Friday, August 14, 2009
YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC!
Hello, loyal readers of What's YOUR Deal?!? I'm back and relatively coherent. I've been painkiller free for over a week. No, I'm not a drug addict but I've definitely been out of it. I actually barely recall last week. So the fact that I even posted a rant actually surprised me. But kudos to Mentos for her excellent point that was posted as a reply on my Facebook about how people DO eat healthy... but they also eat a LOT of healthy... and then they wonder why they can't fit through a door. That's a definitely a "What's YOUR Deal?!?"
But, overall, I'm perfectly fine with people that are um... substantial. I'm perfectly fine with a lot of things, because I think that people have a right to be whoever they want to be, as long those substantial people do not crush me or eat my cat. Fair enough? I think there's a fundamental difference between someone like me that points out the idiocies that surround us and people who say... inspire this picture:
For those who can't see the picture, it's of a bus with a sign on the side that says, "Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
Flying to the moon... very cool and overall gives people warm fuzzies and inspiration. 9/11... very uncool and overall gave people paranoia and anger.
But, that's the overall big picture of today's rant. Shout out to my friend Lauren, whose Facebook status inspired me to write this week's rant about people that are publically retarded and inconsiderate. How does this even relate to that bus? Well, let me explain.
Lauren posted something about people that just leave their clothes in the washer in a communal laundry room and that is unnecessarily rude. I've spent plenty of time in communcal laundry rooms doing laundry. Not everyone is cool enough to have their own washer and dryer or have the time to spend in a laundromat listening to the spin cycle or staring at their clothes go roundy roundy in the dryer. But then there are the people that just leave their clothes in the washer or the dryer for hours upon hours. Why? Who knows? It's not like it's a personal washer or dryer or something, where they CAN do that. I mean, hell, my clothes have been in my personal dryer since last night. Oooooh, shame on me.
But, you CAN'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC! I know this. I KNEW this when I was living in an apartment with a communal laundry room. I knew I wasn't going to time it perfectly everytime to get my clothes in the dead of winter with 3 feet of snow on the path between my apartment door and the laundry room and get my clothes out exactly when they're ready. This is especially crucial when there's say... only two washers and one of them was broken... I would leave my laundry basket there, so someone who needed the one working washer would just move my clothes into the basket and leave it there for when I came back. I've actually had someone tell me that, "Wow, you're not afraid someone will steal your basket?" I remember looking at that person and thinking, "If someone is desperate enough to steal my laundry basket, they probably needed it more than I do." Not to mention, it's a PUBLIC LAUNDRY ROOM! Someone could very well steal all of my clothes too. But it's a risk I had to take to ensure I wasn't funky and wearing stinky clothes. It's a necessary risk to ensure I was considerate.
That's that level of humanity that I think we don't have. People assume that just because they're using it, it's their's to do as they wish. You know those people that leave soap residue in the washers or or otherwise leave a mess in the laundry room. As if to imply, yes, this is a public space, therefore, someone else will clean up MY mess. And it's THOSE people that complain when stuff BREAKS because they're STUPID. It is those people that would pee all over the toilet seat in a public restroom. YOU KNOW who you are, you failure at hovering! Or the people that otherwise fecally decorate the public restrooms. How does that even happen? These are also same people that don't flush the toilet when they're done, leaving me the winner of Musical Toilet everytime I go to the bathroom in public. You know the game where you and your friends all go to the bathroom and ONE person ALWAYS gets the toilet with the surprise in it. Yeah. Thanks. You idiots make my day everytime. *thumbs up!*
That's the point of my ranting. I want people to open their eyes to the consequences of their actions or even their inactions. But I'm not like these people and the Westboro Baptist Church:
Yeah, the people that picket military funerals saying God Hates Fags and somehow that if there are gay people among us... random people die, space shuttles blow up, and military service members deserve to have their funerals desecrated with stupid?
Sidenote: If any dumb asses like that show up at my funeral, I want everyone there to run them off in the most ridiculously hilarious way possible. Perhaps a contingent of gay people offering to hug them and "spread the gay" or something. Who knows? But I digress.
I don't care what you do at home. If you break your washer and dryer or leave your clothes in it for a week, I don't care. If you pee and crap all over your walls and carpet, I don't care. I may not visit, but I don't care. I'm not going to say God hates you or blame you for all of the problems in the world. But the moment you prevent me from washing and drying my clothes or pee and crap all over a toilet I NEED to use... GAME ON! Maybe you think I'm judgemental for being so picky about what I think is the right way for people to behave... maybe you're partially right. I'm not that extreme. I'm not going to picket your funeral because you're dumb.
People are focused on the completely wrong things. While people are picketing military funerals and blowing up buildings, we continually let people ruin our day to day lives. Given the option, if I can eliminate one "threat to our day-to-day lives", I'd rather get rid of the idiot that doesn't flush the toilet in public than the gay couple trying to get married. Or I'd rather see the idiot leaving the clothes in the washer for hours upon hours disappear off the face of the planet before the nice religious people that don't picket public places or blow things up.
I just want my readers to take responsibility for their actions and if actions need to be taken, focus those actions on the things that matter. Because the inconsiderate actions of the laundry room lazy-ass or the restroom retard leads to further inconsiderate actions in other aspects of their lives. It is these people that are a threat to undermine the American family and marriage and whatever else that those crazy nutjobs at the Westboro Baptist Church and those organizations like it use as their rhetoric. So, close with:
I hate your unclaimed laundry. And your poopy. And I don't think God likes it either.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Things that I just have to point out...
Sorry fans of What's YOUR Deal?!? I just recently had knee surgery to clear up a piece of floating tissue inside my knee. I actually have no recollection of much of this past week... I'm sure my friend Denise can tell everyone stories of how bad I was.
Yeah... But anyways, being in a drug-induced stupor has opened my eyes to many things... Mostly things I see on TV because well, when one's knee is swollen and mind is drugged, there's only so much activity that can be accomplished.
