OH MY GOD!!! IT’S A BOOBIE!!!
We’re still talking about Janet Jackson’s breast. Why?!? It’s a freaking’ boob with a nipple ring hubcap over it. It appeared on TV for a split second (more than a split second for anyone who has TiVo) and all of America became enamored with the biggest “wardrobe malfunction” since the fashion of the 1980s. Why did we have to make such a big deal about it? Why did the Sun-Times run a picture of it in their paper the very next day?
More people know about the boobie than about most other current events. Do we care that a child was kidnapped and killed in Florida? Not really… ‘cause there’s a boobie. Do we care that a bomb exploded in a Moscow subway? Nope… we have a boobie. Did we even notice that a streaker was running around the field in the third quarter of the Super Bowl? Nope, his boobies weren’t as interesting.
It’s sad that we’re mesmerized by one breast. We call it a travesty and horribly inappropriate when a breast was exposed on TV for a millisecond. But yet we enjoy watching it over and over and over and we enjoy talking about it. I don’t know about you, but I can only say “boobie” so many times before I feel like I’m becoming mentally retarded. Actually, I take that back, mentally retarded people aren’t that stupid.
Time Waits For No One…
This school needs clocks… not just clocks… but clocks that work and are synchronized across campus. But no, we get these stupid plasma screen TVs popping up all over CCC with stupid announcements about stupid campus activities that no one goes to anyways. Why can’t UIC just use the money they scam from us for something of actual use and importance? So many times I’m in a classroom with no clock and the professors or TAs are ranting, raving, and babbling WAY over the allotted class time. They think they have more time, I know otherwise, because my next class is halfway across campus where the professor begins class early. This is a problem that easily can be remedied by someone just installing CLOCKS that are SYNCRONIZED in classrooms.
Room upon room, clocks are broken, have the wrong time, or there’s a light spot on a wall where you can obviously see a clock USED to be there. For all the money we’re throwing at the seemingly abandoned UH fountain project and all of those expensive looking plasma TVs everywhere, we don’t have enough money to buy a few damned clocks?!? What the hell is wrong with this school?
Shut Up, Will Ya?
The CCC is a very loud and noisy place especially the Inner Circle where everyone gathers for a meal and to chat with friends. Sometimes it gets to be so loud that it’s nearly impossible to hear the person you’re sitting at the same table with. I guess knowing how to talk with our “inside voices” wasn’t a prerequisite for admission to our fine institution of higher learning. And what’s worse? Random music, random videos, random dance routines, or some other ridiculousness appears out of no where sometimes. What the bloody hell?
I was eating lunch one day and suddenly an amateur DJ set up shop and started blaring really bad music in the Inner Circle. It was rather obvious that no one appreciated the bit of musical appreciation that assaulted our ear drums. People were booing the music and cheering the silence. What’d the moron behind the speakers do? Play music louder. I don’t even know who he was or why he was there. All I know is that if I ever see him, I want to sound an air horn next to his ear! And then there was the day a 5 minute clip of the UIC basketball team kept looping over and over and over. Or perhaps when the gymnasts or dancers or whatever just showed up out of no where throwing each other up in the air. I don’t believe this. How is annoying the hell out of your fellow students doing anything to support your cause? I don’t want to listen to you talking, I don’t want to listen to your bad music, I don’t want to listen to the same 5-minute clip repeatedly, and I don’t want to see you dance. I want to eat in relative peace. I suggest that you take your circus show to Afghanistan and do your little things, maybe after a while, you just might be able to annoy Osama bin Laden out of hiding.
Monday, February 9, 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
Winter Woes
It IS Winter Isn’t It?
Okay… call me crazy, but this IS winter isn’t it? There’s snow in the air and ice on the ground. The temperature is cold and the wind chill is freezing. Old people are dying in their underheated homes. The stupid groundhog hasn’t made its appearance to announce the coming of spring yet. So I must not be crazy in assuming it is winter. Unfortunately, the insanity doesn’t lie with me, but with the rest of the world… specifically Old Navy. They’re no longer selling winter-wear items like scarves and they’re stocking spring clothes. When asked where the scarves are, the sales associate merely said, “It’s not in season right now. We’re selling spring clothes.”
When I finally lifted my jaw from off the floor, I decided that arguing with this poor kid who obviously had no idea how stupid she sounded wasn’t worth the time. How the hell ISN’T it “in season” to sell SCARVES?!? What the hell am I supposed to do with the endless tube tops and shorts that are on their racks now? I AM COLD NOW!!! If any of you reading this work for stores that are beginning to stock spring items in the dead of winter, please question this policy from your superiors and let me know exactly what they say at epoon1@uic.edu I just might publish the idiotic company policies in a later article.
Speaking of Stupid Winter Policies…
UIC still is inept at salting the walkways and the parking lots. It’s been three years since I last wrote an article about it after I got into a fender bender in a UIC parking lot because of the snow and ice. I’m sure many of you have noticed cars skidding, people sliding, and huge piles of salt in places that no one walks. This is ridiculous. The parking lots are especially dangerous. While much of the lot is relatively ice-free, the individual parking spots are pristine slabs of ice that UIC can host the World Championships of Figure Skating on.
