Before I start going off on my newest tangent, allow me to thank the people that have left comments on my last rant. It is nice to know that I can incite responses out of the people on the interweb. While I was tempted to jump into the conversation, I felt that I made my point already and it is up to you, my tiny handful of readers, to discuss amongst yourselves the validity of my words.
Now... on to this week's topic. I would be failing in my moral obligation as a human being if I didn't try to at least offer up solutions to the problems I see with society. Anyone can get on their soap box to complain about anything and everything... it's actually quite cathartic and fun. But, one needs to do two more things in addition to just point out societal falacies: (1) don't be stupid too and (2) offer up a solution. If everyone just did one little thing everyday to not be stupid, the world would be a better place, there would be one less Tubberina wedged into an airline seat, one less shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot, or one less piece of idiocy hindering the forward progress of humanity. But... today's topic is going to be more broader based than just one relatively inconsequential annoyance, but something more important in the grand scheme of things in the effort to find a solution to the stupidization of our planet. And no, I am not suggesting a "final solution" for stupid people (although the thought has crossed my mind, but I'm not that tacky). The solution is simple: children.
Children? Yes, kids. Specifically your kids. I briefly touched on this topic last week when I mentioned setting a better example for your kids but I think this merits more than just a side mention. I think the general consensus among a lot of old fogeys is that, "Those young whippersnappers! They don't ___ like we used to!" You know it's true. You heard it growing up and I know for a fact you think it everytime you see a specimen of Airheadimus High Schoolerius or if you just happened to turn on the TV to see an episode of MTV's The Real World. What's happened? Were we really this stupid? I refuse to believe that because I see some kids today that are honestly cool and good. They're not shopping at Sluts 'R Us or see people like Paris Hilton as role models. Kids don't want to be doctors or lawyers... they want to be reality TV stars. WTF?
Maybe it's parents wanting their kids to be just like them... which I believe is THE. MOST. RETARDED. THING. you can do to your kid. Parents have it all wrong. You don't want your kids to be just like you because they won't. And even if they are, they'll just be a lesser version of you because you're you and there can't be two of you (unless you get yourself cloned, which I BEG OF YOU NOT TO). Kids should be BETTER than what their parents are not limited to what they're parents are. Unless the child is the genetic spawn of Superman and Wonder Woman, then it'd be rather difficult, but still possible. If that's the goal, to be better than the previous generation, then humanity wouldn't be nearly as messed up. Parents want to isolate their kids from the "evils of society" and germs and vaccinations. NO! You are not an island unto to yourself and neither are your children. They are expected to interact with everyone and unless you want to keep them living in your house for the rest of their lives, they shouldn't be babied. How can we expect people to learn and grow if we limit their interactions to only things our parents approve of? Society is not evil, it's just dumb and annoyingly idiotic and you're not helping. If everyone was as shut in as that, we'd all be inbred people afraid of anyone of a different race, gender, and sexual orientation (oh, that's happening... I know you see it too). And on a side note, if some super strain of Polio or Measles comes back to infect our planet, I hope you health nuts with your anti-bacterial goop die first. Sheesh, I remember daring my friends to eat dirt, worms, and glue when I was a kid... I think they turned out alright... Anyways...
On the opposite end of the spectrum, but still stemming from the babification of youth, you see kids out and about being loud and obnoxious... as if for some strange inexplicable reason we should be compelled to pay attention to them and their "totally like drama like filled like lives!" No. That starts when they're little and they can kick and scream and make a scene to get what they want. The world doesn't work that way and kids needs to know that. What ever happened to a spanking? I'm not talking child abuse, but spanking. You're not beating your child to a pulp, but you're setting an immediate punishment for their idiocy. But... I say we take that one step further. Instead of watching a child act out or hearing stupid conversations from people that have the unfortunate affliction of lack of volume control, we need to step in. No, we shouldn't spank people we think deserve it (wow, that's bad...) but we need to intervene. Not to intervene as to stop a spanking or to judge the parent for the way they are disciplining their child, but to make fun of the child for their actions that led to the public humiliation. Just a simple, "Wow, you're the dumbest kid in this mall," should suffice.
While that can be considered mean, it is utterly necessary. Kids are growing up like divas that should be catered to. That is not the case. Nobody is that special. People can't leave their kids for minutes without them acting out. That is not right. Parents, you need to spank your kids especially in public and everyone else around needs to point and laugh at the kid. The kid will know immediately that their stupid tantrum won't work and the rest of the world thinks he or she is retarded (and not in the good clinical way). We need to set a standard for behavior that resonates. Stupidity is worthy of being publically mocked and derided. Once a child figures that out, they'll know not to be stupid in public. They're going to grow up knowing that their actions affect everyone else and everyone else has the right to make fun of them for it.