I keep seeing commercial for foods that are low-calorie, like those 100 calorie packs of snacks or the 50-calorie yogurts. But, what about the other stuff that's in it? The fat, the sugars, the Red-40s! Oh my! Or does anyone else realize that all that stuff is supposed to do for you is be the proportion control that apparently most people lack? Anything we eat can be 100 calories or less if we just eat only 100 calories worth of it. I mean, I can have a low-calorie steak and just take one bite out of it. And some of that stuff is just that... it's a tiny portion of what the regular one is. This stuff does nothing when you see people eating multiple packs of 100 calorie chips (which, YES, I have seen). "Oh it's okay... they're low-calorie." No it's not, you lumbering Kirby-clone!
(Sidenote, for those unfamiliar with the Nintendo character... I show you, Kirby:
Speaking of eating... one of the side effects from anesthesia is dry mouth. One of the things that they make you do before surgery is not eat for at least 8 hours prior to surgery. So... there I was, post-surgery... starving... and with wicked dry mouth. What do they give me to help? Crackers. Why, cruel world, do you give someone that's starving with wicked dry mouth, CRACKERS?!? Anyone in the medical community want to shed some light on that? Why couldn't I get jello? Or fruit? Something NOT CRACKERS? Sometimes I think I'm not meant to understand the world...
And... that's about all that's been bugging me lately.... and by lately I really do mean within the past day or so. Drugs... they do bad things to the brain. Feels great while you're absolutely incoherent and calling people... but then you realize you make no sense and nothing productive has happened. Just say no to drugs... and give them to me... I'll take care of it for you. :) Kidding.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
People Are Ridiculous...
I've been pondering this rant for a while, because it takes a certain level of tact to be able to say the things I'm about to say. I am aware that my loyal readers know that tact and "What's YOUR Deal?!?" have never exactly gotten along. That and the things I'm about to write, in general, should be none of my business. But again, that hasn't stopped me before. I call bullshit where I see it and I am not going to stop.
Now on to the rant.
During the 4th of July weekend, former All-Pro quarterback Steve McNair was shot and killed in a murder-suicide by a woman he was dating. My condolences go out to the McNair family and I shall attempt to pay all the proper levels of respect to his life, his privacy, and to the man he was. However, this entire situation made me realize a few things, in conjunction with conversations with Heather, Denise, and Shannon. Shout out to this terrific trio!
I try not to be tacky and use the title of my blog in the blog, because it's implied that everything I rant about involves a adamant yelling of, "WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!?" But this situation definitely calls for a, "WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!?" It boggles my mind to see people in situations like that. I know we've all had our moments of morbid curiousity and we've tuned into talk shows. Not the informative interviewing kinds of talk shows, but the knock down, drag out, mid-90s Jerry Springer-esque talk shows. The Maury Poviches, the Sally Jesse Rafaels, Ricki Lakes, et cetera kinds of talk shows. The ones where no one seems to know who their "baby daddy" is. The ones that have paternity tests, the cousins dating and mating, and sending teens to boot camp because they've slept with more people than the entire population of India. It is to those people that my "What's YOUR Deal?!?" rants are focused to. Unfortunately, those are also the same people that may not have the level of reading comprehension that would be necessary to understand the words that are currently sitting on your screen. And for you, loyal readers, I just hope you see the dismay within my words and join me in a collective jaw drop and sigh.
I don't pretend to know what was going on in Steve McNair's family life or why he started dating Sahel Kazemi, the woman who would come to murder him. But I just want to pose some questions for all of us to think about. Maybe from the land of the internets, I can get some answers to make sense of the world in which we all share.
First question: Why are people dumb? This is a question I always ask. People do some freakin' illogical things that are straight up, inexcusably dumb. Most people go from zero to utterly irrationally insane in a quicker time than it takes diarrhea to spew forth from my anus when I have a stomach bug. Why? Is it really so hard to think logically about something and talk things out without the help of a talk show?
Second question: Why the hell do people cheat on each other? If the relationship is not working, then get out of it. "Oh... but I love ____." No you don't, you dumb ass. If you do, you WON'T CHEAT ON THEM! You may like them for what they provide, like money, shelter, or whatever. But you obviously don't like THEM because how much more can you disrespect someone than to lie to them and cheat on them. That makes you sub-human. You're worse than the diarrhea that I've spewed forth from my anus, because at least I KNOW where that's been.
Third question: Why the hell do people date the trashiest people and then get upset about it when they do something trashy? Uh.... duh? Case in point, a month or so ago, Tony, Judy, and I witnessed my neighbor kicking out her cheating boyfriend. Lots of crying, screaming, name-calling... we were like, "Whoa." But when the cops came and boyfriend was led out to the squad car, we saw that this dude was disgusting. He had man boobs that wrapped around his body like a floatation device and back hair that would rival Chewbacca's. This leads directly to the next two questions...
Fourth question: How do trashy people like that even GET ONE person much less, apparently, multiple partners? I've spent a lot of time single, because I'm picky. I have every right to be because I have standards. I also came to the conclusion that I was okay with being single because I can't find someone dateable. I was willing to accept that I had high standards and it would take someone pretty wicked awesome to get past the pickiness. But, I guess that makes me relatively unique. (No worries, I know I have cool friends that are more like me than a petri dish. HUZZAH to you!) And if you look like you're carrying more STDs than a research laboratory... I'd like to tell you, "Good luck. Because apparently there are people willing to love you."
Fifth question: How low does your self-esteem have to be to even date trashy people? Why can't most people realize that they don't have to lower their standards? These are the people that we find on Maury, Jerry, Sally, Ricki, etc. looking shocked and awed that their fat-ass significant others, breeding the newest in biological warfare within their crotchal regions, are cheating on them with someone equally as sub-human. Why? WHY?!? Dump the dumbass and go find someone better.
