I Do Love the 80s…
The best part of Thanksgiving weekend is that it gives us college kids a chance to sit back and relax. TV apparently understands all of this and they show marathons of all the programs that we managed to miss while we were too busy cramming for the next round of midterms. I had the joy of watching VH1’s “I Love the 80s Strikes Back” and I was mentally transported to the age of true idiocy again. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and seeing all the crazy stuff that was popular back then and realizing how smart I was to not own a pair of LA Gear, a Chia Pet, or those crazy color changing shirts, definitely makes me feel better about myself.
It just made me think about all the psychotic crap that we’ve immersed ourselves with today. I can’t wait until 20 years from now, someone looks back and goes, “What the hell was up with all that baggy clothing?” or “What’s the deal with people walking around in skimpy tube tops and mini-skirts in the dead of winter?” It’s fairly apparent that the phrase of the day has and will always be, “It seemed like a good idea at the time…” Let me say right here and right now, before VH1 produces “I Love the Millennium” in 2020… I laughed at and mocked you first. Morons.
And Finally…
This is my last article of the semester and I hope everyone has a good finals week. Best of luck in all of your classes and if you’re in mine, I hope you blow the final, so we have a good curve. Of course, I also wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season. Beware of rabid holiday shoppers, especially the soccer moms and the last minute shoppers… they’re aggressive. And I’ll leave you all with a list of New Year’s Resolutions for UIC and if they manage to accomplish these, we all have hope of keeping our own resolutions alive:
1.) Stop cutting classes
2.) Treat students nicer
3.) Stop raising tuition
4.) Stop being incompetent
5.) Stop trying to ignore the complaints of students (we won’t go away if we can’t get the classes we need to graduate)
6.) And finally: Finish the UH Fountain.
Monday, December 1, 2003
Sunday, November 23, 2003
Shit Happens...
Life Is Like A Pile of Feces
It’s getting to be that time of year again when school is getting to be pretty rough, it’s the last few days for those that are graduating in December, it’s the last few days of the semester for everyone else, and second to last semester for myself! Now is also the time we’re all fretting about grades, trying to figure out what we’re getting in what class… hoping we don’t fail and CAN graduate. So for all of you that this applies to, whether it be in life or in school, I present to you, Life Is Like A Pile of Feces:
Shit happens... all you can do is wipe it off and flush the toilet.
Sometimes the shit is hard and it's difficult to get through the process... but you have to push.
But when all is said and done... and you're done with the shit.... you'll feel lighter, as if a great weight is lifted off of you. Then things will be peachy...
Sometimes shit happens so quickly and uncontrollably that you're just left sitting there going, "OH MY GOD! What the hell just happened?!?" But you just have to stay strong, finish your business, and go on with your life.
Other times the shit is small and annoying... but you still have to deal with it. You have to get rid of the shit in your life, no matter how seemingly insignificant it is.
Then there are the kinds of shit that are so large and painful to get rid of... they suck. Sometimes it hurts a lot.. but the same thing applies... push through... endure the momentary pain to feel a rush of relief at the end.
Sometimes we think there's shit there... but really there isn't... and we should just stop overreacting... let it all air out... and calm down.
But in the end... shit still just happens... and all we can to is wipe and flush.
Speaking of Shit Happening…
The INCREDIBLY horrid looking face of Michael Jackson has been plastered upon newscasts and newspapers everywhere. For the past week, I haven’t been able to get away from seeing this freak! The fact that Michael Jackson is sick and twisted has been known for years now. The allegations of child molestation have been around for a decade. But yet, somehow we still need to be reminded of such things every time he doesn’t something weird again.
In some places, convicted sex offenders and pedophiles have to have a sign in front of their house proclaiming them as such. True, Michael Jackson hasn’t been convicted of anything because he’s also rich, in addition to being sick and twisted. The court of public opinion has long convicted him of being a pedophile and for the past week, we see to be constantly reminded of the fact.
But with that in mind, why the hell would parents ever let their kid ANYWHERE near someone like him!?! Who, in their right mind, would let their kid go to a “sleepover” at Neverland? Come on now! The parents are just as responsible for the poor kid or kids that have been allegedly up-close and personal with guy that sang a song called, “Beat It.” Don’t even give me that bullshit about doing it for money. “Hey Little Timmy, go over to Uncle Michael’s and let him touch you in no-no spots… it’ll pay for that new Playstation 2 you wanted and college too!” COME ON NOW!! That’s even more disgusting than Jackson’s continual whitening and disappearing nose. This psychopath needs to be in a mental asylum, he needs more help than the Titanic did when it hit the iceberg.
Speaking of Needing Help…
Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend and ‘tis the season to get food poisoning or get mildly injured playing football outside with family. Of course, I do wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season, don’t get me wrong. But if something does go wrong, one would hope that the ambulance can get you to the hospital quickly. Unfortunately, there are idiots out there who don’t understand the concept of pulling to the right for sirens and lights. I was driving home the other day and I saw an ambulance with lights and sirens blaring. Everyone pulled over to let it through, except for this little orange Yugo.
It just kept going, the driver kept looking at her rearview mirror, so she obviously KNEW that there was an ambulance behind her. The ambulance was trying to pass her but it was hard, since she refused to pull to the side. What if the patient was in critical condition and need to get to the hospital as soon as possible and time is of the essence? What if ever second mattered and the driver of that stupid orange Yugo just killed someone because of her idiocy? Think about such things when you’re driving.
Have good holiday weekend everyone!
It’s getting to be that time of year again when school is getting to be pretty rough, it’s the last few days for those that are graduating in December, it’s the last few days of the semester for everyone else, and second to last semester for myself! Now is also the time we’re all fretting about grades, trying to figure out what we’re getting in what class… hoping we don’t fail and CAN graduate. So for all of you that this applies to, whether it be in life or in school, I present to you, Life Is Like A Pile of Feces:
Shit happens... all you can do is wipe it off and flush the toilet.
Sometimes the shit is hard and it's difficult to get through the process... but you have to push.
But when all is said and done... and you're done with the shit.... you'll feel lighter, as if a great weight is lifted off of you. Then things will be peachy...
Sometimes shit happens so quickly and uncontrollably that you're just left sitting there going, "OH MY GOD! What the hell just happened?!?" But you just have to stay strong, finish your business, and go on with your life.
Other times the shit is small and annoying... but you still have to deal with it. You have to get rid of the shit in your life, no matter how seemingly insignificant it is.
Then there are the kinds of shit that are so large and painful to get rid of... they suck. Sometimes it hurts a lot.. but the same thing applies... push through... endure the momentary pain to feel a rush of relief at the end.
Sometimes we think there's shit there... but really there isn't... and we should just stop overreacting... let it all air out... and calm down.
But in the end... shit still just happens... and all we can to is wipe and flush.
Speaking of Shit Happening…
The INCREDIBLY horrid looking face of Michael Jackson has been plastered upon newscasts and newspapers everywhere. For the past week, I haven’t been able to get away from seeing this freak! The fact that Michael Jackson is sick and twisted has been known for years now. The allegations of child molestation have been around for a decade. But yet, somehow we still need to be reminded of such things every time he doesn’t something weird again.
In some places, convicted sex offenders and pedophiles have to have a sign in front of their house proclaiming them as such. True, Michael Jackson hasn’t been convicted of anything because he’s also rich, in addition to being sick and twisted. The court of public opinion has long convicted him of being a pedophile and for the past week, we see to be constantly reminded of the fact.
But with that in mind, why the hell would parents ever let their kid ANYWHERE near someone like him!?! Who, in their right mind, would let their kid go to a “sleepover” at Neverland? Come on now! The parents are just as responsible for the poor kid or kids that have been allegedly up-close and personal with guy that sang a song called, “Beat It.” Don’t even give me that bullshit about doing it for money. “Hey Little Timmy, go over to Uncle Michael’s and let him touch you in no-no spots… it’ll pay for that new Playstation 2 you wanted and college too!” COME ON NOW!! That’s even more disgusting than Jackson’s continual whitening and disappearing nose. This psychopath needs to be in a mental asylum, he needs more help than the Titanic did when it hit the iceberg.
Speaking of Needing Help…
Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend and ‘tis the season to get food poisoning or get mildly injured playing football outside with family. Of course, I do wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season, don’t get me wrong. But if something does go wrong, one would hope that the ambulance can get you to the hospital quickly. Unfortunately, there are idiots out there who don’t understand the concept of pulling to the right for sirens and lights. I was driving home the other day and I saw an ambulance with lights and sirens blaring. Everyone pulled over to let it through, except for this little orange Yugo.
It just kept going, the driver kept looking at her rearview mirror, so she obviously KNEW that there was an ambulance behind her. The ambulance was trying to pass her but it was hard, since she refused to pull to the side. What if the patient was in critical condition and need to get to the hospital as soon as possible and time is of the essence? What if ever second mattered and the driver of that stupid orange Yugo just killed someone because of her idiocy? Think about such things when you’re driving.
Have good holiday weekend everyone!
Monday, November 17, 2003
Idiots Are Winning...
The Celebration of Idiocy…
It’s absolutely amazing how much our society celebrates its idiots. We have Jessica Simpson thinking tuna is chicken. We have rich, snobby heirs to enormous fortunes getting their own TV show so that they can say things like, “My daddy invented cargo pants… and everyone just copied off of him.” It’s amazing that people that are rich and retarded can get a public forum to enlighten the world with their minds. I remember watching the Real World on MTV, back in the day when reality television was a novelty. As much as those kids weren’t the sharpest tools in their little sheds, they weren’t nearly as retarded as some of the people we see on TV nowadays.
Just because America laughed at America’s Funniest Home Videos and just because Survivor was a cool show in its first season with its awesome motto: “Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast” and some pretty interesting characters doesn’t mean that reality television makes good TV all the time. In fact, some of the morons on the boob tube today couldn’t even outwit, outplay, or outlast my belly button lint. It’s sad that these are the people that are representative of and celebrated in our society. What has the United States come to?
“Mmmm… Tastes Like Grandma…”
Ralph Wiggum said that… and speaking of things that seem bizarrely off-kilter today… recently someone turned the Tomacco plant, as seen on The Simpsons, into reality. Evidently the leaves of the plant are tobacco-like and the actual fruit itself is a tomato with nicotine in it. It’s always somewhat neat to see fictional stuff on TV and then have it prove to be reality several years later. This is especially the case with science fiction shows like Star Trek and how their communication devices have somehow turned into today’s flip cell phones.
Unfortunately, people seem to want to take the more useless of things to make them reality. What the hell would we do with a freakin’ Tomacco plant? It contains enough nicotine to kill anyone who eats it. Children are starving, people are poor, diseases are rampant… and this guy makes a freakin’ Tomacco plant. I’m half-surprised he’s not a UIC administrator… their abilities to prioritize seem to be very similar. Or maybe we should just drop Tomaccos onto the people of Iraq. That’d give Tomacco a purpose… and I think I just solved the problem of overpopulation and world hunger.
It’s Really Not That Hard…
Why can’t people flush a toilet? What is so difficult about just pushing the little thingie on the back of the toilet to make your excrement go away? I seem to have really shitty luck (pun intended) when it comes to going to public restrooms. I never fail to always walk into the stall with an ungodly amount of urine or feces sitting in the bowl staring at me.
What are people thinking? Do they think if they just walk away, the pee and poo just disappear? They obviously don’t grow legs and walk away! THEY STAY THERE! I mean, do you just leave shit and piss in your own toilet at home? Have the common courtesy to just flush it. You might as well have just shat on the floor outside the bathroom.
It’s absolutely amazing how much our society celebrates its idiots. We have Jessica Simpson thinking tuna is chicken. We have rich, snobby heirs to enormous fortunes getting their own TV show so that they can say things like, “My daddy invented cargo pants… and everyone just copied off of him.” It’s amazing that people that are rich and retarded can get a public forum to enlighten the world with their minds. I remember watching the Real World on MTV, back in the day when reality television was a novelty. As much as those kids weren’t the sharpest tools in their little sheds, they weren’t nearly as retarded as some of the people we see on TV nowadays.
Just because America laughed at America’s Funniest Home Videos and just because Survivor was a cool show in its first season with its awesome motto: “Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast” and some pretty interesting characters doesn’t mean that reality television makes good TV all the time. In fact, some of the morons on the boob tube today couldn’t even outwit, outplay, or outlast my belly button lint. It’s sad that these are the people that are representative of and celebrated in our society. What has the United States come to?
“Mmmm… Tastes Like Grandma…”
Ralph Wiggum said that… and speaking of things that seem bizarrely off-kilter today… recently someone turned the Tomacco plant, as seen on The Simpsons, into reality. Evidently the leaves of the plant are tobacco-like and the actual fruit itself is a tomato with nicotine in it. It’s always somewhat neat to see fictional stuff on TV and then have it prove to be reality several years later. This is especially the case with science fiction shows like Star Trek and how their communication devices have somehow turned into today’s flip cell phones.
