Yes, The Deal has been on hiatus for entirely too long.
But... now it returns. However, this update won't be a full article.... Just a wee little blurb:
How ironic is it that Bill Clinton got a blowjob and got into more trouble than Dick Cheney will shooting a guy?
WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!?
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Silly Terrorists Trix Are For Kids...
A short blurb to lubricate your brain juices.
The day will come when the world will no longer be terrorized by terrorists. Case in point: http://ace.mu.nu/archives/072431.php Civilians are fighting BACK against those that want to scare and intimidate them. This is what needs to happen for terrorists to stop. The armed forces of countries in all of their official uniformed glory can only do so much. Once the populace no longer fears terrorism and no longer cares, the effect of terrorists ceases.
Terrorists use violence and other such tactics to draw attention to their cause and to drum up support. But if we just stop paying attention, like the apathetic Americans they say we are... maybe they'll just go away. According to that article... the Iraqis seem to be American-izing themselves quite well. That's what we need. The media needs to hype this up. This should be a rallying cry for all the anti-terror advocates. It's one small step for those that fought back and one giant leap for all of mankind. The world is winning the war against terrorism. We've outgrown the boogeyman. Hey, Bin Laden and Al Qaeda... fear is for kids.
Random thought:If Muslim Extremism is slowly fading into a mild annoyance rather than a threat... are we going to eventually treat them like Jehovah's Witnesses and just slam the door in their face the next time they try to hijack a plane?
The day will come when the world will no longer be terrorized by terrorists. Case in point: http://ace.mu.nu/archives/072431.php Civilians are fighting BACK against those that want to scare and intimidate them. This is what needs to happen for terrorists to stop. The armed forces of countries in all of their official uniformed glory can only do so much. Once the populace no longer fears terrorism and no longer cares, the effect of terrorists ceases.
Terrorists use violence and other such tactics to draw attention to their cause and to drum up support. But if we just stop paying attention, like the apathetic Americans they say we are... maybe they'll just go away. According to that article... the Iraqis seem to be American-izing themselves quite well. That's what we need. The media needs to hype this up. This should be a rallying cry for all the anti-terror advocates. It's one small step for those that fought back and one giant leap for all of mankind. The world is winning the war against terrorism. We've outgrown the boogeyman. Hey, Bin Laden and Al Qaeda... fear is for kids.
Random thought:If Muslim Extremism is slowly fading into a mild annoyance rather than a threat... are we going to eventually treat them like Jehovah's Witnesses and just slam the door in their face the next time they try to hijack a plane?
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Return of What's YOUR Deal?!?
This is my new forum to vent and rage about the little things in life that piss us off, but no one ever really wants to verbalize. Before I begin my first article here, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Emma Poon, former writer of the "What's YOUR Deal?!?" column of the UIC Today. The UIC Today was an independent daily newspaper at the University of Illinois at Chicago that folded my senior year.
Be warned, that I will most likely offend you. But in the process, I hope that my offensiveness brings about enlightenment to both myself and the reader. I'm not afraid to be wrong if you're not afraid either. I consider myself a "militant liberal" but I'm probably more middle of the road than anything else. I think that idiots exist everywhere, no matter who you are or what you believe. Do I consider myself an idiot? Yes. However, you're reading this right now... so I'm one up on you. I'm an idiot with an audience.
Anyways... What's YOUR Deal?!? returns:
Damn you Bob Saget!!!
I blame you, America's Funniest Home Videos. Some people may want to place the blame on the influx of reality television on MTV and "The Real World" or "Road Rules" series. But it's NOT them; they were two years late. And it's definitely not the fault of Survivor, they were at least a decade behind. It's all Bob Saget and America's Funniest Home Videos. They are the ones that brought the daily idiotic moments of regular people's lives into the living rooms of everyone else. They are the ones that started the phenomenon of people being rewarded monetarily for being stupid. That show spawned a generation that want to be nothing more that court jesters for the largest court of all, the court of humanity.
The basic premise of television is a group of random people, doing random things, for no apparent reason but to entertain the mindless watchers of the television set. But suddenly... you didn't need to be an attractive actor or actress to be seen on TV. And you didn't need to be a redneck criminal appearing on COPS to be a regular Joe or Jane on TV. You didn't need to have a special skill or absurd talent to appear in something like That's INCREDIBLE! Suddenly, stupid people caught on tape was popular. I mean, on a daily basis... we all do some crazy things. We all have some crazy experiences that people around us would laugh at. Bob Saget and America's Funniest Home Video provided an outlet for those experiences that were caught on tape to be shared with millions of people. So we not only can laugh AT you... we're also laughing AT you... WITH a lot of other people too.
Conceptually, it was hilarious. People doing dumb things, getting hurt in dumb ways, were suddenly rewarded with the laughter of the masses and if they were REALLY funny, they got the cash prize at the end of the show. Dance, monkeys... DANCE! I remember watching that show as a kid and laughing hysterically at the low-brow humor and related to some of the stuff that happens to other people. I think it honestly brought humanity together to see that we are all really that stupid. Then it changed. Slowly... the videos that were shown were getting more and more absurd... more and more... staged, perhaps? And so it began... reality TV... stopped reflecting reality. It's people doing things for money on TV. And it definitely wasn't Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, The Price Is Right, or Family Feud.
I don't even know why it's called reality TV any more. Reality TV... is the surveillance camera at the 7-Eleven. Reality TV isn't supposed to be entertaining all the time. Reality TV is supposed regular people when things happen to them, not when they make things happen to them to up their chances of winning money. Reality TV has gotten fake... it's practically scripted, if not by the producers, then it's by the people that partake in the experience. If that's not enough, TV shows are made for the sole purpose of abusing the idiots that want their 15 minutes of fame under the pretense of a game show! How else can you explain shows like Survivor, Fear Factor, American Idol, The Swan, Who's Your Daddy?, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? or the countless other "reality" TV shows out there? People are willing to sacrifice their dignity for money. It's the prostitution of stupity and Bob Saget was the first pimp. Shame on you, Bob Saget... shame on you.
