The Return of What's YOUR Deal?!?

Okay fans (or whatever is left of my fanbase since my several months of hiatus from ranting), welcome to the first What's YOUR Deal?!? of 2010. I'm sure some of you are wondering what I've been up to if I haven't been pissed off at people... the short answer is: Yes. All kidding aside, there is so much stupidity in today's world that it's hard to convey into a rant that doesn't involve swearing, throwing my laptop out the window, or inciting a riot. I point out, the health care debate, the extreme right-wing, people who still don't believe President Barack Obama is a US citizen, etc. Every single day, I turn on the news and I see something absolutely ridiculous about Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, and a whole host of people who I wish I could ask, "What's YOUR Deal?!?" Those of you that have read my blog for a while know that I'm socially liberal but overall, I'd consider myself a moderate. I just want things to make sense, regardless of what someone's party line is. And everyone knows, I HATE toeing the party line.

But, the best of my rants come from the heart and personal experiences. I hate injustice in all of its forms, whether its to me, to my family, to my friends, or to anyone else in the world that I see getting the short end of the stick. I am a big fan of fairness and equity in all we do. So this What's YOUR Deal?!? returns to its roots: me serving as the social justice ninja enacting intellectual vigilante justice on those that have done someone wrong. And if you don't like it, Suck on it Trebek.



So, what has inspired me to rant? Well this one is dedicated to a friend of mine, that I believe has done nothing wrong but for some reason, was reprimanded due to someone else being a petty little weasel. I will not go into more detail, because this applies to everyone, not just this particular instance. And also, there's a possibility that the inspiration for this rant may also read this, and I would like to afford him or her the dignity of remaining anonymous to the criticism that the person would receive.

Onward!

Today's world is full of information and the sharing of information. We thrive on it. This concept is why sites like Facebook, Twitter, and various blogging sites are so popular. Unfortunately, this same concept is also what drives reality TV shows. (See one of my old rants, for my opinion on that: The Idiots Are Winning) Sometimes people do stupid things like post something on Twitter and Facebook that will get them in trouble, like someone calling in sick and then subsequently posting pictures of their drunken party escapades while they were supposedly too ill to work. Or perhaps posting pictures of affairs or status updates indicating infidelity is more to some people's morality. That kind of stuff is straight up stupid.

The next level up is the slightly ambiguous tip-toeing on the line between stupid and acceptable. In the case of this woman: Facebook Firing she was fired because she called her job boring. Wow. I suppose that can be bad, but in my opinion, rather stupid. But, I'm not an expert on pettiness. I wouldn't recommend degrading your job regularly on Facebook because well, if you hate it that much, why don't you quit? And if it's not that bad, then... well, there are better places to complain about work than to broadcast it to the world.

And then there's the category of people posting innocent things in their status or Twitter of them enjoying life. I don't see anything wrong with that because, well, that's what it's for. How many times have we posted pictures of fun times with friends and family or a status update announcing something fantastically joyous? That's what that stuff is for. It's for us to keep up with friends and family we can't afford to call everyday and tell them everything about our lives.

What that is NOT for are the petty people who are so insecure in their own happiness and job security that they feel like they must narc on someone feeling joy so that they can get some personal gain out of it. What's YOUR deal?!? These people piss me off. Where do you get off judging someone? Or tattling on them when what they were doing was perfectly legitimate. "I'm having fun on my day off," shouldn't be grounds for a reprimand. Mind your own business you snivelling little social outcast that's apparently jealous that you didn't get invited to hang out with the cool kids. WTF is wrong with the world today? People are seemingly so afraid that the joys and happiness of others will somehow make their own life more miserable. Sorry, dude or dudette, newsflash: other people have a right to be happy. And you can:



I think this issue is not just in the realm of Facebook and Twitter and other social networking sites. It's the reason why America is in the state that it is, with the extreme right wing telling people health care will kill grandma and why gay marriage will cause straight divorce or whatever crazy ridiculous justification people come up with to deprive people of happiness. Are we as a society so joyless and so sad that the moment something good is happening to someone else, we are so jealous and enraged that we must do everything in our power to put an end to it? Do we have to scour Facebook and Twitter for posts from our friends and co-workers in a quest to find some dirt to use against them? Are we so desperate to do so that we practically make stuff up about other people so that it sounds worse than it is just to make ourselves feel better and important? Are we so cowardly about such things that we dare not confront people as individuals to their face, but rather stabbing them in the back? Is that who we are?

