Why Must We Celebrate Stupid?

Again folks, I'm going to be busy tomorrow, so here's another early edition of "What's YOUR Deal?!?" for your weekend enjoyment. But before we begin, I'm going to answer some questions that people have about my blogs. Yes, I actively search out weird news stories to rant and rave about. My sources of choice are usually cnn.com and Yahoo! News. I also make an effort to watch Rachel Maddow on MSNBC every weeknight because we share the same opinions and taste in what is mock-worthy in today's news. It also just so happens that the anti-gay rights movement is especially rant-worthy because... well... two words: Gay Penguins. If gay penguins is so threatening to everyone's sexuality, relationships, and marriage... maybe it's time to look deep within ourselves to contemplate where our fear of penguins come from. Anyways, on to this week's topic.. the celebration of stupid. Another take on this topic can be found on my friend Denise's Facebook. Check it out: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=684524116#/note.php?note_id=106027054504 Last weekend, the annual Miss America pageant was held and I hope I wasn't the only one openly gawking with my jaw-dropped at what I was seeing and hearing. No, not in that way you sex-starved perverts. See, it's thoughts like those that inhibit the rights of gay penguins everywhere. But seriously? That is the best that America has to offer? Miss America, the title of which implies that these women are not just the best their individual states have to offer but also potentially the woman chosen to represent women across America. And it's people like this: Yes, I know that was an oldie but goodies from a couple of years ago, but that's not any worse than Miss California 2009's rumbling, bumbling, stumbling, rambling about "same-sex marriage" and "opposite marriage." Or perhaps her country of California. What exactly is opposite marriage? Isn't that just being single? And then she had the gall to insinuate that she lost the Miss America title because she didn't cater to the gay rights movement. No, dumbass... it's not because you didn't cater to the gay rights movement but because you SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT! I don't care (well, maybe I do.. just a little) that you don't believe in gay marriage, but at least have the decency to TRY to put together a logical argument for or against it. It's not your opinion that I have an issue with... it's the idiocy behind it. Sidebar: Question, is it a pre-requisite to have a glazed over look to be in beauty pageants? Like with your eyes pointing opposite directions? I know I can't make fun of that too much, because I think my cat is the most adorably beautiful creature on the planet and he suffers the same affliction: Back on topic... I know that these are supposed to be beauty pageants not debate competitions, but if all you're really judging on is superficial appearance, why even bother having these women speak? Why does society hold these women to a higher pedestal than say Rachel Maddow? Not to say anyone ever really remembers the names of Miss Americas or even can tell the difference between them and perhaps a Playboy Bunny of the Year... the fact remains that most people would hold the title of Miss America higher than political commentator. Although, that would make a fun trivia game... A list of names and trying to match them to former Miss America or former Playboy Bunny. I digress. We're a society of mindless people saying, "Oooh, pretty!" and ignoring the substance. I'm sure everyone is familiar with LOLCatz. If not the term, then this picture should jog your memory: We're so drawn to the attractive or cute image that our brains apparently completely turn off. "Ooooh, cute kitty!" Cute kitties don't use bad English. Miss Americas shouldn't be brain dead either! I know I'm as guilty as the next person of IMing or texting in short hand. Using "Ur" instead or "your" or "you are" and my abundant use of "prolly." But I also have the understanding that PROLLY is NOT a real word. At least not yet, you never know what bastardized English word will be added to Webster's Dictionary in any given year. That is NOT acceptable for writing a letter or an e-mail or writing on Ebay or Craigslist or even for a personal ad unless you want to share with the world that you are RETARDED. If you're going to sit down and take the time to compose something, then at least have the decency to write in complete sentences using complete and REAL ENGLISH WORDS. "I Can Has Cheezburger" is funny when put it over a picture of a fat cat, but if you're writing to me and you're too lazy that turn that Z into an S and add a freakin' E, you're telling me that I'm not worth that extra millisecond of your time. That isn't just a typo folks, it's pure laziness and it has become acceptable because we let it be. I don't want to have to decipher what you're sending me because it's not in English. It's like trying to figure out what people's license plates say. I've tried to learn Ebonics... but retard typing speak... sheesh, that's too much for my brain. We need to stop accepting laziness and stupidity as the standard for American behavior. Brain dead Miss America contestants does not represent me and for the love of all that is good, I hope she doesn't represent you either. I'm glad you're taking the time to read this blog, you're on the path of recovery. Now go read a book or watch the news.

More news stories that made me go WTF?!?