Can't We All Just Get Along?!
Speaking of reality TV, it's February and it's the infamous "Sweeps Period" in TV-land. This just means that networks and programming gets even more risque and absurd to draw more viewers in. Joy. So I was channel flipping and I came across this show called, "Wife Swap." Yeah... see above. If this isn't the prostitution of stupidity, I don't know what is. But this one was somewhat interesting... either that, or I'm getting dumberer. This one involved an inter-racial conservative Texas couple living in this high-class mansion and a middle class lesbian couple. Oh the hijinks that'll ensue! Pardon me as I roll my eyes. The show went on, with the sappy anvils dropping upon the heads of the viewers. Oh, look at the way they interact. Awww... look at this... awww... look at that. Gags. TV has become a zoo for humans. And you can't even feed them peanuts through the screen.
I digress, then it got interesting... at the end of the show, the two couples met face to face and here I am thinking, awww... here comes the reconsiliation of conservatives and liberals. Bull. I was shocked at the way the conservative wife went off on other wife. She said things like she was fearful of her children because the lesbian "sexual predator" was in her house for that amount of time. She called the lesbian couple's life a choice and all the stereotypical religious rhetoric that we've all come to expect through our vast amount of experiences with other people and beliefs via television and the subsequent media bias.
America has gotten a lot more conservative, as evidenced by the vast number of red states versus blue states. But what the hell happened to common sense!? Homosexuality has become quite a topical issue today for debates and discussion, with gay marriage and such topping the list. Why can't people just live and let live? Conservatives say that it's a choice for gay people to be gay... well, I think it IS a choice. It's not as much a choice as what religion to follow. It's the active choice of going with what you feel. Just think Romeo and Juliet. They weren't "supposed" fall in love. But they did and chose to go through with their feelings for all the crap they would have to go through. It's like choosing a college major... you can choose one that's socio-economically acceptable and be miserable or you can choose a major that you're inherently interested in and is good at. People make that choice everyday, gay or straight. The choice to be happy as who they are or the choice is to succumb to peer pressure.
We are taught as little kids to never succumb to peer pressure. We are always taught to be friends with others. We are taught to share and not be bullies. We are taught that everyone is entitled to be who they are. Where is that in the world today? Tinky Winky's gay... Sponge Bob Squarepants is gay... Bert and Ernie are gay! Where is this coming from? Why are gay people scary? Why is there such paranoia? What happened to all those lessons we teach our children that we no longer follow as adults? And yes, not all conservatives are like that... we must not generalize. However, what we see in the media are the extremes. But to quote the psycho conservative woman on TV... "Why don't you pretend to be not gay?" The same question can be asked of conservatives: "Why don't you pretend not to be conservative?" Of course, no one wants to pretend to be something they're not. So let's embrace idiocy and make fun of everyone equally and without prejudice. I had a dream... a dream that one day... Tinky Winky, Sponge Bob Squarepants, Bert and Ernie along with conservatives, Jerry Falwell, and the Bush Administration will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood...
And I woke up... realizing I should've never had that Twinkie before going to bed... 'Cause that'll never happen. And it makes me sad. However, that doesn't mean that as individuals, we can't shed the stereotypes and the prejudice and embrace each other as fellow human beings.
Why Kids Are Messed Up...
Everything is too PC today. People go out of their way to shield children from "bad" things. Why? Kids today are growing up completely warped and parents want to blame something. Parents want the V-chip, censorship in schools, and assorted other things. Why? Kids today, have more information available to them at the stroke of a mouse and a click of a button than ever before. Why not let kids expose themselves to everything that the world has to offer? Good AND bad. Oh wait... it's because parents don't want to deal with explaining stuff to their children.
Yes, children are impressionable and are prone to want to emulate what they see. So, under that paradigm kids we should all be pretty disturbed. I mean, look at the world today. Everyday on the news someone is killed, someone is blown up, someone hurts someone else. Baseball players are taking steroids. Basketball players are raping women and beating up fans. Tsunamis come and rip a chunk out of Asia. That stuff exists in the world and to shield children from it is ridiculous. That just means that instead of having their parents guide them through the muck of the world... they eventually have their idylic bubble world burst and they end up completely messed up without any guidance.
Parents today think that TV and the media will raise their children. That is true. TV, the media, the internet... these are all windows to the world for children and it's a vital aspect in the shaping of their world view. A child without access to all of that will have a limited view of the world, confined to what they physically see and do. A child given access to all of that will be shown everything in all it's raw details. Regardless of whether the child sees it all now or sees none of it now... they will grow up and they will see everything eventually. Whether they're well-adjusted to the real world or not... it's up to their parents and how they're raised.
Or... we can continue to blame everyone but the parents when their children turns out like morons... it's all Bob Saget's fault.
Be warned, that I will most likely offend you. But in the process, I hope that my offensiveness brings about enlightenment to both myself and the reader. I'm not afraid to be wrong if you're not afraid either. I consider myself a "militant liberal" but I'm probably more middle of the road than anything else. I think that idiots exist everywhere, no matter who you are or what you believe. Do I consider myself an idiot? Yes. However, you're reading this right now... so I'm one up on you. I'm an idiot with an audience.
Anyways... What's YOUR Deal?!? returns:
Damn you Bob Saget!!!
I blame you, America's Funniest Home Videos. Some people may want to place the blame on the influx of reality television on MTV and "The Real World" or "Road Rules" series. But it's NOT them; they were two years late. And it's definitely not the fault of Survivor, they were at least a decade behind. It's all Bob Saget and America's Funniest Home Videos. They are the ones that brought the daily idiotic moments of regular people's lives into the living rooms of everyone else. They are the ones that started the phenomenon of people being rewarded monetarily for being stupid. That show spawned a generation that want to be nothing more that court jesters for the largest court of all, the court of humanity.