I'm not saying that this was what Steve McNair and Sahel Kazemi had going on, but you have to realize that if he wasn't cheating on his wife with her, he'd be still alive. I'm sorry if I'm an asshole for saying that. Yes, we should focus on his life and successful career but, the fact of the matter is that he was victimized in the most heinous of ways by the woman he cheated on his wife with. Yeah, we watch those talk shows and we mock those that are in bad relationships, but at any given moment, some psycho will buy a gun and kill. Call this a public service announcement or whatnot, but don't be dumb. Don't get involved in shit like that. If all of your friends are going, "WTF are you doing with this person?" then maybe they're right. I don't have a lot of fans that are regular readers of my blog, I don't want to lose any of you to something senseless like that.
Dump the ho-bags, the trashy folks, and hopefully they don't scratch out the word, "HO" on the hood of your car. (True story, Shannon and I saw that this weekend.) But better HO on the hood of your car than getting shot in the head.
Now on to the rant.
During the 4th of July weekend, former All-Pro quarterback Steve McNair was shot and killed in a murder-suicide by a woman he was dating. My condolences go out to the McNair family and I shall attempt to pay all the proper levels of respect to his life, his privacy, and to the man he was. However, this entire situation made me realize a few things, in conjunction with conversations with Heather, Denise, and Shannon. Shout out to this terrific trio!
I try not to be tacky and use the title of my blog in the blog, because it's implied that everything I rant about involves a adamant yelling of, "WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!?" But this situation definitely calls for a, "WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!?" It boggles my mind to see people in situations like that. I know we've all had our moments of morbid curiousity and we've tuned into talk shows. Not the informative interviewing kinds of talk shows, but the knock down, drag out, mid-90s Jerry Springer-esque talk shows. The Maury Poviches, the Sally Jesse Rafaels, Ricki Lakes, et cetera kinds of talk shows. The ones where no one seems to know who their "baby daddy" is. The ones that have paternity tests, the cousins dating and mating, and sending teens to boot camp because they've slept with more people than the entire population of India. It is to those people that my "What's YOUR Deal?!?" rants are focused to. Unfortunately, those are also the same people that may not have the level of reading comprehension that would be necessary to understand the words that are currently sitting on your screen. And for you, loyal readers, I just hope you see the dismay within my words and join me in a collective jaw drop and sigh.
I don't pretend to know what was going on in Steve McNair's family life or why he started dating Sahel Kazemi, the woman who would come to murder him. But I just want to pose some questions for all of us to think about. Maybe from the land of the internets, I can get some answers to make sense of the world in which we all share.
First question: Why are people dumb? This is a question I always ask. People do some freakin' illogical things that are straight up, inexcusably dumb. Most people go from zero to utterly irrationally insane in a quicker time than it takes diarrhea to spew forth from my anus when I have a stomach bug. Why? Is it really so hard to think logically about something and talk things out without the help of a talk show?
Second question: Why the hell do people cheat on each other? If the relationship is not working, then get out of it. "Oh... but I love ____." No you don't, you dumb ass. If you do, you WON'T CHEAT ON THEM! You may like them for what they provide, like money, shelter, or whatever. But you obviously don't like THEM because how much more can you disrespect someone than to lie to them and cheat on them. That makes you sub-human. You're worse than the diarrhea that I've spewed forth from my anus, because at least I KNOW where that's been.
Third question: Why the hell do people date the trashiest people and then get upset about it when they do something trashy? Uh.... duh? Case in point, a month or so ago, Tony, Judy, and I witnessed my neighbor kicking out her cheating boyfriend. Lots of crying, screaming, name-calling... we were like, "Whoa." But when the cops came and boyfriend was led out to the squad car, we saw that this dude was disgusting. He had man boobs that wrapped around his body like a floatation device and back hair that would rival Chewbacca's. This leads directly to the next two questions...
Fourth question: How do trashy people like that even GET ONE person much less, apparently, multiple partners? I've spent a lot of time single, because I'm picky. I have every right to be because I have standards. I also came to the conclusion that I was okay with being single because I can't find someone dateable. I was willing to accept that I had high standards and it would take someone pretty wicked awesome to get past the pickiness. But, I guess that makes me relatively unique. (No worries, I know I have cool friends that are more like me than a petri dish. HUZZAH to you!) And if you look like you're carrying more STDs than a research laboratory... I'd like to tell you, "Good luck. Because apparently there are people willing to love you."
Fifth question: How low does your self-esteem have to be to even date trashy people? Why can't most people realize that they don't have to lower their standards? These are the people that we find on Maury, Jerry, Sally, Ricki, etc. looking shocked and awed that their fat-ass significant others, breeding the newest in biological warfare within their crotchal regions, are cheating on them with someone equally as sub-human. Why? WHY?!? Dump the dumbass and go find someone better.
I'm not saying that this was what Steve McNair and Sahel Kazemi had going on, but you have to realize that if he wasn't cheating on his wife with her, he'd be still alive. I'm sorry if I'm an asshole for saying that. Yes, we should focus on his life and successful career but, the fact of the matter is that he was victimized in the most heinous of ways by the woman he cheated on his wife with. Yeah, we watch those talk shows and we mock those that are in bad relationships, but at any given moment, some psycho will buy a gun and kill. Call this a public service announcement or whatnot, but don't be dumb. Don't get involved in shit like that. If all of your friends are going, "WTF are you doing with this person?" then maybe they're right. I don't have a lot of fans that are regular readers of my blog, I don't want to lose any of you to something senseless like that.
Dump the ho-bags, the trashy folks, and hopefully they don't scratch out the word, "HO" on the hood of your car. (True story, Shannon and I saw that this weekend.) But better HO on the hood of your car than getting shot in the head.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
You ARE the Problem!
Apologies for this rant being late. I know I'm disappointing the few fans that I do have. But I promise I will try to do better. Because as the Social Justice Ninja, I have taken on the burden and the responsibility to call out and mock those that do harm to the greater good. The Suck Stops HERE.
But, since we're on the topic of social responsibility (when are my rants NOT about that?)... I really want to point out my moral outrage regarding stupid people that do things that they think are in the best interests of others, but are totally wrong in what they're doing. Case in point... I was in line getting a burrito at my local Mexican food place. Shout out to Taco Roco, you're no Pancho Pistola's (Chicago), but you'll have to do. But there I was, standing in line waiting to place my order when this family is in front of me ordering food and I overhear their order. The mother turns and asks her toddler, "Do you want some juice?" I was thinking, "Huzzah! Yay to people giving their children healthy beverages like juice and water!" But... like most of humanity that I meet, I emerged sorely disappointed. I should really start to expect idiocy from the people around me, but I keep running into good people! (No offense to you guys, you know who you are!)