Cars can’t pull into these spots without losing control! Hell, people can’t get out of their cars without nearly killing themselves. The lots are generally pretty empty near the end of the day and at night, so why can’t UIC salt the parking spots then? Wait, I do stand corrected, the handicapped parking spots are salted… for the zero cars that park there on a daily basis. Maybe that’s why there’s a growing number of handicapped parking stalls… it’s to accommodate all the currently able-bodied students that will subsequently break their necks this semester.
And Speaking of Unsafe Practices at UIC…
Many of my classes are in tiny little classrooms that have bolted down chairs for a set number of people with little room for adding more. But yet, why the hell are people sitting in the aisles or on the floor along the walls during classes because there are no seats? If I’m just a few minutes late getting to class, there’s no room for me to sit! And by late I mean, if I’m not there immediately after the previous class files out of there like clowns out of a Volkswagen Beetle. This is ridiculous… I’m paying ever increasing tuition to sit on the wet, muddy floor from the snow that students track in. I’m definitely not getting my money’s worth.
In case of fire, all of us are doomed because it’s not easy to maneuver around in those woefully too small aisles between the bolted down chairs and the little desks that don’t flip up. Not to mention the multitude of students sitting on the floor that would inevitably be trampled to death. Is this what college education means? I would hope not. UIC better pull its head from out of its anus and figure something out. Here are a few suggestions, get rid of the archaic bolted seats and let there be free-moving chairs. Or how about stop cutting classes so that students don’t all have to cram in the ONE section that is offered for a class that everyone needs? Or maybe stop letting students get some override and enroll in a class that’s too full already? Not everyone can be satisfied, if you don’t get the class you need, too bad… take another. This is ridiculous.
Okay… call me crazy, but this IS winter isn’t it? There’s snow in the air and ice on the ground. The temperature is cold and the wind chill is freezing. Old people are dying in their underheated homes. The stupid groundhog hasn’t made its appearance to announce the coming of spring yet. So I must not be crazy in assuming it is winter. Unfortunately, the insanity doesn’t lie with me, but with the rest of the world… specifically Old Navy. They’re no longer selling winter-wear items like scarves and they’re stocking spring clothes. When asked where the scarves are, the sales associate merely said, “It’s not in season right now. We’re selling spring clothes.”
When I finally lifted my jaw from off the floor, I decided that arguing with this poor kid who obviously had no idea how stupid she sounded wasn’t worth the time. How the hell ISN’T it “in season” to sell SCARVES?!? What the hell am I supposed to do with the endless tube tops and shorts that are on their racks now? I AM COLD NOW!!! If any of you reading this work for stores that are beginning to stock spring items in the dead of winter, please question this policy from your superiors and let me know exactly what they say at epoon1@uic.edu I just might publish the idiotic company policies in a later article.
Speaking of Stupid Winter Policies…
UIC still is inept at salting the walkways and the parking lots. It’s been three years since I last wrote an article about it after I got into a fender bender in a UIC parking lot because of the snow and ice. I’m sure many of you have noticed cars skidding, people sliding, and huge piles of salt in places that no one walks. This is ridiculous. The parking lots are especially dangerous. While much of the lot is relatively ice-free, the individual parking spots are pristine slabs of ice that UIC can host the World Championships of Figure Skating on.
Cars can’t pull into these spots without losing control! Hell, people can’t get out of their cars without nearly killing themselves. The lots are generally pretty empty near the end of the day and at night, so why can’t UIC salt the parking spots then? Wait, I do stand corrected, the handicapped parking spots are salted… for the zero cars that park there on a daily basis. Maybe that’s why there’s a growing number of handicapped parking stalls… it’s to accommodate all the currently able-bodied students that will subsequently break their necks this semester.
And Speaking of Unsafe Practices at UIC…
Many of my classes are in tiny little classrooms that have bolted down chairs for a set number of people with little room for adding more. But yet, why the hell are people sitting in the aisles or on the floor along the walls during classes because there are no seats? If I’m just a few minutes late getting to class, there’s no room for me to sit! And by late I mean, if I’m not there immediately after the previous class files out of there like clowns out of a Volkswagen Beetle. This is ridiculous… I’m paying ever increasing tuition to sit on the wet, muddy floor from the snow that students track in. I’m definitely not getting my money’s worth.
In case of fire, all of us are doomed because it’s not easy to maneuver around in those woefully too small aisles between the bolted down chairs and the little desks that don’t flip up. Not to mention the multitude of students sitting on the floor that would inevitably be trampled to death. Is this what college education means? I would hope not. UIC better pull its head from out of its anus and figure something out. Here are a few suggestions, get rid of the archaic bolted seats and let there be free-moving chairs. Or how about stop cutting classes so that students don’t all have to cram in the ONE section that is offered for a class that everyone needs? Or maybe stop letting students get some override and enroll in a class that’s too full already? Not everyone can be satisfied, if you don’t get the class you need, too bad… take another. This is ridiculous.
Monday, January 19, 2004
Did Everyone Graduate From the University of Illogical Crackheads?