The basic premise of television is a group of random people, doing random things, for no apparent reason but to entertain the mindless watchers of the television set. But suddenly... you didn't need to be an attractive actor or actress to be seen on TV. And you didn't need to be a redneck criminal appearing on COPS to be a regular Joe or Jane on TV. You didn't need to have a special skill or absurd talent to appear in something like That's INCREDIBLE! Suddenly, stupid people caught on tape was popular. I mean, on a daily basis... we all do some crazy things. We all have some crazy experiences that people around us would laugh at. Bob Saget and America's Funniest Home Video provided an outlet for those experiences that were caught on tape to be shared with millions of people. So we not only can laugh AT you... we're also laughing AT you... WITH a lot of other people too.
Conceptually, it was hilarious. People doing dumb things, getting hurt in dumb ways, were suddenly rewarded with the laughter of the masses and if they were REALLY funny, they got the cash prize at the end of the show. Dance, monkeys... DANCE! I remember watching that show as a kid and laughing hysterically at the low-brow humor and related to some of the stuff that happens to other people. I think it honestly brought humanity together to see that we are all really that stupid. Then it changed. Slowly... the videos that were shown were getting more and more absurd... more and more... staged, perhaps? And so it began... reality TV... stopped reflecting reality. It's people doing things for money on TV. And it definitely wasn't Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, The Price Is Right, or Family Feud.
I don't even know why it's called reality TV any more. Reality TV... is the surveillance camera at the 7-Eleven. Reality TV isn't supposed to be entertaining all the time. Reality TV is supposed regular people when things happen to them, not when they make things happen to them to up their chances of winning money. Reality TV has gotten fake... it's practically scripted, if not by the producers, then it's by the people that partake in the experience. If that's not enough, TV shows are made for the sole purpose of abusing the idiots that want their 15 minutes of fame under the pretense of a game show! How else can you explain shows like Survivor, Fear Factor, American Idol, The Swan, Who's Your Daddy?, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? or the countless other "reality" TV shows out there? People are willing to sacrifice their dignity for money. It's the prostitution of stupity and Bob Saget was the first pimp. Shame on you, Bob Saget... shame on you.
Can't We All Just Get Along?!
Speaking of reality TV, it's February and it's the infamous "Sweeps Period" in TV-land. This just means that networks and programming gets even more risque and absurd to draw more viewers in. Joy. So I was channel flipping and I came across this show called, "Wife Swap." Yeah... see above. If this isn't the prostitution of stupidity, I don't know what is. But this one was somewhat interesting... either that, or I'm getting dumberer. This one involved an inter-racial conservative Texas couple living in this high-class mansion and a middle class lesbian couple. Oh the hijinks that'll ensue! Pardon me as I roll my eyes. The show went on, with the sappy anvils dropping upon the heads of the viewers. Oh, look at the way they interact. Awww... look at this... awww... look at that. Gags. TV has become a zoo for humans. And you can't even feed them peanuts through the screen.
I digress, then it got interesting... at the end of the show, the two couples met face to face and here I am thinking, awww... here comes the reconsiliation of conservatives and liberals. Bull. I was shocked at the way the conservative wife went off on other wife. She said things like she was fearful of her children because the lesbian "sexual predator" was in her house for that amount of time. She called the lesbian couple's life a choice and all the stereotypical religious rhetoric that we've all come to expect through our vast amount of experiences with other people and beliefs via television and the subsequent media bias.
America has gotten a lot more conservative, as evidenced by the vast number of red states versus blue states. But what the hell happened to common sense!? Homosexuality has become quite a topical issue today for debates and discussion, with gay marriage and such topping the list. Why can't people just live and let live? Conservatives say that it's a choice for gay people to be gay... well, I think it IS a choice. It's not as much a choice as what religion to follow. It's the active choice of going with what you feel. Just think Romeo and Juliet. They weren't "supposed" fall in love. But they did and chose to go through with their feelings for all the crap they would have to go through. It's like choosing a college major... you can choose one that's socio-economically acceptable and be miserable or you can choose a major that you're inherently interested in and is good at. People make that choice everyday, gay or straight. The choice to be happy as who they are or the choice is to succumb to peer pressure.
We are taught as little kids to never succumb to peer pressure. We are always taught to be friends with others. We are taught to share and not be bullies. We are taught that everyone is entitled to be who they are. Where is that in the world today? Tinky Winky's gay... Sponge Bob Squarepants is gay... Bert and Ernie are gay! Where is this coming from? Why are gay people scary? Why is there such paranoia? What happened to all those lessons we teach our children that we no longer follow as adults? And yes, not all conservatives are like that... we must not generalize. However, what we see in the media are the extremes. But to quote the psycho conservative woman on TV... "Why don't you pretend to be not gay?" The same question can be asked of conservatives: "Why don't you pretend not to be conservative?" Of course, no one wants to pretend to be something they're not. So let's embrace idiocy and make fun of everyone equally and without prejudice. I had a dream... a dream that one day... Tinky Winky, Sponge Bob Squarepants, Bert and Ernie along with conservatives, Jerry Falwell, and the Bush Administration will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood...
And I woke up... realizing I should've never had that Twinkie before going to bed... 'Cause that'll never happen. And it makes me sad. However, that doesn't mean that as individuals, we can't shed the stereotypes and the prejudice and embrace each other as fellow human beings.
Why Kids Are Messed Up...
Everything is too PC today. People go out of their way to shield children from "bad" things. Why? Kids today are growing up completely warped and parents want to blame something. Parents want the V-chip, censorship in schools, and assorted other things. Why? Kids today, have more information available to them at the stroke of a mouse and a click of a button than ever before. Why not let kids expose themselves to everything that the world has to offer? Good AND bad. Oh wait... it's because parents don't want to deal with explaining stuff to their children.