Stupity is an inbred characteristic (take that as you will). If humanity has a hope of moving forward to a better place for everyone, then it needs to stop stupid before it happens and it starts with the next generation. Forward progess starts now.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Need a resolution... here's a suggestion!
It's time again for yet another righteously indignant rant to kick off the new year with. Most people struggle to find a New Year's Resolution this time of year and many that do will eventually forget what they resolved to do and spiral further into the cycle of pitifulness that plagued them the year before. Don't take that as an insult. I do the same thing. However... I offer this suggestion to all of my perhaps 2 readers (Tell more people about me... sheesh!) out there: Shopping carts.
Shopping carts, you ask? Yes. Shopping carts. How many times were we told as kids by our parents to put our toys away when we're done with them? How many of you have kids or interact with kids on a daily basis and know the irritation you feel when you step on or trip over a toy that's just lying around? Starting to see my point now? People leave their shopping carts all over parking lots when there are obviously places to return them. But now, instead of tripping over toys with our feet, shopping carts run into cars. What's a stubbed toe in comparison to scratched paint and dents on our vehicles? Why can't people just walk the extra 10 feet or so to the nearest shopping cart return area and put their cart away? It drives me INSANE to see a mother with a litter of children just leave her shopping cart randomly in the middle of the parking lot, when you know full well that when she gets home she's pissed at her kids for leaving their toys out. How is that for being a hypocrite?
People want to save the world, lose half their body weight, or whatever unobtainable goal for the new year. Why don't you try taking baby steps towards that and just walk the little bit extra to return your cart... you'll save cars from dents and dings, you'll probably work off some of your lard, and you'll set a good example for people around you.
But... while on the topic of shopping carts, why are people retarded with them? It's obvious that the homeless has mastered the art of shopping cart maneuvering because they're not annoying with their carts... unlike the retards that populate the aisles of grocery stores. Stop parking your cart in the middle of aisles when stopped. There really isn't all what much room there, between your cart and your Royal Rotundness. And don't park on the opposite side of the aisle where you're grabbing things, so I have to harness some NFL running back-caliber cuts and jukes in order to get around you. It's really not that hard. How would you like it if I parked my car right in front of your door, completely inhibiting your ability to get anywhere?
So... shopping carts. I hope everyone resolves to be less stupid with their shopping carts. Don't be an impediment to the forward progress of humanity. Have a happy new year everyone.
Shopping carts, you ask? Yes. Shopping carts. How many times were we told as kids by our parents to put our toys away when we're done with them? How many of you have kids or interact with kids on a daily basis and know the irritation you feel when you step on or trip over a toy that's just lying around? Starting to see my point now? People leave their shopping carts all over parking lots when there are obviously places to return them. But now, instead of tripping over toys with our feet, shopping carts run into cars. What's a stubbed toe in comparison to scratched paint and dents on our vehicles? Why can't people just walk the extra 10 feet or so to the nearest shopping cart return area and put their cart away? It drives me INSANE to see a mother with a litter of children just leave her shopping cart randomly in the middle of the parking lot, when you know full well that when she gets home she's pissed at her kids for leaving their toys out. How is that for being a hypocrite?
People want to save the world, lose half their body weight, or whatever unobtainable goal for the new year. Why don't you try taking baby steps towards that and just walk the little bit extra to return your cart... you'll save cars from dents and dings, you'll probably work off some of your lard, and you'll set a good example for people around you.
But... while on the topic of shopping carts, why are people retarded with them? It's obvious that the homeless has mastered the art of shopping cart maneuvering because they're not annoying with their carts... unlike the retards that populate the aisles of grocery stores. Stop parking your cart in the middle of aisles when stopped. There really isn't all what much room there, between your cart and your Royal Rotundness. And don't park on the opposite side of the aisle where you're grabbing things, so I have to harness some NFL running back-caliber cuts and jukes in order to get around you. It's really not that hard. How would you like it if I parked my car right in front of your door, completely inhibiting your ability to get anywhere?
So... shopping carts. I hope everyone resolves to be less stupid with their shopping carts. Don't be an impediment to the forward progress of humanity. Have a happy new year everyone.
