As my tradition near the end of every year... I pick out THE most irritatingly stupid thing that has frustrated me for the past 365 (or in this case 366) days. This year has much to offer, ranging from the serious to the downright ridiculous. I mean the election season was just a flurry of mock worthy moments... and I don't feel like recapping the idiocy. And honestly, as a moderate militant liberal... I'm quite satisfied with the state of American politics come 2009 (for now).No no no... the end of year What's YOUR Deal?!? has always been reserved for things are slightly more mundane than national issues because it is in those mundane issues that cause the bigger ones.
This year's winner is.... *drum roll*....F*cktards.Yes, f*cktards. Dumb@$$, retarded motherf*ckers. Actually... I take that back... the mere prospect of these people fornicating with their mothers and creating more inbred f*cktards was disturbing enough for me to actually stop typing for an hour to calm down so the rest of this rant would not be as profanity laced as the beginning of this paragraph.
But, I digress.
Let's start with some noteworthy quotes from the year and the obligatory Scooby Doo head tilt and "Roooooo?"
"A military ID is not enough to prove why you're in this country." -- DMV.Okay... my bad for not bringing my passport and trying to use my military ID. But... that is a STUPID statement. I'm sorry, but a US military ID is a lot of reason for a lot of American service members to be in a LOT of different countries. The other implication I get from that statement was that DMV worker saw my squinty eyes and assumed I was Kim Jong Il's daughter or something. But... I'm not going to take that route and just accept that that this DMV employee is just retarded and not racist.
***
“Why don’t you slow down?” – A rather rotund woman blockading an airplane full of people from exiting the plane.EXCUSE ME? I, like the rest of the 53 people aboard the plane, may have a connecting flight that we’re trying to make. This is just simple common courtesy. If there is a horde of people… all in a hurry to get somewhere and you’re not… don’t be that disgusting clump of hair caught in the drain plugging up the works. No, stupid woman, I was not going to slow down. And I do apologize for shoving you back into your seat.
***
“We don’t like sending our taxis to the airport.” – Cab Company.Wait… WHAT?!? There are legions of people that just got off of planes… Most of them are in need of rides to their destinations and you don’t like to cater to them? They ARE going to pay you. The state of the economy makes a lot of sense to me right now. And what’s the point of CALLING AHEAD for a cab when they’re NOT THERE at the time you tell them to be there?
***
“Physical therapy will either make your knee better or make it worse so the MRI can pick up any tears easier.” -- Doctor.Me falling down the stairs and breaking every bone in my body would also make diagnosing my medical issues easier too. Why do I even bother seeking medical expertise when I might as well go to WebMD and diagnose myself by arbitrarily choosing a disease that it offers me when I select my symptoms. Or better yet, I should just play the original Oregon Trail and embrace the first disease a member of my party contracts. Oooh look, I think I may have dysentery!
***
There are many more quotes from the year, but you get the gist. Everywhere we look nowadays people are absolutely ridiculous stupid. And it’s not even just a matter of education. People just have lost that lovin’ feeling between their brain and their environment. Case in point, it is a WELL KNOWN fact that I HATE the airline industry and commercial flying in general. I paid extra so I could get an aisle seat because I really hate getting pinned in next to someone who looks like an obese cross between a Klingon and a Wookie. But when I sat down… the elderly couple came up and asked if I could move so that they can sit together. WHY the airlines choose to separate people like that… I don’t understand. So I moved and ended up in a window seat. Fortunately, karma paid me back immediately, and I sat next to a skinny teenager. Anyways, on my next flight, a woman and her TWO YEAR OLD were separated by several seats. They were both in the same row, but both got window seats. Go figure. The two people in the aisle seats REFUSED to move. What the HELL is wrong with people? This is a MOTHER AND A TWO YEAR OLD and your dumb stupid self-centered f*cktard self is refusing to move? I’m glad the mother called them out by going, “Well, if you’re not moving, one of you is taking care of a two year old for me.” Suddenly, faced with the prospect of caring for someone apparently on the equal level of maturity as they were, those two idiots finally moved. And yes, I did say two idiots. Instead of one person moving to the now vacant window seat… the guy made the woman move over so that he could still get an aisle seat. Go figure.