SUVs Aren’t The Only Things That Rollover…
After graduating high school, I never really thought I’d ever have to carry a heavy load of books in my backpack again. But that is definitely one of those myths about college that needs to be dispelled. I remember when I was a freshman and I had to lug my heavy books from class to class because I had no where else to put them and I needed all of them in class. That sucked. I’ve since lightened the load by either taking classes that required only paperbacks or just not bring any form of bound tomes with me. Unfortunately, the issue of having to haul hundreds of dollars worth of educational texts from point A to point B still remains for many others. So what’s the solution? Rolling backpacks…
I saw some of those things when I was in high school, they didn’t work indoors and they don’t seem to work outdoors. Throughout my time here I’ve managed to see so many rolling bookbag rollovers. It’s actually pretty funny to see someone rushing to class dragging this monstrosity on wheels and it hits a sidewalk crack wrong which causes it to tip and tumble over on its side, resulting in the person losing their balance and momentarily looking bamboozled as to why their bag fell over. With all the ice, snow, mud, rain, or whatever Chicago weather leaves on the ground, it just doesn’t seem logical to use one of those things with their tiny little mini-wheels.
The next time any of you see someone using one of those things, please laugh at them when it tips over. Because it is only fitting that something so ridiculous be ridiculed and mocked by all of those that either just sucks it up and carries everything on their back like a pack mule or those that try to forgo books altogether. In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons: Ha! Ha!
A Military ID IS An ID!!!!
Over the break, my best friend and I went to Bennigan’s and she ordered a beer. Of course, they’d check her ID. She goes to the Naval Academy and her Illinois driver’s license still says she’s under 21, so she pulls out her other form of identification: her military ID card. The waitress at Bennigan’s stares at it, flips it over a few times, examines it, pretty much all but biting it to determine its worth before saying, “I’m not sure if we accept this.” HUH? How can you not accept it? It’s a valid photo ID issued by the United States government. She takes the card to her manager and it takes a long time before she says, “We’ll accept it this time… but next time bring a different ID.” At this point my record not only skipped, it stopped, rolled over like a rolling bag, and jumped out the window.
A military ID identifies someone as being a part of the United States military, it has all of the person’s vital information contained on it, including even blood type. It clearly notates a person’s date of birth, so it did prove my friend’s age. Why wouldn’t the ID be accepted? It’s issued by the United State, which easily trumps the measly state issued ID cards. This is absolutely appalling and ridiculous that the men and women carrying these cards go off into battle endangering their lives in defense of this nation’s freedoms can’t buy a beer with it! The world just is a ridiculously unjust place.
I Get That Crazy, I’m-Getting-Ripped-Off Feeling…
Every semester the book buying and the book selling season are crazy on the student body. Books being bought by students are grotesquely overpriced and books being sold back are disgustingly devalued. I actually sold back a textbook I bought for about $100 dollars and I was given a mere $5 back, because, “This is not the edition we use anymore.” I grunted and accepted this as the truth… but when I went into the bookstore and saw the SAME book, SAME edition, being sold for the price I bought it the year before. Not using the same edition? BULLSHIT. As if that didn’t irk me enough, I paid $37 or so dollars for a packet for one of my classes. When I left there and looked at it, the cover said $25. What the hell is the deal with that? This is a packet! It’s a bunch of Xeroxed papers bound cheaply with little plastic rings! And I’m glad that some professors have us go pick up packets in random copy places downtown just so we won’t be overcharged.
I’m sorry, but the UIC Bookstore has been consistently a symbol of the screwing of the student body via overpriced goods. But there’s almost always little to no choice but to buy your books there because special packages of books are exclusive to there or only they would sell those ridiculously overpriced packets. Professors don’t release what books are needed almost right until the time you need them. It’s hard to go to online and buy a book you need to read tonight for a quiz tomorrow. We’re being taken hostage and our pocketbooks are being raped by a system that won’t allow for any fairness. You need to have a platinum credit card these days to buy all the books you need for a semester. I’m glad this is my last semester. I’m tired of paying too much for ever so little.
After graduating high school, I never really thought I’d ever have to carry a heavy load of books in my backpack again. But that is definitely one of those myths about college that needs to be dispelled. I remember when I was a freshman and I had to lug my heavy books from class to class because I had no where else to put them and I needed all of them in class. That sucked. I’ve since lightened the load by either taking classes that required only paperbacks or just not bring any form of bound tomes with me. Unfortunately, the issue of having to haul hundreds of dollars worth of educational texts from point A to point B still remains for many others. So what’s the solution? Rolling backpacks…
I saw some of those things when I was in high school, they didn’t work indoors and they don’t seem to work outdoors. Throughout my time here I’ve managed to see so many rolling bookbag rollovers. It’s actually pretty funny to see someone rushing to class dragging this monstrosity on wheels and it hits a sidewalk crack wrong which causes it to tip and tumble over on its side, resulting in the person losing their balance and momentarily looking bamboozled as to why their bag fell over. With all the ice, snow, mud, rain, or whatever Chicago weather leaves on the ground, it just doesn’t seem logical to use one of those things with their tiny little mini-wheels.