I really hope not. But something tells me that this blog and others like it, calling people out for such idiocy will be very gainfully engaged for the foreseeable future. You people sicken me... and if you have a problem with that, tell me to my face. I want the pleasure of telling you this:

Driving a bus to hell, I see?

Every now and then I'd be Googling around the interwebs and run across bizarre news stories. Not the ones that are front page headliner news, but the random ones that make most people go, "WTF?" if they stopped to think about the implications of the ridiculousness of the news story. This week was no different. I give you this picture: Which, in my opinion is not nearly as offensive as possibly this favorite picture of mine, which was even used in last week's blog: But apparently is IS offensive: http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20090819/NEWS/908190370/1001/DART-suspends-driver-after-she-refuses-to-use-bus-bearing-atheist-ad According to the article: "Controversy over a bus advertisement promoting a local atheist group has found its way to the driver's seat. On Monday, the Des Moines Area Regional Transit Authority suspended bus operator Angela Shiel after she refused to drive a bus with an Iowa Atheists and Freethinkers ad on its side. Shiel, 41, said the ad's message, 'Don't believe in God? You are not alone,' went against her Christian faith." The article continues with: "Shiel, a DART bus driver for four years, now could be fired because of her refusal to drive the bus. DART policy states that drivers cannot choose which buses they drive, DART General Manager Brad Miller said. 'Drivers are not permitted to reject a working bus," Miller said. "It's a very fundamental policy for DART. ... It's an essential rule that we will maintain.'" And this: "According to the American Civil Liberties Union of Iowa, DART's driver policy also helps uphold advertisers' First Amendment rights. The union recently dropped a review of DART that began when the atheist group's ads first came off the buses. 'As a government agency operating a public forum, DART and all of its employees, including its drivers, are required to follow the First Amendment,' said Ben Stone, executive director of the ACLU of Iowa. 'Since DART managers cannot claim a religious reason to censor bus ads, neither can drivers.' Stone likened the situation to a government employee claiming a religious right to refuse to work with someone of a different faith. 'When you work for the government, part of your job is to respect the rights of your fellow citizens, and you cannot use your religious beliefs to evade that responsibility,' he said." There's a few more points in that article that make me raise my eyebrow, like the woman's husband's point, according to the article: "'This has been her faith since the very first day on the job,' Glenn Shiel said. He said that making her drive the bus would be telling her to be 'two-faced for the fact that she wants an income. To me, it's kind of wrong to deny a person of their job because they have a belief.'" Another interesting point is that passengers have been bypassing the so-called "Atheist Buses" as well. Now that everyone has sufficient background information, I give a hearty, "What's YOUR Deal, lady?!?" You're not driving a bus to a concentration camp! It's a bus, with a sign on it. How is it any less offensive than walking down the street and seeing this ad? Or the countless ridiculous commercials about herpes and the wonderful bicycle rides and kayaking trips that people suffering from herpes can apparently go on because their herpes make excellent river guides or something. There so many other more offensive things in the world than a tastefully done ad from an atheist organization. How is that ad any more offensive than religious ads? I've seen some pretty bad ones of those, telling me that I'm going to hell and assorted other things. I'm sorry, folks, I'm Buddhist. Your ad doesn't mean anything to me. Likewise, if your faith is strong, does it MATTER that the