Now do you see my frustration at the f*cktards that populate our world? People who don’t see anything else beyond what they care about or what their diminutive little social circle care about drive me insane. What’s worse is that this airplane incident happened during the holiday season. If we, as humanity, cannot behave civilly to each other during the holidays and set aside our egos and our desire to one up the person next to us, there is simply no hope for the future. And this is the one thing that has infuriated me the most this year… knowing that the people around me are absolute total f*cktards. However, on the brighter side of things… they make @$$holes like me look a lot better than I should.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Freakin' Wastes of Space
The world is full of absolute incompetence. I don't mind it when people are stupid... because I have MANY stupid moments and I'll admit to that straight up. But when stupidity starts to affect the people around you... that's when the brakes need to be put on and someone needs to get a knee to the face.
The worst part is when your life is made more difficult due to the stupidity of people around you. Case in point, I had to go into work today and work on a project that was absolutely fucked up from the start. Trying to coordinate something between 5 different people when no one seemed to have a clue about what you're talking about and you're the one that's supposed to have the easy job.
People working at Burger King... WTF? I want a burger. You serve burgers. It shouldn't take 20 minutes to MAKE A BURGER! What the hell else would people order at Burger King?!? How hard can it be to make a BURGER! It's not like you had to kill the cow yourself. It's not like I blind-sided you with an order of filet mignon! It wasn't like the line was long or that a lot of people were ordering. There was absolutely no reason why I should've been sitting at the Drive-Thru waiting for 20 minutes.
And it wasn't as if the burger was carefully made. The meat, lettuce, tomatoes, and buns were absolutely misaligned and looked like someone just threw it in the wrapper, folded the paper up, and just said, "Oh well."
Is it too hard to expect competence? That I should go through life expecting back the things I offer the world? I've done the food service thing... if I was going to take 20 minutes to serve you food, it was gonna be worth 20 minutes. If I just threw nachos at you in 20 seconds... well... it's 20 second nachos and you're not expecting it to be stacked nicely.
Yes, we're all entitled to be lazy however, when it's a regular occurance and the people that bust their ass to make things happen are always the ones that gets hosed... that's straight up bovine excrement. My life shouldn't be harder because people are stupid. Neither should your's. We deserve to have our expectations met. Society deserves better and stupid people need to be called out.
Let's go old school style... Scarlet Letter. Stupid people need to me marked with a big ole red S. That way... when I go to BK or work or wherever and I see a big red S, I won't expect Superman. I'll expect Stupidman and I won't be disappointed. Look, it's a brick, a lump of shit... no... it's STUPIDMAN!
Yeah. I need to rule the world. :)
The worst part is when your life is made more difficult due to the stupidity of people around you. Case in point, I had to go into work today and work on a project that was absolutely fucked up from the start. Trying to coordinate something between 5 different people when no one seemed to have a clue about what you're talking about and you're the one that's supposed to have the easy job.
People working at Burger King... WTF? I want a burger. You serve burgers. It shouldn't take 20 minutes to MAKE A BURGER! What the hell else would people order at Burger King?!? How hard can it be to make a BURGER! It's not like you had to kill the cow yourself. It's not like I blind-sided you with an order of filet mignon! It wasn't like the line was long or that a lot of people were ordering. There was absolutely no reason why I should've been sitting at the Drive-Thru waiting for 20 minutes.
And it wasn't as if the burger was carefully made. The meat, lettuce, tomatoes, and buns were absolutely misaligned and looked like someone just threw it in the wrapper, folded the paper up, and just said, "Oh well."
Is it too hard to expect competence? That I should go through life expecting back the things I offer the world? I've done the food service thing... if I was going to take 20 minutes to serve you food, it was gonna be worth 20 minutes. If I just threw nachos at you in 20 seconds... well... it's 20 second nachos and you're not expecting it to be stacked nicely.