Unfortunately, people seem to want to take the more useless of things to make them reality. What the hell would we do with a freakin’ Tomacco plant? It contains enough nicotine to kill anyone who eats it. Children are starving, people are poor, diseases are rampant… and this guy makes a freakin’ Tomacco plant. I’m half-surprised he’s not a UIC administrator… their abilities to prioritize seem to be very similar. Or maybe we should just drop Tomaccos onto the people of Iraq. That’d give Tomacco a purpose… and I think I just solved the problem of overpopulation and world hunger.
It’s Really Not That Hard…
Why can’t people flush a toilet? What is so difficult about just pushing the little thingie on the back of the toilet to make your excrement go away? I seem to have really shitty luck (pun intended) when it comes to going to public restrooms. I never fail to always walk into the stall with an ungodly amount of urine or feces sitting in the bowl staring at me.
What are people thinking? Do they think if they just walk away, the pee and poo just disappear? They obviously don’t grow legs and walk away! THEY STAY THERE! I mean, do you just leave shit and piss in your own toilet at home? Have the common courtesy to just flush it. You might as well have just shat on the floor outside the bathroom.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Bit of Seriousness
Iraq Isn’t Over…
Almost everyday I turn on my computer to read the news online and there is some headline about yet another American being killed in Iraq. It’s gotten to a point where more people have died since the “end” of the war than during it. This seems to be an indication that war isn’t over and we shouldn’t treat it that way. People who protested the war seem be accept this loss of American lives as, “Oh, we shouldn’t have been there anyways.” Regardless of whether or not we “should” have been there, we were there and we are still there. Their blatant disregard for human life is morally repugnant.
I’ve said this before, it doesn’t matter if we support the conflict, because no sane human being would ever support war in a manner that he or she would be, “Go war!! YAY for war!!” What truly matters are the men and women that are sent to the conflict, who risk their lives, and possibly can even lose their lives. We are currently in a lose-lose situation. If we do pull out of Iraq and turn our backs so that there are no more casualties, then we will be criticized worldwide for not “cleaning up a mess we started.” If we do stay in Iraq, then we continue to put lives at risk because we’re not there to fight, we’re there to try to help the Iraqi people and this is the exact reason why Iraq isn’t over. Those that are anti-war and anti-American should make up their minds about what the US should do. Because it seems that no matter what we do, we are on the negative end of the public opinion spectrum. Perhaps we should live up the mantle of “warmongers” that has been bestowed upon us and just blow Iraq to smithereens. We should nuke them off the face of the planet and destroy everything there. Let’s rape, pillage, and kill every man, woman, and child that lives there as well. How about we do that? How would that make you feel? Fortunately, the United States of America is not like that and we should stop being treated like we are.
Now That I Got That Off My Chest…
I hope we all enjoy the last Reading Day UIC will offer us. The experimental concept of Reading Day will end after this semester and there will be no more Reading Day in the Spring. Gee thanks UIC. Other schools offer a Fall Break… UIC likes to say, “Screw you.” Other schools offer a Reading Day… UIC tempts us by being nice temporarily before ripping it away from us. If UIC was a human, it’d be the mean bully that would beat little kids senseless, take their lunch money, steal their teddy bears, and builds them a fountain to keep their mouths shut.
Heaven forbid the school gives us an opportunity to study. The official story seems to be that finals get crammed into 4 days instead of the usual 5, resulting in conflicting finals. But in all honesty, with all the class cutting… do we really even have enough classes to fill 5 days worth of finals? It’s not like people never had 3 or 4 finals scheduled for one day before the advent of Reading Day. I have a friend who had that happen to her almost every year with or without Reading Day. And if UIC is suddenly concerned with the well-being of its students… why don’t we keep Reading Day and just drop the last Friday of the semester. We WANT that extra day to study or goof off, or whatever we choose to do with it. Why don’t you stop trying to screw the students over, UIC? Would it really be that bad to put the interests of the students first every now and then? Thank you UIC, you’ve screwed us again.
And On To Other Idiots…
How many times have we encountered a car alarm that just continues to blare incessantly with no hope of stopping? It’s the most annoying thing in the world to see some ghetto jalopy with a car alarm. It’s even more annoying when the alarm is allowed to stay on. Why get a car alarm if you’re not going to run out to your car and check on it to make sure it’s not being stolen? Of course, it doesn’t help that every car alarm has the exact same annoying tones… But that’s beside the point.
Car alarms don’t really deter people, they go off all the time and no one seems to care other than, “I wish that damn thing would shut up!” If you have a car alarm, use it properly. If not, don’t even bother turning it on. All it does is serve to annoy the hell out of everyone around you. Shut the hell up already!
Almost everyday I turn on my computer to read the news online and there is some headline about yet another American being killed in Iraq. It’s gotten to a point where more people have died since the “end” of the war than during it. This seems to be an indication that war isn’t over and we shouldn’t treat it that way. People who protested the war seem be accept this loss of American lives as, “Oh, we shouldn’t have been there anyways.” Regardless of whether or not we “should” have been there, we were there and we are still there. Their blatant disregard for human life is morally repugnant.
I’ve said this before, it doesn’t matter if we support the conflict, because no sane human being would ever support war in a manner that he or she would be, “Go war!! YAY for war!!” What truly matters are the men and women that are sent to the conflict, who risk their lives, and possibly can even lose their lives. We are currently in a lose-lose situation. If we do pull out of Iraq and turn our backs so that there are no more casualties, then we will be criticized worldwide for not “cleaning up a mess we started.” If we do stay in Iraq, then we continue to put lives at risk because we’re not there to fight, we’re there to try to help the Iraqi people and this is the exact reason why Iraq isn’t over. Those that are anti-war and anti-American should make up their minds about what the US should do. Because it seems that no matter what we do, we are on the negative end of the public opinion spectrum. Perhaps we should live up the mantle of “warmongers” that has been bestowed upon us and just blow Iraq to smithereens. We should nuke them off the face of the planet and destroy everything there. Let’s rape, pillage, and kill every man, woman, and child that lives there as well. How about we do that? How would that make you feel? Fortunately, the United States of America is not like that and we should stop being treated like we are.
Now That I Got That Off My Chest…
I hope we all enjoy the last Reading Day UIC will offer us. The experimental concept of Reading Day will end after this semester and there will be no more Reading Day in the Spring. Gee thanks UIC. Other schools offer a Fall Break… UIC likes to say, “Screw you.” Other schools offer a Reading Day… UIC tempts us by being nice temporarily before ripping it away from us. If UIC was a human, it’d be the mean bully that would beat little kids senseless, take their lunch money, steal their teddy bears, and builds them a fountain to keep their mouths shut.
Heaven forbid the school gives us an opportunity to study. The official story seems to be that finals get crammed into 4 days instead of the usual 5, resulting in conflicting finals. But in all honesty, with all the class cutting… do we really even have enough classes to fill 5 days worth of finals? It’s not like people never had 3 or 4 finals scheduled for one day before the advent of Reading Day. I have a friend who had that happen to her almost every year with or without Reading Day. And if UIC is suddenly concerned with the well-being of its students… why don’t we keep Reading Day and just drop the last Friday of the semester. We WANT that extra day to study or goof off, or whatever we choose to do with it. Why don’t you stop trying to screw the students over, UIC? Would it really be that bad to put the interests of the students first every now and then? Thank you UIC, you’ve screwed us again.
And On To Other Idiots…
How many times have we encountered a car alarm that just continues to blare incessantly with no hope of stopping? It’s the most annoying thing in the world to see some ghetto jalopy with a car alarm. It’s even more annoying when the alarm is allowed to stay on. Why get a car alarm if you’re not going to run out to your car and check on it to make sure it’s not being stolen? Of course, it doesn’t help that every car alarm has the exact same annoying tones… But that’s beside the point.
Car alarms don’t really deter people, they go off all the time and no one seems to care other than, “I wish that damn thing would shut up!” If you have a car alarm, use it properly. If not, don’t even bother turning it on. All it does is serve to annoy the hell out of everyone around you. Shut the hell up already!
Monday, November 3, 2003
Go Away!
Excuse You…
Is it really that hard just to say, “Excuse me”? Is politeness something that isn’t taught in other countries? I was sitting in the Inner Circle in CCC the other day and I had my nicely ironed uniform jacket draped behind me on my chair when this group of rude foreign idiots decided to sit at a table behind me. Now, the tables are rather close in the CCC and I completely understand that. But these buffoons were trying to sit down and one of them kept shoving at my chair, wrinkling my jacket in what seemed like an attempt to move my chair without my knowledge despite the fact that I was sitting in it. What the hell is wrong with society today that leads to the procreation and proliferation of jackasses like that?!
I wouldn’t have nearly been as pissed off, if one of them had just said, “Oh, excuse me, can you move a bit so I can sit down?” No, they had to start shoving at my chair trying to squeeze into a tiny space. And as if that wasn’t enough, they had to talk and cackle loudly as I was trying to read and study. I also understand that many people at UIC are international students and come from different countries with different customs and courtesies. So let me just inform you now that we in America do not appreciate being annoyed! We may take your tired, your hungry, and your poor, but no where does it say that we take your rude and ridiculously stupid. We have enough dumb Americans to worry about without you!
Get Off the Sidewalk!!!
The weather is still relatively nice and people are still utilizing bicycle as a means of transportation, unfortunately, no one seems to have picked up a copy of the Rules of the Road for bikes. Pedestrians belong on sidewalks and bikes and cars belong on the road. You don’t see people driving cars on sidewalks, so why should bicyclists ride around like imbeciles terrorizing pedestrians?
I bike a lot myself and on the bike paths downtown, bicyclists have the decency to warn you as they pass. “On your left,” or “On your right,” are common phrases used to tell someone that they’re about to be passed up. On the other hand, we also have the brainless bikers that just seem to swerve in and out of pedestrian traffic like a bike messenger under the influence. The next time some moron on two wheels nearly hits me, I’m going to go terrorize bike paths with my Jeep. How does THAT make YOU feel?!?
Hey, Where’s the Timetable?
It’s getting to be that time of year again, when we all will have to pick our poisons for the upcoming semester. Spring 2004 holds a special significance for me, in that it will be my last semester at good old UIC, also known as the University of In-Competence. I register in a little over 2 weeks and the timetable is no where to be found. Other universities have made class schedules available for their students… why not us? Ah yes… rumors have it that UIC dorked up the timetables when they decided to cut, consolidate, slice, dice, and chop classes so much that all the changes couldn’t get to the printers on time.
So what is being done? Allegedly the timetable will be online for us… is it there now? Nope. This is reminiscent of the time the UIC Timetable said “UCI Timetable” and they were delayed for a while as little tiny stickers that said UIC were stuck on the books to cover up UCI. Or how about the U-Pass recall when they were printed with: “University of Ilinois” instead of the proper spelling of our great state? How many more instances of incompetence must we deal with? I guess we’ll have to wait until pigs fly and the University Hall fountain is completed.
Is it really that hard just to say, “Excuse me”? Is politeness something that isn’t taught in other countries? I was sitting in the Inner Circle in CCC the other day and I had my nicely ironed uniform jacket draped behind me on my chair when this group of rude foreign idiots decided to sit at a table behind me. Now, the tables are rather close in the CCC and I completely understand that. But these buffoons were trying to sit down and one of them kept shoving at my chair, wrinkling my jacket in what seemed like an attempt to move my chair without my knowledge despite the fact that I was sitting in it. What the hell is wrong with society today that leads to the procreation and proliferation of jackasses like that?!
I wouldn’t have nearly been as pissed off, if one of them had just said, “Oh, excuse me, can you move a bit so I can sit down?” No, they had to start shoving at my chair trying to squeeze into a tiny space. And as if that wasn’t enough, they had to talk and cackle loudly as I was trying to read and study. I also understand that many people at UIC are international students and come from different countries with different customs and courtesies. So let me just inform you now that we in America do not appreciate being annoyed! We may take your tired, your hungry, and your poor, but no where does it say that we take your rude and ridiculously stupid. We have enough dumb Americans to worry about without you!
Get Off the Sidewalk!!!
The weather is still relatively nice and people are still utilizing bicycle as a means of transportation, unfortunately, no one seems to have picked up a copy of the Rules of the Road for bikes. Pedestrians belong on sidewalks and bikes and cars belong on the road. You don’t see people driving cars on sidewalks, so why should bicyclists ride around like imbeciles terrorizing pedestrians?
I bike a lot myself and on the bike paths downtown, bicyclists have the decency to warn you as they pass. “On your left,” or “On your right,” are common phrases used to tell someone that they’re about to be passed up. On the other hand, we also have the brainless bikers that just seem to swerve in and out of pedestrian traffic like a bike messenger under the influence. The next time some moron on two wheels nearly hits me, I’m going to go terrorize bike paths with my Jeep. How does THAT make YOU feel?!?
Hey, Where’s the Timetable?
It’s getting to be that time of year again, when we all will have to pick our poisons for the upcoming semester. Spring 2004 holds a special significance for me, in that it will be my last semester at good old UIC, also known as the University of In-Competence. I register in a little over 2 weeks and the timetable is no where to be found. Other universities have made class schedules available for their students… why not us? Ah yes… rumors have it that UIC dorked up the timetables when they decided to cut, consolidate, slice, dice, and chop classes so much that all the changes couldn’t get to the printers on time.
