D'oh

I’m Just Doomed to Be Disappointed…

As much as I think the world likes to spite me, I think fate also likes to spite all of my favorite sports team too. I’m a native Chicagoan, a city that is doomed to have loser sports teams. True, sometimes we luck out and the Bears win a Super Bowl or the Bulls managed to have repeat Three-peats. But in general, we’re doomed to be sports losers. This is especially the case this year, when the Sox had a disappointing season to begin with, then teased us with a spectacular post-All-Star break run, then fizzled at the end. And as if that’s not enough to spite me, the Cubs managed to make the playoffs! The Bears then start 0-3 and on Sunday night, the United States women’s World Cup team lost to Germany in the semifinals!

As a Chicago sports fan, I dread Sundays. I dread game days. I pick up the newspaper in the mornings, just hoping to read some good news that is rarely ever there. It sucks! But I had hope for the past several weeks that Team USA would be able to win another World Cup. But no, they had to get beaten by Germany 3-0. I know no one follows soccer, but dammit, I thought I had a winner here. But no. There is no sports joy in the world of Poon. The Sox, the Bears, Team USA… I should give up on sports and take up soap operas or something. Because being a sports fan in Chicago is truly more of a dramatic tragedy. And if anybody even mentions the Cubs to me… I’ll kill you.

Reason Number Infinity That UIC Is Stupid…

I was walking on campus the other day and the sprinklers turned on. One would think that it’s not that big of a deal, after all, the grass needs water to stay green and pretty in an otherwise gray and unforgiving riot-proof campus. It’s not like I was hit by the water or anything. The sprinklers merely turned on and started watering the ground. The only thing of note was that the sprinklers were watering the cement sidewalk. There were at least 4 sprinkler heads aimed at the cement ground, creating a massive pool of water, while the grass just sat there looking sad and thirsty.

This isn’t the first time that this has happened either. Some sprinkler heads seem to exist to water the cement. It shouldn’t be that much of a deal to just adjust the sprinkler heads so that the school doesn’t waste its money on watering something that doesn’t grow. But then, UIC isn’t the best at spending its money on the right things and we’ll have nicely watered cement to show for it. Thank you.

No, I Do Not Want My Penis To Grow Three More Inches…

It’s getting to a point where junk mail and pop-ups are not only getting more prevalent but they are also getting more and more irritating. With the do-not-call registry being called into question to get rid of telemarketers, the information super highway is being congested with junk mail and stupid pop-ups. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get a random e-mail about enlarging my nonexistent penis or enhancing my breasts. Why someone would think anyone would need to do both is beyond me.

Unfortunately there is no do-not-e-mail registry, because I’m tired of getting off e-mailing lists and somehow getting more e-mails. STOP E-MAILING ME! I don’t want to have to take steps to block pop-ups or block incoming e-mail. Why can’t you idiots just stop e-mailing me? It’s not that hard of a concept… but then, it must be UIC alumni managing these e-mail lists… we’re doomed.