Yes, children are impressionable and are prone to want to emulate what they see. So, under that paradigm kids we should all be pretty disturbed. I mean, look at the world today. Everyday on the news someone is killed, someone is blown up, someone hurts someone else. Baseball players are taking steroids. Basketball players are raping women and beating up fans. Tsunamis come and rip a chunk out of Asia. That stuff exists in the world and to shield children from it is ridiculous. That just means that instead of having their parents guide them through the muck of the world... they eventually have their idylic bubble world burst and they end up completely messed up without any guidance.
Parents today think that TV and the media will raise their children. That is true. TV, the media, the internet... these are all windows to the world for children and it's a vital aspect in the shaping of their world view. A child without access to all of that will have a limited view of the world, confined to what they physically see and do. A child given access to all of that will be shown everything in all it's raw details. Regardless of whether the child sees it all now or sees none of it now... they will grow up and they will see everything eventually. Whether they're well-adjusted to the real world or not... it's up to their parents and how they're raised.
Or... we can continue to blame everyone but the parents when their children turns out like morons... it's all Bob Saget's fault.
Monday, February 9, 2004
Boobs, Idiots, and Morons...
OH MY GOD!!! IT’S A BOOBIE!!!
We’re still talking about Janet Jackson’s breast. Why?!? It’s a freaking’ boob with a nipple ring hubcap over it. It appeared on TV for a split second (more than a split second for anyone who has TiVo) and all of America became enamored with the biggest “wardrobe malfunction” since the fashion of the 1980s. Why did we have to make such a big deal about it? Why did the Sun-Times run a picture of it in their paper the very next day?
More people know about the boobie than about most other current events. Do we care that a child was kidnapped and killed in Florida? Not really… ‘cause there’s a boobie. Do we care that a bomb exploded in a Moscow subway? Nope… we have a boobie. Did we even notice that a streaker was running around the field in the third quarter of the Super Bowl? Nope, his boobies weren’t as interesting.
It’s sad that we’re mesmerized by one breast. We call it a travesty and horribly inappropriate when a breast was exposed on TV for a millisecond. But yet we enjoy watching it over and over and over and we enjoy talking about it. I don’t know about you, but I can only say “boobie” so many times before I feel like I’m becoming mentally retarded. Actually, I take that back, mentally retarded people aren’t that stupid.
Time Waits For No One…
This school needs clocks… not just clocks… but clocks that work and are synchronized across campus. But no, we get these stupid plasma screen TVs popping up all over CCC with stupid announcements about stupid campus activities that no one goes to anyways. Why can’t UIC just use the money they scam from us for something of actual use and importance? So many times I’m in a classroom with no clock and the professors or TAs are ranting, raving, and babbling WAY over the allotted class time. They think they have more time, I know otherwise, because my next class is halfway across campus where the professor begins class early. This is a problem that easily can be remedied by someone just installing CLOCKS that are SYNCRONIZED in classrooms.
Room upon room, clocks are broken, have the wrong time, or there’s a light spot on a wall where you can obviously see a clock USED to be there. For all the money we’re throwing at the seemingly abandoned UH fountain project and all of those expensive looking plasma TVs everywhere, we don’t have enough money to buy a few damned clocks?!? What the hell is wrong with this school?
Shut Up, Will Ya?
The CCC is a very loud and noisy place especially the Inner Circle where everyone gathers for a meal and to chat with friends. Sometimes it gets to be so loud that it’s nearly impossible to hear the person you’re sitting at the same table with. I guess knowing how to talk with our “inside voices” wasn’t a prerequisite for admission to our fine institution of higher learning. And what’s worse? Random music, random videos, random dance routines, or some other ridiculousness appears out of no where sometimes. What the bloody hell?
I was eating lunch one day and suddenly an amateur DJ set up shop and started blaring really bad music in the Inner Circle. It was rather obvious that no one appreciated the bit of musical appreciation that assaulted our ear drums. People were booing the music and cheering the silence. What’d the moron behind the speakers do? Play music louder. I don’t even know who he was or why he was there. All I know is that if I ever see him, I want to sound an air horn next to his ear! And then there was the day a 5 minute clip of the UIC basketball team kept looping over and over and over. Or perhaps when the gymnasts or dancers or whatever just showed up out of no where throwing each other up in the air. I don’t believe this. How is annoying the hell out of your fellow students doing anything to support your cause? I don’t want to listen to you talking, I don’t want to listen to your bad music, I don’t want to listen to the same 5-minute clip repeatedly, and I don’t want to see you dance. I want to eat in relative peace. I suggest that you take your circus show to Afghanistan and do your little things, maybe after a while, you just might be able to annoy Osama bin Laden out of hiding.
We’re still talking about Janet Jackson’s breast. Why?!? It’s a freaking’ boob with a nipple ring hubcap over it. It appeared on TV for a split second (more than a split second for anyone who has TiVo) and all of America became enamored with the biggest “wardrobe malfunction” since the fashion of the 1980s. Why did we have to make such a big deal about it? Why did the Sun-Times run a picture of it in their paper the very next day?
More people know about the boobie than about most other current events. Do we care that a child was kidnapped and killed in Florida? Not really… ‘cause there’s a boobie. Do we care that a bomb exploded in a Moscow subway? Nope… we have a boobie. Did we even notice that a streaker was running around the field in the third quarter of the Super Bowl? Nope, his boobies weren’t as interesting.
It’s sad that we’re mesmerized by one breast. We call it a travesty and horribly inappropriate when a breast was exposed on TV for a millisecond. But yet we enjoy watching it over and over and over and we enjoy talking about it. I don’t know about you, but I can only say “boobie” so many times before I feel like I’m becoming mentally retarded. Actually, I take that back, mentally retarded people aren’t that stupid.