Anyways, how did this family piss off the Social Justice Ninja? The woman offers her child "juice" which apparently comes in the form of Sunkist Orange Soda.
WHAT.
THE.
F*CK?!?
SUNKIST ORANGE SODA?!?
JUICE?!?
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?
Okay.... let's back track...
Juice, as defined by dictionary.com:
"the natural fluid, fluid content, or liquid part that can be extracted from a plant or one of its parts, esp. of a fruit: orange juice."
NATURAL. EXTRACTED FROM A PLANT.
How the hell is THIS extracted from a plant?!? WHAT PLANT?!?!?
Here are the ingredients of a Sunkist soda, (as marked on 20oz. bottle):
Carbonated water
High fructose corn syrup and/or sugar
Citric acid
Sodium benzoate (preservative)
Food starch-modified
Natural flavors
Caffeine
Glycerol ester of wood rosin
Ascorbic acid (preservative)
Yellow 6
Red 40
Yummy! Red 40!
But yeah, this woman was telling her child that Sunkist Orange Soda is JUICE. And we wonder why there are fat kids and fat adults running around. Words cannot express my dismay.
There is a fundamental difference between doing stupid things and not being aware of it. Because lord knows and all of my friends know that I do some pretty ridiculously funny things... but I NEVER, EVER WILLINGLY do something HURTFUL to someone unless it is deserved. And what that woman did to her child... is abuse! That's hurting a child by LYING to them.
And I'll call BULLSHIT to whoever thinks that they're a better parent than me because I don't have kids of my own at this very moment. The things I say are common sense. Sunkist Orange Soda is not juice. Kool-Aide is NOT JUICE. Sunny Delight is NOT JUICE. When you roll your fat child to my door to Trick or Treat at Halloween, I'm not sure if I want to give your child candy. You can egg my house if you want, but somehow I think your definition of eggs involve the Cadbury kind with the creme filling.
Why are people dumb? Children, I understand, are a product of their homes and their parents. Some of them are more or less fortunate than others. The only hope I have is that somewhere out there, a child is reading this blog and thinking, "Wow... Sunkist Orange Soda isn't juice?" If that's the case, then my job is done. Or perhaps a parent will look twice at they're offering their child to eat and drink. I'm not saying don't give them treats or soda at all, just don't lie to them and call it JUICE or call a Gummy Bear fruit.
Tell the flipping truth, you lying bastards out there. You're not helping the world, you are the problem. Just because you think Sunkist Orange Soda is juice doesn't make it juice. You are not Jesus or a chemist and you cannot turn Red 40 into anything healthy. Think of the innocent lives that you are destroying with your delusional lies and all those minds being corrupted by the bullshit that you feed them. How can you sleep at night, you monster?! You may band together all of your fat friends and fat offspring to silence my truth, but I doubt you can fit through my door much less come up my stairs.
So, yes, ASSHOLE, I'm talking to you and your kind. I can only hope my rant today can help liberate the minds of those that you have brainwashed and hurt.
Fight stupid.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Dear Inconsiderate Motherf*cker...
Apologies for not having a rant last week, I will take personal responsibility for being one of the inconsiderate motherf*ckers I'm writing about this week (actually no, I don't think I'm that bad). I was out of town and didn't get around to writing one. Since I foresee my weekends being busier in the future, I'm now moving my weekly "What's YOUR Deal?!?" rants to Fridays. This week's rant is partially inspired by Shannon. SHOUT OUT TO SHANNON! Enjoy!
Dear Inconsiderate Motherf*cker,
Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you so special and the rest of us so inferior to your delusional greatness? Why, Little Miss Thang must you carry around your little dog in a purse at the store? What part of Service Animals Only do you not understand? I love my cat, Milo, but do you see me taking him everywhere I go? I mean, I get it, I travel with Milo when I go on long trips because I can't bear to be without him for a week or so and it's cheaper than boarding him for that long. I've taken Milo to the pet store so he could try on holiday collars. But I am not taking some little dog in a purse to the grocery store to run errands. Does little Fifi REALLY need to be helping you pick out vegetables? No. Then that begs this question: Do you care so little for your pet that you just consider him or her a fashion accessory? Oh I hope not! I hope little Fifi never clashes with your eyeliner. Poor thing. You're one inconsiderate motherf*cker!
And Mr. Dumbf*ck in your little car taking up the highway, if your little car doesn't go 70+ miles per hour... GET OFF THE HIGHWAY! If your car can't maintain highway speeds going up a hill... GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE! And allow me to lower my English language skills to help you understand: This ain't NASCAR, ya'll. This ain't no race and there ain't no checkered flag. As for the rest of my readers who understand English, if I'm trying to pass you, it's probably because you're going SLOWER than me. I'm in a Jeep... I don't go very fast... but when I do, I like to keep doing the same speed that I set my cruise control to. If I'm not accelerating and I'm going faster than you... LET ME PASS YOU! You're ain't Dale Earnhardt and I can't give a rat's ass about your jolly jalopy accelerating only when you see me trying to pass you only for you to go slow again when I'm behind you. Thank you Mr. Dumbf*ck, for being a waste of space on this planet.
And oh, I can't forget about you, Mr. Fatf*ck! Yes, the fat f*ck who has probably never partaken in an athletic event but yet makes himself feel better by obnoxious heckling. These are the same fat f*cks that heckle at Pee-Wee football, Little League games, and high school games. I have no qualms about people that heckle the multi-million dollar athletes that are paid absurdly to play a game, as long as the heckling is actually funny and appropriate. However, heckling isn't funny just because you're loud and fat. So shut the f*ck up, Mr. Fatf*ck.
So please, all you inconsiderate motherf*ckers out there take heed and stop.