So what is being done? Allegedly the timetable will be online for us… is it there now? Nope. This is reminiscent of the time the UIC Timetable said “UCI Timetable” and they were delayed for a while as little tiny stickers that said UIC were stuck on the books to cover up UCI. Or how about the U-Pass recall when they were printed with: “University of Ilinois” instead of the proper spelling of our great state? How many more instances of incompetence must we deal with? I guess we’ll have to wait until pigs fly and the University Hall fountain is completed.
Monday, October 27, 2003
Retarded Much?
If You Don’t Have To Go… Go AWAY!
One of the unfortunate facts about public restrooms is the fact that they are public. Many people use them, leave inhuman odors, and who knows what else. It’s even worse when there’s a line for the bathroom and you’re forced to stand in there, wallowing in the stench of others, as you wait to leave your own scent in the mix. It’s much worse being female, because at least guys do one thing in the urinal and they do another thing in the stalls. Females, on the other hand, do both things in the stalls, resulting in this amalgamation of stinkiness festering for the next poor sap that goes in.
If that’s not bad enough, it’s those idiot people that just seem to stand in line for the heck of standing in the bathroom line. They don’t have to go! They’re just there accompanying their friend to the bathroom. So while you’re standing there, waiting for the person at the front of the line to take the stall that just opened up, they just stand there doing absolutely nothing. People wonder why the lines in women’s restrooms are so long, it’s because people bring along a Potty Posse whenever they need to pee or poo. So as the funk molecules are clinging to my pores and clothing, someone’s Potty Posse is impeding my bladder relief. It’s ridiculous. If you’re in a bathroom and don’t have to go… you’re either someone with a bizarre fecal fetish or you’re a freakin’ moron. Get the hell out of the bathroom!
Chicago’s My Kind of Town… Just Not For Sports…
I love Chicago, I was born and raised here… this is my hometown. Unfortunately, this is also a horrible town for a sports fan. We have all of the major sports here, we have the Bears in the NFL, the Bulls in the NBA, the Blackhawks in the NHL, the White Sox and Cubs in MLB, and the Fire in MLS. We also have a Big Ten NCAA football team in Northwestern. Unfortunately, all of the teams that I listed above… SUCK. Well, maybe not the Chicago Fire, but then, no one seems to watch soccer.
In my lifetime, the Bears won a Super Bowl in 1985, Bulls had their run in the 90s as being the best freakin’ team in basketball, Northwestern made it to the Rose Bowl back in 1995, the White Sox won their division in 2000, the Bears won the Central Division in 2001, and the Cubs made the Wild Card in 1998 and was 5 outs away from being in the World Series in 2003. But with the exception of the Bears and the Bulls winning it all back in the day, every success has had a miserable ending. The Sox lost in the playoffs, the Bears lost in the playoffs, Northwestern lost in the Rose Bowl, and the Cubs lost in the playoffs. And this year we had Northern Illinois University to cheer for… true, we’re grasping at straws here by counting those DeKalb kids as a Chicago team, but they were undefeated and were gunning for a BCS spot. During a time when we were mourning the Cubs loss, we were celebrating the Huskies and their run. But then… once the Chicagoans started rooting for them… guess what? They lost this weekend to Bowling Green, their shot at a Bowl game is gone… and we’re again stuck on the downward end of the sports roller coaster ride. Maybe we should just stop rooting for teams…
Speaking of Sports…
The Florida Marlins won the World Series… I guess it does justify the Cubs’ loss to them. Had the Yankees whomped on them, it would’ve really made the Cubs look bad… but those Marlins are quite the battlers. They may look and play like inept idiots one inning, but they never gave up and they’re champions once again. If only Chicago teams are like that… instead they just look like inept idiots and that’s about all.
As much as they’ve earned it… they didn’t EARN it. How many years have the White Sox, the Cubs, and the Boston Red Sox been unable to reach the World Series, much less win one? Here we are again with some expansion team winning it all… the Arizona Diamondbacks? The Florida Marlins? Come on now. It’s getting rather crazy. I guess next year starts now and all the dreams of glory and victory can begin. Here’s to a Cubs-White Sox World Series in 2004… damn, I didn’t just jinx it did I? Oops.
One of the unfortunate facts about public restrooms is the fact that they are public. Many people use them, leave inhuman odors, and who knows what else. It’s even worse when there’s a line for the bathroom and you’re forced to stand in there, wallowing in the stench of others, as you wait to leave your own scent in the mix. It’s much worse being female, because at least guys do one thing in the urinal and they do another thing in the stalls. Females, on the other hand, do both things in the stalls, resulting in this amalgamation of stinkiness festering for the next poor sap that goes in.
If that’s not bad enough, it’s those idiot people that just seem to stand in line for the heck of standing in the bathroom line. They don’t have to go! They’re just there accompanying their friend to the bathroom. So while you’re standing there, waiting for the person at the front of the line to take the stall that just opened up, they just stand there doing absolutely nothing. People wonder why the lines in women’s restrooms are so long, it’s because people bring along a Potty Posse whenever they need to pee or poo. So as the funk molecules are clinging to my pores and clothing, someone’s Potty Posse is impeding my bladder relief. It’s ridiculous. If you’re in a bathroom and don’t have to go… you’re either someone with a bizarre fecal fetish or you’re a freakin’ moron. Get the hell out of the bathroom!
Chicago’s My Kind of Town… Just Not For Sports…
I love Chicago, I was born and raised here… this is my hometown. Unfortunately, this is also a horrible town for a sports fan. We have all of the major sports here, we have the Bears in the NFL, the Bulls in the NBA, the Blackhawks in the NHL, the White Sox and Cubs in MLB, and the Fire in MLS. We also have a Big Ten NCAA football team in Northwestern. Unfortunately, all of the teams that I listed above… SUCK. Well, maybe not the Chicago Fire, but then, no one seems to watch soccer.
In my lifetime, the Bears won a Super Bowl in 1985, Bulls had their run in the 90s as being the best freakin’ team in basketball, Northwestern made it to the Rose Bowl back in 1995, the White Sox won their division in 2000, the Bears won the Central Division in 2001, and the Cubs made the Wild Card in 1998 and was 5 outs away from being in the World Series in 2003. But with the exception of the Bears and the Bulls winning it all back in the day, every success has had a miserable ending. The Sox lost in the playoffs, the Bears lost in the playoffs, Northwestern lost in the Rose Bowl, and the Cubs lost in the playoffs. And this year we had Northern Illinois University to cheer for… true, we’re grasping at straws here by counting those DeKalb kids as a Chicago team, but they were undefeated and were gunning for a BCS spot. During a time when we were mourning the Cubs loss, we were celebrating the Huskies and their run. But then… once the Chicagoans started rooting for them… guess what? They lost this weekend to Bowling Green, their shot at a Bowl game is gone… and we’re again stuck on the downward end of the sports roller coaster ride. Maybe we should just stop rooting for teams…
Speaking of Sports…
The Florida Marlins won the World Series… I guess it does justify the Cubs’ loss to them. Had the Yankees whomped on them, it would’ve really made the Cubs look bad… but those Marlins are quite the battlers. They may look and play like inept idiots one inning, but they never gave up and they’re champions once again. If only Chicago teams are like that… instead they just look like inept idiots and that’s about all.
As much as they’ve earned it… they didn’t EARN it. How many years have the White Sox, the Cubs, and the Boston Red Sox been unable to reach the World Series, much less win one? Here we are again with some expansion team winning it all… the Arizona Diamondbacks? The Florida Marlins? Come on now. It’s getting rather crazy. I guess next year starts now and all the dreams of glory and victory can begin. Here’s to a Cubs-White Sox World Series in 2004… damn, I didn’t just jinx it did I? Oops.
Monday, October 20, 2003
Quit Dorkin' It Up!
Curse of the Billy Goat, Eh?
Baseball fans of all ages watched the 2003 Chicago Cubs choke their way out of the World Series. As a lifelong White Sox fan, seeing the Cubs get so far in the playoffs, despite being whomped on by the Sox earlier in the season, really made me sick to my stomach. But, it was still rather neat to potentially witness history in making. I felt bad, because at one point… I was even hoping the Cubs would win, so that I COULD witness a part of history. But they didn’t and I’m still a loyal Sox fan.
As I’m watching the game and wearing a t-shirt I bought at the Sox game I went to earlier in the season, which had the words CUBS CHOKE in the front and CUBS SUCK in the back, I felt that I was justifying paying attention to the Northsiders without sacrificing my Southside heritage. I watched Games 5, 6, and 7… thinking I’d be able to see something special… but the only thing I saw was the Cubs choking and Cubs fans sucking. Game 6 was hugely disappointing. The idiot fan who interfered with Moises Alou’s potential catch dorked up the Cubs hopes and dreams. White Sox fans at least know to beat the hell out of the coaches of the OTHER team. These idiot Cubs fans don’t pay attention to the game and dork up what might be a once in a lifetime chance for their team. Yet another reason why the White Sox are better than the Cubs…
The Older You Are… The Dumber You Get…
This past weekend, I spent time with high school kids in Junior ROTC at their yearly encampment. And watching them made me realize that the older you are, the dumber you get. I’m not necessarily saying that we’re dumber than they are. But the older you get, the more set in your ways that you are. Younger kids seem to a lot more open to learning, whereas the older kids seem to need a lot more prodding and convincing to chance their erroneous ways.
It made me think about how that little group of high school kids is a representation of society. We do things now because that’s the way we’ve always done it. Things are wrong because they were always wrong. We’ve been living inside the box for so long and most of us are unable to even realize we’re in a box… must less attempt to think outside of it. Little kids grow up like sponges, absorbing everything around them. They’re like a blank piece of paper waiting for someone to write on them. But if someone dorks up while writing… it seems to stay dorked up, making older people so closed-minded that they’re borderline stupid. Just keep that in mind the next time you talk to someone set in their ways… you’re probably better off talking to a brick wall.
Why Am I Learning This Stuff???
It’s finally happened… Senioritis has hit me. Well… I’ve had Senioritis since sophomore year of high school… (probably one of the reasons why I ended up at UIC…) but now, I’m absolutely ready to get the hell out of here. But noooo… I’m stuck taking these random classes that will have no practical application when I graduate. Who’s going to care that I took some random Underwater Basket Weaving 101 class to satisfy a graduation requirement? We’re forced to take these classes in subject areas we don’t like and probably aren’t good at just to graduate. That’s ridiculous.
We choose our majors for a reason, it’s because we like the subject and/or we’re good at it. But stupid schools across the country also tack on random classes just to make students more “well-rounded.” You don’t see engineering students needing to fulfill a foreign language requirement, despite the fact that most engineers are foreign anyways. But Liberal Arts and Sciences seem to group every major under the sun together and force students to take random classes. Like English majors having to take a foreign language seems rather ridiculous, for example. I just wish I’m done with all this… Save me…
Stupid Vending Machines…
It must be UIC alumni that load the vending machines, because many times they are misloaded. There has been many times where I go to a vending machine to get some food and realize what I really want is behind something I’d never touch even if it’s the only thing left on the planet to eat. I don’t want to have to buy something I don’t need to get something I do. That’s the kind of money spending that UIC specializes in, not poor college students.It’s even more annoying to have pop machines be misloaded. Because you can’t see what’s in there. You push a button expecting a Mountain Dew and you get something like non-caffeinated ginger ale. It’s really not that hard to load the same pop in the same slot. It’s something little pre-schoolers learn to! The square blocks go in the square holes, not the circular ones. It’s not that difficult a concept… but yet it’s too complicated for too many people. What a wonderful world…
Baseball fans of all ages watched the 2003 Chicago Cubs choke their way out of the World Series. As a lifelong White Sox fan, seeing the Cubs get so far in the playoffs, despite being whomped on by the Sox earlier in the season, really made me sick to my stomach. But, it was still rather neat to potentially witness history in making. I felt bad, because at one point… I was even hoping the Cubs would win, so that I COULD witness a part of history. But they didn’t and I’m still a loyal Sox fan.
As I’m watching the game and wearing a t-shirt I bought at the Sox game I went to earlier in the season, which had the words CUBS CHOKE in the front and CUBS SUCK in the back, I felt that I was justifying paying attention to the Northsiders without sacrificing my Southside heritage. I watched Games 5, 6, and 7… thinking I’d be able to see something special… but the only thing I saw was the Cubs choking and Cubs fans sucking. Game 6 was hugely disappointing. The idiot fan who interfered with Moises Alou’s potential catch dorked up the Cubs hopes and dreams. White Sox fans at least know to beat the hell out of the coaches of the OTHER team. These idiot Cubs fans don’t pay attention to the game and dork up what might be a once in a lifetime chance for their team. Yet another reason why the White Sox are better than the Cubs…
The Older You Are… The Dumber You Get…
This past weekend, I spent time with high school kids in Junior ROTC at their yearly encampment. And watching them made me realize that the older you are, the dumber you get. I’m not necessarily saying that we’re dumber than they are. But the older you get, the more set in your ways that you are. Younger kids seem to a lot more open to learning, whereas the older kids seem to need a lot more prodding and convincing to chance their erroneous ways.
