The state of Maryland is inching towards becoming one of the handful of states and the District of Columbia to legalize same-sex marriage. The bill was signed on March 1st, 2012 by Governor Martin O’Malley with the stipulation that same sex marriages will not be legally performed until January 1st, 2013. Why there is this stipulation to wait almost a full year to take effect is absolutely beyond me. This was an item of contention during the debate of the bill. I suppose that those opposed to the bill want to hold off until after the Mayan prediction of end of the world in December 2012. It’d be a literal, “over our dead bodies” statement. But as much as that theory is amusing to me, it’s more likely that opposition to same-sex marriage just wants the time to put a possible referendum and repeal on the November ballots for the people of Maryland to vote on.
The philosopher Aristotle once wrote, “If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in government to the utmost.” While those opposed to legislative or judicial actions to enact same-sex marriage would love to place an issue in front of the people for them to vote on so that they can “share in government to the utmost,” there is a disturbing caveat to that: Majority rules. And democratic voting on matters pertaining to a minority group numerically does not bode well for the minority. I may not be good in math, but that seems like a sound statement to me. This concept can be demonstrated by what has happened in California, where same-sex marriage was legal and then Proposition 8 was put to the vote of the people and now same-sex marriage is no longer legal in California.
In Maryland, the fight for marriage equality is summarized by Max J. Rosenthal of the Huffington Post on March 28, 2012:
"According to the Associated Press, nearly 56,000 signatures will be needed to put the [referendum] measure on the ballot.
If the drive succeeds, same-sex marriages opponents seem to have greater core support: 37 percent of voters in the OpinionWorks poll said they 'strongly' felt they would vote against repeal, while only 31 precent said the same in favor of the law.
But 16 percent of those polled remain undecided in some form, which, according to OpinionWorks, could be a good sign for those favoring marriage equality. 'Those who remain undecided on the referendum tend to be slightly more Democratic and younger, and less religious than the population as a whole -- all groups that lean towards upholding the law,' said the firm."
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While the divide among those that are adamantly against gay people and those that are supportive towards them is narrowing, it is in the fights like these that will make a difference in terms of equality for everyone.
This fight will not necessarily be a fair one. The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) is representative of the coalition of those that are against marriage equality. The Chicago Tribune wrote, regarding a memo from NOM detailing its 2008-2009 accomplishments:
"[The memo] outlined its strategy for fighting the movement to legalize gay marriage, including one effort called 'Not a Civil Rights Project.'
'The strategic goal of this project is to drive a wedge between gays and blacks - two key Democratic constituencies,' the memo said. 'Find, equip, energize and connect African American spokespeople for marriage, provoke the gay marriage base into responding by denouncing these spokesmen and women as bigots.'
The memo also discussed efforts to reach out to Hispanics by labeling support for same-sex marriage a concession to 'Anglo' culture and a plan to get Latino celebrities to do television ads.
'We must interrupt this process of assimilation by making support for marriage a key badge of Latino identity - a symbol of resistance to inappropriate assimilation,' the document said. Following the memo's release, NOM issued a statement saying the group has 'worked extensively with supporters of traditional marriage from every color, creed and background.'"
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So, it’s numerically hard enough to get a democratic majority out of a minority group... organizations like NOM want to divide minority groups even more so. To what end? Is this truly what Aristotle was talking about when he wrote of, “all persons alike share in government to the utmost?” I don’t believe so.
Now, how do we fix this? And yes, it is a “we.” We are all meant to share in government to the utmost and that means we get a say in how it’s going to turn out. Do we want unjustified scare tactics and bigotry to rule our lives? Do we want to make decisions based on unproven rhetoric? Or do we want to live in a world that truly is a democracy and everyone gets a real voice and equality is not an unattainable ideal, but a reality?
With that in mind, I offer up the following thoughts:
1. Same-sex marriage has not ended the world. Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage in 2004 and it was the first state in the United States to do so. In 2001, the Netherlands was the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage. Since then, other countries and other states in the US have followed suit. Birds are still chirping. The sun still rises and sets. I don’t really see a discernible difference in my life in specific regards to marriage equality around the world. And if for that small price of “no discernible difference in my life,” someone else gets to visit their dying spouse in the hospital or enjoy the many benefits that married couples are afforded by the government… that’s a price I’m willing to pay.
2. Same-sex marriage does not ruin ALL marriage or “re-define” it. The argument that same-sex marriage being performed is akin to the Butterfly Effect, in that if a butterfly flaps its wings somewhere on the planet, something horrible will happen elsewhere, is a tenuous argument. For those of you that are married, stop reading right now, and take a look at your spouse. Did Adam and Steve getting married in Massachusetts or Ada and Eve getting married in the Netherlands change how you feel about him or her? Did it re-define your marriage? Did it change your religious beliefs? Was your ability to worship compromised because someone else somewhere got married? Because at some point today, yesterday, last week, last year… a same-sex couple somewhere did get married. Do you have a sudden compelling need to divorce your spouse just because of that fact? I hope not. Do you feel like your religious beliefs were trampled upon? You can still go to your house of worship and still be the same person you were before in the eyes of whatever deity you believe in.
3. Kids know about gay people anyways. I love what the argument that, “But now I’ll have to explain to my kids about ‘The Gay,’” implies. It implies that children today don’t have friends with gay parents or know other gay kids or are possibly gay themselves. What difference does it make to say, “Oh, little Billy has two married dads,” or “Oh, little Billy has two dads in a commited relationship,” or "Oh, little Billy has two dads?" Do you really care that they’re married or not? Does your child really care? Do you make it a point to explain the intricacies of everyone’s family life to your kids? “Oh, little Johnny’s adopted,” or “Oh, little Sally’s mom passed away and her dad married his stepmom last year,” or “Oh, little Betty only has her mom because her dad ran away with his secretary.” Does it really matter how everyone else’s family is set up? It shouldn’t matter that someone else’s family involves a same-sex marriage. But that simple marriage certificate would mean the world to that family. Your child will grow up, learn from you and your values, meet other people both gay and straight, and interact as an adult based on lessons learned from you. And do you really want that lesson to be to judge others by outward appearances and not by the content of their characters?
Ultimately, it comes down to: Why should I care? This is a simple question. Those that are adamantly against same-sex marriage will always be adamantly against it. Those that are fighting for equality will always fight for that equality. But like the polls said, it’s those that are undecided or potentially apathetic that will tip the scales towards one side or another. Again, I come back with the Aristotle quote, “If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in government to the utmost.” It is our moral obligation as Americans to participate in democracy. We are in one of those unique places in history where we get to help decide something big. The fight for same-sex marriage is everywhere. Will allowing same-sex marriage change your life? No, not really. Supporting or voting for same-sex marriage won’t suddenly make a same-sex partner appear next to you handing you a marriage certificate. But it will change the lives of those that have been fighting for this right their entire lives. Having two people of the same sex getting married won’t end the world. It won’t cause every heterosexual marriage to come apart at the seams. Families won’t implode. Religions won’t collapse. These are proven fact. Same-sex couples are married. They have been for years. The rhetoric may sound scary and threatening, but the facts should speak for themselves. Same-sex couples deserve to share in our government to the utmost and it’s time we all do our part to bring liberty and equality to democracy.
This post is dedicated to all of my married friends and those that will be getting married in the future... gay and straight.