The next time any of you see someone using one of those things, please laugh at them when it tips over. Because it is only fitting that something so ridiculous be ridiculed and mocked by all of those that either just sucks it up and carries everything on their back like a pack mule or those that try to forgo books altogether. In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons: Ha! Ha!
A Military ID IS An ID!!!!
Over the break, my best friend and I went to Bennigan’s and she ordered a beer. Of course, they’d check her ID. She goes to the Naval Academy and her Illinois driver’s license still says she’s under 21, so she pulls out her other form of identification: her military ID card. The waitress at Bennigan’s stares at it, flips it over a few times, examines it, pretty much all but biting it to determine its worth before saying, “I’m not sure if we accept this.” HUH? How can you not accept it? It’s a valid photo ID issued by the United States government. She takes the card to her manager and it takes a long time before she says, “We’ll accept it this time… but next time bring a different ID.” At this point my record not only skipped, it stopped, rolled over like a rolling bag, and jumped out the window.
A military ID identifies someone as being a part of the United States military, it has all of the person’s vital information contained on it, including even blood type. It clearly notates a person’s date of birth, so it did prove my friend’s age. Why wouldn’t the ID be accepted? It’s issued by the United State, which easily trumps the measly state issued ID cards. This is absolutely appalling and ridiculous that the men and women carrying these cards go off into battle endangering their lives in defense of this nation’s freedoms can’t buy a beer with it! The world just is a ridiculously unjust place.
I Get That Crazy, I’m-Getting-Ripped-Off Feeling…
Every semester the book buying and the book selling season are crazy on the student body. Books being bought by students are grotesquely overpriced and books being sold back are disgustingly devalued. I actually sold back a textbook I bought for about $100 dollars and I was given a mere $5 back, because, “This is not the edition we use anymore.” I grunted and accepted this as the truth… but when I went into the bookstore and saw the SAME book, SAME edition, being sold for the price I bought it the year before. Not using the same edition? BULLSHIT. As if that didn’t irk me enough, I paid $37 or so dollars for a packet for one of my classes. When I left there and looked at it, the cover said $25. What the hell is the deal with that? This is a packet! It’s a bunch of Xeroxed papers bound cheaply with little plastic rings! And I’m glad that some professors have us go pick up packets in random copy places downtown just so we won’t be overcharged.
I’m sorry, but the UIC Bookstore has been consistently a symbol of the screwing of the student body via overpriced goods. But there’s almost always little to no choice but to buy your books there because special packages of books are exclusive to there or only they would sell those ridiculously overpriced packets. Professors don’t release what books are needed almost right until the time you need them. It’s hard to go to online and buy a book you need to read tonight for a quiz tomorrow. We’re being taken hostage and our pocketbooks are being raped by a system that won’t allow for any fairness. You need to have a platinum credit card these days to buy all the books you need for a semester. I’m glad this is my last semester. I’m tired of paying too much for ever so little.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Happy New Year!!!
My Country Tis of Thee…
America seems to be getting a bad rap of late. We’re being called bullies and warmongers. Allegedly we seem to stick our noses into the business of other nations where it “doesn’t belong.” On December 26th, 2003 a devastating earthquake struck the country of Iran, killing more than 30,000 people. The United States immediately sent humanitarian aid, medical personnel and equipment, as well as rescue and relief experts to Iran. Despite political differences, in President Bush labeling Iran as a member of the “Axis of Evil” and some Iranians calling the United States “The Great Satan,” America was there to help.
Even though that occurred, Iran still has shunned any more of our help. Regardless, the bottom line is clear: “The Great Satan” cares for the welfare of the global population, how very Satanic and evil of us, isn’t it? If we are truly bullies and warmongers, would we have reacted immediately to help Iran recover from such a natural disaster? How many nations rushed to help Americans when the World Trade Center collapsed? How many nations helped us with the California wildfires? How many times has America gone out of its way to help other nations when all we get in return is to be called Satanic? Unfortunately, it’s been too many times to count.
The United States does get involved in situations where we can just as easily ignore, that much is true. But if your home is destroyed by natural disaster and you have no means to recover, how would you like it if everyone just passed by you saying, “Ya know… I shouldn’t get involved… this is really none of my business.” You would hope for a Good Samaritan to come along and lend a hand. That’s what the United States of America is. We’re Good Samaritans in an age where many would just ignore a problem because it doesn’t concern them. Go ahead and tell the people who have benefited from American aid that we’re evil. We’re just about as evil as firefighters, police officers, and doctors.
Let Me Tell You About REAL Evil…
I was pulled over for a moving violation in late November and I’ve yet to get my driver’s license back from the city. I mailed my check in to pay the fee the day after, like a good little law abiding citizen would and I waited. A month passed and I’ve yet to hear back from the city. After searching their completely uninformative website for contact information for someone to call, I was finally able to get a phone number to call. I figure I needed to find out if they lost my payment and there’s a warrant out for my arrest or something. So I call them and I spent 45 minutes on the phone as they played pass the Poon around.
After finally reaching someone who seems to have drawn the shortest straw or something and HAD to talk to me, she shuffled some papers around and said, “Oh, here’s your citation.” I was tempted to ask her if she wanted to keep the citation under the pile and just mail me back my damned driver’s license. But no… they allegedly processed it that day and I’m supposed to get my driver’s license back within the week. Hmmm… my wallet is still devoid of my driver’s license… bastards.