It made me think about how that little group of high school kids is a representation of society. We do things now because that’s the way we’ve always done it. Things are wrong because they were always wrong. We’ve been living inside the box for so long and most of us are unable to even realize we’re in a box… must less attempt to think outside of it. Little kids grow up like sponges, absorbing everything around them. They’re like a blank piece of paper waiting for someone to write on them. But if someone dorks up while writing… it seems to stay dorked up, making older people so closed-minded that they’re borderline stupid. Just keep that in mind the next time you talk to someone set in their ways… you’re probably better off talking to a brick wall.
Why Am I Learning This Stuff???
It’s finally happened… Senioritis has hit me. Well… I’ve had Senioritis since sophomore year of high school… (probably one of the reasons why I ended up at UIC…) but now, I’m absolutely ready to get the hell out of here. But noooo… I’m stuck taking these random classes that will have no practical application when I graduate. Who’s going to care that I took some random Underwater Basket Weaving 101 class to satisfy a graduation requirement? We’re forced to take these classes in subject areas we don’t like and probably aren’t good at just to graduate. That’s ridiculous.
We choose our majors for a reason, it’s because we like the subject and/or we’re good at it. But stupid schools across the country also tack on random classes just to make students more “well-rounded.” You don’t see engineering students needing to fulfill a foreign language requirement, despite the fact that most engineers are foreign anyways. But Liberal Arts and Sciences seem to group every major under the sun together and force students to take random classes. Like English majors having to take a foreign language seems rather ridiculous, for example. I just wish I’m done with all this… Save me…
Stupid Vending Machines…
It must be UIC alumni that load the vending machines, because many times they are misloaded. There has been many times where I go to a vending machine to get some food and realize what I really want is behind something I’d never touch even if it’s the only thing left on the planet to eat. I don’t want to have to buy something I don’t need to get something I do. That’s the kind of money spending that UIC specializes in, not poor college students.It’s even more annoying to have pop machines be misloaded. Because you can’t see what’s in there. You push a button expecting a Mountain Dew and you get something like non-caffeinated ginger ale. It’s really not that hard to load the same pop in the same slot. It’s something little pre-schoolers learn to! The square blocks go in the square holes, not the circular ones. It’s not that difficult a concept… but yet it’s too complicated for too many people. What a wonderful world…
Monday, September 29, 2003
Quit Steppin' On My Groove
I Fear You Are Underestimating The Sleepiness…
I feel old. I remember when I was a little kid, I always wanted to stay up late and be cool like adults were. I mean, late night TV shows are cooler than the afternoon cartoons ever were. But now, we’re older and it seems like all we want to do is sleep and being a college student is never conducive to getting those precious hours of rest each night. All of those cool TV shows that we wanted to watch, we don’t have the time to enjoy now anyways.
There is always so much to be doing, whether it’s studying or trying to finish homework or trying to squeeze some time to have fun with friends. The demands of everyone around us are always so overwhelming. And saying, “Sorry my paper is late, I just had to sleep,” is never an excuse, despite its truth. Students passing out and falling asleep in class seems to never clue professors in on the fact that their teaching methods don’t work and are boring tired students. The entire college system seems to just be a mechanism to deprive young adults of sleep.
So this is a message to all professors and educators, we don’t mean to insult you if we are asleep in your class. While sometimes it may be because of boredom, it’s also the end result of systematic sleep deprivation that we all suffer from. All we want is a bit of understanding and a little bit of bedrest.
Cubs… Grr…
It’s no secret that I am a Chicago White Sox fan. I’ve been a southsider, born and raised in Bridgeport in the shadow of Comiskey Park. And now that the baseball season has ended… I find that my Sox aren’t in the playoff hunt, but the northside Cubs are! I have one word to say about that: DAMMIT!!!! The Sox were doing better all season than the comes, but then the stupid Minnesota Twins came in and rained on our parade. Now the bragging rights belong to Wrigleyville. But before any Cubs fan tries to rub their team’s success in my face, I have one simple thing to say, “SHUT UP!” Quit your gloating. The Cubs are the lovable losers that every yuppie on the planet loves. I wish them luck in their playoff hunt, because despite me being a Sox fan, I am also a Chicago fan. This city deserves to have a team not suck. Although, I would’ve rather that that Sox are in the playoffs too, but I never seem to get anything I want. Good luck, Cubbies… And that’s probably the last good thing I’ll say about them for a while. GO SOX! Maybe next year… or the year after that… or maybe the next decade… century… sometime before the end of time…
Still Standin’ On My Soapbox…
It never ceases to amaze me whenever I read or hear people’s opinions about the articles that I write. It seems that my opinions either cause people to completely hate me or utterly love that someone had finally put those thoughts into print. But then of course, it never ceases to amaze me that people provide such awesome fodder for me to write about.
Idiocy is everywhere and it is my moral obligation to publicize stupidity to make sure there is a public awareness of the problem. If we all were to pretend nothing is wrong and just accept things as they are without complaining about it or trying to change things, then we will be perpetuating a system of retardation that humanity cannot possibly recover from. So for all of you people that think I’m too cynical and/or bitter, I am bitter and cynical. I have every right to be, for the simple fact that friends shouldn’t let friends be stupid.
I feel old. I remember when I was a little kid, I always wanted to stay up late and be cool like adults were. I mean, late night TV shows are cooler than the afternoon cartoons ever were. But now, we’re older and it seems like all we want to do is sleep and being a college student is never conducive to getting those precious hours of rest each night. All of those cool TV shows that we wanted to watch, we don’t have the time to enjoy now anyways.
There is always so much to be doing, whether it’s studying or trying to finish homework or trying to squeeze some time to have fun with friends. The demands of everyone around us are always so overwhelming. And saying, “Sorry my paper is late, I just had to sleep,” is never an excuse, despite its truth. Students passing out and falling asleep in class seems to never clue professors in on the fact that their teaching methods don’t work and are boring tired students. The entire college system seems to just be a mechanism to deprive young adults of sleep.
So this is a message to all professors and educators, we don’t mean to insult you if we are asleep in your class. While sometimes it may be because of boredom, it’s also the end result of systematic sleep deprivation that we all suffer from. All we want is a bit of understanding and a little bit of bedrest.
Cubs… Grr…
It’s no secret that I am a Chicago White Sox fan. I’ve been a southsider, born and raised in Bridgeport in the shadow of Comiskey Park. And now that the baseball season has ended… I find that my Sox aren’t in the playoff hunt, but the northside Cubs are! I have one word to say about that: DAMMIT!!!! The Sox were doing better all season than the comes, but then the stupid Minnesota Twins came in and rained on our parade. Now the bragging rights belong to Wrigleyville. But before any Cubs fan tries to rub their team’s success in my face, I have one simple thing to say, “SHUT UP!” Quit your gloating. The Cubs are the lovable losers that every yuppie on the planet loves. I wish them luck in their playoff hunt, because despite me being a Sox fan, I am also a Chicago fan. This city deserves to have a team not suck. Although, I would’ve rather that that Sox are in the playoffs too, but I never seem to get anything I want. Good luck, Cubbies… And that’s probably the last good thing I’ll say about them for a while. GO SOX! Maybe next year… or the year after that… or maybe the next decade… century… sometime before the end of time…
Still Standin’ On My Soapbox…
It never ceases to amaze me whenever I read or hear people’s opinions about the articles that I write. It seems that my opinions either cause people to completely hate me or utterly love that someone had finally put those thoughts into print. But then of course, it never ceases to amaze me that people provide such awesome fodder for me to write about.
Idiocy is everywhere and it is my moral obligation to publicize stupidity to make sure there is a public awareness of the problem. If we all were to pretend nothing is wrong and just accept things as they are without complaining about it or trying to change things, then we will be perpetuating a system of retardation that humanity cannot possibly recover from. So for all of you people that think I’m too cynical and/or bitter, I am bitter and cynical. I have every right to be, for the simple fact that friends shouldn’t let friends be stupid.
Monday, September 22, 2003
Fist Shaking Goodness
There Is NO Joy In Being a Flame….
Recently Princeton Review rated DePaul University as having the happiest students and evidently UIC doesn’t seem to like getting “snubbed” in that category. Silly school, you’re not being snubbed. Let me put this in terms that even some of our non-English speaking TAs can understand: we… ARE… NOT… happy.
True, we have low tuition compared to other schools in the area, but that seems to be gradually increasing… therefore making UIC less and less affordable for its students. This is also coupled with the fact that facilities and programs are being cut therefore making us pay more for less. Library hours: cut. Computer lab hours: cut. Classes: cut. That’s not a fact that makes poor college students happy. It’s also true that we have nice neighborhoods with fine dining on Taylor Street and Greektown which is comparable to some of the nice North side offerings. But then we also have the projects, the Streetwise vendors, and those UIC alumni selling socks off the expressway. I think that rather detracts from the atmosphere. Our buildings also have no windows and for the most part resembles a prison campus more than a college campus, this also applies to campus social life. We also have the multi-million dollar rubble in front of UH that allegedly would be a fountain which will supposedly single-handedly beautify the campus and magically make the students happy.
Students that took the survey were asked to give a numerical rating in 62 categories from their opinion on their library to student satisfaction with financial aid. When I read that Associate Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs and Enrollment Management, Michael Ginsburg said, “We think that either UIC students were not included in the survey by the Princeton Review, or that the number of respondents was too small to include us," I laughed. If it was the case that UIC students were underrepresented, then we would not even be CLOSE to being rated as happy. We’d give Montana Tech a run for its money as having the least happy students. If not them, we’d definitely tie the Illinois Institute of Technology, who ranks as the 4th unhappiest. Seeing as they share many similarities with us, like being in the middle of projects, having professors that don’t speak English, and ugly buildings. So UIC should quit its whining because they don’t WANT our opinions to be known to the nation.
Speaking Of That Stupid Fountain…
They’ve been building that stupid fountain for a while now and all that seems to have gotten done was the planting of weeds, either that or the weeds grew themselves out of pure neglect of the grounds. The original scheduled completion date has come and gone and even on the sign posted on the construction site has the complete date covered with a piece of duct tape.
What’s worse, I was walking by the rubble one day and I saw this piece of heavy construction equipment built to haul insane amounts of dirt and rubble use its giant scoop of death to play with a dumpster. It was just pushing the dumpster left… then pushing it right… then forwards… then backwards… and then made it do the hokey-pokey and turn itself about. That’s UIC for you… paying for something completely and utterly unnecessary while there’s other more pressing things that need to be fixed.
Since When Did Sneezing Become Religious?
Whenever any one sneezes, there’s almost always the obligatory “Bless you.” But since it’s the cold and allergy season, people have been sneezing a lot, sometimes stringing multiple sneezes together. But yet, people keep going “Bless you.” They say “Bless you,” so often that sneezers must feel like the Pope for being so blessed. And of course, the sneezer feels obligated to return the “Bless you,” with a “Thank you,” thereby making the blesser feel like God for being so thanked. I never knew sneezing was such a religious experience. Maybe people should forgo church and convert to Sneezianity. You get to do your thanking and blessing, which is what organized religion is all about anyways. Or you can just say “Bless you,” once and let the sneezer be because all the religious connotation is starting to remind me of the crazy Bible study people that harass you. *shudder*
Recently Princeton Review rated DePaul University as having the happiest students and evidently UIC doesn’t seem to like getting “snubbed” in that category. Silly school, you’re not being snubbed. Let me put this in terms that even some of our non-English speaking TAs can understand: we… ARE… NOT… happy.
True, we have low tuition compared to other schools in the area, but that seems to be gradually increasing… therefore making UIC less and less affordable for its students. This is also coupled with the fact that facilities and programs are being cut therefore making us pay more for less. Library hours: cut. Computer lab hours: cut. Classes: cut. That’s not a fact that makes poor college students happy. It’s also true that we have nice neighborhoods with fine dining on Taylor Street and Greektown which is comparable to some of the nice North side offerings. But then we also have the projects, the Streetwise vendors, and those UIC alumni selling socks off the expressway. I think that rather detracts from the atmosphere. Our buildings also have no windows and for the most part resembles a prison campus more than a college campus, this also applies to campus social life. We also have the multi-million dollar rubble in front of UH that allegedly would be a fountain which will supposedly single-handedly beautify the campus and magically make the students happy.
Students that took the survey were asked to give a numerical rating in 62 categories from their opinion on their library to student satisfaction with financial aid. When I read that Associate Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs and Enrollment Management, Michael Ginsburg said, “We think that either UIC students were not included in the survey by the Princeton Review, or that the number of respondents was too small to include us," I laughed. If it was the case that UIC students were underrepresented, then we would not even be CLOSE to being rated as happy. We’d give Montana Tech a run for its money as having the least happy students. If not them, we’d definitely tie the Illinois Institute of Technology, who ranks as the 4th unhappiest. Seeing as they share many similarities with us, like being in the middle of projects, having professors that don’t speak English, and ugly buildings. So UIC should quit its whining because they don’t WANT our opinions to be known to the nation.
Speaking Of That Stupid Fountain…
They’ve been building that stupid fountain for a while now and all that seems to have gotten done was the planting of weeds, either that or the weeds grew themselves out of pure neglect of the grounds. The original scheduled completion date has come and gone and even on the sign posted on the construction site has the complete date covered with a piece of duct tape.