Monday, December 29, 2008
The Annual End of Year Edition
As my tradition near the end of every year... I pick out THE most irritatingly stupid thing that has frustrated me for the past 365 (or in this case 366) days. This year has much to offer, ranging from the serious to the downright ridiculous. I mean the election season was just a flurry of mock worthy moments... and I don't feel like recapping the idiocy. And honestly, as a moderate militant liberal... I'm quite satisfied with the state of American politics come 2009 (for now).No no no... the end of year What's YOUR Deal?!? has always been reserved for things are slightly more mundane than national issues because it is in those mundane issues that cause the bigger ones.
This year's winner is.... *drum roll*....F*cktards.Yes, f*cktards. Dumb@$$, retarded motherf*ckers. Actually... I take that back... the mere prospect of these people fornicating with their mothers and creating more inbred f*cktards was disturbing enough for me to actually stop typing for an hour to calm down so the rest of this rant would not be as profanity laced as the beginning of this paragraph.
But, I digress.
Let's start with some noteworthy quotes from the year and the obligatory Scooby Doo head tilt and "Roooooo?"
"A military ID is not enough to prove why you're in this country." -- DMV.Okay... my bad for not bringing my passport and trying to use my military ID. But... that is a STUPID statement. I'm sorry, but a US military ID is a lot of reason for a lot of American service members to be in a LOT of different countries. The other implication I get from that statement was that DMV worker saw my squinty eyes and assumed I was Kim Jong Il's daughter or something. But... I'm not going to take that route and just accept that that this DMV employee is just retarded and not racist.
***
“Why don’t you slow down?” – A rather rotund woman blockading an airplane full of people from exiting the plane.EXCUSE ME? I, like the rest of the 53 people aboard the plane, may have a connecting flight that we’re trying to make. This is just simple common courtesy. If there is a horde of people… all in a hurry to get somewhere and you’re not… don’t be that disgusting clump of hair caught in the drain plugging up the works. No, stupid woman, I was not going to slow down. And I do apologize for shoving you back into your seat.
***
“We don’t like sending our taxis to the airport.” – Cab Company.Wait… WHAT?!? There are legions of people that just got off of planes… Most of them are in need of rides to their destinations and you don’t like to cater to them? They ARE going to pay you. The state of the economy makes a lot of sense to me right now. And what’s the point of CALLING AHEAD for a cab when they’re NOT THERE at the time you tell them to be there?
***
“Physical therapy will either make your knee better or make it worse so the MRI can pick up any tears easier.” -- Doctor.Me falling down the stairs and breaking every bone in my body would also make diagnosing my medical issues easier too. Why do I even bother seeking medical expertise when I might as well go to WebMD and diagnose myself by arbitrarily choosing a disease that it offers me when I select my symptoms. Or better yet, I should just play the original Oregon Trail and embrace the first disease a member of my party contracts. Oooh look, I think I may have dysentery!
***
There are many more quotes from the year, but you get the gist. Everywhere we look nowadays people are absolutely ridiculous stupid. And it’s not even just a matter of education. People just have lost that lovin’ feeling between their brain and their environment. Case in point, it is a WELL KNOWN fact that I HATE the airline industry and commercial flying in general. I paid extra so I could get an aisle seat because I really hate getting pinned in next to someone who looks like an obese cross between a Klingon and a Wookie. But when I sat down… the elderly couple came up and asked if I could move so that they can sit together. WHY the airlines choose to separate people like that… I don’t understand. So I moved and ended up in a window seat. Fortunately, karma paid me back immediately, and I sat next to a skinny teenager. Anyways, on my next flight, a woman and her TWO YEAR OLD were separated by several seats. They were both in the same row, but both got window seats. Go figure. The two people in the aisle seats REFUSED to move. What the HELL is wrong with people? This is a MOTHER AND A TWO YEAR OLD and your dumb stupid self-centered f*cktard self is refusing to move? I’m glad the mother called them out by going, “Well, if you’re not moving, one of you is taking care of a two year old for me.” Suddenly, faced with the prospect of caring for someone apparently on the equal level of maturity as they were, those two idiots finally moved. And yes, I did say two idiots. Instead of one person moving to the now vacant window seat… the guy made the woman move over so that he could still get an aisle seat. Go figure.