Okay... before I start my weekly tirade against the ever increasing mounds of bovine excrement that permeates our lives... I want to give a shout out to the RevSpitz that responded to my last rant. HILARIOUS! I haven't gotten a response like that since college! To those of you that have followed me since then, you know what I mean... and to those that are new to the "What's YOUR Deal?!?" experience, I would regularly get angry (and mostly nonsensical) responses to the editorials that I wrote. At one point, I think someone tried to blame me for the 9/11 attacks. Seriously! But anyways, I would like to give RevSpitz the "What's YOUR Deal?!?" idiot of the month award... for vainly trying to fight me on my home turf of common sense and for providing a very salient example of everything I was ranting about last week. Kudos, my friend. However, if I were you... I would cut down on the pictures of dead babies... I find that you get more positive responses when you put up pictures of cute things... like kittens: On a more personal note, said kitten is rather freaked out about me packing to move. He's looking at me like, "WTF?" and then with a more pitiful gaze of, "Don't leave me!" as he jumps into boxes and suitcases as I'm packing. But despite the overwhelmingness of it all, there are definitely things that deserve mockery over the past week. Let's begin... President Barack Obama's Address to Congress was earlier this week and did anyone else find it ridiculously odd that people just sporadically burst into applause? Seriously? Should I be randomly taking abrupt pauses in my speech waiting for you folks to start clapping? *waiting* *waiting* *waiting* Done? Okay... good. But the true WTF moment of the night revolved around Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal response to the Obama address. Unfortunately, I was on alert when the speech was given and I didn't get a chance to be more timely in my response. However, I, like many other people in the interweb land, including my friend Abby felt that Gov. Jindal, bears a striking resemblance to Kenneth the Page from NBC's 30 Rock. Exhibit A: Exhibit B: But... with that aside, as well as this humorous take from MSNBC's Rachel Maddow: I offer you... BizarrObama from my cousin Monica: http://shadowofsputnik.blogspot.com Pretty funny stuff. I wish I came up with it myself. Anyways... next WTF moment of the week... Octopussy. No, I'm not talking about the James Bond movie. I'm talking about Nadya Suleman. Who? Octopussy... the woman who shot eight babies out of her birth canal in one sitting? Oh, now you get it. And no, it's not vulgar. Afterall... Octopussy WAS the name of a Bond movie. Go take it up with Hollywood. Why am I talking about Octopussy? Besides the fact that I get to write Octopussy repeatedly in this paragraph? I offer you this article: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/02/25/2009-02-25_octuplet_mom_nadya_suleman_fears_hospita.html There are SEVERAL things in that article that made me want to scream... First: "The 33-year-old unemployed mother of 14 depended on food stamps and disability to care for her six children even born before she became known as Octomom. She's been living with her half-dozen kids in her mother's three-bedroom home in suburban Los Angeles, but the house is under threat of foreclosure." What's YOUR Deal, woman!?! I think I will steal Rachel Maddow's response here... Ba... ba... bah... bahbahbah? That is such irresponsible motherhood! STOP HAVING CHILDREN WHEN YOU CAN'T AFFORD THEM! I can't even imagine the thought process... "Gee... I can barely support myself and my litter of children... hmmm... let's go to a fertility doctor and have MORE kids." It's not like she ACCIDENTALLY got pregnant having unprotected sex... this woman made a CONSCIOUS decision to have MORE children. Un... freakin'... believable. Not to mention the utter irresponsbility of the doctor that let her do that. Hippocratic Oath anyone? Do no harm? Guess not... Maybe I should find where that guy went to medical school... maybe he or one of his classmates will prescribe me some Oxycontin or something for no reason except for the fact that I want drugs. But... THE ABSOLUTE HIGHLIGHT of this article is this: "A major porn company has offered octuplet mom Nadya Suleman $1 million to star in a skin flick. Vivid Entertainment is even willing to sweeten the deal by giving Suleman's massive family full medical and dental insurance if she agrees to get naughty in multiple videos, TMZ.com reported. 'Your movie would be distributed under our Vivid-Celeb imprint, which has released titles starring such personalities as Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian, and most recently, former Miss USA Kelli McCarty,' Vivid Entertainment Chairman Steven Hirsch wrote in a letter to Suleman." AHHHHHHH!!! Octopussy coming to a computer screen near you!!!! There are two ways to take this news... (get your minds out of the gutter!)... (1) If she accepts the offer... I suppose she's finally be financially responsible enough to CARE for her litter of children... however... I don't want to fathom Octopussy Porn... And (2) if she doesn't accept this offer... it'd be the first smart thing she's probably EVER done. Now that I've sufficiently traumatized you... For more outrage: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap_travel/20090227/ap_tr_ge/eu_travel_brief_ireland_ryanair_pay_toilets It's well-documented how much I HATE the airline industry with a passion... but this... this... is ridiculously retarded. I know, you all are probably thinking, "No way... this is dumb!" But remember when airlines started charging for checked luggage? It started with one airline... We all thought the same thing... there's no way! Fast forward to today... people are bringing absurd amounts of carry-on luggage onto the plane to avoid paying to check a bag. When will this idiocy stop? Here's Mad TV's take on it: I will pee on RyanAir's seats before I will pay to use an airplane toilets. The fight against stupid continues... and stupid appears to be winning.