What’s worse, I was walking by the rubble one day and I saw this piece of heavy construction equipment built to haul insane amounts of dirt and rubble use its giant scoop of death to play with a dumpster. It was just pushing the dumpster left… then pushing it right… then forwards… then backwards… and then made it do the hokey-pokey and turn itself about. That’s UIC for you… paying for something completely and utterly unnecessary while there’s other more pressing things that need to be fixed.
Since When Did Sneezing Become Religious?
Whenever any one sneezes, there’s almost always the obligatory “Bless you.” But since it’s the cold and allergy season, people have been sneezing a lot, sometimes stringing multiple sneezes together. But yet, people keep going “Bless you.” They say “Bless you,” so often that sneezers must feel like the Pope for being so blessed. And of course, the sneezer feels obligated to return the “Bless you,” with a “Thank you,” thereby making the blesser feel like God for being so thanked. I never knew sneezing was such a religious experience. Maybe people should forgo church and convert to Sneezianity. You get to do your thanking and blessing, which is what organized religion is all about anyways. Or you can just say “Bless you,” once and let the sneezer be because all the religious connotation is starting to remind me of the crazy Bible study people that harass you. *shudder*
Monday, September 15, 2003
Things That Make You Go Grrrr...
Would You PLEASE Stop Ripping Me Off!?!
Since the advent of the computer, we’ve tried to call ourselves a “paperless” society. But I don’t see how that is at all. We look around in class and reams of notebook paper are being used daily by students frantically writing down the endless slew of information emanating from the mouths of our professors. Classes now have syllabuses online, but people still print them out anyways. Homework is occasionally online and even notes are too. Blackboard is the epitome of what a paperless society should be. But what I realize is that UIC is using the paperless society concept to get more money from us.
Some professors no longer provide syllabuses, they don’t hand out work to do, and they don’t print out the notes and hand them out to us. We are expected to go find the information online ourselves. True, we’re big college kids and we should be able to handle not having everyone spoon-fed to us, but we’re also dirt poor. We use SO much of our annual quota of printouts just because we’re printing syllabuses, homework, and notes just because UIC doesn’t want to provide academic departments with enough money to provide such things for students. Students have to pay for everything at UIC, regardless of whether or not there is logic behind it. I mean, if this continues, my diploma might be posted on Blackboard when I graduate, and I have to print the damn thing out myself. Thanks, UIC!
WALK FASTER YOU IDIOT!!!
I drive. I like driving. It’s fun to spend some time chilling in my car with nothing but the open road ahead of me. But then of course, I live in Chicago and there is rarely such a thing as open road. There are cars on the road at all times of day, regardless of what day of the week it is. And if there aren’t cars in the way, there are stupid people. People who feel the need to meander across the street as you’re trying to make a turn before the light turns red.
Traffic lights are evil, they almost never give you enough time to make the turn before they turn red and you’re stuck behind it for another eternity. Green means go for cars, there’s no way around it. Run a red light and you risk getting a ticket. Pedestrians jaywalk anyways, I’ve never heard of anyone getting ticketed for jaywalking. They can cross at anytime and any place they feel like. But yet they see fit to cross the street when I need to turn and they like to take their sweet time too. WHY?!? WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!? The least you can do is move a LITTLE faster so I can make the light. Please?
Please Tell Me I Was Never Like That…
They’re everywhere… movie theaters, checkout lines… everywhere I want to be. Who, you ask? Stupid, bratty, snot-nosed little 13-year old kids that are obnoxious and stupid. They’re the ones standing either in front of or behind you blabbering continuously about the newest hot teen idol of the week, “Oh… My… God… ____ is SOOO HOT!” Or they chatter on about some nonsensical video game imported from Japan, “Dude, did you beat the ToyotaNissanSushiMon on the 99th level of Seizure Inducer VI?!?” If not that, they’re talking continuously about the drama at their school, “Billy dumped Jane and Jane hooked up with Billy’s brother who is like… totally in college…” They not only just talk about it, but they are intolerably loud about it, oblivious to the annoyance that they are causing among the people around them. To quote Apu from the Simpsons, “I can’t believe you don’t shut up!”I honestly hope I’m not like that or at least wasn’t like that when I was their age. If I was, I’m surprised no one just smacked me and told me to shut up!
Because I’m sure 4 or 5 years from now, those snot-nosed brats will probably be embarrassed that their idiotic conversations about stupid things were overheard by others. I’m sure I would be! So as a public service to them and to everyone around them, the next time you hear a obnoxious kid jabber on and on about stupid things, just smack him or her. You’ll be doing them and society a favor.
Since the advent of the computer, we’ve tried to call ourselves a “paperless” society. But I don’t see how that is at all. We look around in class and reams of notebook paper are being used daily by students frantically writing down the endless slew of information emanating from the mouths of our professors. Classes now have syllabuses online, but people still print them out anyways. Homework is occasionally online and even notes are too. Blackboard is the epitome of what a paperless society should be. But what I realize is that UIC is using the paperless society concept to get more money from us.
Some professors no longer provide syllabuses, they don’t hand out work to do, and they don’t print out the notes and hand them out to us. We are expected to go find the information online ourselves. True, we’re big college kids and we should be able to handle not having everyone spoon-fed to us, but we’re also dirt poor. We use SO much of our annual quota of printouts just because we’re printing syllabuses, homework, and notes just because UIC doesn’t want to provide academic departments with enough money to provide such things for students. Students have to pay for everything at UIC, regardless of whether or not there is logic behind it. I mean, if this continues, my diploma might be posted on Blackboard when I graduate, and I have to print the damn thing out myself. Thanks, UIC!
WALK FASTER YOU IDIOT!!!
I drive. I like driving. It’s fun to spend some time chilling in my car with nothing but the open road ahead of me. But then of course, I live in Chicago and there is rarely such a thing as open road. There are cars on the road at all times of day, regardless of what day of the week it is. And if there aren’t cars in the way, there are stupid people. People who feel the need to meander across the street as you’re trying to make a turn before the light turns red.
Traffic lights are evil, they almost never give you enough time to make the turn before they turn red and you’re stuck behind it for another eternity. Green means go for cars, there’s no way around it. Run a red light and you risk getting a ticket. Pedestrians jaywalk anyways, I’ve never heard of anyone getting ticketed for jaywalking. They can cross at anytime and any place they feel like. But yet they see fit to cross the street when I need to turn and they like to take their sweet time too. WHY?!? WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!? The least you can do is move a LITTLE faster so I can make the light. Please?
Please Tell Me I Was Never Like That…
They’re everywhere… movie theaters, checkout lines… everywhere I want to be. Who, you ask? Stupid, bratty, snot-nosed little 13-year old kids that are obnoxious and stupid. They’re the ones standing either in front of or behind you blabbering continuously about the newest hot teen idol of the week, “Oh… My… God… ____ is SOOO HOT!” Or they chatter on about some nonsensical video game imported from Japan, “Dude, did you beat the ToyotaNissanSushiMon on the 99th level of Seizure Inducer VI?!?” If not that, they’re talking continuously about the drama at their school, “Billy dumped Jane and Jane hooked up with Billy’s brother who is like… totally in college…” They not only just talk about it, but they are intolerably loud about it, oblivious to the annoyance that they are causing among the people around them. To quote Apu from the Simpsons, “I can’t believe you don’t shut up!”I honestly hope I’m not like that or at least wasn’t like that when I was their age. If I was, I’m surprised no one just smacked me and told me to shut up!
Because I’m sure 4 or 5 years from now, those snot-nosed brats will probably be embarrassed that their idiotic conversations about stupid things were overheard by others. I’m sure I would be! So as a public service to them and to everyone around them, the next time you hear a obnoxious kid jabber on and on about stupid things, just smack him or her. You’ll be doing them and society a favor.
Monday, September 8, 2003
I've Seen the Light and It's Stupid
Stupid Media…
The media is the sole source of idiocy and stupidity in America. Former prisoner of war, Private Jessica Lynch was medically discharged from the Army recently and still there is media attention upon her. Not because of the fact that she is a former POW, but now the media is making a big deal about her because they were making a big deal about her. Doesn’t make sense to you, does it? Since her story came to their attention, the media has portrayed her as the poster child of our conflict in Iraq; as America’s new sweetheart. But as the details of her capture and release came to light, more and more stories of her being over-hyped have begun appearing.
Countless Americans went over to Iraq and some did not come back. Some were also unfortunate enough to have been prisoners of war. But yet, the media didn’t choose to talk about any of them other than a brief mention on the nightly news or worse, as a name scrolling along tiny tickertapes at the bottom of TV screens. Instead they singled out one private in the United States Army and focused on her. And now people are calling her over-hyped? Whose fault is that? She enlisted in our nation’s military, that’s more than what most people can say. She went over to Iraq, that’s definitely more than what most people can say. She was a prisoner of war, a status that few people have lived to tell about. She did her duty for this country, but yet she is being criticized for what the media did to her. The men and women of the United States armed forces defend this country and its ideals, including the right to a free press. The least the media can do is use that right properly.
Can’t We All Share?
For college kids MP3s have been the greatest thing invented since Ramen noodles. Both are cheap, quick, and vital for those late night study sessions. But if Congress has its way, MP3s might no longer be cheap and quick. You could get yourself landed in prison for five years and have a fine of $250,000 imposed for uploading a single file to a peer-to-peer network. The Recording Industry Association of America, the RIAA, intends to file its first wave of lawsuits against file traders this week. In fact, you can check if you’re one of the RIAA’s Most Wanted by going to this website: http://www.eff.org/IP/P2P/riaasubpoenas/
Why is everyone so anti-sharing? We have been taught as small children that we need to share, but I guess as we grow up and get rich beyond our wildest dreams… sharing is one of things that gets bought out. The RIAA is nothing more than a big bully trying to steal file-sharers’ lunch money. Even the world’s largest music company, Universal Music Group, has conceded somewhat to the age of digital music by dropping the prices of new CDs to around $10. They understand that we college kids are poor. But the good old RIAA just doesn’t want to give up. They want to continue to line their pockets, by pushing their weight around and threatening the little guys with lawsuits. College campuses across the country have been feeling the RIAA’s wrath and have banned peer-to-peer network sharing. Taking away our downloading is like taking away our Ramen, it isn’t fair and it isn’t right.
If my biology classes have UIC have taught me anything, it’s taught me that it’s survival of the fittest in today’s world. And if you don’t evolve to adapt to the times, then you will become extinct. The RIAA is an evolutionary dinosaur is an age of free information brought upon by the existence of the internet. 60 million Americans sharing MP3s and other files can’t possibly be wrong.
Stupid Commercialism…
Ever watch TV and suddenly the credits at the end suddenly shrink and a promo for a new soon-to-be cancelled TV show takes its place? As if it isn’t enough that commercials seem to take up more of a time slot than the actual TV show does, even the credits are shrunk to make room for more. It’s an injustice to anyone that actually does work on those shows. They’re not going to get recognized for their work, all because some washed up, former comedian has a new show. What’s more annoying is that sometimes the credits are the best part to the show. Sometimes the final punch line is delivered when the credits start rolling because the show itself was cut short due to the immense amount of commercials, but I miss the joke because the credits were shrunk to the size of my GPA. Now if you’re going to excuse me, I’m going to go watch some commercials… maybe there be a good TV show interrupting them.
The media is the sole source of idiocy and stupidity in America. Former prisoner of war, Private Jessica Lynch was medically discharged from the Army recently and still there is media attention upon her. Not because of the fact that she is a former POW, but now the media is making a big deal about her because they were making a big deal about her. Doesn’t make sense to you, does it? Since her story came to their attention, the media has portrayed her as the poster child of our conflict in Iraq; as America’s new sweetheart. But as the details of her capture and release came to light, more and more stories of her being over-hyped have begun appearing.
Countless Americans went over to Iraq and some did not come back. Some were also unfortunate enough to have been prisoners of war. But yet, the media didn’t choose to talk about any of them other than a brief mention on the nightly news or worse, as a name scrolling along tiny tickertapes at the bottom of TV screens. Instead they singled out one private in the United States Army and focused on her. And now people are calling her over-hyped? Whose fault is that? She enlisted in our nation’s military, that’s more than what most people can say. She went over to Iraq, that’s definitely more than what most people can say. She was a prisoner of war, a status that few people have lived to tell about. She did her duty for this country, but yet she is being criticized for what the media did to her. The men and women of the United States armed forces defend this country and its ideals, including the right to a free press. The least the media can do is use that right properly.
Can’t We All Share?
For college kids MP3s have been the greatest thing invented since Ramen noodles. Both are cheap, quick, and vital for those late night study sessions. But if Congress has its way, MP3s might no longer be cheap and quick. You could get yourself landed in prison for five years and have a fine of $250,000 imposed for uploading a single file to a peer-to-peer network. The Recording Industry Association of America, the RIAA, intends to file its first wave of lawsuits against file traders this week. In fact, you can check if you’re one of the RIAA’s Most Wanted by going to this website: http://www.eff.org/IP/P2P/riaasubpoenas/
Why is everyone so anti-sharing? We have been taught as small children that we need to share, but I guess as we grow up and get rich beyond our wildest dreams… sharing is one of things that gets bought out. The RIAA is nothing more than a big bully trying to steal file-sharers’ lunch money. Even the world’s largest music company, Universal Music Group, has conceded somewhat to the age of digital music by dropping the prices of new CDs to around $10. They understand that we college kids are poor. But the good old RIAA just doesn’t want to give up. They want to continue to line their pockets, by pushing their weight around and threatening the little guys with lawsuits. College campuses across the country have been feeling the RIAA’s wrath and have banned peer-to-peer network sharing. Taking away our downloading is like taking away our Ramen, it isn’t fair and it isn’t right.