Yes, we're all entitled to be lazy however, when it's a regular occurance and the people that bust their ass to make things happen are always the ones that gets hosed... that's straight up bovine excrement. My life shouldn't be harder because people are stupid. Neither should your's. We deserve to have our expectations met. Society deserves better and stupid people need to be called out.
Let's go old school style... Scarlet Letter. Stupid people need to me marked with a big ole red S. That way... when I go to BK or work or wherever and I see a big red S, I won't expect Superman. I'll expect Stupidman and I won't be disappointed. Look, it's a brick, a lump of shit... no... it's STUPIDMAN!
Yeah. I need to rule the world. :)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Closing Time
Okay... when a place says they close at a certain time... that in theory, makes them open at ALL other times... or so I think it should work. However... this doesn't seem to apply to the post office in town.
It was 5:23 when I rolled up, the place SAID that it closes at 5:30. How... 7 minutes... yeah, I'm cutting it a LITTLE close... but seriously, if you say you're supposed to be open until 5:30, your ass better be open until 5:30... otherwise you post 5:23 on your little stupid sign.
I just needed to pick up a couple of packages... nothing that should've taken 7 minutes. The time she spent just standing there shaking her head at me as I tried to explain to her I just needed her to walk her lazy self to the back and get me two boxes should've been spent doing just that! But no, she stands there, shaking her head at me and looking at the clock, which read 5:25. This woman was just standing there waiting to close, with the doors locked.
Tell me I'm not weird or that I'm expecting the impossible. I show up somewhere before it closes and by all means I should get what I went there for. Places shouldn't just arbitrarily close because someone is a fucktard. Can you imagine going to a hospital, expecting to see a doctor, but they're just standing there looking at you wondering, "Why are you here now?"
Why even bother having hours listed if you're just going to arbitrarily close? How about I randomly show up and break into your place because well... if you randomly close, I figure I can make you randomly open.
Stupid people suck.
It was 5:23 when I rolled up, the place SAID that it closes at 5:30. How... 7 minutes... yeah, I'm cutting it a LITTLE close... but seriously, if you say you're supposed to be open until 5:30, your ass better be open until 5:30... otherwise you post 5:23 on your little stupid sign.
I just needed to pick up a couple of packages... nothing that should've taken 7 minutes. The time she spent just standing there shaking her head at me as I tried to explain to her I just needed her to walk her lazy self to the back and get me two boxes should've been spent doing just that! But no, she stands there, shaking her head at me and looking at the clock, which read 5:25. This woman was just standing there waiting to close, with the doors locked.
Tell me I'm not weird or that I'm expecting the impossible. I show up somewhere before it closes and by all means I should get what I went there for. Places shouldn't just arbitrarily close because someone is a fucktard. Can you imagine going to a hospital, expecting to see a doctor, but they're just standing there looking at you wondering, "Why are you here now?"
Why even bother having hours listed if you're just going to arbitrarily close? How about I randomly show up and break into your place because well... if you randomly close, I figure I can make you randomly open.
Stupid people suck.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I'm sorry fat people...
This is going to be one of my more offensive postings. I apologize in advance to anyone I offend... because I know I will offend you.
Airline travel is quickly becoming, for lack of a better phrase, ass-pain. You have to pay to check bags... pay to eat... pay for the little oxygen masks that come down when the plane depressurizes... Okay, so I'm kidding about the last part. Although, I'm not sure how farfetched that could be in the future. "Please deposit $5 for 20 minutes of oxygen. $1 for each additional minute."
Anyways, I digress.
I know it's the rising cost of fuel that is driving planes to be more cramped and more expensive. Fabulous. But I'm still forking over a helluva lot of money to get from point A to point B uncomfortably. With the increasing shrinkage of seating room and massive expansion of the American waistline, planes are a murder waiting to happen.