Thank you.
Dear Inconsiderate Motherf*cker,
Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you so special and the rest of us so inferior to your delusional greatness? Why, Little Miss Thang must you carry around your little dog in a purse at the store? What part of Service Animals Only do you not understand? I love my cat, Milo, but do you see me taking him everywhere I go? I mean, I get it, I travel with Milo when I go on long trips because I can't bear to be without him for a week or so and it's cheaper than boarding him for that long. I've taken Milo to the pet store so he could try on holiday collars. But I am not taking some little dog in a purse to the grocery store to run errands. Does little Fifi REALLY need to be helping you pick out vegetables? No. Then that begs this question: Do you care so little for your pet that you just consider him or her a fashion accessory? Oh I hope not! I hope little Fifi never clashes with your eyeliner. Poor thing. You're one inconsiderate motherf*cker!
And Mr. Dumbf*ck in your little car taking up the highway, if your little car doesn't go 70+ miles per hour... GET OFF THE HIGHWAY! If your car can't maintain highway speeds going up a hill... GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE! And allow me to lower my English language skills to help you understand: This ain't NASCAR, ya'll. This ain't no race and there ain't no checkered flag. As for the rest of my readers who understand English, if I'm trying to pass you, it's probably because you're going SLOWER than me. I'm in a Jeep... I don't go very fast... but when I do, I like to keep doing the same speed that I set my cruise control to. If I'm not accelerating and I'm going faster than you... LET ME PASS YOU! You're ain't Dale Earnhardt and I can't give a rat's ass about your jolly jalopy accelerating only when you see me trying to pass you only for you to go slow again when I'm behind you. Thank you Mr. Dumbf*ck, for being a waste of space on this planet.
And oh, I can't forget about you, Mr. Fatf*ck! Yes, the fat f*ck who has probably never partaken in an athletic event but yet makes himself feel better by obnoxious heckling. These are the same fat f*cks that heckle at Pee-Wee football, Little League games, and high school games. I have no qualms about people that heckle the multi-million dollar athletes that are paid absurdly to play a game, as long as the heckling is actually funny and appropriate. However, heckling isn't funny just because you're loud and fat. So shut the f*ck up, Mr. Fatf*ck.
So please, all you inconsiderate motherf*ckers out there take heed and stop.
Thank you.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
June 6th... the Awesomest Day in History... Or Not..
Welcome to yet another early edition of What's YOUR Deal?!? Again, I will be spending my Sunday down at the Home Depot Center in Carson, CA supporting the fledgling WPS (Womens Professional Soccer) league. But this one couldn't have been better planned for a better day in terms of pure historical coolness.
June 6th, 1944, 55 years ago, Allied Forces landed on the beaches of Normandy. This was a historical event that changed the course of human history. President Barack Obama said in a speech today, "Friends and veterans, what we cannot forget — what we must not forget — is that D-Day was a time and a place where the bravery and selflessness of a few was able to change the course of an entire century," and that, "the sheer improbability of this victory is part of what makes D-Day so memorable."
It's amazing how easily we all forget the freedoms that we all enjoy and for some, take for granted, was earned upon the coat tails of the generations before us. Where would we be as Americans had it not been for those that fought in the Revolutionary War? Where would we be if Abraham Lincoln did not fight for a "more perfect union?" Where would we be without those that gave their lives on the beaches of Normandy, the rest of Europe, or the Pacific theater during World War II? Where would we be without those that fought for civil rights and equality for men, women, and people of all races? Where would we be? It's only appropriate that the first part of my blog today delivers a hearty shout-out to those that helped pave the way for people like me to not be thrown into a gas chamber somewhere. I salute all of you.
Let's flash forward to June 6th, 1984, height of the Cold War. On that day, Alexey Pajitnov designed and programmed the greatest game of all time: Tetris. Even while the United States and the Soviet Union had nuclear missiles were pointed at each other and the Doomsday Clock ticked closer to midnight... Tetris of all things found its way out of there and into the homes of people worldwide. Such a simple game involving logic, intellectual speed, and infinite strategic possibilities has lasted through the Cold War and is still going strong on video game consoles, handheld games, computers, graphing calculators, cell phones, and assorted other media. Thank you Mr. Pajitnov for creating Tetris and giving people like me something to do in long boring lectures in high school and college.
Now let's flash forward to today. Not quite the awesomest day in history, at least I hope it won't be looked upon in that light decades from now. Today is Protest the Pill Day '09. Yay American Life League, we meet again. If you would recall, the American Life League is the organization that accused Dunkin' Donuts of supporting abortions by giving out free "Freedom to Choose" donuts before President Obama's Inauguration. And I never did get an answer to the question I asked them, "Are the jelly ones extra abortiony?" Oh well. This group says on their event website http://www.thepillkills.com:
"On Saturday, June 6, pro-lifers across the country will be participating in the largest protest ever against the birth control pill and other birth control products. Last year, participants across the United States shared the facts on exactly how the pill kills babies. This year, we will expose the sordid details surrounding the tragic effects these chemicals have on women. We will emphasize the truth about how the pill kills women."
I'm all for the power to chose... if someone doesn't want an abortion, that's fine. If someone wants to get one, it's not for me to judge them, nor is it for these anti-abortion groups to do so either. Especially not by killing doctors that perform abortions like Dr. George Tiller, who was recently murdered. Oh, by the way, his funeral is today also. Great timing guys... great timing.
It is amazing that of all the things that have occurred on June 6ths throughout American history, that there are still groups fighting to take away the rights to choose that those that stormed the beaches of Normandy 55 years ago fought and died for to protect. How through the oppression of the Cold War-era Communist Soviet Union, a world-wide phenomenon found its way through in the form of Tetris. And today, we have doctors getting killed for what they do because certain groups and people think that their views are better than everyone else's. I not knocking people that think their views are better, don't get me wrong. Because honestly, I think my views are better than most people's. That's why I write this blog. But I'm not going to kill you if you disagree with me. I'm just going to publically mock you and hopefully shame you into a better way of thinking.