Time Waits For No One…
This school needs clocks… not just clocks… but clocks that work and are synchronized across campus. But no, we get these stupid plasma screen TVs popping up all over CCC with stupid announcements about stupid campus activities that no one goes to anyways. Why can’t UIC just use the money they scam from us for something of actual use and importance? So many times I’m in a classroom with no clock and the professors or TAs are ranting, raving, and babbling WAY over the allotted class time. They think they have more time, I know otherwise, because my next class is halfway across campus where the professor begins class early. This is a problem that easily can be remedied by someone just installing CLOCKS that are SYNCRONIZED in classrooms.
Room upon room, clocks are broken, have the wrong time, or there’s a light spot on a wall where you can obviously see a clock USED to be there. For all the money we’re throwing at the seemingly abandoned UH fountain project and all of those expensive looking plasma TVs everywhere, we don’t have enough money to buy a few damned clocks?!? What the hell is wrong with this school?
Shut Up, Will Ya?
The CCC is a very loud and noisy place especially the Inner Circle where everyone gathers for a meal and to chat with friends. Sometimes it gets to be so loud that it’s nearly impossible to hear the person you’re sitting at the same table with. I guess knowing how to talk with our “inside voices” wasn’t a prerequisite for admission to our fine institution of higher learning. And what’s worse? Random music, random videos, random dance routines, or some other ridiculousness appears out of no where sometimes. What the bloody hell?
I was eating lunch one day and suddenly an amateur DJ set up shop and started blaring really bad music in the Inner Circle. It was rather obvious that no one appreciated the bit of musical appreciation that assaulted our ear drums. People were booing the music and cheering the silence. What’d the moron behind the speakers do? Play music louder. I don’t even know who he was or why he was there. All I know is that if I ever see him, I want to sound an air horn next to his ear! And then there was the day a 5 minute clip of the UIC basketball team kept looping over and over and over. Or perhaps when the gymnasts or dancers or whatever just showed up out of no where throwing each other up in the air. I don’t believe this. How is annoying the hell out of your fellow students doing anything to support your cause? I don’t want to listen to you talking, I don’t want to listen to your bad music, I don’t want to listen to the same 5-minute clip repeatedly, and I don’t want to see you dance. I want to eat in relative peace. I suggest that you take your circus show to Afghanistan and do your little things, maybe after a while, you just might be able to annoy Osama bin Laden out of hiding.
Monday, January 26, 2004
Winter Woes
It IS Winter Isn’t It?
Okay… call me crazy, but this IS winter isn’t it? There’s snow in the air and ice on the ground. The temperature is cold and the wind chill is freezing. Old people are dying in their underheated homes. The stupid groundhog hasn’t made its appearance to announce the coming of spring yet. So I must not be crazy in assuming it is winter. Unfortunately, the insanity doesn’t lie with me, but with the rest of the world… specifically Old Navy. They’re no longer selling winter-wear items like scarves and they’re stocking spring clothes. When asked where the scarves are, the sales associate merely said, “It’s not in season right now. We’re selling spring clothes.”
When I finally lifted my jaw from off the floor, I decided that arguing with this poor kid who obviously had no idea how stupid she sounded wasn’t worth the time. How the hell ISN’T it “in season” to sell SCARVES?!? What the hell am I supposed to do with the endless tube tops and shorts that are on their racks now? I AM COLD NOW!!! If any of you reading this work for stores that are beginning to stock spring items in the dead of winter, please question this policy from your superiors and let me know exactly what they say at epoon1@uic.edu I just might publish the idiotic company policies in a later article.
Speaking of Stupid Winter Policies…
UIC still is inept at salting the walkways and the parking lots. It’s been three years since I last wrote an article about it after I got into a fender bender in a UIC parking lot because of the snow and ice. I’m sure many of you have noticed cars skidding, people sliding, and huge piles of salt in places that no one walks. This is ridiculous. The parking lots are especially dangerous. While much of the lot is relatively ice-free, the individual parking spots are pristine slabs of ice that UIC can host the World Championships of Figure Skating on.
Cars can’t pull into these spots without losing control! Hell, people can’t get out of their cars without nearly killing themselves. The lots are generally pretty empty near the end of the day and at night, so why can’t UIC salt the parking spots then? Wait, I do stand corrected, the handicapped parking spots are salted… for the zero cars that park there on a daily basis. Maybe that’s why there’s a growing number of handicapped parking stalls… it’s to accommodate all the currently able-bodied students that will subsequently break their necks this semester.
And Speaking of Unsafe Practices at UIC…
Many of my classes are in tiny little classrooms that have bolted down chairs for a set number of people with little room for adding more. But yet, why the hell are people sitting in the aisles or on the floor along the walls during classes because there are no seats? If I’m just a few minutes late getting to class, there’s no room for me to sit! And by late I mean, if I’m not there immediately after the previous class files out of there like clowns out of a Volkswagen Beetle. This is ridiculous… I’m paying ever increasing tuition to sit on the wet, muddy floor from the snow that students track in. I’m definitely not getting my money’s worth.
In case of fire, all of us are doomed because it’s not easy to maneuver around in those woefully too small aisles between the bolted down chairs and the little desks that don’t flip up. Not to mention the multitude of students sitting on the floor that would inevitably be trampled to death. Is this what college education means? I would hope not. UIC better pull its head from out of its anus and figure something out. Here are a few suggestions, get rid of the archaic bolted seats and let there be free-moving chairs. Or how about stop cutting classes so that students don’t all have to cram in the ONE section that is offered for a class that everyone needs? Or maybe stop letting students get some override and enroll in a class that’s too full already? Not everyone can be satisfied, if you don’t get the class you need, too bad… take another. This is ridiculous.
Okay… call me crazy, but this IS winter isn’t it? There’s snow in the air and ice on the ground. The temperature is cold and the wind chill is freezing. Old people are dying in their underheated homes. The stupid groundhog hasn’t made its appearance to announce the coming of spring yet. So I must not be crazy in assuming it is winter. Unfortunately, the insanity doesn’t lie with me, but with the rest of the world… specifically Old Navy. They’re no longer selling winter-wear items like scarves and they’re stocking spring clothes. When asked where the scarves are, the sales associate merely said, “It’s not in season right now. We’re selling spring clothes.”