bus you're driving is advertising for a atheist group? You can use that ad as a conversation starter on your bus to tell people about your religious convictions if you want. Not that I want my bus driver to be talking to me about religion if all I want to do is get from point A to point B... but the option is there. The bus isn't taking away anyone's right to their own religious belief, it's a government bus. It's supposed to be unbiased. Your religion, whatever it may be, can also buy ad space on one. This woman isn't being fired, she's being suspended for not doing her job. I'm sorry, I can understand that if I'm a bus driver and I refuse to drive a bus... that makes me not a very good bus driver. Can any other profession just refuse to do their job and still expect to be employed? What if your doctor saw your cross, Star of David, or other religious identifier and refused to treat you? What if people in the military just said, "Fuck it," and abandoned their posts? Would you want these people to still be gainfully employed, while not doing what they're being paid to do? NO. But this woman still has a job despite refusing to do it. Why must religion be so overbearing? Why can't it understand the separation between church and state? The state has an obligation to ensure everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe. This bus is no different. DART isn't suspending or firing the woman because she's religious. They're not going, "Oh, you're not ALLOWED to drive this bus, because you're Christian." She did it to herself! Drive the stupid bus! Don't try to martyr yourself to some non-existent cause because you want your name in the newspapers and a "What's YOUR Deal?!?" devoted to you. Yes, religion is a touchy subject. But it really shouldn't be. The government, should NEVER say anything for or against ANY religion. And the DART policy of, "Hey, pay us and you can have an ad on our bus," is really quite non-denominational. It's not like it's advertising killing or violence against any religion group either. It's just an ad that says, "Hey, you don't believe in God? It's okay." That's about as non-threatening as an ad can be. What more do you want? Kittens and puppies? Religion, get out of government. Nothing bothers me more than when religion is used to explain why something should or should not happen. This is what irks me the most about the entire gay marriage argument. Um, gay people want to get married because of legal rights not because gay people are trying to burn down your church and everything it stands for. If your church doesn't want to perform gay marriages for the religious aspect, then DON'T. Why can't a gay couple just go down to City Hall and get a marriage license without the religious mumbo jumbo? How is that at all a threat to religion? If you don't want gay marriage in your personal life, then don't get married to the same sex yourself. If you don't want to be a passenger on a bus advertising something you don't believe in, don't get on the bus. Don't complain if you're late to school or work because you did that, though. But if you're paid to drive that bus, knowing the policies of your employer, drive the bus or face the consequences. It's not a hard concept. Especially if you consider the flip side to all of this. How many times do we all see the word God in our day to day lives. American money, the American Pledge of Allegiance, etc., etc. How do you think that makes atheists feel? Hmmm? Now that you've refused to drive a mile in their shoes, you know how it feels to have to conform. We're all equal. Our lives aren't gumdrops and candy canes, for us to function as a society we need to realize that everyone around us is different. And that's okay. We need to accept that people believe different things, people dress differently, look different and it's all okay. And just because other people are different, they not a threat to your own personal beliefs, dress, and appearance. And we're not all going to hell for it.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC!