Mmmm… Mad Cow…
I don’t know about you but I’m absolutely loving this Mad Cow Mania! Most people are freaked out by the newest disease of the month and I’m reaping the benefits. How so? Well, other countries are not allowing US beef to be imported into their country, resulting in a surplus of tasty cow meat stuck in the United States. What are these slabs of meat to do? They’ve got to be sold somehow otherwise the cattle industry will lose a hell of a lot of money. Therefore, CHEAP BEEF TO BE SOLD TO PEOPLE LIKE ME!
People are scared of yet another disease that a majority of us will most likely never get. It’s amazing how a mere mention of something happening can bring everyone to hysteria. Mad Cow is NOT that common. Most beef doesn’t contain anything from the cow’s nervous system. It’s the most ridiculously stupid thing. Let us all just sit back and enjoy the fact that we don’t have West Niles, we don’t have SARS, and we don’t have Mad Cow. Mmmm… cheap steak…. *drool*
America seems to be getting a bad rap of late. We’re being called bullies and warmongers. Allegedly we seem to stick our noses into the business of other nations where it “doesn’t belong.” On December 26th, 2003 a devastating earthquake struck the country of Iran, killing more than 30,000 people. The United States immediately sent humanitarian aid, medical personnel and equipment, as well as rescue and relief experts to Iran. Despite political differences, in President Bush labeling Iran as a member of the “Axis of Evil” and some Iranians calling the United States “The Great Satan,” America was there to help.
Even though that occurred, Iran still has shunned any more of our help. Regardless, the bottom line is clear: “The Great Satan” cares for the welfare of the global population, how very Satanic and evil of us, isn’t it? If we are truly bullies and warmongers, would we have reacted immediately to help Iran recover from such a natural disaster? How many nations rushed to help Americans when the World Trade Center collapsed? How many nations helped us with the California wildfires? How many times has America gone out of its way to help other nations when all we get in return is to be called Satanic? Unfortunately, it’s been too many times to count.
The United States does get involved in situations where we can just as easily ignore, that much is true. But if your home is destroyed by natural disaster and you have no means to recover, how would you like it if everyone just passed by you saying, “Ya know… I shouldn’t get involved… this is really none of my business.” You would hope for a Good Samaritan to come along and lend a hand. That’s what the United States of America is. We’re Good Samaritans in an age where many would just ignore a problem because it doesn’t concern them. Go ahead and tell the people who have benefited from American aid that we’re evil. We’re just about as evil as firefighters, police officers, and doctors.
Let Me Tell You About REAL Evil…
I was pulled over for a moving violation in late November and I’ve yet to get my driver’s license back from the city. I mailed my check in to pay the fee the day after, like a good little law abiding citizen would and I waited. A month passed and I’ve yet to hear back from the city. After searching their completely uninformative website for contact information for someone to call, I was finally able to get a phone number to call. I figure I needed to find out if they lost my payment and there’s a warrant out for my arrest or something. So I call them and I spent 45 minutes on the phone as they played pass the Poon around.
After finally reaching someone who seems to have drawn the shortest straw or something and HAD to talk to me, she shuffled some papers around and said, “Oh, here’s your citation.” I was tempted to ask her if she wanted to keep the citation under the pile and just mail me back my damned driver’s license. But no… they allegedly processed it that day and I’m supposed to get my driver’s license back within the week. Hmmm… my wallet is still devoid of my driver’s license… bastards.
Mmmm… Mad Cow…
I don’t know about you but I’m absolutely loving this Mad Cow Mania! Most people are freaked out by the newest disease of the month and I’m reaping the benefits. How so? Well, other countries are not allowing US beef to be imported into their country, resulting in a surplus of tasty cow meat stuck in the United States. What are these slabs of meat to do? They’ve got to be sold somehow otherwise the cattle industry will lose a hell of a lot of money. Therefore, CHEAP BEEF TO BE SOLD TO PEOPLE LIKE ME!
People are scared of yet another disease that a majority of us will most likely never get. It’s amazing how a mere mention of something happening can bring everyone to hysteria. Mad Cow is NOT that common. Most beef doesn’t contain anything from the cow’s nervous system. It’s the most ridiculously stupid thing. Let us all just sit back and enjoy the fact that we don’t have West Niles, we don’t have SARS, and we don’t have Mad Cow. Mmmm… cheap steak…. *drool*
Monday, December 1, 2003
The End Is Near!
I Do Love the 80s…
The best part of Thanksgiving weekend is that it gives us college kids a chance to sit back and relax. TV apparently understands all of this and they show marathons of all the programs that we managed to miss while we were too busy cramming for the next round of midterms. I had the joy of watching VH1’s “I Love the 80s Strikes Back” and I was mentally transported to the age of true idiocy again. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and seeing all the crazy stuff that was popular back then and realizing how smart I was to not own a pair of LA Gear, a Chia Pet, or those crazy color changing shirts, definitely makes me feel better about myself.