Now do you see my frustration at the f*cktards that populate our world? People who don’t see anything else beyond what they care about or what their diminutive little social circle care about drive me insane. What’s worse is that this airplane incident happened during the holiday season. If we, as humanity, cannot behave civilly to each other during the holidays and set aside our egos and our desire to one up the person next to us, there is simply no hope for the future. And this is the one thing that has infuriated me the most this year… knowing that the people around me are absolute total f*cktards. However, on the brighter side of things… they make @$$holes like me look a lot better than I should.
This year's winner is.... *drum roll*....F*cktards.Yes, f*cktards. Dumb@$$, retarded motherf*ckers. Actually... I take that back... the mere prospect of these people fornicating with their mothers and creating more inbred f*cktards was disturbing enough for me to actually stop typing for an hour to calm down so the rest of this rant would not be as profanity laced as the beginning of this paragraph.
But, I digress.
Let's start with some noteworthy quotes from the year and the obligatory Scooby Doo head tilt and "Roooooo?"
"A military ID is not enough to prove why you're in this country." -- DMV.Okay... my bad for not bringing my passport and trying to use my military ID. But... that is a STUPID statement. I'm sorry, but a US military ID is a lot of reason for a lot of American service members to be in a LOT of different countries. The other implication I get from that statement was that DMV worker saw my squinty eyes and assumed I was Kim Jong Il's daughter or something. But... I'm not going to take that route and just accept that that this DMV employee is just retarded and not racist.
***
“Why don’t you slow down?” – A rather rotund woman blockading an airplane full of people from exiting the plane.EXCUSE ME? I, like the rest of the 53 people aboard the plane, may have a connecting flight that we’re trying to make. This is just simple common courtesy. If there is a horde of people… all in a hurry to get somewhere and you’re not… don’t be that disgusting clump of hair caught in the drain plugging up the works. No, stupid woman, I was not going to slow down. And I do apologize for shoving you back into your seat.
***
“We don’t like sending our taxis to the airport.” – Cab Company.Wait… WHAT?!? There are legions of people that just got off of planes… Most of them are in need of rides to their destinations and you don’t like to cater to them? They ARE going to pay you. The state of the economy makes a lot of sense to me right now. And what’s the point of CALLING AHEAD for a cab when they’re NOT THERE at the time you tell them to be there?
***
“Physical therapy will either make your knee better or make it worse so the MRI can pick up any tears easier.” -- Doctor.Me falling down the stairs and breaking every bone in my body would also make diagnosing my medical issues easier too. Why do I even bother seeking medical expertise when I might as well go to WebMD and diagnose myself by arbitrarily choosing a disease that it offers me when I select my symptoms. Or better yet, I should just play the original Oregon Trail and embrace the first disease a member of my party contracts. Oooh look, I think I may have dysentery!
***
There are many more quotes from the year, but you get the gist. Everywhere we look nowadays people are absolutely ridiculous stupid. And it’s not even just a matter of education. People just have lost that lovin’ feeling between their brain and their environment. Case in point, it is a WELL KNOWN fact that I HATE the airline industry and commercial flying in general. I paid extra so I could get an aisle seat because I really hate getting pinned in next to someone who looks like an obese cross between a Klingon and a Wookie. But when I sat down… the elderly couple came up and asked if I could move so that they can sit together. WHY the airlines choose to separate people like that… I don’t understand. So I moved and ended up in a window seat. Fortunately, karma paid me back immediately, and I sat next to a skinny teenager. Anyways, on my next flight, a woman and her TWO YEAR OLD were separated by several seats. They were both in the same row, but both got window seats. Go figure. The two people in the aisle seats REFUSED to move. What the HELL is wrong with people? This is a MOTHER AND A TWO YEAR OLD and your dumb stupid self-centered f*cktard self is refusing to move? I’m glad the mother called them out by going, “Well, if you’re not moving, one of you is taking care of a two year old for me.” Suddenly, faced with the prospect of caring for someone apparently on the equal level of maturity as they were, those two idiots finally moved. And yes, I did say two idiots. Instead of one person moving to the now vacant window seat… the guy made the woman move over so that he could still get an aisle seat. Go figure.
Now do you see my frustration at the f*cktards that populate our world? People who don’t see anything else beyond what they care about or what their diminutive little social circle care about drive me insane. What’s worse is that this airplane incident happened during the holiday season. If we, as humanity, cannot behave civilly to each other during the holidays and set aside our egos and our desire to one up the person next to us, there is simply no hope for the future. And this is the one thing that has infuriated me the most this year… knowing that the people around me are absolute total f*cktards. However, on the brighter side of things… they make @$$holes like me look a lot better than I should.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Freakin' Wastes of Space
The world is full of absolute incompetence. I don't mind it when people are stupid... because I have MANY stupid moments and I'll admit to that straight up. But when stupidity starts to affect the people around you... that's when the brakes need to be put on and someone needs to get a knee to the face.