I'm actually glad that the theme to The Pill Kills has changed since they did it last year. Last year, they essentially said that taking birth control is the same as getting an abortion.
Here is an excerpt from this site http://catholicexchange.com/2008/05/08/112400/:
"As you know from the information you read on our web site: www.thepillkills.com, the birth control pill has three modes of action, one of which results changes in endometrium which reduces the likelihood of implantation. This of course means that the preborn child is not able to implant so that he can continue to grow, and he dies. This is chemical abortion."
So, at what point is there life? Can I just think about sex and not have it? Does that make a murderer because I "reduced my likelihood of implantation" by choosing not to have sex? (Ruh roh, Shaggy... she said CHOOSING!) Well folks, you heard it here first. I am a murderer. Yep. I confess. And everytime you spay and neuter your pets... you're an animal killer. Yeah... you're going to hell. Yep, you.
Thankfully, this year they went with a different theme. This time, THE PILL KILLS WOMEN!!!! That's fabulous. But then, so do other drugs. Remember the one I called out before that could cause Tuberculosis? Or how about simple ibruprophen? According to http://drugwarfacts.org/cms/?q=node/30:
"Each year, use of NSAIDs (Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs) accounts for an estimated 7,600 deaths and 76,000 hospitalizations in the United States." (NSAIDs include aspirin, ibuprofen, naproxen, diclofenac, ketoprofen, and tiaprofenic acid.)
AHHHH PILLS KILL!!!!
I seriously think the American Life League is reaching... a lot. But... the course of human history and American history has led to that group existing. Because we are open minded tolerant people. Even if the things they say and do are somewhat ridiculous. So... let's honor this great day by remembering the fallen World War II veterans that paved the way to victory on D-Day, play some Tetris, think about sex, and take some aspirin. There is no better way to celebrate June 6th.
June 6th, 1944, 55 years ago, Allied Forces landed on the beaches of Normandy. This was a historical event that changed the course of human history. President Barack Obama said in a speech today, "Friends and veterans, what we cannot forget — what we must not forget — is that D-Day was a time and a place where the bravery and selflessness of a few was able to change the course of an entire century," and that, "the sheer improbability of this victory is part of what makes D-Day so memorable."
It's amazing how easily we all forget the freedoms that we all enjoy and for some, take for granted, was earned upon the coat tails of the generations before us. Where would we be as Americans had it not been for those that fought in the Revolutionary War? Where would we be if Abraham Lincoln did not fight for a "more perfect union?" Where would we be without those that gave their lives on the beaches of Normandy, the rest of Europe, or the Pacific theater during World War II? Where would we be without those that fought for civil rights and equality for men, women, and people of all races? Where would we be? It's only appropriate that the first part of my blog today delivers a hearty shout-out to those that helped pave the way for people like me to not be thrown into a gas chamber somewhere. I salute all of you.
Let's flash forward to June 6th, 1984, height of the Cold War. On that day, Alexey Pajitnov designed and programmed the greatest game of all time: Tetris. Even while the United States and the Soviet Union had nuclear missiles were pointed at each other and the Doomsday Clock ticked closer to midnight... Tetris of all things found its way out of there and into the homes of people worldwide. Such a simple game involving logic, intellectual speed, and infinite strategic possibilities has lasted through the Cold War and is still going strong on video game consoles, handheld games, computers, graphing calculators, cell phones, and assorted other media. Thank you Mr. Pajitnov for creating Tetris and giving people like me something to do in long boring lectures in high school and college.
Now let's flash forward to today. Not quite the awesomest day in history, at least I hope it won't be looked upon in that light decades from now. Today is Protest the Pill Day '09. Yay American Life League, we meet again. If you would recall, the American Life League is the organization that accused Dunkin' Donuts of supporting abortions by giving out free "Freedom to Choose" donuts before President Obama's Inauguration. And I never did get an answer to the question I asked them, "Are the jelly ones extra abortiony?" Oh well. This group says on their event website http://www.thepillkills.com:
"On Saturday, June 6, pro-lifers across the country will be participating in the largest protest ever against the birth control pill and other birth control products. Last year, participants across the United States shared the facts on exactly how the pill kills babies. This year, we will expose the sordid details surrounding the tragic effects these chemicals have on women. We will emphasize the truth about how the pill kills women."
I'm all for the power to chose... if someone doesn't want an abortion, that's fine. If someone wants to get one, it's not for me to judge them, nor is it for these anti-abortion groups to do so either. Especially not by killing doctors that perform abortions like Dr. George Tiller, who was recently murdered. Oh, by the way, his funeral is today also. Great timing guys... great timing.
It is amazing that of all the things that have occurred on June 6ths throughout American history, that there are still groups fighting to take away the rights to choose that those that stormed the beaches of Normandy 55 years ago fought and died for to protect. How through the oppression of the Cold War-era Communist Soviet Union, a world-wide phenomenon found its way through in the form of Tetris. And today, we have doctors getting killed for what they do because certain groups and people think that their views are better than everyone else's. I not knocking people that think their views are better, don't get me wrong. Because honestly, I think my views are better than most people's. That's why I write this blog. But I'm not going to kill you if you disagree with me. I'm just going to publically mock you and hopefully shame you into a better way of thinking.
I'm actually glad that the theme to The Pill Kills has changed since they did it last year. Last year, they essentially said that taking birth control is the same as getting an abortion.
Here is an excerpt from this site http://catholicexchange.com/2008/05/08/112400/:
"As you know from the information you read on our web site: www.thepillkills.com, the birth control pill has three modes of action, one of which results changes in endometrium which reduces the likelihood of implantation. This of course means that the preborn child is not able to implant so that he can continue to grow, and he dies. This is chemical abortion."
So, at what point is there life? Can I just think about sex and not have it? Does that make a murderer because I "reduced my likelihood of implantation" by choosing not to have sex? (Ruh roh, Shaggy... she said CHOOSING!) Well folks, you heard it here first. I am a murderer. Yep. I confess. And everytime you spay and neuter your pets... you're an animal killer. Yeah... you're going to hell. Yep, you.