I've flown repeatedly this past year and I've flown regularly in the past. I also concede, I'm not the more lithe of individuals, but I'm not FAT. I do not spill over into my neighbor's seat. I do not have fat rolls that inhibit the arm rest from coming down. I do not have Chewbacca arms that are Brillo pads rubbing against my neighbor. Every time I get off the plane, I feel like I need to de-louse myself.
It's not that I don't like fat people... I have fat friends. I'm getting fat myself, but the moment I realize that my fatness is impeding the ability of the Earth to rotate on its axis... there's a problem.
Case in point: I was on a flight once, a fat couple wouldn't sit next to each other... why? "It's uncomfortable," they said. GEE. YA THINK?! Instead of them annoying each other with the collision of planetary bodies, they split up... and I get an unnecessary glutteal intrusion into MY personal space.
This past flight I was on, I was sitting next to a rather robust woman. The pilot came up on the speaker telling us that the plane was "tail heavy" and requested two passengers move up forward. Her Royal Lardness didn't move... two skinny guys did. She probably poops their combined weight on a hourly basis. So... for two hours... I was trapped between Blubberina's tub and the wall of the plane.
Do people not REALIZE that they are THAT annoyingly offensive? It's like people that smell bad. Seriously... people around you are vomiting... does it not cross your mind that it's YOU?
If there are regulations governing checked bags and carry-on sizes... I think there should be a size limit on passengers. If you don't fit in the chair you are assigned, you have to buy another seat or you shouldn't be allowed to board. I mean, it makes more sense than airlines charging people up the wazoo for everything else. Fat people need to pay their debt to society... and not just their McDonald's tab.
I paid for 1 seat on an airplane. Not 3/4 or 1/2 of what I'm entitled to. You need to pay me for spatial distress.
Airline travel is quickly becoming, for lack of a better phrase, ass-pain. You have to pay to check bags... pay to eat... pay for the little oxygen masks that come down when the plane depressurizes... Okay, so I'm kidding about the last part. Although, I'm not sure how farfetched that could be in the future. "Please deposit $5 for 20 minutes of oxygen. $1 for each additional minute."
Anyways, I digress.
I know it's the rising cost of fuel that is driving planes to be more cramped and more expensive. Fabulous. But I'm still forking over a helluva lot of money to get from point A to point B uncomfortably. With the increasing shrinkage of seating room and massive expansion of the American waistline, planes are a murder waiting to happen.
I've flown repeatedly this past year and I've flown regularly in the past. I also concede, I'm not the more lithe of individuals, but I'm not FAT. I do not spill over into my neighbor's seat. I do not have fat rolls that inhibit the arm rest from coming down. I do not have Chewbacca arms that are Brillo pads rubbing against my neighbor. Every time I get off the plane, I feel like I need to de-louse myself.
It's not that I don't like fat people... I have fat friends. I'm getting fat myself, but the moment I realize that my fatness is impeding the ability of the Earth to rotate on its axis... there's a problem.
Case in point: I was on a flight once, a fat couple wouldn't sit next to each other... why? "It's uncomfortable," they said. GEE. YA THINK?! Instead of them annoying each other with the collision of planetary bodies, they split up... and I get an unnecessary glutteal intrusion into MY personal space.
This past flight I was on, I was sitting next to a rather robust woman. The pilot came up on the speaker telling us that the plane was "tail heavy" and requested two passengers move up forward. Her Royal Lardness didn't move... two skinny guys did. She probably poops their combined weight on a hourly basis. So... for two hours... I was trapped between Blubberina's tub and the wall of the plane.
Do people not REALIZE that they are THAT annoyingly offensive? It's like people that smell bad. Seriously... people around you are vomiting... does it not cross your mind that it's YOU?
If there are regulations governing checked bags and carry-on sizes... I think there should be a size limit on passengers. If you don't fit in the chair you are assigned, you have to buy another seat or you shouldn't be allowed to board. I mean, it makes more sense than airlines charging people up the wazoo for everything else. Fat people need to pay their debt to society... and not just their McDonald's tab.
I paid for 1 seat on an airplane. Not 3/4 or 1/2 of what I'm entitled to. You need to pay me for spatial distress.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)