The worst part is when your life is made more difficult due to the stupidity of people around you. Case in point, I had to go into work today and work on a project that was absolutely fucked up from the start. Trying to coordinate something between 5 different people when no one seemed to have a clue about what you're talking about and you're the one that's supposed to have the easy job.
People working at Burger King... WTF? I want a burger. You serve burgers. It shouldn't take 20 minutes to MAKE A BURGER! What the hell else would people order at Burger King?!? How hard can it be to make a BURGER! It's not like you had to kill the cow yourself. It's not like I blind-sided you with an order of filet mignon! It wasn't like the line was long or that a lot of people were ordering. There was absolutely no reason why I should've been sitting at the Drive-Thru waiting for 20 minutes.
And it wasn't as if the burger was carefully made. The meat, lettuce, tomatoes, and buns were absolutely misaligned and looked like someone just threw it in the wrapper, folded the paper up, and just said, "Oh well."
Is it too hard to expect competence? That I should go through life expecting back the things I offer the world? I've done the food service thing... if I was going to take 20 minutes to serve you food, it was gonna be worth 20 minutes. If I just threw nachos at you in 20 seconds... well... it's 20 second nachos and you're not expecting it to be stacked nicely.
Yes, we're all entitled to be lazy however, when it's a regular occurance and the people that bust their ass to make things happen are always the ones that gets hosed... that's straight up bovine excrement. My life shouldn't be harder because people are stupid. Neither should your's. We deserve to have our expectations met. Society deserves better and stupid people need to be called out.
Let's go old school style... Scarlet Letter. Stupid people need to me marked with a big ole red S. That way... when I go to BK or work or wherever and I see a big red S, I won't expect Superman. I'll expect Stupidman and I won't be disappointed. Look, it's a brick, a lump of shit... no... it's STUPIDMAN!
Yeah. I need to rule the world. :)
The worst part is when your life is made more difficult due to the stupidity of people around you. Case in point, I had to go into work today and work on a project that was absolutely fucked up from the start. Trying to coordinate something between 5 different people when no one seemed to have a clue about what you're talking about and you're the one that's supposed to have the easy job.
People working at Burger King... WTF? I want a burger. You serve burgers. It shouldn't take 20 minutes to MAKE A BURGER! What the hell else would people order at Burger King?!? How hard can it be to make a BURGER! It's not like you had to kill the cow yourself. It's not like I blind-sided you with an order of filet mignon! It wasn't like the line was long or that a lot of people were ordering. There was absolutely no reason why I should've been sitting at the Drive-Thru waiting for 20 minutes.
And it wasn't as if the burger was carefully made. The meat, lettuce, tomatoes, and buns were absolutely misaligned and looked like someone just threw it in the wrapper, folded the paper up, and just said, "Oh well."
Is it too hard to expect competence? That I should go through life expecting back the things I offer the world? I've done the food service thing... if I was going to take 20 minutes to serve you food, it was gonna be worth 20 minutes. If I just threw nachos at you in 20 seconds... well... it's 20 second nachos and you're not expecting it to be stacked nicely.
Yes, we're all entitled to be lazy however, when it's a regular occurance and the people that bust their ass to make things happen are always the ones that gets hosed... that's straight up bovine excrement. My life shouldn't be harder because people are stupid. Neither should your's. We deserve to have our expectations met. Society deserves better and stupid people need to be called out.
Let's go old school style... Scarlet Letter. Stupid people need to me marked with a big ole red S. That way... when I go to BK or work or wherever and I see a big red S, I won't expect Superman. I'll expect Stupidman and I won't be disappointed. Look, it's a brick, a lump of shit... no... it's STUPIDMAN!
Yeah. I need to rule the world. :)
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Closing Time
Okay... when a place says they close at a certain time... that in theory, makes them open at ALL other times... or so I think it should work. However... this doesn't seem to apply to the post office in town.
It was 5:23 when I rolled up, the place SAID that it closes at 5:30. How... 7 minutes... yeah, I'm cutting it a LITTLE close... but seriously, if you say you're supposed to be open until 5:30, your ass better be open until 5:30... otherwise you post 5:23 on your little stupid sign.