If my biology classes have UIC have taught me anything, it’s taught me that it’s survival of the fittest in today’s world. And if you don’t evolve to adapt to the times, then you will become extinct. The RIAA is an evolutionary dinosaur is an age of free information brought upon by the existence of the internet. 60 million Americans sharing MP3s and other files can’t possibly be wrong.
Stupid Commercialism…
Ever watch TV and suddenly the credits at the end suddenly shrink and a promo for a new soon-to-be cancelled TV show takes its place? As if it isn’t enough that commercials seem to take up more of a time slot than the actual TV show does, even the credits are shrunk to make room for more. It’s an injustice to anyone that actually does work on those shows. They’re not going to get recognized for their work, all because some washed up, former comedian has a new show. What’s more annoying is that sometimes the credits are the best part to the show. Sometimes the final punch line is delivered when the credits start rolling because the show itself was cut short due to the immense amount of commercials, but I miss the joke because the credits were shrunk to the size of my GPA. Now if you’re going to excuse me, I’m going to go watch some commercials… maybe there be a good TV show interrupting them.
Saturday, September 6, 2003
D'oh
I’m Just Doomed to Be Disappointed…
As much as I think the world likes to spite me, I think fate also likes to spite all of my favorite sports team too. I’m a native Chicagoan, a city that is doomed to have loser sports teams. True, sometimes we luck out and the Bears win a Super Bowl or the Bulls managed to have repeat Three-peats. But in general, we’re doomed to be sports losers. This is especially the case this year, when the Sox had a disappointing season to begin with, then teased us with a spectacular post-All-Star break run, then fizzled at the end. And as if that’s not enough to spite me, the Cubs managed to make the playoffs! The Bears then start 0-3 and on Sunday night, the United States women’s World Cup team lost to Germany in the semifinals!
As a Chicago sports fan, I dread Sundays. I dread game days. I pick up the newspaper in the mornings, just hoping to read some good news that is rarely ever there. It sucks! But I had hope for the past several weeks that Team USA would be able to win another World Cup. But no, they had to get beaten by Germany 3-0. I know no one follows soccer, but dammit, I thought I had a winner here. But no. There is no sports joy in the world of Poon. The Sox, the Bears, Team USA… I should give up on sports and take up soap operas or something. Because being a sports fan in Chicago is truly more of a dramatic tragedy. And if anybody even mentions the Cubs to me… I’ll kill you.
Reason Number Infinity That UIC Is Stupid…
I was walking on campus the other day and the sprinklers turned on. One would think that it’s not that big of a deal, after all, the grass needs water to stay green and pretty in an otherwise gray and unforgiving riot-proof campus. It’s not like I was hit by the water or anything. The sprinklers merely turned on and started watering the ground. The only thing of note was that the sprinklers were watering the cement sidewalk. There were at least 4 sprinkler heads aimed at the cement ground, creating a massive pool of water, while the grass just sat there looking sad and thirsty.
This isn’t the first time that this has happened either. Some sprinkler heads seem to exist to water the cement. It shouldn’t be that much of a deal to just adjust the sprinkler heads so that the school doesn’t waste its money on watering something that doesn’t grow. But then, UIC isn’t the best at spending its money on the right things and we’ll have nicely watered cement to show for it. Thank you.
No, I Do Not Want My Penis To Grow Three More Inches…
It’s getting to a point where junk mail and pop-ups are not only getting more prevalent but they are also getting more and more irritating. With the do-not-call registry being called into question to get rid of telemarketers, the information super highway is being congested with junk mail and stupid pop-ups. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get a random e-mail about enlarging my nonexistent penis or enhancing my breasts. Why someone would think anyone would need to do both is beyond me.
Unfortunately there is no do-not-e-mail registry, because I’m tired of getting off e-mailing lists and somehow getting more e-mails. STOP E-MAILING ME! I don’t want to have to take steps to block pop-ups or block incoming e-mail. Why can’t you idiots just stop e-mailing me? It’s not that hard of a concept… but then, it must be UIC alumni managing these e-mail lists… we’re doomed.
As much as I think the world likes to spite me, I think fate also likes to spite all of my favorite sports team too. I’m a native Chicagoan, a city that is doomed to have loser sports teams. True, sometimes we luck out and the Bears win a Super Bowl or the Bulls managed to have repeat Three-peats. But in general, we’re doomed to be sports losers. This is especially the case this year, when the Sox had a disappointing season to begin with, then teased us with a spectacular post-All-Star break run, then fizzled at the end. And as if that’s not enough to spite me, the Cubs managed to make the playoffs! The Bears then start 0-3 and on Sunday night, the United States women’s World Cup team lost to Germany in the semifinals!
As a Chicago sports fan, I dread Sundays. I dread game days. I pick up the newspaper in the mornings, just hoping to read some good news that is rarely ever there. It sucks! But I had hope for the past several weeks that Team USA would be able to win another World Cup. But no, they had to get beaten by Germany 3-0. I know no one follows soccer, but dammit, I thought I had a winner here. But no. There is no sports joy in the world of Poon. The Sox, the Bears, Team USA… I should give up on sports and take up soap operas or something. Because being a sports fan in Chicago is truly more of a dramatic tragedy. And if anybody even mentions the Cubs to me… I’ll kill you.
Reason Number Infinity That UIC Is Stupid…
I was walking on campus the other day and the sprinklers turned on. One would think that it’s not that big of a deal, after all, the grass needs water to stay green and pretty in an otherwise gray and unforgiving riot-proof campus. It’s not like I was hit by the water or anything. The sprinklers merely turned on and started watering the ground. The only thing of note was that the sprinklers were watering the cement sidewalk. There were at least 4 sprinkler heads aimed at the cement ground, creating a massive pool of water, while the grass just sat there looking sad and thirsty.
This isn’t the first time that this has happened either. Some sprinkler heads seem to exist to water the cement. It shouldn’t be that much of a deal to just adjust the sprinkler heads so that the school doesn’t waste its money on watering something that doesn’t grow. But then, UIC isn’t the best at spending its money on the right things and we’ll have nicely watered cement to show for it. Thank you.
No, I Do Not Want My Penis To Grow Three More Inches…
It’s getting to a point where junk mail and pop-ups are not only getting more prevalent but they are also getting more and more irritating. With the do-not-call registry being called into question to get rid of telemarketers, the information super highway is being congested with junk mail and stupid pop-ups. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get a random e-mail about enlarging my nonexistent penis or enhancing my breasts. Why someone would think anyone would need to do both is beyond me.
Unfortunately there is no do-not-e-mail registry, because I’m tired of getting off e-mailing lists and somehow getting more e-mails. STOP E-MAILING ME! I don’t want to have to take steps to block pop-ups or block incoming e-mail. Why can’t you idiots just stop e-mailing me? It’s not that hard of a concept… but then, it must be UIC alumni managing these e-mail lists… we’re doomed.
Monday, September 1, 2003
You're All Dumber Than You Look...
What Is Wrong With You?
It goes without saying that whenever there’s a massive accident on the highway, cars slow down and they watch. People take the time out of their busy lives to slow down and stare at the carnage that has just unfolded right in front of them. Drivers go from speeding down the expressway with nothing on their minds but their destination to slowing down to stare at the misfortune of another person. On any other given day no one cares about the other random drivers around us, but the moment that something happens, all eyes are upon the victims. Now where am I going with this? Recently, the report on the space shuttle Columbia came out and all eyes are again upon the victims of the tragedy and its cause.
Since John F. Kennedy pledged to put a man on the moon, the United States have been at the forefront of space exploration. Countless missions have gone up and come down safely, much like the millions of cars traveling on the road today. But the only time we stop to care is when something bad happens. Apollo 1, Apollo 13, Challenger, Columbia… all those names mean something to us because something happened. With the exception of Apollo 11 which contained Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, do we care about the missions in between? We have gone from treating America’s astronauts as heroes to not even caring when another shuttle is launched. We know basketball, football, and baseball players’ names, but rarely do we know the names of crewmembers on the next shuttle mission. NASA’s budget has shrunk considerably since the heyday of the space program while sports stars are getting larger and larger salaries. Where are our priorities?The report criticized NASA for being complacent about safety, but that complacency extends further than that. They have grown complacent because we, as a society, have gone complacent… again. History is once again repeating itself. All the stress on safety that came about after Challenger happened slowly eroded away when the public stopped caring. The court of public opinion is far greater than any court of law. When the public cares about something and watches it closely, there’s no other option but to ensure that what they see isn’t a second-rate production. Sports teams play better when the fans are cheering for them; it’s the x-factor. Who’s cheering for the men and women that dare to reach for the stars? No one… and that apathy is as much to blame for what happened as anything else NASA did or didn’t do. But then of course… we don’t care… at least not until something else blows up.
Speaking of Things That Just Aren’t Right…
It stands there, tall and proud, mocking drivers and pedestrians alike. Drivers must pay them and pedestrians walk into them, parking meters are the greatest evil known to humanity. It’s the land of the free, yet for us to put our gas-guzzling All-American SUVs in some parking spots, we must give a little machine some money. Not just any money, it demands quarters. Just how many people keep enough quarters on their person to pay for decent times at a parking meter? They’re evil. They exemplify all that is evil in society.
And the worst thing: they don’t give refunds. Ever since the Jewel closed down on Harrison, students going to SSB have no place to park their cars for free. True, we weren’t supposed to park our cars there, but everyone did anyways. Now, we’re stuck feeding the meters and UIC’s pocketbooks. So, as good little brainwashed students that we are, we are compelled to pay the meters before it unleashes a Bat-signal-like beacon for the cops to ticket us. We never know how much to pay either! We never know if our trip into SSB will take 5 minutes or 5 hours. Pay too much and you don’t get your money back, but if you pay too little and a ticket will pop up quicker than a Starbuck’s at a neighborhood near you. This is just another example of UIC teaming up with inherent evil to rip you off.
GOOO SOX!
Why is it that the Cubs are always in the forefront of the Chicago sports world? They’re everybody’s favorite losers! The Sox are currently in first place in the AL Central, but yet… no one seems to realize that. Esteban Loaiza has an AL-leading 18 wins and is in contention for the Cy Young Award… but no one knows who he is? Magglio Ordonez has been an All-Star for three out of the past four years, yet no one knows who is either? But we all love Sammy “Corky” Sosa, Kerry “Unpredictable” Wood, and the rest of ticket-scalping organization known as the Chicago Cubs.
The Cubs rip off their own fans by selling over-priced tickets via their own brokering agency and fans still flock to Wrigley. The Cubs had a shot at first place in the NL Central and they blew it, but fans still love them. Whereas the Sox hosted the 2003 MLB All-Star Game, military personnel go to games for free, and are in first place and they are still a second-rate baseball team in Chicago. Magglio donated a full set of baseball equipment to an impoverished Little League team in Venezuela… Sammy corked a bat. And who’s the household name? There is definitely something wrong that and when William Ligue Jr., the guy who jumped onto the field at Comiskey, gets more publicity than White Sox players. Chicago and the world have been rooting for the wrong team. The Chicago White Sox are your best bets. GO SOX!
It goes without saying that whenever there’s a massive accident on the highway, cars slow down and they watch. People take the time out of their busy lives to slow down and stare at the carnage that has just unfolded right in front of them. Drivers go from speeding down the expressway with nothing on their minds but their destination to slowing down to stare at the misfortune of another person. On any other given day no one cares about the other random drivers around us, but the moment that something happens, all eyes are upon the victims. Now where am I going with this? Recently, the report on the space shuttle Columbia came out and all eyes are again upon the victims of the tragedy and its cause.
Since John F. Kennedy pledged to put a man on the moon, the United States have been at the forefront of space exploration. Countless missions have gone up and come down safely, much like the millions of cars traveling on the road today. But the only time we stop to care is when something bad happens. Apollo 1, Apollo 13, Challenger, Columbia… all those names mean something to us because something happened. With the exception of Apollo 11 which contained Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, do we care about the missions in between? We have gone from treating America’s astronauts as heroes to not even caring when another shuttle is launched. We know basketball, football, and baseball players’ names, but rarely do we know the names of crewmembers on the next shuttle mission. NASA’s budget has shrunk considerably since the heyday of the space program while sports stars are getting larger and larger salaries. Where are our priorities?The report criticized NASA for being complacent about safety, but that complacency extends further than that. They have grown complacent because we, as a society, have gone complacent… again. History is once again repeating itself. All the stress on safety that came about after Challenger happened slowly eroded away when the public stopped caring. The court of public opinion is far greater than any court of law. When the public cares about something and watches it closely, there’s no other option but to ensure that what they see isn’t a second-rate production. Sports teams play better when the fans are cheering for them; it’s the x-factor. Who’s cheering for the men and women that dare to reach for the stars? No one… and that apathy is as much to blame for what happened as anything else NASA did or didn’t do. But then of course… we don’t care… at least not until something else blows up.