Hello, loyal readers of What's YOUR Deal?!? I'm back and relatively coherent. I've been painkiller free for over a week. No, I'm not a drug addict but I've definitely been out of it. I actually barely recall last week. So the fact that I even posted a rant actually surprised me. But kudos to Mentos for her excellent point that was posted as a reply on my Facebook about how people DO eat healthy... but they also eat a LOT of healthy... and then they wonder why they can't fit through a door. That's a definitely a "What's YOUR Deal?!?" But, overall, I'm perfectly fine with people that are um... substantial. I'm perfectly fine with a lot of things, because I think that people have a right to be whoever they want to be, as long those substantial people do not crush me or eat my cat. Fair enough? I think there's a fundamental difference between someone like me that points out the idiocies that surround us and people who say... inspire this picture: For those who can't see the picture, it's of a bus with a sign on the side that says, "Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings." Flying to the moon... very cool and overall gives people warm fuzzies and inspiration. 9/11... very uncool and overall gave people paranoia and anger. But, that's the overall big picture of today's rant. Shout out to my friend Lauren, whose Facebook status inspired me to write this week's rant about people that are publically retarded and inconsiderate. How does this even relate to that bus? Well, let me explain. Lauren posted something about people that just leave their clothes in the washer in a communal laundry room and that is unnecessarily rude. I've spent plenty of time in communcal laundry rooms doing laundry. Not everyone is cool enough to have their own washer and dryer or have the time to spend in a laundromat listening to the spin cycle or staring at their clothes go roundy roundy in the dryer. But then there are the people that just leave their clothes in the washer or the dryer for hours upon hours. Why? Who knows? It's not like it's a personal washer or dryer or something, where they CAN do that. I mean, hell, my clothes have been in my personal dryer since last night. Oooooh, shame on me. But, you CAN'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC! I know this. I KNEW this when I was living in an apartment with a communal laundry room. I knew I wasn't going to time it perfectly everytime to get my clothes in the dead of winter with 3 feet of snow on the path between my apartment door and the laundry room and get my clothes out exactly when they're ready. This is especially crucial when there's say... only two washers and one of them was broken... I would leave my laundry basket there, so someone who needed the one working washer would just move my clothes into the basket and leave it there for when I came back. I've actually had someone tell me that, "Wow, you're not afraid someone will steal your basket?" I remember looking at that person and thinking, "If someone is desperate enough to steal my laundry basket, they probably needed it more than I do." Not to mention, it's a PUBLIC LAUNDRY ROOM! Someone could very well steal all of my clothes too. But it's a risk I had to take to ensure I wasn't funky and wearing stinky clothes. It's a necessary risk to ensure I was considerate. That's that level of humanity that I think we don't have. People assume that just because they're using it, it's their's to do as they wish. You know those people that leave soap residue in the washers or or otherwise leave a mess in the laundry room. As if to imply, yes, this is a public space, therefore, someone else will clean up MY mess. And it's THOSE people that complain when stuff BREAKS because they're STUPID. It is those people that would pee all over the toilet seat in a public restroom. YOU KNOW who you are, you failure at hovering! Or the people that otherwise fecally decorate the public restrooms. How does that even happen? These are also same people that don't flush the toilet when they're done, leaving me the winner of Musical Toilet everytime I go to the bathroom in public. You know the game where you and your friends all go to the bathroom and ONE person ALWAYS gets the toilet with the surprise in it. Yeah. Thanks. You idiots make my day everytime. *thumbs up!* That's the point of my ranting. I want people to open their eyes to the consequences of their actions or even their inactions. But I'm not like these people and the Westboro Baptist Church: Yeah, the people that picket military funerals saying God Hates Fags and somehow that if there are gay people among us... random people die, space shuttles blow up, and military service members deserve to have their funerals desecrated with stupid? Sidenote: If any dumb asses like that show up at my funeral, I want everyone there to run them off in the most ridiculously hilarious way possible. Perhaps a contingent of gay people offering to hug them and "spread the gay" or something. Who knows? But I digress. I don't care what you do at home. If you break your washer and dryer or leave your clothes in it for a week, I don't care. If you pee and crap all over your walls and carpet, I don't care. I may not visit, but I don't care. I'm not going to say God hates you or blame you for all of the problems in the world. But the moment you prevent me from washing and drying my clothes or pee and crap all over a toilet I NEED to use... GAME ON! Maybe you think I'm judgemental for being so picky about what I think is the right way for people to behave... maybe you're partially right. I'm not that extreme. I'm not going to picket your funeral because you're dumb. People are focused on the completely wrong things. While people are picketing military funerals and blowing up buildings, we continually let people ruin our day to day lives. Given the option, if I can eliminate one "threat to our day-to-day lives", I'd rather get rid of the idiot that doesn't flush the toilet in public than the gay couple trying to get married. Or I'd rather see the idiot leaving the clothes in the washer for hours upon hours disappear off the face of the planet before the nice religious people that don't picket public places or blow things up. I just want my readers to take responsibility for their actions and if actions need to be taken, focus those actions on the things that matter. Because the inconsiderate actions of the laundry room lazy-ass or the restroom retard leads to further inconsiderate actions in other aspects of their lives. It is these people that are a threat to undermine the American family and marriage and whatever else that those crazy nutjobs at the Westboro Baptist Church and those organizations like it use as their rhetoric. So, close with: I hate your unclaimed laundry. And your poopy. And I don't think God likes it either.