When I finally lifted my jaw from off the floor, I decided that arguing with this poor kid who obviously had no idea how stupid she sounded wasn’t worth the time. How the hell ISN’T it “in season” to sell SCARVES?!? What the hell am I supposed to do with the endless tube tops and shorts that are on their racks now? I AM COLD NOW!!! If any of you reading this work for stores that are beginning to stock spring items in the dead of winter, please question this policy from your superiors and let me know exactly what they say at epoon1@uic.edu I just might publish the idiotic company policies in a later article.
Speaking of Stupid Winter Policies…
UIC still is inept at salting the walkways and the parking lots. It’s been three years since I last wrote an article about it after I got into a fender bender in a UIC parking lot because of the snow and ice. I’m sure many of you have noticed cars skidding, people sliding, and huge piles of salt in places that no one walks. This is ridiculous. The parking lots are especially dangerous. While much of the lot is relatively ice-free, the individual parking spots are pristine slabs of ice that UIC can host the World Championships of Figure Skating on.
Cars can’t pull into these spots without losing control! Hell, people can’t get out of their cars without nearly killing themselves. The lots are generally pretty empty near the end of the day and at night, so why can’t UIC salt the parking spots then? Wait, I do stand corrected, the handicapped parking spots are salted… for the zero cars that park there on a daily basis. Maybe that’s why there’s a growing number of handicapped parking stalls… it’s to accommodate all the currently able-bodied students that will subsequently break their necks this semester.
And Speaking of Unsafe Practices at UIC…
Many of my classes are in tiny little classrooms that have bolted down chairs for a set number of people with little room for adding more. But yet, why the hell are people sitting in the aisles or on the floor along the walls during classes because there are no seats? If I’m just a few minutes late getting to class, there’s no room for me to sit! And by late I mean, if I’m not there immediately after the previous class files out of there like clowns out of a Volkswagen Beetle. This is ridiculous… I’m paying ever increasing tuition to sit on the wet, muddy floor from the snow that students track in. I’m definitely not getting my money’s worth.
In case of fire, all of us are doomed because it’s not easy to maneuver around in those woefully too small aisles between the bolted down chairs and the little desks that don’t flip up. Not to mention the multitude of students sitting on the floor that would inevitably be trampled to death. Is this what college education means? I would hope not. UIC better pull its head from out of its anus and figure something out. Here are a few suggestions, get rid of the archaic bolted seats and let there be free-moving chairs. Or how about stop cutting classes so that students don’t all have to cram in the ONE section that is offered for a class that everyone needs? Or maybe stop letting students get some override and enroll in a class that’s too full already? Not everyone can be satisfied, if you don’t get the class you need, too bad… take another. This is ridiculous.
Monday, January 19, 2004
Did Everyone Graduate From the University of Illogical Crackheads?
SUVs Aren’t The Only Things That Rollover…
After graduating high school, I never really thought I’d ever have to carry a heavy load of books in my backpack again. But that is definitely one of those myths about college that needs to be dispelled. I remember when I was a freshman and I had to lug my heavy books from class to class because I had no where else to put them and I needed all of them in class. That sucked. I’ve since lightened the load by either taking classes that required only paperbacks or just not bring any form of bound tomes with me. Unfortunately, the issue of having to haul hundreds of dollars worth of educational texts from point A to point B still remains for many others. So what’s the solution? Rolling backpacks…
I saw some of those things when I was in high school, they didn’t work indoors and they don’t seem to work outdoors. Throughout my time here I’ve managed to see so many rolling bookbag rollovers. It’s actually pretty funny to see someone rushing to class dragging this monstrosity on wheels and it hits a sidewalk crack wrong which causes it to tip and tumble over on its side, resulting in the person losing their balance and momentarily looking bamboozled as to why their bag fell over. With all the ice, snow, mud, rain, or whatever Chicago weather leaves on the ground, it just doesn’t seem logical to use one of those things with their tiny little mini-wheels.
The next time any of you see someone using one of those things, please laugh at them when it tips over. Because it is only fitting that something so ridiculous be ridiculed and mocked by all of those that either just sucks it up and carries everything on their back like a pack mule or those that try to forgo books altogether. In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons: Ha! Ha!
A Military ID IS An ID!!!!
Over the break, my best friend and I went to Bennigan’s and she ordered a beer. Of course, they’d check her ID. She goes to the Naval Academy and her Illinois driver’s license still says she’s under 21, so she pulls out her other form of identification: her military ID card. The waitress at Bennigan’s stares at it, flips it over a few times, examines it, pretty much all but biting it to determine its worth before saying, “I’m not sure if we accept this.” HUH? How can you not accept it? It’s a valid photo ID issued by the United States government. She takes the card to her manager and it takes a long time before she says, “We’ll accept it this time… but next time bring a different ID.” At this point my record not only skipped, it stopped, rolled over like a rolling bag, and jumped out the window.
A military ID identifies someone as being a part of the United States military, it has all of the person’s vital information contained on it, including even blood type. It clearly notates a person’s date of birth, so it did prove my friend’s age. Why wouldn’t the ID be accepted? It’s issued by the United State, which easily trumps the measly state issued ID cards. This is absolutely appalling and ridiculous that the men and women carrying these cards go off into battle endangering their lives in defense of this nation’s freedoms can’t buy a beer with it! The world just is a ridiculously unjust place.
I Get That Crazy, I’m-Getting-Ripped-Off Feeling…
Every semester the book buying and the book selling season are crazy on the student body. Books being bought by students are grotesquely overpriced and books being sold back are disgustingly devalued. I actually sold back a textbook I bought for about $100 dollars and I was given a mere $5 back, because, “This is not the edition we use anymore.” I grunted and accepted this as the truth… but when I went into the bookstore and saw the SAME book, SAME edition, being sold for the price I bought it the year before. Not using the same edition? BULLSHIT. As if that didn’t irk me enough, I paid $37 or so dollars for a packet for one of my classes. When I left there and looked at it, the cover said $25. What the hell is the deal with that? This is a packet! It’s a bunch of Xeroxed papers bound cheaply with little plastic rings! And I’m glad that some professors have us go pick up packets in random copy places downtown just so we won’t be overcharged.