Thankfully, this year they went with a different theme. This time, THE PILL KILLS WOMEN!!!! That's fabulous. But then, so do other drugs. Remember the one I called out before that could cause Tuberculosis? Or how about simple ibruprophen? According to http://drugwarfacts.org/cms/?q=node/30:
"Each year, use of NSAIDs (Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs) accounts for an estimated 7,600 deaths and 76,000 hospitalizations in the United States." (NSAIDs include aspirin, ibuprofen, naproxen, diclofenac, ketoprofen, and tiaprofenic acid.)
AHHHH PILLS KILL!!!!
I seriously think the American Life League is reaching... a lot. But... the course of human history and American history has led to that group existing. Because we are open minded tolerant people. Even if the things they say and do are somewhat ridiculous. So... let's honor this great day by remembering the fallen World War II veterans that paved the way to victory on D-Day, play some Tetris, think about sex, and take some aspirin. There is no better way to celebrate June 6th.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
With Liberty and Justice for All...
First off, I have to give a shout out to my buddy Adam and his recent rants on Facebook. His views on California's Proposition 8 is absolutely fantastic and is a must read : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=500081188&ref=ts#/note.php?note_id=41208394998
I generally avoid touching on hot-button political issues straight on because of what I do for a living. It's a slippery slope if I start criticizing things directly, so I just make fun of dumb people that say and do really dumb things. Although by this time, I'm sure fans of What's YOUR Deal?!? have a fairly decent idea of my opinions on certain topics. But this time, Adam made some excellent point that I just want to throw my two cents in on. (Apologies Adam for slightly piggy backing on your totally excellent Facebook note.)
I just think that If only more people saw the world like that... everyone gay or straight would be living in a wold that is far more just and equitable. But apparently equality is scary to people that currently possess rights that others want. Historically speaking, every race, color, and creed has been persecuted. There were settlers that came to the New World to escape religious persecution so that they could practice their religion freely. America was founded on liberty and equality. Throughout our history we've done dumb things to the rights of others, but eventually America realizes the error of its ways and changes course. How many Americans wouldn't be where they're at right now if it wasn't for the pioneers of civil rights fighting uphill battles against the status quo? I am a minority woman in the United States military... if my rights weren't fought for me generations ago, I'd most likely be making "flied lice" as an indentured servant, unable to vote, get an education, or write this wonderful blog that you are currently reading.
I'm sorry that just because something is different to people that it suddenly also becomes dumb and dangerous. Seriously, does it REALLY matter to me or you personally if Adam and Steve or Ada and Eve got married rather than Adam and Eve? Are they consummating their marriages in YOUR bedroom? Probably not, but if they are... it's not just gay or straight people that you have the problem with, it's really just the rude friends that you have. I don't care whose wedding I go to, it's free food, good cake, and I get to chuck rice at my friends (every Asian person's sub-conscious dream).
Did the world come to an end when slavery ended? How about when the military desegregated? What about when women started to work? How about when minorities and women were able to vote? More importantly, did the world come to an end when gay people in Massachusetts first were able to get married there? Did the institution of marriage spontaneously combust? Above all, ask yourself this question: What about those gay Chinese penguins?
I mean, I understand that the world won't suddenly be holding hands and singing songs around a campfire together. Race relations still has growing pains:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/05/29/ny.officer.killed/index.html
An police officer in New York shooting the first armed black man they see, when unfortunately the armed black man is actually an plain clothed NYPD officer. According to the article:
"The officer in the front passenger seat got out of the vehicle and shouted for Edwards to stop running and drop his weapon.
According to Kelly, the officers reported that, after the command was given, Edwards turned toward Dunton with his gun in his hand."
Apparently, turning around to acknowledge the command to stop and probably trying to identify yourself as a fellow police officer is enough to get shot if you happened to be a black officer. Great. I wonder if that means if I get pulled over, police will assume I'll dry clean their uniform and pull an egg roll out of my butt...
There is so much wrong with American society today. We are so afraid of the sterotypes and the "threat" that minorities of all kinds apparently pose. We fought and won World War II to stop that kind of racial purification propaganda from spreading across the world. Remember that? Remember Nazis? They didn't like minorities, women, and gay people either.
And religious fanatics need not apply:
We are all human beings. We all die equally, why can't we all live equally. Why do we always have to seek out differences among each other and fear anything we find?
Minorities aren't scary.
Women aren't scary.
Gays and lesbians aren't scary.
People in general ARE scary though, regardless of the color of your skin, the church you go to or not go to, or the people that you love. Dumb people exist everywhere. Can't we focus on them, rather than the innocent minority, woman, or gay person? Don't get me wrong, there are some dumb ass minorities, women, and gay people that I wouldn't want to think came from the same evolutionary path that I do.
Case in point, this is a talking point flyer from the National Organization for Marriage website:
http://www.nationformarriage.org/atf/cf/%7B39D8B5C1-F9FE-48C0-ABE6-1029BA77854C%7D/CatholicEnglish.pdf
Now... let's change the words a little to create "7 Scientific Reasons" to ban dumb people:
Elimination of dumb people reduces the risk of poverty for children and communities.
The majority of children whose parents are dumb experience at least a year of poverty.
Dumb people households increase crime. Boys whose parents are dumb, for example, are two to three times more likely to end up in jail as adults.
Elimination of dumb people protects children’s physical and mental health. Children
whose parents are not dumb are healthier and also much less likely to suffer mental illness, including depression and teen suicide.
Both men and women who aren't dumb live longer, healthier and happier lives. On
virtually every measure of health and well-being, non-dumb people are better-off than
otherwise similar singles, on average.
Just pretending to be smart is not the same as being smart. Smart pretenders are thirty to fifty percent more likely to divorce. People who are dumb do not
get the same boost to health, welfare and happiness, on average, as non-dumb people. Neither do their children. Children whose parents are dumb are at increased risk for domestic violence and child abuse and neglect. Children born to parents who are dumb are also three times more likely to experience their parents’ stupidity by age 5.