Things that I just have to point out...

Sorry fans of What's YOUR Deal?!? I just recently had knee surgery to clear up a piece of floating tissue inside my knee. I actually have no recollection of much of this past week... I'm sure my friend Denise can tell everyone stories of how bad I was. Yeah... But anyways, being in a drug-induced stupor has opened my eyes to many things... Mostly things I see on TV because well, when one's knee is swollen and mind is drugged, there's only so much activity that can be accomplished. I keep seeing commercial for foods that are low-calorie, like those 100 calorie packs of snacks or the 50-calorie yogurts. But, what about the other stuff that's in it? The fat, the sugars, the Red-40s! Oh my! Or does anyone else realize that all that stuff is supposed to do for you is be the proportion control that apparently most people lack? Anything we eat can be 100 calories or less if we just eat only 100 calories worth of it. I mean, I can have a low-calorie steak and just take one bite out of it. And some of that stuff is just that... it's a tiny portion of what the regular one is. This stuff does nothing when you see people eating multiple packs of 100 calorie chips (which, YES, I have seen). "Oh it's okay... they're low-calorie." No it's not, you lumbering Kirby-clone! (Sidenote, for those unfamiliar with the Nintendo character... I show you, Kirby: Speaking of eating... one of the side effects from anesthesia is dry mouth. One of the things that they make you do before surgery is not eat for at least 8 hours prior to surgery. So... there I was, post-surgery... starving... and with wicked dry mouth. What do they give me to help? Crackers. Why, cruel world, do you give someone that's starving with wicked dry mouth, CRACKERS?!? Anyone in the medical community want to shed some light on that? Why couldn't I get jello? Or fruit? Something NOT CRACKERS? Sometimes I think I'm not meant to understand the world... And... that's about all that's been bugging me lately.... and by lately I really do mean within the past day or so. Drugs... they do bad things to the brain. Feels great while you're absolutely incoherent and calling people... but then you realize you make no sense and nothing productive has happened. Just say no to drugs... and give them to me... I'll take care of it for you. :) Kidding.

People Are Ridiculous...

I've been pondering this rant for a while, because it takes a certain level of tact to be able to say the things I'm about to say. I am aware that my loyal readers know that tact and "What's YOUR Deal?!?" have never exactly gotten along. That and the things I'm about to write, in general, should be none of my business. But again, that hasn't stopped me before. I call bullshit where I see it and I am not going to stop.

Now on to the rant.

During the 4th of July weekend, former All-Pro quarterback Steve McNair was shot and killed in a murder-suicide by a woman he was dating. My condolences go out to the McNair family and I shall attempt to pay all the proper levels of respect to his life, his privacy, and to the man he was. However, this entire situation made me realize a few things, in conjunction with conversations with Heather, Denise, and Shannon. Shout out to this terrific trio!

I try not to be tacky and use the title of my blog in the blog, because it's implied that everything I rant about involves a adamant yelling of, "WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!?" But this situation definitely calls for a, "WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!?" It boggles my mind to see people in situations like that. I know we've all had our moments of morbid curiousity and we've tuned into talk shows. Not the informative interviewing kinds of talk shows, but the knock down, drag out, mid-90s Jerry Springer-esque talk shows. The Maury Poviches, the Sally Jesse Rafaels, Ricki Lakes, et cetera kinds of talk shows. The ones where no one seems to know who their "baby daddy" is. The ones that have paternity tests, the cousins dating and mating, and sending teens to boot camp because they've slept with more people than the entire population of India. It is to those people that my "What's YOUR Deal?!?" rants are focused to. Unfortunately, those are also the same people that may not have the level of reading comprehension that would be necessary to understand the words that are currently sitting on your screen. And for you, loyal readers, I just hope you see the dismay within my words and join me in a collective jaw drop and sigh.

I don't pretend to know what was going on in Steve McNair's family life or why he started dating Sahel Kazemi, the woman who would come to murder him. But I just want to pose some questions for all of us to think about. Maybe from the land of the internets, I can get some answers to make sense of the world in which we all share.

First question: Why are people dumb? This is a question I always ask. People do some freakin' illogical things that are straight up, inexcusably dumb. Most people go from zero to utterly irrationally insane in a quicker time than it takes diarrhea to spew forth from my anus when I have a stomach bug. Why? Is it really so hard to think logically about something and talk things out without the help of a talk show?

Second question: Why the hell do people cheat on each other? If the relationship is not working, then get out of it. "Oh... but I love ____." No you don't, you dumb ass. If you do, you WON'T CHEAT ON THEM! You may like them for what they provide, like money, shelter, or whatever. But you obviously don't like THEM because how much more can you disrespect someone than to lie to them and cheat on them. That makes you sub-human. You're worse than the diarrhea that I've spewed forth from my anus, because at least I KNOW where that's been.

Third question: Why the hell do people date the trashiest people and then get upset about it when they do something trashy? Uh.... duh? Case in point, a month or so ago, Tony, Judy, and I witnessed my neighbor kicking out her cheating boyfriend. Lots of crying, screaming, name-calling... we were like, "Whoa." But when the cops came and boyfriend was led out to the squad car, we saw that this dude was disgusting. He had man boobs that wrapped around his body like a floatation device and back hair that would rival Chewbacca's. This leads directly to the next two questions...