It just made me think about all the psychotic crap that we’ve immersed ourselves with today. I can’t wait until 20 years from now, someone looks back and goes, “What the hell was up with all that baggy clothing?” or “What’s the deal with people walking around in skimpy tube tops and mini-skirts in the dead of winter?” It’s fairly apparent that the phrase of the day has and will always be, “It seemed like a good idea at the time…” Let me say right here and right now, before VH1 produces “I Love the Millennium” in 2020… I laughed at and mocked you first. Morons.
And Finally…
This is my last article of the semester and I hope everyone has a good finals week. Best of luck in all of your classes and if you’re in mine, I hope you blow the final, so we have a good curve. Of course, I also wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season. Beware of rabid holiday shoppers, especially the soccer moms and the last minute shoppers… they’re aggressive. And I’ll leave you all with a list of New Year’s Resolutions for UIC and if they manage to accomplish these, we all have hope of keeping our own resolutions alive:
1.) Stop cutting classes
2.) Treat students nicer
3.) Stop raising tuition
4.) Stop being incompetent
5.) Stop trying to ignore the complaints of students (we won’t go away if we can’t get the classes we need to graduate)
6.) And finally: Finish the UH Fountain.
The best part of Thanksgiving weekend is that it gives us college kids a chance to sit back and relax. TV apparently understands all of this and they show marathons of all the programs that we managed to miss while we were too busy cramming for the next round of midterms. I had the joy of watching VH1’s “I Love the 80s Strikes Back” and I was mentally transported to the age of true idiocy again. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and seeing all the crazy stuff that was popular back then and realizing how smart I was to not own a pair of LA Gear, a Chia Pet, or those crazy color changing shirts, definitely makes me feel better about myself.
It just made me think about all the psychotic crap that we’ve immersed ourselves with today. I can’t wait until 20 years from now, someone looks back and goes, “What the hell was up with all that baggy clothing?” or “What’s the deal with people walking around in skimpy tube tops and mini-skirts in the dead of winter?” It’s fairly apparent that the phrase of the day has and will always be, “It seemed like a good idea at the time…” Let me say right here and right now, before VH1 produces “I Love the Millennium” in 2020… I laughed at and mocked you first. Morons.
And Finally…
This is my last article of the semester and I hope everyone has a good finals week. Best of luck in all of your classes and if you’re in mine, I hope you blow the final, so we have a good curve. Of course, I also wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season. Beware of rabid holiday shoppers, especially the soccer moms and the last minute shoppers… they’re aggressive. And I’ll leave you all with a list of New Year’s Resolutions for UIC and if they manage to accomplish these, we all have hope of keeping our own resolutions alive:
1.) Stop cutting classes
2.) Treat students nicer
3.) Stop raising tuition
4.) Stop being incompetent
5.) Stop trying to ignore the complaints of students (we won’t go away if we can’t get the classes we need to graduate)
6.) And finally: Finish the UH Fountain.
Sunday, November 23, 2003
Shit Happens...
Life Is Like A Pile of Feces
It’s getting to be that time of year again when school is getting to be pretty rough, it’s the last few days for those that are graduating in December, it’s the last few days of the semester for everyone else, and second to last semester for myself! Now is also the time we’re all fretting about grades, trying to figure out what we’re getting in what class… hoping we don’t fail and CAN graduate. So for all of you that this applies to, whether it be in life or in school, I present to you, Life Is Like A Pile of Feces:
Shit happens... all you can do is wipe it off and flush the toilet.
Sometimes the shit is hard and it's difficult to get through the process... but you have to push.
But when all is said and done... and you're done with the shit.... you'll feel lighter, as if a great weight is lifted off of you. Then things will be peachy...
Sometimes shit happens so quickly and uncontrollably that you're just left sitting there going, "OH MY GOD! What the hell just happened?!?" But you just have to stay strong, finish your business, and go on with your life.
Other times the shit is small and annoying... but you still have to deal with it. You have to get rid of the shit in your life, no matter how seemingly insignificant it is.
Then there are the kinds of shit that are so large and painful to get rid of... they suck. Sometimes it hurts a lot.. but the same thing applies... push through... endure the momentary pain to feel a rush of relief at the end.
Sometimes we think there's shit there... but really there isn't... and we should just stop overreacting... let it all air out... and calm down.
But in the end... shit still just happens... and all we can to is wipe and flush.
Speaking of Shit Happening…
The INCREDIBLY horrid looking face of Michael Jackson has been plastered upon newscasts and newspapers everywhere. For the past week, I haven’t been able to get away from seeing this freak! The fact that Michael Jackson is sick and twisted has been known for years now. The allegations of child molestation have been around for a decade. But yet, somehow we still need to be reminded of such things every time he doesn’t something weird again.
In some places, convicted sex offenders and pedophiles have to have a sign in front of their house proclaiming them as such. True, Michael Jackson hasn’t been convicted of anything because he’s also rich, in addition to being sick and twisted. The court of public opinion has long convicted him of being a pedophile and for the past week, we see to be constantly reminded of the fact.