I’m sorry, but the UIC Bookstore has been consistently a symbol of the screwing of the student body via overpriced goods. But there’s almost always little to no choice but to buy your books there because special packages of books are exclusive to there or only they would sell those ridiculously overpriced packets. Professors don’t release what books are needed almost right until the time you need them. It’s hard to go to online and buy a book you need to read tonight for a quiz tomorrow. We’re being taken hostage and our pocketbooks are being raped by a system that won’t allow for any fairness. You need to have a platinum credit card these days to buy all the books you need for a semester. I’m glad this is my last semester. I’m tired of paying too much for ever so little.
After graduating high school, I never really thought I’d ever have to carry a heavy load of books in my backpack again. But that is definitely one of those myths about college that needs to be dispelled. I remember when I was a freshman and I had to lug my heavy books from class to class because I had no where else to put them and I needed all of them in class. That sucked. I’ve since lightened the load by either taking classes that required only paperbacks or just not bring any form of bound tomes with me. Unfortunately, the issue of having to haul hundreds of dollars worth of educational texts from point A to point B still remains for many others. So what’s the solution? Rolling backpacks…
I saw some of those things when I was in high school, they didn’t work indoors and they don’t seem to work outdoors. Throughout my time here I’ve managed to see so many rolling bookbag rollovers. It’s actually pretty funny to see someone rushing to class dragging this monstrosity on wheels and it hits a sidewalk crack wrong which causes it to tip and tumble over on its side, resulting in the person losing their balance and momentarily looking bamboozled as to why their bag fell over. With all the ice, snow, mud, rain, or whatever Chicago weather leaves on the ground, it just doesn’t seem logical to use one of those things with their tiny little mini-wheels.
The next time any of you see someone using one of those things, please laugh at them when it tips over. Because it is only fitting that something so ridiculous be ridiculed and mocked by all of those that either just sucks it up and carries everything on their back like a pack mule or those that try to forgo books altogether. In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons: Ha! Ha!
A Military ID IS An ID!!!!
Over the break, my best friend and I went to Bennigan’s and she ordered a beer. Of course, they’d check her ID. She goes to the Naval Academy and her Illinois driver’s license still says she’s under 21, so she pulls out her other form of identification: her military ID card. The waitress at Bennigan’s stares at it, flips it over a few times, examines it, pretty much all but biting it to determine its worth before saying, “I’m not sure if we accept this.” HUH? How can you not accept it? It’s a valid photo ID issued by the United States government. She takes the card to her manager and it takes a long time before she says, “We’ll accept it this time… but next time bring a different ID.” At this point my record not only skipped, it stopped, rolled over like a rolling bag, and jumped out the window.
A military ID identifies someone as being a part of the United States military, it has all of the person’s vital information contained on it, including even blood type. It clearly notates a person’s date of birth, so it did prove my friend’s age. Why wouldn’t the ID be accepted? It’s issued by the United State, which easily trumps the measly state issued ID cards. This is absolutely appalling and ridiculous that the men and women carrying these cards go off into battle endangering their lives in defense of this nation’s freedoms can’t buy a beer with it! The world just is a ridiculously unjust place.
I Get That Crazy, I’m-Getting-Ripped-Off Feeling…
Every semester the book buying and the book selling season are crazy on the student body. Books being bought by students are grotesquely overpriced and books being sold back are disgustingly devalued. I actually sold back a textbook I bought for about $100 dollars and I was given a mere $5 back, because, “This is not the edition we use anymore.” I grunted and accepted this as the truth… but when I went into the bookstore and saw the SAME book, SAME edition, being sold for the price I bought it the year before. Not using the same edition? BULLSHIT. As if that didn’t irk me enough, I paid $37 or so dollars for a packet for one of my classes. When I left there and looked at it, the cover said $25. What the hell is the deal with that? This is a packet! It’s a bunch of Xeroxed papers bound cheaply with little plastic rings! And I’m glad that some professors have us go pick up packets in random copy places downtown just so we won’t be overcharged.
I’m sorry, but the UIC Bookstore has been consistently a symbol of the screwing of the student body via overpriced goods. But there’s almost always little to no choice but to buy your books there because special packages of books are exclusive to there or only they would sell those ridiculously overpriced packets. Professors don’t release what books are needed almost right until the time you need them. It’s hard to go to online and buy a book you need to read tonight for a quiz tomorrow. We’re being taken hostage and our pocketbooks are being raped by a system that won’t allow for any fairness. You need to have a platinum credit card these days to buy all the books you need for a semester. I’m glad this is my last semester. I’m tired of paying too much for ever so little.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Happy New Year!!!
My Country Tis of Thee…
America seems to be getting a bad rap of late. We’re being called bullies and warmongers. Allegedly we seem to stick our noses into the business of other nations where it “doesn’t belong.” On December 26th, 2003 a devastating earthquake struck the country of Iran, killing more than 30,000 people. The United States immediately sent humanitarian aid, medical personnel and equipment, as well as rescue and relief experts to Iran. Despite political differences, in President Bush labeling Iran as a member of the “Axis of Evil” and some Iranians calling the United States “The Great Satan,” America was there to help.
Even though that occurred, Iran still has shunned any more of our help. Regardless, the bottom line is clear: “The Great Satan” cares for the welfare of the global population, how very Satanic and evil of us, isn’t it? If we are truly bullies and warmongers, would we have reacted immediately to help Iran recover from such a natural disaster? How many nations rushed to help Americans when the World Trade Center collapsed? How many nations helped us with the California wildfires? How many times has America gone out of its way to help other nations when all we get in return is to be called Satanic? Unfortunately, it’s been too many times to count.