Fourth question: How do trashy people like that even GET ONE person much less, apparently, multiple partners? I've spent a lot of time single, because I'm picky. I have every right to be because I have standards. I also came to the conclusion that I was okay with being single because I can't find someone dateable. I was willing to accept that I had high standards and it would take someone pretty wicked awesome to get past the pickiness. But, I guess that makes me relatively unique. (No worries, I know I have cool friends that are more like me than a petri dish. HUZZAH to you!) And if you look like you're carrying more STDs than a research laboratory... I'd like to tell you, "Good luck. Because apparently there are people willing to love you."

Fifth question: How low does your self-esteem have to be to even date trashy people? Why can't most people realize that they don't have to lower their standards? These are the people that we find on Maury, Jerry, Sally, Ricki, etc. looking shocked and awed that their fat-ass significant others, breeding the newest in biological warfare within their crotchal regions, are cheating on them with someone equally as sub-human. Why? WHY?!? Dump the dumbass and go find someone better.

I'm not saying that this was what Steve McNair and Sahel Kazemi had going on, but you have to realize that if he wasn't cheating on his wife with her, he'd be still alive. I'm sorry if I'm an asshole for saying that. Yes, we should focus on his life and successful career but, the fact of the matter is that he was victimized in the most heinous of ways by the woman he cheated on his wife with. Yeah, we watch those talk shows and we mock those that are in bad relationships, but at any given moment, some psycho will buy a gun and kill. Call this a public service announcement or whatnot, but don't be dumb. Don't get involved in shit like that. If all of your friends are going, "WTF are you doing with this person?" then maybe they're right. I don't have a lot of fans that are regular readers of my blog, I don't want to lose any of you to something senseless like that.

Dump the ho-bags, the trashy folks, and hopefully they don't scratch out the word, "HO" on the hood of your car. (True story, Shannon and I saw that this weekend.) But better HO on the hood of your car than getting shot in the head.

You ARE the Problem!

Apologies for this rant being late. I know I'm disappointing the few fans that I do have. But I promise I will try to do better. Because as the Social Justice Ninja, I have taken on the burden and the responsibility to call out and mock those that do harm to the greater good. The Suck Stops HERE. But, since we're on the topic of social responsibility (when are my rants NOT about that?)... I really want to point out my moral outrage regarding stupid people that do things that they think are in the best interests of others, but are totally wrong in what they're doing. Case in point... I was in line getting a burrito at my local Mexican food place. Shout out to Taco Roco, you're no Pancho Pistola's (Chicago), but you'll have to do. But there I was, standing in line waiting to place my order when this family is in front of me ordering food and I overhear their order. The mother turns and asks her toddler, "Do you want some juice?" I was thinking, "Huzzah! Yay to people giving their children healthy beverages like juice and water!" But... like most of humanity that I meet, I emerged sorely disappointed. I should really start to expect idiocy from the people around me, but I keep running into good people! (No offense to you guys, you know who you are!) Anyways, how did this family piss off the Social Justice Ninja? The woman offers her child "juice" which apparently comes in the form of Sunkist Orange Soda. WHAT. THE. F*CK?!? SUNKIST ORANGE SODA?!? JUICE?!? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? Okay.... let's back track... Juice, as defined by dictionary.com: "the natural fluid, fluid content, or liquid part that can be extracted from a plant or one of its parts, esp. of a fruit: orange juice." NATURAL. EXTRACTED FROM A PLANT. How the hell is THIS extracted from a plant?!? WHAT PLANT?!?!? Here are the ingredients of a Sunkist soda, (as marked on 20oz. bottle): Carbonated water High fructose corn syrup and/or sugar Citric acid Sodium benzoate (preservative) Food starch-modified Natural flavors Caffeine Glycerol ester of wood rosin Ascorbic acid (preservative) Yellow 6 Red 40 Yummy! Red 40! But yeah, this woman was telling her child that Sunkist Orange Soda is JUICE. And we wonder why there are fat kids and fat adults running around. Words cannot express my dismay. There is a fundamental difference between doing stupid things and not being aware of it. Because lord knows and all of my friends know that I do some pretty ridiculously funny things... but I NEVER, EVER WILLINGLY do something HURTFUL to someone unless it is deserved. And what that woman did to her child... is abuse! That's hurting a child by LYING to them. And I'll call BULLSHIT to whoever thinks that they're a better parent than me because I don't have kids of my own at this very moment. The things I say are common sense. Sunkist Orange Soda is not juice. Kool-Aide is NOT JUICE. Sunny Delight is NOT JUICE. When you roll your fat child to my door to Trick or Treat at Halloween, I'm not sure if I want to give your child candy. You can egg my house if you want, but somehow I think your definition of eggs involve the Cadbury kind with the creme filling. Why are people dumb? Children, I understand, are a product of their homes and their parents. Some of them are more or less fortunate than others. The only hope I have is that somewhere out there, a child is reading this blog and thinking, "Wow... Sunkist Orange Soda isn't juice?" If that's the case, then my job is done. Or perhaps a parent will look twice at they're offering their child to eat and drink. I'm not saying don't give them treats or soda at all, just don't lie to them and call it JUICE or call a Gummy Bear fruit. Tell the flipping truth, you lying bastards out there. You're not helping the world, you are the problem. Just because you think Sunkist Orange Soda is juice doesn't make it juice. You are not Jesus or a chemist and you cannot turn Red 40 into anything healthy. Think of the innocent lives that you are destroying with your delusional lies and all those minds being corrupted by the bullshit that you feed them. How can you sleep at night, you monster?! You may band together all of your fat friends and fat offspring to silence my truth, but I doubt you can fit through my door much less come up my stairs. So, yes, ASSHOLE, I'm talking to you and your kind. I can only hope my rant today can help liberate the minds of those that you have brainwashed and hurt. Fight stupid.