Speaking of Things That Just Aren’t Right…
It stands there, tall and proud, mocking drivers and pedestrians alike. Drivers must pay them and pedestrians walk into them, parking meters are the greatest evil known to humanity. It’s the land of the free, yet for us to put our gas-guzzling All-American SUVs in some parking spots, we must give a little machine some money. Not just any money, it demands quarters. Just how many people keep enough quarters on their person to pay for decent times at a parking meter? They’re evil. They exemplify all that is evil in society.
And the worst thing: they don’t give refunds. Ever since the Jewel closed down on Harrison, students going to SSB have no place to park their cars for free. True, we weren’t supposed to park our cars there, but everyone did anyways. Now, we’re stuck feeding the meters and UIC’s pocketbooks. So, as good little brainwashed students that we are, we are compelled to pay the meters before it unleashes a Bat-signal-like beacon for the cops to ticket us. We never know how much to pay either! We never know if our trip into SSB will take 5 minutes or 5 hours. Pay too much and you don’t get your money back, but if you pay too little and a ticket will pop up quicker than a Starbuck’s at a neighborhood near you. This is just another example of UIC teaming up with inherent evil to rip you off.
GOOO SOX!
Why is it that the Cubs are always in the forefront of the Chicago sports world? They’re everybody’s favorite losers! The Sox are currently in first place in the AL Central, but yet… no one seems to realize that. Esteban Loaiza has an AL-leading 18 wins and is in contention for the Cy Young Award… but no one knows who he is? Magglio Ordonez has been an All-Star for three out of the past four years, yet no one knows who is either? But we all love Sammy “Corky” Sosa, Kerry “Unpredictable” Wood, and the rest of ticket-scalping organization known as the Chicago Cubs.
The Cubs rip off their own fans by selling over-priced tickets via their own brokering agency and fans still flock to Wrigley. The Cubs had a shot at first place in the NL Central and they blew it, but fans still love them. Whereas the Sox hosted the 2003 MLB All-Star Game, military personnel go to games for free, and are in first place and they are still a second-rate baseball team in Chicago. Magglio donated a full set of baseball equipment to an impoverished Little League team in Venezuela… Sammy corked a bat. And who’s the household name? There is definitely something wrong that and when William Ligue Jr., the guy who jumped onto the field at Comiskey, gets more publicity than White Sox players. Chicago and the world have been rooting for the wrong team. The Chicago White Sox are your best bets. GO SOX!
Monday, August 25, 2003
Mmm... Hatred...
… But UIC HATES you…
Over the summer the lights went out in CCC, plunging the Fitness Center into darkness. Now why would it be dark? Wouldn’t a major metropolitan college with an enormous student body have buildings that have safety features such as emergency backup lighting? That would be logical, but the University of In-Competence is far from logical. And it’s not as if this has happened only once.
It happened to me, personally 2 years ago while I was swimming in the CCC pool. I was happily working on my backstroke until I realized it was suspiciously dark. The only light coming in was from the windows. I floated around for a bit waiting for the emergency lights to kick in… a wait that would prove fruitless. I then saw a flicker of light… from a flashlight being carried by a staff member that told us to get out of the pool. There were two flashlights that went around, one to the men’s locker room and one to the women’s locker room. Those rooms are huge, shadowy, dangerous, and ripe for some raping and pillaging. Not to mention the floors were wet and slippery and the corners of the benches were pointy and shin-hurting. Armed with just ONE flashlight that we were given, we went in and said, “Let there be light…” and there was barely enough light power to see the lockers.
This was 2 years ago and with all the alleged campus improvement projects that have gone on; I’ve yet to SEE a campus improvement. While I do appreciate the added sofas around campus, it was a topic I wrote about a year or so ago, and the coffee shop improvements are nice. There’s no depth to any campus improvements. Just because the campus is beautified, we’re expected to forget about all its deficiencies?!? And just how CAN you beautify a campus that resembles a prison in all its window-lacking glory? Welcome back!
… Shoe Companies HATE you…
It’s the start of a new school year and of course, we all are in tune with the latest fashions, especially shoes. There are SO many variety of athletic footwear available nowadays. We have the hip new styles and the just as hip retro kinds. There’s your canvas, leather, or the occasional mesh. We can’t forget our high-top basketball shoes, made by every cool brand name on the planet. There’s the wide variety of running shoes, walking shoes, cross-trainers, and tennis shoes. There’s also bowling shoes that somehow seem to be getting popular. The only thing all these shoes have in common is that they’re expensive and people that buy them generally don’t use them for their alleged purposes except for the old people that do use walking shoes for walking.
We’ve been duped as a population by shoe companies to buy overpriced footwear for an image that most of us can’t pull off. We all want to be like Mike, Kobe, Allen Iverson, or whoever the flavor of the month happens to be. Oh yeah, it’s so cool to wear shoes peddled by our heroes. Maybe I can find a pair of bright red boots to wear, because Superman wears them. Maybe I can even fly too! Even little babies are wearing Air Jordans that cost what a pair of decent shoes for adults would cost! What kind of message is that sending to them? You’re practically telling them, “Expensive shoes makes you a cool baby, cool babies are loved. You don’t want to be the Payless baby down the street, do you?” Don’t you realize this is all a scam to take your money in return for a depthless image? You’re getting ripped off! Duh!
… And Religion HATES you!
The masses are so easy to be swindled and it’s pathetic. Ever wonder what religion really is? Some person, seeing how stupid people can be, decides to make up stories to explain why things are the way they are. And through the years, decades, centuries, and millennia those stories become a part of who we are. Or so we think. Some of us study the ancient mythologies of the Greek and Roman empires and to us it’s a bunch of stories that probably has its roots in some ancient drug-induced hallucination that someone had. But to them, that was their entire belief system. So when a new up and coming religion came to be, probably also created under the same circumstances, people flocked to that one and boom: old religion bad, new religion good. This is why I think the separation of church and state should exist, because once your religion is discredited, then so is the state.
So where am I going with this? First, I fear for the future of the United States, with all the recent attention given to gay marriages, the citation of religion has been prevalent by our powers that be. The Pope thinks gay marriage is bad, therefore our President thinks is bad. Congress is working on an amendment declaring in the United States, you have to be able to insert Tab A into Slot B to get married. This all comes about because our entire belief system is based on the stories that someone or some people came up with a long, long, time ago in a land far, far away. What about the belief system that our country was founded upon? What about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? What about equality and justice? Isn’t that OUR belief system? Why must we use religion as an excuse to retain the status quo because of a fear of change? As far as I’m concerned, religion just isn’t a good enough reason to discriminate.
And secondly, why can’t I just create a new religion? Why can’t I just make up an elaborate tapestry of stories to explain everything in the universe? All I need is a few people in on a plot to help convert the world to my ways. I mean, this IS how religions are started and yet we have so much faith in them. How would Zeus feel today looking upon a world that no longer worships him? He’d probably feel nothing, seeing as he probably isn’t real. I think it’s time for a change, anyone want to start a new religion with me?
Over the summer the lights went out in CCC, plunging the Fitness Center into darkness. Now why would it be dark? Wouldn’t a major metropolitan college with an enormous student body have buildings that have safety features such as emergency backup lighting? That would be logical, but the University of In-Competence is far from logical. And it’s not as if this has happened only once.
It happened to me, personally 2 years ago while I was swimming in the CCC pool. I was happily working on my backstroke until I realized it was suspiciously dark. The only light coming in was from the windows. I floated around for a bit waiting for the emergency lights to kick in… a wait that would prove fruitless. I then saw a flicker of light… from a flashlight being carried by a staff member that told us to get out of the pool. There were two flashlights that went around, one to the men’s locker room and one to the women’s locker room. Those rooms are huge, shadowy, dangerous, and ripe for some raping and pillaging. Not to mention the floors were wet and slippery and the corners of the benches were pointy and shin-hurting. Armed with just ONE flashlight that we were given, we went in and said, “Let there be light…” and there was barely enough light power to see the lockers.
This was 2 years ago and with all the alleged campus improvement projects that have gone on; I’ve yet to SEE a campus improvement. While I do appreciate the added sofas around campus, it was a topic I wrote about a year or so ago, and the coffee shop improvements are nice. There’s no depth to any campus improvements. Just because the campus is beautified, we’re expected to forget about all its deficiencies?!? And just how CAN you beautify a campus that resembles a prison in all its window-lacking glory? Welcome back!
… Shoe Companies HATE you…
It’s the start of a new school year and of course, we all are in tune with the latest fashions, especially shoes. There are SO many variety of athletic footwear available nowadays. We have the hip new styles and the just as hip retro kinds. There’s your canvas, leather, or the occasional mesh. We can’t forget our high-top basketball shoes, made by every cool brand name on the planet. There’s the wide variety of running shoes, walking shoes, cross-trainers, and tennis shoes. There’s also bowling shoes that somehow seem to be getting popular. The only thing all these shoes have in common is that they’re expensive and people that buy them generally don’t use them for their alleged purposes except for the old people that do use walking shoes for walking.
We’ve been duped as a population by shoe companies to buy overpriced footwear for an image that most of us can’t pull off. We all want to be like Mike, Kobe, Allen Iverson, or whoever the flavor of the month happens to be. Oh yeah, it’s so cool to wear shoes peddled by our heroes. Maybe I can find a pair of bright red boots to wear, because Superman wears them. Maybe I can even fly too! Even little babies are wearing Air Jordans that cost what a pair of decent shoes for adults would cost! What kind of message is that sending to them? You’re practically telling them, “Expensive shoes makes you a cool baby, cool babies are loved. You don’t want to be the Payless baby down the street, do you?” Don’t you realize this is all a scam to take your money in return for a depthless image? You’re getting ripped off! Duh!
… And Religion HATES you!
The masses are so easy to be swindled and it’s pathetic. Ever wonder what religion really is? Some person, seeing how stupid people can be, decides to make up stories to explain why things are the way they are. And through the years, decades, centuries, and millennia those stories become a part of who we are. Or so we think. Some of us study the ancient mythologies of the Greek and Roman empires and to us it’s a bunch of stories that probably has its roots in some ancient drug-induced hallucination that someone had. But to them, that was their entire belief system. So when a new up and coming religion came to be, probably also created under the same circumstances, people flocked to that one and boom: old religion bad, new religion good. This is why I think the separation of church and state should exist, because once your religion is discredited, then so is the state.
So where am I going with this? First, I fear for the future of the United States, with all the recent attention given to gay marriages, the citation of religion has been prevalent by our powers that be. The Pope thinks gay marriage is bad, therefore our President thinks is bad. Congress is working on an amendment declaring in the United States, you have to be able to insert Tab A into Slot B to get married. This all comes about because our entire belief system is based on the stories that someone or some people came up with a long, long, time ago in a land far, far away. What about the belief system that our country was founded upon? What about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? What about equality and justice? Isn’t that OUR belief system? Why must we use religion as an excuse to retain the status quo because of a fear of change? As far as I’m concerned, religion just isn’t a good enough reason to discriminate.
And secondly, why can’t I just create a new religion? Why can’t I just make up an elaborate tapestry of stories to explain everything in the universe? All I need is a few people in on a plot to help convert the world to my ways. I mean, this IS how religions are started and yet we have so much faith in them. How would Zeus feel today looking upon a world that no longer worships him? He’d probably feel nothing, seeing as he probably isn’t real. I think it’s time for a change, anyone want to start a new religion with me?
Friday, July 11, 2003
Rant With Me...
So We’re All Going To Hell…
At the end of last month, the United States Supreme Court ruled against a Texas law against sodomy and just like every other time that a liberal decision is made, conservatives go haywire. They’re all prophesizing the fall of the American way of life and the destruction of all things we hold dear. They’re claiming that because the right of due process superceded the desire to prosecute homosexuals that it will eventually lead to the eventual fall of the institution of marriage. If that didn’t make sense to you, you’re not alone. Just because the Supreme Court is upholding a Constitutional right, it doesn’t necessarily lead to societal collapse. But then, everything not status quo seems to lead to societal collapse when you’re talking to conservatives.
Conservatives have existed since the dawn of life, they’re the little buggers that refuse to evolve but yet will survive us all, much like cockroaches. If history’s conservatives had their way, women would have no rights and neither would African-Americans. And if the religious right made any sense, we’d all be on our way to hell regardless of what religion we actually are. Quite frankly, I don’t care if I’m going to hell so long as civilization continues to evolve and better itself through acceptance and mutual understanding. And as long as close-minded conservatives continue to bitch and moan about something different and the religious right continue to freak out about anything contrary to their beliefs, we all have plenty of idiots to make fun of. Because, like roaches, they just exist to annoy us without having much to offer humanity.
