Retarded Much?

If You Don’t Have To Go… Go AWAY!

One of the unfortunate facts about public restrooms is the fact that they are public. Many people use them, leave inhuman odors, and who knows what else. It’s even worse when there’s a line for the bathroom and you’re forced to stand in there, wallowing in the stench of others, as you wait to leave your own scent in the mix. It’s much worse being female, because at least guys do one thing in the urinal and they do another thing in the stalls. Females, on the other hand, do both things in the stalls, resulting in this amalgamation of stinkiness festering for the next poor sap that goes in.

If that’s not bad enough, it’s those idiot people that just seem to stand in line for the heck of standing in the bathroom line. They don’t have to go! They’re just there accompanying their friend to the bathroom. So while you’re standing there, waiting for the person at the front of the line to take the stall that just opened up, they just stand there doing absolutely nothing. People wonder why the lines in women’s restrooms are so long, it’s because people bring along a Potty Posse whenever they need to pee or poo. So as the funk molecules are clinging to my pores and clothing, someone’s Potty Posse is impeding my bladder relief. It’s ridiculous. If you’re in a bathroom and don’t have to go… you’re either someone with a bizarre fecal fetish or you’re a freakin’ moron. Get the hell out of the bathroom!

Chicago’s My Kind of Town… Just Not For Sports…

I love Chicago, I was born and raised here… this is my hometown. Unfortunately, this is also a horrible town for a sports fan. We have all of the major sports here, we have the Bears in the NFL, the Bulls in the NBA, the Blackhawks in the NHL, the White Sox and Cubs in MLB, and the Fire in MLS. We also have a Big Ten NCAA football team in Northwestern. Unfortunately, all of the teams that I listed above… SUCK. Well, maybe not the Chicago Fire, but then, no one seems to watch soccer.

In my lifetime, the Bears won a Super Bowl in 1985, Bulls had their run in the 90s as being the best freakin’ team in basketball, Northwestern made it to the Rose Bowl back in 1995, the White Sox won their division in 2000, the Bears won the Central Division in 2001, and the Cubs made the Wild Card in 1998 and was 5 outs away from being in the World Series in 2003. But with the exception of the Bears and the Bulls winning it all back in the day, every success has had a miserable ending. The Sox lost in the playoffs, the Bears lost in the playoffs, Northwestern lost in the Rose Bowl, and the Cubs lost in the playoffs. And this year we had Northern Illinois University to cheer for… true, we’re grasping at straws here by counting those DeKalb kids as a Chicago team, but they were undefeated and were gunning for a BCS spot. During a time when we were mourning the Cubs loss, we were celebrating the Huskies and their run. But then… once the Chicagoans started rooting for them… guess what? They lost this weekend to Bowling Green, their shot at a Bowl game is gone… and we’re again stuck on the downward end of the sports roller coaster ride. Maybe we should just stop rooting for teams…

Speaking of Sports…

The Florida Marlins won the World Series… I guess it does justify the Cubs’ loss to them. Had the Yankees whomped on them, it would’ve really made the Cubs look bad… but those Marlins are quite the battlers. They may look and play like inept idiots one inning, but they never gave up and they’re champions once again. If only Chicago teams are like that… instead they just look like inept idiots and that’s about all.

As much as they’ve earned it… they didn’t EARN it. How many years have the White Sox, the Cubs, and the Boston Red Sox been unable to reach the World Series, much less win one? Here we are again with some expansion team winning it all… the Arizona Diamondbacks? The Florida Marlins? Come on now. It’s getting rather crazy. I guess next year starts now and all the dreams of glory and victory can begin. Here’s to a Cubs-White Sox World Series in 2004… damn, I didn’t just jinx it did I? Oops.