The United States does get involved in situations where we can just as easily ignore, that much is true. But if your home is destroyed by natural disaster and you have no means to recover, how would you like it if everyone just passed by you saying, “Ya know… I shouldn’t get involved… this is really none of my business.” You would hope for a Good Samaritan to come along and lend a hand. That’s what the United States of America is. We’re Good Samaritans in an age where many would just ignore a problem because it doesn’t concern them. Go ahead and tell the people who have benefited from American aid that we’re evil. We’re just about as evil as firefighters, police officers, and doctors.
Let Me Tell You About REAL Evil…
I was pulled over for a moving violation in late November and I’ve yet to get my driver’s license back from the city. I mailed my check in to pay the fee the day after, like a good little law abiding citizen would and I waited. A month passed and I’ve yet to hear back from the city. After searching their completely uninformative website for contact information for someone to call, I was finally able to get a phone number to call. I figure I needed to find out if they lost my payment and there’s a warrant out for my arrest or something. So I call them and I spent 45 minutes on the phone as they played pass the Poon around.
After finally reaching someone who seems to have drawn the shortest straw or something and HAD to talk to me, she shuffled some papers around and said, “Oh, here’s your citation.” I was tempted to ask her if she wanted to keep the citation under the pile and just mail me back my damned driver’s license. But no… they allegedly processed it that day and I’m supposed to get my driver’s license back within the week. Hmmm… my wallet is still devoid of my driver’s license… bastards.
Mmmm… Mad Cow…
I don’t know about you but I’m absolutely loving this Mad Cow Mania! Most people are freaked out by the newest disease of the month and I’m reaping the benefits. How so? Well, other countries are not allowing US beef to be imported into their country, resulting in a surplus of tasty cow meat stuck in the United States. What are these slabs of meat to do? They’ve got to be sold somehow otherwise the cattle industry will lose a hell of a lot of money. Therefore, CHEAP BEEF TO BE SOLD TO PEOPLE LIKE ME!
People are scared of yet another disease that a majority of us will most likely never get. It’s amazing how a mere mention of something happening can bring everyone to hysteria. Mad Cow is NOT that common. Most beef doesn’t contain anything from the cow’s nervous system. It’s the most ridiculously stupid thing. Let us all just sit back and enjoy the fact that we don’t have West Niles, we don’t have SARS, and we don’t have Mad Cow. Mmmm… cheap steak…. *drool*
America seems to be getting a bad rap of late. We’re being called bullies and warmongers. Allegedly we seem to stick our noses into the business of other nations where it “doesn’t belong.” On December 26th, 2003 a devastating earthquake struck the country of Iran, killing more than 30,000 people. The United States immediately sent humanitarian aid, medical personnel and equipment, as well as rescue and relief experts to Iran. Despite political differences, in President Bush labeling Iran as a member of the “Axis of Evil” and some Iranians calling the United States “The Great Satan,” America was there to help.
Even though that occurred, Iran still has shunned any more of our help. Regardless, the bottom line is clear: “The Great Satan” cares for the welfare of the global population, how very Satanic and evil of us, isn’t it? If we are truly bullies and warmongers, would we have reacted immediately to help Iran recover from such a natural disaster? How many nations rushed to help Americans when the World Trade Center collapsed? How many nations helped us with the California wildfires? How many times has America gone out of its way to help other nations when all we get in return is to be called Satanic? Unfortunately, it’s been too many times to count.
The United States does get involved in situations where we can just as easily ignore, that much is true. But if your home is destroyed by natural disaster and you have no means to recover, how would you like it if everyone just passed by you saying, “Ya know… I shouldn’t get involved… this is really none of my business.” You would hope for a Good Samaritan to come along and lend a hand. That’s what the United States of America is. We’re Good Samaritans in an age where many would just ignore a problem because it doesn’t concern them. Go ahead and tell the people who have benefited from American aid that we’re evil. We’re just about as evil as firefighters, police officers, and doctors.
Let Me Tell You About REAL Evil…
I was pulled over for a moving violation in late November and I’ve yet to get my driver’s license back from the city. I mailed my check in to pay the fee the day after, like a good little law abiding citizen would and I waited. A month passed and I’ve yet to hear back from the city. After searching their completely uninformative website for contact information for someone to call, I was finally able to get a phone number to call. I figure I needed to find out if they lost my payment and there’s a warrant out for my arrest or something. So I call them and I spent 45 minutes on the phone as they played pass the Poon around.
After finally reaching someone who seems to have drawn the shortest straw or something and HAD to talk to me, she shuffled some papers around and said, “Oh, here’s your citation.” I was tempted to ask her if she wanted to keep the citation under the pile and just mail me back my damned driver’s license. But no… they allegedly processed it that day and I’m supposed to get my driver’s license back within the week. Hmmm… my wallet is still devoid of my driver’s license… bastards.
Mmmm… Mad Cow…
I don’t know about you but I’m absolutely loving this Mad Cow Mania! Most people are freaked out by the newest disease of the month and I’m reaping the benefits. How so? Well, other countries are not allowing US beef to be imported into their country, resulting in a surplus of tasty cow meat stuck in the United States. What are these slabs of meat to do? They’ve got to be sold somehow otherwise the cattle industry will lose a hell of a lot of money. Therefore, CHEAP BEEF TO BE SOLD TO PEOPLE LIKE ME!
People are scared of yet another disease that a majority of us will most likely never get. It’s amazing how a mere mention of something happening can bring everyone to hysteria. Mad Cow is NOT that common. Most beef doesn’t contain anything from the cow’s nervous system. It’s the most ridiculously stupid thing. Let us all just sit back and enjoy the fact that we don’t have West Niles, we don’t have SARS, and we don’t have Mad Cow. Mmmm… cheap steak…. *drool*
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