But with that in mind, why the hell would parents ever let their kid ANYWHERE near someone like him!?! Who, in their right mind, would let their kid go to a “sleepover” at Neverland? Come on now! The parents are just as responsible for the poor kid or kids that have been allegedly up-close and personal with guy that sang a song called, “Beat It.” Don’t even give me that bullshit about doing it for money. “Hey Little Timmy, go over to Uncle Michael’s and let him touch you in no-no spots… it’ll pay for that new Playstation 2 you wanted and college too!” COME ON NOW!! That’s even more disgusting than Jackson’s continual whitening and disappearing nose. This psychopath needs to be in a mental asylum, he needs more help than the Titanic did when it hit the iceberg.
Speaking of Needing Help…
Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend and ‘tis the season to get food poisoning or get mildly injured playing football outside with family. Of course, I do wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season, don’t get me wrong. But if something does go wrong, one would hope that the ambulance can get you to the hospital quickly. Unfortunately, there are idiots out there who don’t understand the concept of pulling to the right for sirens and lights. I was driving home the other day and I saw an ambulance with lights and sirens blaring. Everyone pulled over to let it through, except for this little orange Yugo.
It just kept going, the driver kept looking at her rearview mirror, so she obviously KNEW that there was an ambulance behind her. The ambulance was trying to pass her but it was hard, since she refused to pull to the side. What if the patient was in critical condition and need to get to the hospital as soon as possible and time is of the essence? What if ever second mattered and the driver of that stupid orange Yugo just killed someone because of her idiocy? Think about such things when you’re driving.
Have good holiday weekend everyone!
It’s getting to be that time of year again when school is getting to be pretty rough, it’s the last few days for those that are graduating in December, it’s the last few days of the semester for everyone else, and second to last semester for myself! Now is also the time we’re all fretting about grades, trying to figure out what we’re getting in what class… hoping we don’t fail and CAN graduate. So for all of you that this applies to, whether it be in life or in school, I present to you, Life Is Like A Pile of Feces:
Shit happens... all you can do is wipe it off and flush the toilet.
Sometimes the shit is hard and it's difficult to get through the process... but you have to push.
But when all is said and done... and you're done with the shit.... you'll feel lighter, as if a great weight is lifted off of you. Then things will be peachy...
Sometimes shit happens so quickly and uncontrollably that you're just left sitting there going, "OH MY GOD! What the hell just happened?!?" But you just have to stay strong, finish your business, and go on with your life.
Other times the shit is small and annoying... but you still have to deal with it. You have to get rid of the shit in your life, no matter how seemingly insignificant it is.
Then there are the kinds of shit that are so large and painful to get rid of... they suck. Sometimes it hurts a lot.. but the same thing applies... push through... endure the momentary pain to feel a rush of relief at the end.
Sometimes we think there's shit there... but really there isn't... and we should just stop overreacting... let it all air out... and calm down.
But in the end... shit still just happens... and all we can to is wipe and flush.
Speaking of Shit Happening…
The INCREDIBLY horrid looking face of Michael Jackson has been plastered upon newscasts and newspapers everywhere. For the past week, I haven’t been able to get away from seeing this freak! The fact that Michael Jackson is sick and twisted has been known for years now. The allegations of child molestation have been around for a decade. But yet, somehow we still need to be reminded of such things every time he doesn’t something weird again.
In some places, convicted sex offenders and pedophiles have to have a sign in front of their house proclaiming them as such. True, Michael Jackson hasn’t been convicted of anything because he’s also rich, in addition to being sick and twisted. The court of public opinion has long convicted him of being a pedophile and for the past week, we see to be constantly reminded of the fact.
But with that in mind, why the hell would parents ever let their kid ANYWHERE near someone like him!?! Who, in their right mind, would let their kid go to a “sleepover” at Neverland? Come on now! The parents are just as responsible for the poor kid or kids that have been allegedly up-close and personal with guy that sang a song called, “Beat It.” Don’t even give me that bullshit about doing it for money. “Hey Little Timmy, go over to Uncle Michael’s and let him touch you in no-no spots… it’ll pay for that new Playstation 2 you wanted and college too!” COME ON NOW!! That’s even more disgusting than Jackson’s continual whitening and disappearing nose. This psychopath needs to be in a mental asylum, he needs more help than the Titanic did when it hit the iceberg.
Speaking of Needing Help…
Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend and ‘tis the season to get food poisoning or get mildly injured playing football outside with family. Of course, I do wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season, don’t get me wrong. But if something does go wrong, one would hope that the ambulance can get you to the hospital quickly. Unfortunately, there are idiots out there who don’t understand the concept of pulling to the right for sirens and lights. I was driving home the other day and I saw an ambulance with lights and sirens blaring. Everyone pulled over to let it through, except for this little orange Yugo.
It just kept going, the driver kept looking at her rearview mirror, so she obviously KNEW that there was an ambulance behind her. The ambulance was trying to pass her but it was hard, since she refused to pull to the side. What if the patient was in critical condition and need to get to the hospital as soon as possible and time is of the essence? What if ever second mattered and the driver of that stupid orange Yugo just killed someone because of her idiocy? Think about such things when you’re driving.
Have good holiday weekend everyone!
Monday, November 17, 2003
Idiots Are Winning...