I just needed to pick up a couple of packages... nothing that should've taken 7 minutes. The time she spent just standing there shaking her head at me as I tried to explain to her I just needed her to walk her lazy self to the back and get me two boxes should've been spent doing just that! But no, she stands there, shaking her head at me and looking at the clock, which read 5:25. This woman was just standing there waiting to close, with the doors locked.
Tell me I'm not weird or that I'm expecting the impossible. I show up somewhere before it closes and by all means I should get what I went there for. Places shouldn't just arbitrarily close because someone is a fucktard. Can you imagine going to a hospital, expecting to see a doctor, but they're just standing there looking at you wondering, "Why are you here now?"
Why even bother having hours listed if you're just going to arbitrarily close? How about I randomly show up and break into your place because well... if you randomly close, I figure I can make you randomly open.
Stupid people suck.
It was 5:23 when I rolled up, the place SAID that it closes at 5:30. How... 7 minutes... yeah, I'm cutting it a LITTLE close... but seriously, if you say you're supposed to be open until 5:30, your ass better be open until 5:30... otherwise you post 5:23 on your little stupid sign.
I just needed to pick up a couple of packages... nothing that should've taken 7 minutes. The time she spent just standing there shaking her head at me as I tried to explain to her I just needed her to walk her lazy self to the back and get me two boxes should've been spent doing just that! But no, she stands there, shaking her head at me and looking at the clock, which read 5:25. This woman was just standing there waiting to close, with the doors locked.
Tell me I'm not weird or that I'm expecting the impossible. I show up somewhere before it closes and by all means I should get what I went there for. Places shouldn't just arbitrarily close because someone is a fucktard. Can you imagine going to a hospital, expecting to see a doctor, but they're just standing there looking at you wondering, "Why are you here now?"
Why even bother having hours listed if you're just going to arbitrarily close? How about I randomly show up and break into your place because well... if you randomly close, I figure I can make you randomly open.
Stupid people suck.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I'm sorry fat people...
This is going to be one of my more offensive postings. I apologize in advance to anyone I offend... because I know I will offend you.
Airline travel is quickly becoming, for lack of a better phrase, ass-pain. You have to pay to check bags... pay to eat... pay for the little oxygen masks that come down when the plane depressurizes... Okay, so I'm kidding about the last part. Although, I'm not sure how farfetched that could be in the future. "Please deposit $5 for 20 minutes of oxygen. $1 for each additional minute."
Anyways, I digress.
I know it's the rising cost of fuel that is driving planes to be more cramped and more expensive. Fabulous. But I'm still forking over a helluva lot of money to get from point A to point B uncomfortably. With the increasing shrinkage of seating room and massive expansion of the American waistline, planes are a murder waiting to happen.
I've flown repeatedly this past year and I've flown regularly in the past. I also concede, I'm not the more lithe of individuals, but I'm not FAT. I do not spill over into my neighbor's seat. I do not have fat rolls that inhibit the arm rest from coming down. I do not have Chewbacca arms that are Brillo pads rubbing against my neighbor. Every time I get off the plane, I feel like I need to de-louse myself.
It's not that I don't like fat people... I have fat friends. I'm getting fat myself, but the moment I realize that my fatness is impeding the ability of the Earth to rotate on its axis... there's a problem.
Case in point: I was on a flight once, a fat couple wouldn't sit next to each other... why? "It's uncomfortable," they said. GEE. YA THINK?! Instead of them annoying each other with the collision of planetary bodies, they split up... and I get an unnecessary glutteal intrusion into MY personal space.
This past flight I was on, I was sitting next to a rather robust woman. The pilot came up on the speaker telling us that the plane was "tail heavy" and requested two passengers move up forward. Her Royal Lardness didn't move... two skinny guys did. She probably poops their combined weight on a hourly basis. So... for two hours... I was trapped between Blubberina's tub and the wall of the plane.
Do people not REALIZE that they are THAT annoyingly offensive? It's like people that smell bad. Seriously... people around you are vomiting... does it not cross your mind that it's YOU?
If there are regulations governing checked bags and carry-on sizes... I think there should be a size limit on passengers. If you don't fit in the chair you are assigned, you have to buy another seat or you shouldn't be allowed to board. I mean, it makes more sense than airlines charging people up the wazoo for everything else. Fat people need to pay their debt to society... and not just their McDonald's tab.
I paid for 1 seat on an airplane. Not 3/4 or 1/2 of what I'm entitled to. You need to pay me for spatial distress.