Dear Inconsiderate Motherf*cker...

Apologies for not having a rant last week, I will take personal responsibility for being one of the inconsiderate motherf*ckers I'm writing about this week (actually no, I don't think I'm that bad). I was out of town and didn't get around to writing one. Since I foresee my weekends being busier in the future, I'm now moving my weekly "What's YOUR Deal?!?" rants to Fridays. This week's rant is partially inspired by Shannon. SHOUT OUT TO SHANNON! Enjoy!




Dear Inconsiderate Motherf*cker,

Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you so special and the rest of us so inferior to your delusional greatness? Why, Little Miss Thang must you carry around your little dog in a purse at the store? What part of Service Animals Only do you not understand? I love my cat, Milo, but do you see me taking him everywhere I go? I mean, I get it, I travel with Milo when I go on long trips because I can't bear to be without him for a week or so and it's cheaper than boarding him for that long. I've taken Milo to the pet store so he could try on holiday collars. But I am not taking some little dog in a purse to the grocery store to run errands. Does little Fifi REALLY need to be helping you pick out vegetables? No. Then that begs this question: Do you care so little for your pet that you just consider him or her a fashion accessory? Oh I hope not! I hope little Fifi never clashes with your eyeliner. Poor thing. You're one inconsiderate motherf*cker!

And Mr. Dumbf*ck in your little car taking up the highway, if your little car doesn't go 70+ miles per hour... GET OFF THE HIGHWAY! If your car can't maintain highway speeds going up a hill... GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE! And allow me to lower my English language skills to help you understand: This ain't NASCAR, ya'll. This ain't no race and there ain't no checkered flag. As for the rest of my readers who understand English, if I'm trying to pass you, it's probably because you're going SLOWER than me. I'm in a Jeep... I don't go very fast... but when I do, I like to keep doing the same speed that I set my cruise control to. If I'm not accelerating and I'm going faster than you... LET ME PASS YOU! You're ain't Dale Earnhardt and I can't give a rat's ass about your jolly jalopy accelerating only when you see me trying to pass you only for you to go slow again when I'm behind you. Thank you Mr. Dumbf*ck, for being a waste of space on this planet.

And oh, I can't forget about you, Mr. Fatf*ck! Yes, the fat f*ck who has probably never partaken in an athletic event but yet makes himself feel better by obnoxious heckling. These are the same fat f*cks that heckle at Pee-Wee football, Little League games, and high school games. I have no qualms about people that heckle the multi-million dollar athletes that are paid absurdly to play a game, as long as the heckling is actually funny and appropriate. However, heckling isn't funny just because you're loud and fat. So shut the f*ck up, Mr. Fatf*ck.

So please, all you inconsiderate motherf*ckers out there take heed and stop.

Thank you.