pedestrians walk into them, parking meters are the greatest evil known to humanity. It’s the land of the free, yet for us to put our gas-guzzling All-American SUVs in some parking spots, we must give a little machine some money. Not just any money, it demands quarters. Just how many people keep enough quarters on their person to pay for decent times at a parking meter? They’re evil. They exemplify all that is evil in society.
And the worst thing: they don’t give refunds. Ever since the Jewel closed down on Harrison, students going to SSB have no place to park their cars for free. True, we weren’t supposed to park our cars there, but everyone did anyways. Now, we’re stuck feeding the meters and UIC’s pocketbooks. So, as good little brainwashed students that we are, we are compelled to pay the meters before it unleashes a Bat-signal-like beacon for the cops to ticket us. We never know how much to pay either! We never know if our trip into SSB will take 5 minutes or 5 hours. Pay too much and you don’t get your money back, but if you pay too little and a ticket will pop up quicker than a Starbuck’s at a neighborhood near you. This is just another example of UIC teaming up with inherent evil to rip you off.
GOOO SOX!
Why is it that the Cubs are always in the forefront of the Chicago sports world? They’re everybody’s favorite losers! The Sox are currently in first place in the AL Central, but yet… no one seems to realize that. Esteban Loaiza has an AL-leading 18 wins and is in contention for the Cy Young Award… but no one knows who he is? Magglio Ordonez has been an All-Star for three out of the past four years, yet no one knows who is either? But we all love Sammy “Corky” Sosa, Kerry “Unpredictable” Wood, and the rest of ticket-scalping organization known as the Chicago Cubs.
The Cubs rip off their own fans by selling over-priced tickets via their own brokering agency and fans still flock to Wrigley. The Cubs had a shot at first place in the NL Central and they blew it, but fans still love them. Whereas the Sox hosted the 2003 MLB All-Star Game, military personnel go to games for free, and are in first place and they are still a second-rate baseball team in Chicago. Magglio donated a full set of baseball equipment to an impoverished Little League team in Venezuela… Sammy corked a bat. And who’s the household name? There is definitely something wrong that and when William Ligue Jr., the guy who jumped onto the field at Comiskey, gets more publicity than White Sox players. Chicago and the world have been rooting for the wrong team. The Chicago White Sox are your best bets. GO SOX!
It goes without saying that whenever there’s a massive accident on the highway, cars slow down and they watch. People take the time out of their busy lives to slow down and stare at the carnage that has just unfolded right in front of them. Drivers go from speeding down the expressway with nothing on their minds but their destination to slowing down to stare at the misfortune of another person. On any other given day no one cares about the other random drivers around us, but the moment that something happens, all eyes are upon the victims. Now where am I going with this? Recently, the report on the space shuttle Columbia came out and all eyes are again upon the victims of the tragedy and its cause.
Since John F. Kennedy pledged to put a man on the moon, the United States have been at the forefront of space exploration. Countless missions have gone up and come down safely, much like the millions of cars traveling on the road today. But the only time we stop to care is when something bad happens. Apollo 1, Apollo 13, Challenger, Columbia… all those names mean something to us because something happened. With the exception of Apollo 11 which contained Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, do we care about the missions in between? We have gone from treating America’s astronauts as heroes to not even caring when another shuttle is launched. We know basketball, football, and baseball players’ names, but rarely do we know the names of crewmembers on the next shuttle mission. NASA’s budget has shrunk considerably since the heyday of the space program while sports stars are getting larger and larger salaries. Where are our priorities?The report criticized NASA for being complacent about safety, but that complacency extends further than that. They have grown complacent because we, as a society, have gone complacent… again. History is once again repeating itself. All the stress on safety that came about after Challenger happened slowly eroded away when the public stopped caring. The court of public opinion is far greater than any court of law. When the public cares about something and watches it closely, there’s no other option but to ensure that what they see isn’t a second-rate production. Sports teams play better when the fans are cheering for them; it’s the x-factor. Who’s cheering for the men and women that dare to reach for the stars? No one… and that apathy is as much to blame for what happened as anything else NASA did or didn’t do. But then of course… we don’t care… at least not until something else blows up.
Speaking of Things That Just Aren’t Right…
It stands there, tall and proud, mocking drivers and pedestrians alike. Drivers must pay them and pedestrians walk into them, parking meters are the greatest evil known to humanity. It’s the land of the free, yet for us to put our gas-guzzling All-American SUVs in some parking spots, we must give a little machine some money. Not just any money, it demands quarters. Just how many people keep enough quarters on their person to pay for decent times at a parking meter? They’re evil. They exemplify all that is evil in society.
And the worst thing: they don’t give refunds. Ever since the Jewel closed down on Harrison, students going to SSB have no place to park their cars for free. True, we weren’t supposed to park our cars there, but everyone did anyways. Now, we’re stuck feeding the meters and UIC’s pocketbooks. So, as good little brainwashed students that we are, we are compelled to pay the meters before it unleashes a Bat-signal-like beacon for the cops to ticket us. We never know how much to pay either! We never know if our trip into SSB will take 5 minutes or 5 hours. Pay too much and you don’t get your money back, but if you pay too little and a ticket will pop up quicker than a Starbuck’s at a neighborhood near you. This is just another example of UIC teaming up with inherent evil to rip you off.
GOOO SOX!
Why is it that the Cubs are always in the forefront of the Chicago sports world? They’re everybody’s favorite losers! The Sox are currently in first place in the AL Central, but yet… no one seems to realize that. Esteban Loaiza has an AL-leading 18 wins and is in contention for the Cy Young Award… but no one knows who he is? Magglio Ordonez has been an All-Star for three out of the past four years, yet no one knows who is either? But we all love Sammy “Corky” Sosa, Kerry “Unpredictable” Wood, and the rest of ticket-scalping organization known as the Chicago Cubs.
The Cubs rip off their own fans by selling over-priced tickets via their own brokering agency and fans still flock to Wrigley. The Cubs had a shot at first place in the NL Central and they blew it, but fans still love them. Whereas the Sox hosted the 2003 MLB All-Star Game, military personnel go to games for free, and are in first place and they are still a second-rate baseball team in Chicago. Magglio donated a full set of baseball equipment to an impoverished Little League team in Venezuela… Sammy corked a bat. And who’s the household name? There is definitely something wrong that and when William Ligue Jr., the guy who jumped onto the field at Comiskey, gets more publicity than White Sox players. Chicago and the world have been rooting for the wrong team. The Chicago White Sox are your best bets. GO SOX!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)