Airline travel is quickly becoming, for lack of a better phrase, ass-pain. You have to pay to check bags... pay to eat... pay for the little oxygen masks that come down when the plane depressurizes... Okay, so I'm kidding about the last part. Although, I'm not sure how farfetched that could be in the future. "Please deposit $5 for 20 minutes of oxygen. $1 for each additional minute."
Anyways, I digress.
I know it's the rising cost of fuel that is driving planes to be more cramped and more expensive. Fabulous. But I'm still forking over a helluva lot of money to get from point A to point B uncomfortably. With the increasing shrinkage of seating room and massive expansion of the American waistline, planes are a murder waiting to happen.
I've flown repeatedly this past year and I've flown regularly in the past. I also concede, I'm not the more lithe of individuals, but I'm not FAT. I do not spill over into my neighbor's seat. I do not have fat rolls that inhibit the arm rest from coming down. I do not have Chewbacca arms that are Brillo pads rubbing against my neighbor. Every time I get off the plane, I feel like I need to de-louse myself.
It's not that I don't like fat people... I have fat friends. I'm getting fat myself, but the moment I realize that my fatness is impeding the ability of the Earth to rotate on its axis... there's a problem.
Case in point: I was on a flight once, a fat couple wouldn't sit next to each other... why? "It's uncomfortable," they said. GEE. YA THINK?! Instead of them annoying each other with the collision of planetary bodies, they split up... and I get an unnecessary glutteal intrusion into MY personal space.
This past flight I was on, I was sitting next to a rather robust woman. The pilot came up on the speaker telling us that the plane was "tail heavy" and requested two passengers move up forward. Her Royal Lardness didn't move... two skinny guys did. She probably poops their combined weight on a hourly basis. So... for two hours... I was trapped between Blubberina's tub and the wall of the plane.
Do people not REALIZE that they are THAT annoyingly offensive? It's like people that smell bad. Seriously... people around you are vomiting... does it not cross your mind that it's YOU?
If there are regulations governing checked bags and carry-on sizes... I think there should be a size limit on passengers. If you don't fit in the chair you are assigned, you have to buy another seat or you shouldn't be allowed to board. I mean, it makes more sense than airlines charging people up the wazoo for everything else. Fat people need to pay their debt to society... and not just their McDonald's tab.
I paid for 1 seat on an airplane. Not 3/4 or 1/2 of what I'm entitled to. You need to pay me for spatial distress.
Monday, October 29, 2007
People That Annoy Me
STUPID KIDS:
I love weekends and days where kids are off from school... in the most sarcastic way of course... They're everywhere… movie theaters, checkout lines… everywhere I want to be. Who, you ask? Stupid, bratty, snot-nosed little 13-year old kids that are obnoxious and stupid. They're the ones standing either in front of or behind you blabbering continuously about the newest hot teen idol of the week, "Oh… My… God… ____ is SOOO HOT!" Or they chatter on about some nonsensical video game imported from Japan, "Dude, did you beat the ToyotaNissanSushiMon on the 99th level of Seizure Inducer VI?!?" If not that, they're talking continuously about the drama at their school, "Billy dumped Jane and Jane hooked up with Billy's brother who is like… totally in college…" They not only just talk about it, but they are intolerably loud about it, oblivious to the annoyance that they are causing among the people around them. To quote Apu from the Simpsons, "I can't believe you don't shut up!"I honestly hope I'm not like that or at least wasn't like that when I was their age. If I was, I'm surprised no one just smacked me and told me to shut up! Because I'm sure 4 or 5 years from now, those snot-nosed brats will probably be embarrassed that their idiotic conversations about stupid things were overheard by others. I'm sure I would be! So as a public service to them and to everyone around them, the next time you hear a obnoxious kid jabber on and on about stupid things, just smack him or her. You'll be doing them and society a favor.
ELEVATOR BUTTON PUSHERS:
I've come to just assume and expect the idiocy of the people around me. But I do trust them enough to push a little button to get an elevator. Yet, the same trust isn't bestowed upon me! When I push the elevator call button and just stand there waiting, someone else is bound to come along and push the button again, completely ignoring the fact that it's already lit and that I had pressed the button already. Why do people think that pushing the button repeatedly would just miraculously make the elevator come faster? Why don't they just believe the button has already been pushed? And why do people push the button for a floor even after someone pushed it already? Either people are retarded and don't understand the concept of how an elevator works, or they're retarded and those trust that the button has been pushed. How about I poke you to get your attention and then just keep poking you because I don't believe I have your attention? How would you like that?