A Case For Mediocrity
We live in a society that wants us to be perfect despite the fact that we are the embodiment of mediocrity. How many people you know are perfect? How many of you have perfect GPAs? Somewhere within each and every one of us lies a flaw. But yet, everywhere we look, people want perfection. We all seemingly live our lives in this endless quest to be perfect, we strive to be the perfect child for our parents, we strive to be the perfect friend, we strive for that perfect GPA to get us into med school, and we strive to be a perfect person. What’s with all the striving? There isn’t anything wrong with being mediocre! I mean, look at baseball batting averages. A guy will be perfectly content with a .300 batting average and might end up in the Hall of Fame if he keeps those numbers up. But yet, if we have a 30% average in a class, we’ve pretty much signed, sealed, and delivered a failure in the class. And what’s the difference between the two anyways? The pitcher is much like the professors, challenging the opposing party to be able to handle whatever they throw at them. And the batter is like the students, struggling to do SOMETHING with whatever is thrown at them. But yet… the batter makes millions of dollars with an average that would probably lead to him or her failing out of college.
If our national pastime allows for successful mediocrity, then why can’t the rest of society do so as well? Not all of us can be ranked in the top 10% of our class, not all of us can be that perfect little valedictorian; not all of us can be perfect. But yet, the masses of people that are nothing more than mediocre are trapped in an endless cycle of rejection. What a world we live in…
Speaking of Baseball…
The 74th Annual Major League Baseball All-Star Game was played at Comiskey Park recently and it was definitely pretty cool to see the park filled with people. Well… at least on TV. But anyways, I spent that weekend volunteering at FanFest which is baseball heaven for fans of the game. While there, I had the opportunity to see the official All-Star Game jerseys for the American League and National League for sale. They were costly little things, costing $140 a piece. I, like many others, looked upon the racks of jerseys and considered getting one while others were walking around proudly wearing their newly bought overpriced clothing. They were pretty cool and all, I mean I own a couple of White Sox jerseys and I like showing my support for my favorite team and player. But I’ve never understood the reason for people paying SO much for a shirt with a name and number on the back. With that aside, my gripe isn’t about the price, but with their claim that it’s the official All-Star Game jersey for the 2003 All-Star Game.
So, I went home to watch the game after a day of volunteer work and I turned on the TV to see the teams getting introduced. And guess what? None of them were wearing the “official” jersey that was being sold for $140. They were all wearing their respective team jerseys! What a scam! I’m SO glad I didn’t buy one of those jerseys, because all they really are is a shirt with a name and number on it. It’s a shirt design that never even made it onto the field! As if the strike, overpriced hot dogs, demolition of historic stadiums, and the renaming of existing stadiums with stupid names didn’t piss off fans, those Major League Bastards are still trying to rip fans off. Bastards.
At the end of last month, the United States Supreme Court ruled against a Texas law against sodomy and just like every other time that a liberal decision is made, conservatives go haywire. They’re all prophesizing the fall of the American way of life and the destruction of all things we hold dear. They’re claiming that because the right of due process superceded the desire to prosecute homosexuals that it will eventually lead to the eventual fall of the institution of marriage. If that didn’t make sense to you, you’re not alone. Just because the Supreme Court is upholding a Constitutional right, it doesn’t necessarily lead to societal collapse. But then, everything not status quo seems to lead to societal collapse when you’re talking to conservatives.
Conservatives have existed since the dawn of life, they’re the little buggers that refuse to evolve but yet will survive us all, much like cockroaches. If history’s conservatives had their way, women would have no rights and neither would African-Americans. And if the religious right made any sense, we’d all be on our way to hell regardless of what religion we actually are. Quite frankly, I don’t care if I’m going to hell so long as civilization continues to evolve and better itself through acceptance and mutual understanding. And as long as close-minded conservatives continue to bitch and moan about something different and the religious right continue to freak out about anything contrary to their beliefs, we all have plenty of idiots to make fun of. Because, like roaches, they just exist to annoy us without having much to offer humanity.
A Case For Mediocrity
We live in a society that wants us to be perfect despite the fact that we are the embodiment of mediocrity. How many people you know are perfect? How many of you have perfect GPAs? Somewhere within each and every one of us lies a flaw. But yet, everywhere we look, people want perfection. We all seemingly live our lives in this endless quest to be perfect, we strive to be the perfect child for our parents, we strive to be the perfect friend, we strive for that perfect GPA to get us into med school, and we strive to be a perfect person. What’s with all the striving? There isn’t anything wrong with being mediocre! I mean, look at baseball batting averages. A guy will be perfectly content with a .300 batting average and might end up in the Hall of Fame if he keeps those numbers up. But yet, if we have a 30% average in a class, we’ve pretty much signed, sealed, and delivered a failure in the class. And what’s the difference between the two anyways? The pitcher is much like the professors, challenging the opposing party to be able to handle whatever they throw at them. And the batter is like the students, struggling to do SOMETHING with whatever is thrown at them. But yet… the batter makes millions of dollars with an average that would probably lead to him or her failing out of college.
If our national pastime allows for successful mediocrity, then why can’t the rest of society do so as well? Not all of us can be ranked in the top 10% of our class, not all of us can be that perfect little valedictorian; not all of us can be perfect. But yet, the masses of people that are nothing more than mediocre are trapped in an endless cycle of rejection. What a world we live in…
Speaking of Baseball…
The 74th Annual Major League Baseball All-Star Game was played at Comiskey Park recently and it was definitely pretty cool to see the park filled with people. Well… at least on TV. But anyways, I spent that weekend volunteering at FanFest which is baseball heaven for fans of the game. While there, I had the opportunity to see the official All-Star Game jerseys for the American League and National League for sale. They were costly little things, costing $140 a piece. I, like many others, looked upon the racks of jerseys and considered getting one while others were walking around proudly wearing their newly bought overpriced clothing. They were pretty cool and all, I mean I own a couple of White Sox jerseys and I like showing my support for my favorite team and player. But I’ve never understood the reason for people paying SO much for a shirt with a name and number on the back. With that aside, my gripe isn’t about the price, but with their claim that it’s the official All-Star Game jersey for the 2003 All-Star Game.
So, I went home to watch the game after a day of volunteer work and I turned on the TV to see the teams getting introduced. And guess what? None of them were wearing the “official” jersey that was being sold for $140. They were all wearing their respective team jerseys! What a scam! I’m SO glad I didn’t buy one of those jerseys, because all they really are is a shirt with a name and number on it. It’s a shirt design that never even made it onto the field! As if the strike, overpriced hot dogs, demolition of historic stadiums, and the renaming of existing stadiums with stupid names didn’t piss off fans, those Major League Bastards are still trying to rip fans off. Bastards.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Summertime Rants
Mmmm…. McRib…
No, I didn’t get a job at McDonald’s this summer… that’s my post-graduation aspiration (kidding). But it is that time of year again when the McRib returns to the McDonald’s menu. It seems almost as if they can only serve processed meat covered in artificially flavored sauce only during the summer. And anyone with a brain KNOWS that’s not true. So what makes this particular sandwich so special that is can only exist for a few fleeting months out of the year? That is truly the million dollar question.
But surprisingly, the temporary McRib has captured the attention of the public and pop culture by being spoofed by The Simpsons with Homer’s obsession with the Krusty Burger’s version: the Ribwich. And even more surprising there are webpages online devoted to this little sandwich! But then, maybe that’s not as surprising, seeing as there are websites devoted to everything under the sun and then some. For a sandwich introduced in 1981 on the permanent McDonald’s menu and have subsequently been only around when their head honchos got a hankering for some processed pork product, it has managed to maintain some semblance of staying power.So what is the secret behind the McRib? Why can’t we have it all the time? Is it really as hopeless additive and made with glowing, radioactive pork goo as The Simpsons suggest? It is actually made with the real meat of some soon to be extinct animal? It’s like the Tootsie Roll Pop question… the world may never know. But regardless of why the McRib only lives long enough to tempt us with its delicious processed porkness, it is a damn good sandwich! I don’t care where it comes from or how many endangered animals need to be killed, I want my damn McRib!!! Anyone with me?
Who Gets To Pick Those Smileys?
It’s the age of technology and most people communicate with instant messaging programs. It’s cheaper than a phone call and quicker than e-mail or a letter. But the nagging question is that who gets to pick the random 16 smileys that are available on AOL Instant Messenger? I mean, the standard :-) , :-D , :-P , and ;-) are always useful. But who really uses most of those? I mean, what IS the deal with that one smiley that looks like it’s high?! Why can’t there be useful smileys like perhaps a raised-eyebrow smiley? There are smileys for the happy people, the really happy people, the sad people, the crying people, and the angry people… but never is there one for the people in between. In an age where we prefer not to actually interact with people, the lack of certain smileys on IM programs is a great disservice to the general populace. The lack of vital artificial facial expressions might actually compel us to… actually go and… interact with humanity! Oh the horror! And all we really wanted was something that looks like this: ,:-\ Is that too much to ask for?
Speaking of Wants…
How did tickets to baseball games ever get this expensive? People are paying thousands of dollars to watch prime games like Cubs vs. Yankees, Sox vs. Cubs, or the All-Star Game this year at Comiskey (It’s STILL Comiskey!). Maybe I’m a cheap, poor college student, but I can’t ever fathom a time where I’ll be willing to fork over a semester’s worth of tuition at UIC to sit in a ballpark for about 3 hours, pay for overpriced food, and watch a bunch of guys hit a ball with a stick. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love baseball and I’m a diehard Sox fan. But damn, that’s a lot of money to be spent for games I want to see. If people refused to pay the price of scalped tickets, then the scalpers won’t sell them for exorbitant prices. If the fans won’t pay then the Cubs won’t rip fans off by conspiring with their own ticket scalping broker. It’s the age of concept of supply and demand. I know, everyone DOES want to go see the Cubs and Yanks, and the Sox and Cubs play… myself included. Tickets shouldn’t go to the highest bidder, but they should go to the fans that are willing to stay in line to buy them. Those were the good old days. But now if most fans can’t afford to go see a game… there’s no point to it.
No, I didn’t get a job at McDonald’s this summer… that’s my post-graduation aspiration (kidding). But it is that time of year again when the McRib returns to the McDonald’s menu. It seems almost as if they can only serve processed meat covered in artificially flavored sauce only during the summer. And anyone with a brain KNOWS that’s not true. So what makes this particular sandwich so special that is can only exist for a few fleeting months out of the year? That is truly the million dollar question.
But surprisingly, the temporary McRib has captured the attention of the public and pop culture by being spoofed by The Simpsons with Homer’s obsession with the Krusty Burger’s version: the Ribwich. And even more surprising there are webpages online devoted to this little sandwich! But then, maybe that’s not as surprising, seeing as there are websites devoted to everything under the sun and then some. For a sandwich introduced in 1981 on the permanent McDonald’s menu and have subsequently been only around when their head honchos got a hankering for some processed pork product, it has managed to maintain some semblance of staying power.So what is the secret behind the McRib? Why can’t we have it all the time? Is it really as hopeless additive and made with glowing, radioactive pork goo as The Simpsons suggest? It is actually made with the real meat of some soon to be extinct animal? It’s like the Tootsie Roll Pop question… the world may never know. But regardless of why the McRib only lives long enough to tempt us with its delicious processed porkness, it is a damn good sandwich! I don’t care where it comes from or how many endangered animals need to be killed, I want my damn McRib!!! Anyone with me?
Who Gets To Pick Those Smileys?
It’s the age of technology and most people communicate with instant messaging programs. It’s cheaper than a phone call and quicker than e-mail or a letter. But the nagging question is that who gets to pick the random 16 smileys that are available on AOL Instant Messenger? I mean, the standard :-) , :-D , :-P , and ;-) are always useful. But who really uses most of those? I mean, what IS the deal with that one smiley that looks like it’s high?! Why can’t there be useful smileys like perhaps a raised-eyebrow smiley? There are smileys for the happy people, the really happy people, the sad people, the crying people, and the angry people… but never is there one for the people in between. In an age where we prefer not to actually interact with people, the lack of certain smileys on IM programs is a great disservice to the general populace. The lack of vital artificial facial expressions might actually compel us to… actually go and… interact with humanity! Oh the horror! And all we really wanted was something that looks like this: ,:-\ Is that too much to ask for?
Speaking of Wants…
How did tickets to baseball games ever get this expensive? People are paying thousands of dollars to watch prime games like Cubs vs. Yankees, Sox vs. Cubs, or the All-Star Game this year at Comiskey (It’s STILL Comiskey!). Maybe I’m a cheap, poor college student, but I can’t ever fathom a time where I’ll be willing to fork over a semester’s worth of tuition at UIC to sit in a ballpark for about 3 hours, pay for overpriced food, and watch a bunch of guys hit a ball with a stick. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love baseball and I’m a diehard Sox fan. But damn, that’s a lot of money to be spent for games I want to see. If people refused to pay the price of scalped tickets, then the scalpers won’t sell them for exorbitant prices. If the fans won’t pay then the Cubs won’t rip fans off by conspiring with their own ticket scalping broker. It’s the age of concept of supply and demand. I know, everyone DOES want to go see the Cubs and Yanks, and the Sox and Cubs play… myself included. Tickets shouldn’t go to the highest bidder, but they should go to the fans that are willing to stay in line to buy them. Those were the good old days. But now if most fans can’t afford to go see a game… there’s no point to it.
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