Parents who are dumb put children’s education at risk. Children
whose parents are dumb have lower grade point averages, are more
likely to be held back a grade, and to drop out of school. They are also less likely
to end up college graduates.
When dumb people exist, ties between parents and children typically weaken too. Adult children whose parents are dumb are only half as likely to have warm, close ties to both their mothers and their fathers. For example, in one large national survey, 65 percent of adult children of dumb people reported they were not close to their fathers (compared to 29 percent of adults from non-dumb people).
********
How's that make you feel? Don't those talking points make sense regardless of what group you fill in the blanks for? We can justify discrimination to anyone and everyone. But that doesn't mean we should.
I generally avoid touching on hot-button political issues straight on because of what I do for a living. It's a slippery slope if I start criticizing things directly, so I just make fun of dumb people that say and do really dumb things. Although by this time, I'm sure fans of What's YOUR Deal?!? have a fairly decent idea of my opinions on certain topics. But this time, Adam made some excellent point that I just want to throw my two cents in on. (Apologies Adam for slightly piggy backing on your totally excellent Facebook note.)
I just think that If only more people saw the world like that... everyone gay or straight would be living in a wold that is far more just and equitable. But apparently equality is scary to people that currently possess rights that others want. Historically speaking, every race, color, and creed has been persecuted. There were settlers that came to the New World to escape religious persecution so that they could practice their religion freely. America was founded on liberty and equality. Throughout our history we've done dumb things to the rights of others, but eventually America realizes the error of its ways and changes course. How many Americans wouldn't be where they're at right now if it wasn't for the pioneers of civil rights fighting uphill battles against the status quo? I am a minority woman in the United States military... if my rights weren't fought for me generations ago, I'd most likely be making "flied lice" as an indentured servant, unable to vote, get an education, or write this wonderful blog that you are currently reading.
I'm sorry that just because something is different to people that it suddenly also becomes dumb and dangerous. Seriously, does it REALLY matter to me or you personally if Adam and Steve or Ada and Eve got married rather than Adam and Eve? Are they consummating their marriages in YOUR bedroom? Probably not, but if they are... it's not just gay or straight people that you have the problem with, it's really just the rude friends that you have. I don't care whose wedding I go to, it's free food, good cake, and I get to chuck rice at my friends (every Asian person's sub-conscious dream).
Did the world come to an end when slavery ended? How about when the military desegregated? What about when women started to work? How about when minorities and women were able to vote? More importantly, did the world come to an end when gay people in Massachusetts first were able to get married there? Did the institution of marriage spontaneously combust? Above all, ask yourself this question: What about those gay Chinese penguins?
I mean, I understand that the world won't suddenly be holding hands and singing songs around a campfire together. Race relations still has growing pains:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/05/29/ny.officer.killed/index.html
An police officer in New York shooting the first armed black man they see, when unfortunately the armed black man is actually an plain clothed NYPD officer. According to the article:
"The officer in the front passenger seat got out of the vehicle and shouted for Edwards to stop running and drop his weapon.
According to Kelly, the officers reported that, after the command was given, Edwards turned toward Dunton with his gun in his hand."
Apparently, turning around to acknowledge the command to stop and probably trying to identify yourself as a fellow police officer is enough to get shot if you happened to be a black officer. Great. I wonder if that means if I get pulled over, police will assume I'll dry clean their uniform and pull an egg roll out of my butt...
There is so much wrong with American society today. We are so afraid of the sterotypes and the "threat" that minorities of all kinds apparently pose. We fought and won World War II to stop that kind of racial purification propaganda from spreading across the world. Remember that? Remember Nazis? They didn't like minorities, women, and gay people either.
And religious fanatics need not apply:
We are all human beings. We all die equally, why can't we all live equally. Why do we always have to seek out differences among each other and fear anything we find?
Minorities aren't scary.
Women aren't scary.
Gays and lesbians aren't scary.
People in general ARE scary though, regardless of the color of your skin, the church you go to or not go to, or the people that you love. Dumb people exist everywhere. Can't we focus on them, rather than the innocent minority, woman, or gay person? Don't get me wrong, there are some dumb ass minorities, women, and gay people that I wouldn't want to think came from the same evolutionary path that I do.
Case in point, this is a talking point flyer from the National Organization for Marriage website:
http://www.nationformarriage.org/atf/cf/%7B39D8B5C1-F9FE-48C0-ABE6-1029BA77854C%7D/CatholicEnglish.pdf
Now... let's change the words a little to create "7 Scientific Reasons" to ban dumb people:
Elimination of dumb people reduces the risk of poverty for children and communities.
The majority of children whose parents are dumb experience at least a year of poverty.
Dumb people households increase crime. Boys whose parents are dumb, for example, are two to three times more likely to end up in jail as adults.
Elimination of dumb people protects children’s physical and mental health. Children
whose parents are not dumb are healthier and also much less likely to suffer mental illness, including depression and teen suicide.
Both men and women who aren't dumb live longer, healthier and happier lives. On
virtually every measure of health and well-being, non-dumb people are better-off than
otherwise similar singles, on average.
Just pretending to be smart is not the same as being smart. Smart pretenders are thirty to fifty percent more likely to divorce. People who are dumb do not
get the same boost to health, welfare and happiness, on average, as non-dumb people. Neither do their children. Children whose parents are dumb are at increased risk for domestic violence and child abuse and neglect. Children born to parents who are dumb are also three times more likely to experience their parents’ stupidity by age 5.
Parents who are dumb put children’s education at risk. Children
whose parents are dumb have lower grade point averages, are more
likely to be held back a grade, and to drop out of school. They are also less likely
to end up college graduates.
When dumb people exist, ties between parents and children typically weaken too. Adult children whose parents are dumb are only half as likely to have warm, close ties to both their mothers and their fathers. For example, in one large national survey, 65 percent of adult children of dumb people reported they were not close to their fathers (compared to 29 percent of adults from non-dumb people).
********
How's that make you feel? Don't those talking points make sense regardless of what group you fill in the blanks for? We can justify discrimination to anyone and everyone. But that doesn't mean we should.
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