SEAT KICKERS:
No offense to Michael J. Fox, Muhammad Ali, or any other of the countless sufferers of Parkinson's disease, but annoying idiots are giving your disease a bad name. I'm talking about those spastic retards that shake their legs or kick incessantly in theaters or any other place where entire rows of seats are linked together. It's incredibly annoying to constantly kicked. So unless you have a disease and you can't help it, you have no right to be disturbing the people around you like that... especially if you're an annoying brat to top it off.
TOILET BANDITS:
Why can't people flush a toilet? What is so difficult about just pushing the little thingie on the back of the toilet to make your excrement go away? I seem to have really shitty luck (pun intended) when it comes to going to public restrooms. I never fail to always walk into the stall with an ungodly amount of urine or feces sitting in the bowl staring at me. What are people thinking? Do they think if they just walk away, the pee and poo just disappear? They obviously don't grow legs and walk away! THEY STAY THERE! I mean, do you just leave shit and piss in your own toilet at home? Have the common courtesy to just flush it. You might as well have just shat on the floor outside the bathroom.
Well... this concludes today's rant. Tune in for more when I get pissed again. :)
I love weekends and days where kids are off from school... in the most sarcastic way of course... They're everywhere… movie theaters, checkout lines… everywhere I want to be. Who, you ask? Stupid, bratty, snot-nosed little 13-year old kids that are obnoxious and stupid. They're the ones standing either in front of or behind you blabbering continuously about the newest hot teen idol of the week, "Oh… My… God… ____ is SOOO HOT!" Or they chatter on about some nonsensical video game imported from Japan, "Dude, did you beat the ToyotaNissanSushiMon on the 99th level of Seizure Inducer VI?!?" If not that, they're talking continuously about the drama at their school, "Billy dumped Jane and Jane hooked up with Billy's brother who is like… totally in college…" They not only just talk about it, but they are intolerably loud about it, oblivious to the annoyance that they are causing among the people around them. To quote Apu from the Simpsons, "I can't believe you don't shut up!"I honestly hope I'm not like that or at least wasn't like that when I was their age. If I was, I'm surprised no one just smacked me and told me to shut up! Because I'm sure 4 or 5 years from now, those snot-nosed brats will probably be embarrassed that their idiotic conversations about stupid things were overheard by others. I'm sure I would be! So as a public service to them and to everyone around them, the next time you hear a obnoxious kid jabber on and on about stupid things, just smack him or her. You'll be doing them and society a favor.
ELEVATOR BUTTON PUSHERS:
I've come to just assume and expect the idiocy of the people around me. But I do trust them enough to push a little button to get an elevator. Yet, the same trust isn't bestowed upon me! When I push the elevator call button and just stand there waiting, someone else is bound to come along and push the button again, completely ignoring the fact that it's already lit and that I had pressed the button already. Why do people think that pushing the button repeatedly would just miraculously make the elevator come faster? Why don't they just believe the button has already been pushed? And why do people push the button for a floor even after someone pushed it already? Either people are retarded and don't understand the concept of how an elevator works, or they're retarded and those trust that the button has been pushed. How about I poke you to get your attention and then just keep poking you because I don't believe I have your attention? How would you like that?
SEAT KICKERS:
No offense to Michael J. Fox, Muhammad Ali, or any other of the countless sufferers of Parkinson's disease, but annoying idiots are giving your disease a bad name. I'm talking about those spastic retards that shake their legs or kick incessantly in theaters or any other place where entire rows of seats are linked together. It's incredibly annoying to constantly kicked. So unless you have a disease and you can't help it, you have no right to be disturbing the people around you like that... especially if you're an annoying brat to top it off.
TOILET BANDITS:
Why can't people flush a toilet? What is so difficult about just pushing the little thingie on the back of the toilet to make your excrement go away? I seem to have really shitty luck (pun intended) when it comes to going to public restrooms. I never fail to always walk into the stall with an ungodly amount of urine or feces sitting in the bowl staring at me. What are people thinking? Do they think if they just walk away, the pee and poo just disappear? They obviously don't grow legs and walk away! THEY STAY THERE! I mean, do you just leave shit and piss in your own toilet at home? Have the common courtesy to just flush it. You might as well have just shat on the floor outside the bathroom.
Well... this concludes today's rant. Tune in for more when I get pissed again. :)
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