The Celebration of Idiocy…
It’s absolutely amazing how much our society celebrates its idiots. We have Jessica Simpson thinking tuna is chicken. We have rich, snobby heirs to enormous fortunes getting their own TV show so that they can say things like, “My daddy invented cargo pants… and everyone just copied off of him.” It’s amazing that people that are rich and retarded can get a public forum to enlighten the world with their minds. I remember watching the Real World on MTV, back in the day when reality television was a novelty. As much as those kids weren’t the sharpest tools in their little sheds, they weren’t nearly as retarded as some of the people we see on TV nowadays.
Just because America laughed at America’s Funniest Home Videos and just because Survivor was a cool show in its first season with its awesome motto: “Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast” and some pretty interesting characters doesn’t mean that reality television makes good TV all the time. In fact, some of the morons on the boob tube today couldn’t even outwit, outplay, or outlast my belly button lint. It’s sad that these are the people that are representative of and celebrated in our society. What has the United States come to?
“Mmmm… Tastes Like Grandma…”
Ralph Wiggum said that… and speaking of things that seem bizarrely off-kilter today… recently someone turned the Tomacco plant, as seen on The Simpsons, into reality. Evidently the leaves of the plant are tobacco-like and the actual fruit itself is a tomato with nicotine in it. It’s always somewhat neat to see fictional stuff on TV and then have it prove to be reality several years later. This is especially the case with science fiction shows like Star Trek and how their communication devices have somehow turned into today’s flip cell phones.
Unfortunately, people seem to want to take the more useless of things to make them reality. What the hell would we do with a freakin’ Tomacco plant? It contains enough nicotine to kill anyone who eats it. Children are starving, people are poor, diseases are rampant… and this guy makes a freakin’ Tomacco plant. I’m half-surprised he’s not a UIC administrator… their abilities to prioritize seem to be very similar. Or maybe we should just drop Tomaccos onto the people of Iraq. That’d give Tomacco a purpose… and I think I just solved the problem of overpopulation and world hunger.
It’s Really Not That Hard…
Why can’t people flush a toilet? What is so difficult about just pushing the little thingie on the back of the toilet to make your excrement go away? I seem to have really shitty luck (pun intended) when it comes to going to public restrooms. I never fail to always walk into the stall with an ungodly amount of urine or feces sitting in the bowl staring at me.
What are people thinking? Do they think if they just walk away, the pee and poo just disappear? They obviously don’t grow legs and walk away! THEY STAY THERE! I mean, do you just leave shit and piss in your own toilet at home? Have the common courtesy to just flush it. You might as well have just shat on the floor outside the bathroom.
It’s absolutely amazing how much our society celebrates its idiots. We have Jessica Simpson thinking tuna is chicken. We have rich, snobby heirs to enormous fortunes getting their own TV show so that they can say things like, “My daddy invented cargo pants… and everyone just copied off of him.” It’s amazing that people that are rich and retarded can get a public forum to enlighten the world with their minds. I remember watching the Real World on MTV, back in the day when reality television was a novelty. As much as those kids weren’t the sharpest tools in their little sheds, they weren’t nearly as retarded as some of the people we see on TV nowadays.
Just because America laughed at America’s Funniest Home Videos and just because Survivor was a cool show in its first season with its awesome motto: “Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast” and some pretty interesting characters doesn’t mean that reality television makes good TV all the time. In fact, some of the morons on the boob tube today couldn’t even outwit, outplay, or outlast my belly button lint. It’s sad that these are the people that are representative of and celebrated in our society. What has the United States come to?
“Mmmm… Tastes Like Grandma…”
Ralph Wiggum said that… and speaking of things that seem bizarrely off-kilter today… recently someone turned the Tomacco plant, as seen on The Simpsons, into reality. Evidently the leaves of the plant are tobacco-like and the actual fruit itself is a tomato with nicotine in it. It’s always somewhat neat to see fictional stuff on TV and then have it prove to be reality several years later. This is especially the case with science fiction shows like Star Trek and how their communication devices have somehow turned into today’s flip cell phones.
Unfortunately, people seem to want to take the more useless of things to make them reality. What the hell would we do with a freakin’ Tomacco plant? It contains enough nicotine to kill anyone who eats it. Children are starving, people are poor, diseases are rampant… and this guy makes a freakin’ Tomacco plant. I’m half-surprised he’s not a UIC administrator… their abilities to prioritize seem to be very similar. Or maybe we should just drop Tomaccos onto the people of Iraq. That’d give Tomacco a purpose… and I think I just solved the problem of overpopulation and world hunger.
It’s Really Not That Hard…
Why can’t people flush a toilet? What is so difficult about just pushing the little thingie on the back of the toilet to make your excrement go away? I seem to have really shitty luck (pun intended) when it comes to going to public restrooms. I never fail to always walk into the stall with an ungodly amount of urine or feces sitting in the bowl staring at me.
What are people thinking? Do they think if they just walk away, the pee and poo just disappear? They obviously don’t grow legs and walk away! THEY STAY THERE! I mean, do you just leave shit and piss in your own toilet at home? Have the common courtesy to just flush it. You might as well have just shat on the floor outside the bathroom.
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